*Sword+*
by: WhiteGloves
YAOI/BL
-SanjixZoro-
"Weakness is a sin."
Crocodile (One Piece)
Chapter 4: LIGHT
It was one of those quiet mornings in the ship when Zoro was left on the rear deck for his privacy again. He held his sword in front of him and leveled it with his eyes. He could see his eyes reflecting back to him. He gazed at himself first and then at the blade that cut the person who made his nakama suffer. He saw his eyebrows creased with a look of dissatisfaction reflected on his eyes.
No, it was not enough.
Putting his sword back to its sheath, the swordsman looked at the vast ocean. He introspected again. This was how he always dealt with things unknown to him be it after a victory or a defeat. This was also how he dealt with things that bothered or confused him. And now he was doing it again for he was bothered by something that lies deep in his heart.
Zoro couldn't say he was satisfied even after the successful revenge he had committed just the previous night. The feeling of dissatisfaction was holding him firmly and he knew its source. Truth be told he actually didn't have to introspect much. He admits he can be dim-witted about getting lost, but he's not that much of a dimwit when it comes to his feelings. He knew that feeling even if it eluded him for the better part of his life. He knew the meaning when constantly he found himself thinking deeply of Sanji.
Damn, this is annoying.
He settled his nerves by pumping his muscles till they were sore. He didn't care though because then he was thinking of the possibilities. But then found himself cursing for he knew that there were no possibilities where he and Sanji were concerned. He must not raise his hopes up. It was impossible. After all… the cook did clearly told him…
'I don't need that kind of shit!'
Gritting his teeth, Zoro started counting his weight lifting again…
2600457, 2600458...
he loves the cook...2600459...
his blond companion looked a bit pale after last night's event...2600460...probably shaken by seeing that bastard's face...
2600461...he got rid of the loudmouth who was about to tell the crew about the cook's fate in his hands... damn annoying...2600461...61...
he would never let Sanji remember that guy again... if I see him in the after life then that's good... if they were both in hell then he will make that place live up to its name... 2600?
Zoro stopped counting and looked at his weighing tool with dull eyes. He could not concentrate. He considered if the weight wasn't enough.
"Oi, you morons! Breakfast is ready! That includes that marimo jerk on the deck!"
Zoro's eyes narrowed as he heard that familiar voice. It made him frown.
He seriously has feelings for that foul-mouthed curly brows?
Seriously? He ranted on himself. But then he couldn't help smiling at how he was addressed so closely.
Everyone was eating breakfast when he arrived at the kitchen. He was used to the chaos his crew can make in front of the table and so he settled himself far away from the captain (though it wouldn't make much of a difference since Luffy's limbs can still reach him no matter where he was).
Closing his eyes and waiting for something to happen, Zoro mingled in by making a disturbing sound: yawning.
That earned him a ladle on top of his head followed by the irritated voice of the cook.
"Don't make my table your excuse for a bed, you idiot."
Zoro was ready to retort an automatic insult when Sanji placed a plate in front of him.
"Eat it. Don't sleep on it." Sanji said quietly and almost too nicely that made it all suspicious. The swordsman saw a variety of food on his plate and made a mental note to ask if it was poisoned. He daringly looked at the cook, ready to ask his question that may earn him another ladle but Sanji was already away and not looking at him.
"WOW! Sanji! I want a plate like that!" Luffy shouted his arms flying to Zoro's.
"Shut up!" Sanji shouted, seizing Luffy's arm and throwing it back at its owner where it hit him squarely on the forehead, "you've eaten more than enough of your share!"
Zoro looked at his plate, and then curiously up at Sanji. The cook looked determined not to catch his eye. He didn't pay the swordsman much attention after that.
In the end, Zoro had to convince himself that it was just the way of the chef to say 'thanks'. There's nothing much to it. Don't raise your hopes up.
Then came lunch and Zoro found himself serve again with a plateful of food.
This continued for the rest of the day but instead of feeling grateful, it pissed Zoro. Sanji was not being totally himself. He refused to look at Zoro but then would always serve him with food more than what was necessary to those he would always refer to as 'good-for-nothings'.
"Why does Zoro have more than mine?" Luffy would always complain.
"Just eat quietly you gommu!" Sanji dismissed the question and again avoided looking at the swordsman.
It was already the third night that this was questioned and Zoro was already tired of it. It was actually getting on his nerves. So in the middle of Luffy's protest, Zoro took the plate in front of him and handed it to the captain's reaching hand.
"Take it. I don't want it."
Sanji shot Zoro a look but it was the swordsman's turn not to look his way. The swordsman went up and left the room with the ladies gazing after him.
He was tired of thinking, tired of hoping and tired of Luffy's stomach protest.
"Arigatou, Zoro! You really have a big heart!" cried the captain in ecstasy.
The swordsman wandered around the ship. It was night again. He thought he'd better do some training again just to exercise his nerve when his ears caught footsteps behind him.
No, it was not Chopper giving him food again… no, it was someone that made him attentive all of a sudden. Soon he was joined by the blond boy who took his time in lighting his cigarette. Zoro didn't look at him.
"Oi," Sanji called calmly as he blew his smoke, "you've got some guts refusing my food like that."
Zoro grunted and looked up at the sky.
"I'll eat when I want to," he said after awhile. "What do you want?"
"… you shouldn't skip meal anymore than you already have…"
Zoro looked at the cook from the corner of his eyes and saw the blond hesitating. Then the swordsman replied very quietly, "Why don't you get back inside? You're disturbing me."
"Wha—me?" the cold atmosphere was forgotten as Sanji went toward the swordsman, grabbed him by the collar and shook him, his cigarette lay forgotten on the floor. "I'm disturbing you?! You've got a hell lot of nerves to say that!"
Zoro blinked coolly at the cook's irritated eyes.
"You're looking at me, I noticed," he whispered quietly.
Sanji blinked and loose his grip at the swordsman's collar. Zoro continued to give him that meaningful look as if waiting for him to say something more valuable.
"What's with that damned look…?" Sanji asked flatly, gazing away and looking around, "Why are you so angry anyway? If you want that booze badly then go ahead and take it from the stock room."
"Booze?"
"Shuddup, shitty moss head what else are you suppose to be angry about? With little brain such as yours I doubt anything significant is bothering you! Damn, why am I so worked up with just… giving the food I prepared to someone else… pissing me off— what's wrong with you!?"
"That's what I want to ask you," Zoro said to the cook sounding annoyed himself, "What's wrong with you? Giving me food and acting all nice—if you want to thank me for giving that bandit a piece of your mind then, don't bother."
At the mention of the word 'bandit', Sanji suddenly became rigid and there was a cold pause. Zoro had to berate himself for reminding the cook of his worst memory.
"Yeah…" the cook whispered after a moment, "about that …"
Zoro sensed something else hidden in those words, but then Sanji immediately turned and walked away.
"Forget it," he stammered looking stubborn, but Zoro was quick. He seized the cook's right wrist and pulled him back. In that brief moment their gazes fell to each other again, one looking guilty while the other determined.
"Don't you think saying what's on your mind is better?" Zoro asked gruffly, "spit it out!"
"Let me go you damned—!"
"SPIT IT OUT AND STOP RUNNING AWAY!"
The anger on the swordsman's voice was barely concealed and it made Sanji stop struggling. He could see the agitation on the swordsman's face and knew it was impossible to escape.
A long silence filled the two that was only disturbed by the waves of the sea.
Sanji opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again. He looked thoughtful for sometime. The after a moment, a more composed cook spoke.
"Let go…I won't run... that would make me more pathetic in front of you, right?"
Zoro frowned at the sudden change of attitude but he didn't let his prey go.
Sanji sighed, then said "I'm sorry your words last night just got to me now... so then don't laugh when I tell you I plan to get stronger… and stronger till I catch up to you again…"
"Sounds fun," Zoro gave Sanji a smirk as the cook pulled his wrist away, "but don't get ahead of yourself."
Sanji stood straight and then pulled another cigarette from his inner coat pocket.
"The food is for thanking you alright... I wouldn't want to trouble you again with my recent actions..."
Zoro looked sideways. "I figured that was it."
"Were you thinking of other reasons?"
"Not really... if you're done then you should go back inside. It's weird for us to talk like this."
Zoro started turning to leave, but then the quiet cook spoke once more.
"Hey, Zoro... I said I plan to get stronger..."
Zoro stopped and looked over his shoulders to the cook who was still standing there with his smoke circling the air.
"I'd like to get stronger... but I just realized that I wouldn't be making any progress if I don't admit this thing inside me out loud..."
Zoro raised an eyebrow questioningly. Sanji's eyes became somber as he gazed at his nakama.
"What you said back then about getting stronger... you're right... but I can't help questioning myself after... Like how can I get stronger if I cannot get over the past?"
Zoro turned his attention at the cook.
"How... can I forget the night I was taken...?"
Zoro remained silent.
"How can I start again if deep inside me... I know I cannot ever trust my self because I don't own myself anymore?"
There was still no reply to that. Sanji looked at his palms with a heavy feeling as Zoro quietly listened to him.
"I know I'm strong... a hell lot stronger than average people... but I got careless and my carelessness resulted to this living nightmare... now can anyone really tell me how to move forth without flashes of being tortured appearing before my eyes? Can anyone really tell me to put my past behind without the memory coming back and making me shake and tremble? I keep asking that to myself... and the answer would make me doubt myself even more..."
Zoro didn't have any answer to that either. Sanji shook his head.
"People who never experienced what I did would have different values... and yet I don't blame you for stuffing in some of your own value into me... because that's what you believed. And I know you want me to believed that as well."
Zoro stared at his nakama and then asked, "Did you find your answer?"
Sanji smoked and spewed it on the air before answering.
"Not exactly... but I realized something really stupid... and when I say it, it's gonna destroy whatever we have left between the two of us."
Zoro's eyebrows creased.
"What do you mean? Get to the point."
Sanji grit his teeth, as he answered, "It's all your damn fault even if you didn't mean it!"
Zoro looked struck. "What—?"
"You freakin' kissed me, you damn shitty marimo bastard, you kissed me!" the cook stammered repeatedly.
Zoro stared in confusion.
"I know it didn't mean anything to you," Sanji continued hastily, "I know you only wanted me to snap back to my old self… but the hell… doing that to me during my weakness… you triggered this ridiculous feeling…"
"Oi…"the swordsman started, lost for words.
"I know it didn't mean anything… but somehow it helped me to go through that experience…" Sanji gripped his wrist tightly with a pained expression on his eyes, "just thinking about that… it's funny, but this feeling is really ridiculous. Zoro, I don't know if your simple head can understand me, but between you and me, I needed to say this even though I know it cannot be. Even though it's impossible."
Zoro clenched his teeth.
"What is impossible? Make it clear, dumb cook."
Sanji shot Zoro an angry look, before looking away again.
"You're really selfish… You really want me to spit out that I have feelings for you because of that kiss? It's impossible to believe, I know… but it's the truth…"
"…"
Sanji could only smile at the silence that came next. He knew it was all futile too… with this moss head… it was really impossible to begin with because no matter how hard he tries, Zoro will always be ahead of him, never looking back at him but always moving forward... Zoro's strength both physically and spiritually made his own look like a joke. He was never on par with the swordsman to begin with… and will never be because of his sudden fall. And that difference made it all more painful.
"Why?" Zoro suddenly shot the question at the cook like a spear, "why do you think it's impossible?"
The cook looked taken aback at the question and there was a crease on his eyebrows too. Somehow, Zoro was asking the wrong question.
"Why?...well… you already know it…"
"No, I don't. You're not explaining it properly with all the pause and hints… if you think I'm really a fool then tell me in the language I'd understand."
Sanji hesitated, then murmured, "I really don't know how to start... first we're nakama in this one crew... and then you and I... together is just a load of bull! But I've just got this feeling that I want to be around you... your strength reaches me and I want that especially now... that's why if I tell you I want us to be together—"
He stopped and silence followed his words. Zoro was looking at Sanji with disbelief in his eyes.
"I know it," the cook almost laughed aloud as he continued, "we can't, right?"
"You're being ironic again," Zoro put a great emphasis on the word that made Sanji's eyes go round. "Why can't we be together?"
"Zoro—?"
"ANSWER ME!"
Sanji cringed at the sudden violent tone that he immediately answered in the same husky voice, "I don't deserve to be with you because I'm weak. You don't need me to get on your way... and apart from that I'm already dirty— do I have to tell you twice?"
Zoro's eyes flickered and there was sudden hatred on Sanji's eyes.
"The way I am," the cook continued with a half sad smile, "we cannot even go back to the way it was before… I'm not the same, you hear?"
It was one of those sad moments that Sanji had to let silence speak for him.
How ironic… just when he could see Zoro in a whole new light…
"That kiss wasn't meant to just snap you back to your old self!"
Sanji stood still as Zoro said this.
"My half-assed-kissed wasn't just for that!" Zoro said strongly that made Sanji look up from his sad fate. Zoro walked toward him and hastily took the cook's wrist and pulled it a little closer to him, "That was an oath I made before you and you were just too preoccupied to listen so I'll repeat it again,"
Sanji's eyes were so wide this time as Zoro boldly remarked:
"I said I'd protect you! It means no matter what'll happen from here on I'll always protect you! It damn well means I'm not leaving your side. I don't care if you're weak! You're the one really worried about that! If you don't want to worry about being weak then I'll tell you again and again—BE STRONGER! You're the one who doesn't really understand it, curly eyebrows."
Sanji stared. Zoro was giving him that aura of strength he had always secretly admired from his nakama… the aura that makes impossible, possible…
"…this is… ridiculous…" the cook whispered in disbelief as Zoro suddenly pulled him too close, making it the second time their lips were sealed. Zoro wouldn't let go for a long time, but when they parted, Sanji looked disheartened.
"What are you doing?" he whispered.
"I want us to be together." Zoro's eyes glinted determinedly. Sanji shook his head.
"Being weak aside...I still can't... I'm dirty..."
Zoro looked at him deep in the eye and replied, "If that troubles you… then let me clean you up."
And the cook's response was an audible gasp and nervous whimper as Zoro successfully wrapped his arms around his precious blond with little resistance.
"You damn—moss head… do you know what you're saying?"
"You're all crap, stupid cook! That's why I said it's never good to dwell on things too much. People become talkative. I don't like people who speaks too much. If you really want to express yourself to me, why don't you just show me and cut all the crap? You think being together is impossible? We're already on the same boat, idiot!"
Zoro stared at Sanji hard and long and waiting for him to contradict him. The cook shrunk away looking suddenly embarrassed.
"You're making me nervous…" he admitted with a little clench of his fist, "s-stop joking around…let go!"
"I don't care," Zoro said, already looking around that made Sanji yelp when he tried to carry him.
"Oi!"
"Shuddup. I thought you said you love me?"
"I did not!"
"Then what the hell's that monologue about being together?"
"I only meant being close! Don't get bright ideas you ass!"
"Huh… so we're gonna have a problem doing this if you don't feel the same way…"
"Why? What do you plan to do? Hey—where the heck are you taking me?! AHHH!"
"Be quiet or you'll wake the whole ship."
"I don't care—it's the same over again! Oi—this is harassment!"
Zoro finally gave him a raised eyebrow.
"… you sound happy." he noted.
"WHAT?"
"In any case," Zoro gazed down at the man on his arms with deep and longing eyes, "If whether or not you can find the answer to all your questions remains to be seen. How should I know? It's you. So stop asking around because you'll never find a suitable answer. You said it. People have different values depending on their experience. You should put more value on your own conviction than that of others. Before you believe in me or anyone else... try to believe in yourself. Saves you from all the trouble, I tell you."
Sanji stared struck again at the man carrying him. Here was this stupid marimo... acting not so stupid anymore...
Zoro raised an eyebrow at him.
"So what's your answer?" he asked coolly.
Sanji closed his eyes and smiled a little.
"I love you."
"Thought so."
Inside the girl's room, Robin smiled to herself as she pulled an extra ear away from the wall of the deck. Nami looked at her curiously from her book.
"How are they, Robin? Are they still fighting?" she asked. Robin looked at her thoughtfully and then nodded.
"Oh, yes… I think it's a rather physical fight."
"Again? Those two idiots… should we send Luffy to stop them?"
"I don't think so… I think Zoro can take care of himself."
"And Sanji?"
"Ah… I think he's rather shy about it."
"Shy?"
"Well… let's just say… this time he's on the right hands."
"Huh?"
Robin merely smiled that made Nami look at her in puzzlement.
*THE END*
-It didn't take long. Enough to satisfy me about those two!-
I hope you're all okay with the happy ending~ even drama needs one!
Thanks for Reading!
