A/N: Probably should have mentioned it earlier, but the chapter titles are from Song to Say Goodbye by Placebo. The next few chapters will be flashbacks, because this is heavy stuff and I need a break :)

4. Though I don't like you anymore, you lying, trying waste of space

"She needs medical attention," Sam was insisting. The guard on the left pulled out an electrified billy club of some sort. Sam sat back in surprise, but it was used to attack the other guard. They all stared, apprehensive. The guard pulled off her mask. Agent Hill.

"That was squeezing my brain," she said, almost smiling at them. "Who's this?"

"Sam Wilson," Sam replied.

"Oh." She looked at him for a moment. No one else spoke. "We need to get out of here."

"Do we?" Sam asked, somewhat sarcastically.

She nodded, and leaned forward, pulling out a small black device. She pressed a button and the end of it flared to life. It cut through the floor of the vehicle like a hot knife through butter. "Hold this," she told Steve. He reached down to help keep the piece of floor in place until she had finished cutting. She paused, listening, then told him to release. The metal fell away and they could see the road passing by quickly. "Get ready to jump," she said. "Natasha, you and Steve go first. Then Sam. I'll go last."

Steve helped Natasha up and stood with her, ready. At Maria's signal, they jumped out of the vehicle, Sam right behind them. They rolled, but the impact hurt. Nat seemed like the wind had been knocked out of her. He helped her to her feet, out of sight of the road. He didn't know how many vans there were in the convoy.

"Come with me," Maria said, walking calmly up to them. She led the way down a narrow alley. Steve tried not to think about the time he'd spent in alleys as a kid. There was a van parked at the end. They climbed in and she drove them somewhere else.

Steve was a sickly child. He had few friends. Bucky had been like the older brother he never had. He was strong and brave, and protected Steve. Then the war had broken out, and Bucky was obviously an ideal candidate for a soldier. And no matter what Steve did, they wouldn't take him. Bucky was sent to war, and he was left alone in Brooklyn. Dr. Erskine had saved him from that hell, and eventually he had gotten to go to war, too. It hadn't started out like he'd hoped.

Bucky's company had been almost entirely killed or captured. He had thought of his friend, always protecting him, always helping him out of fights he was sure to lose. And he couldn't leave him. Finding Bucky, delirious, mumbling, restrained to a gurney, had been both rewarding and chilling. He was alive. Steve could save him.


"It's me, Steve!" he said to his rambling friend as he pulled off the restraints.

"Steve?" Bucky replied groggily, looking confused. His eyes focused. "Steve!" he said again, smiling.

"I thought you were dead," he said, little of the emotion he felt at the words translating into his voice. He helped Bucky up.

"I thought you were smaller," Bucky said quietly, brow furrowed as he looked him up and down. "What happened to you?" he asked, leaning against Steve as they made their way quickly out of the room.

Why had he not asked the question back? Why had he never been able to bring himself to find out what had happened to his friend? He had no idea what they did to him. Had there been anyone else in the room? He didn't think so. No one alive, anyway. They could have been successful with other POWs, though. Bucky might not be the only one. It was seventy years ago. Surely there would be stories of more super soldiers if there had been other successful attempts.

Bucky had been different after. He thought about the walk back to camp. His friend had been reserved and clearly exhausted, but happy. No, happy wasn't the right word. Proud. He hadn't realized right away that he was proud of him. "Let's hear it for Captain America!" he'd called out to the men when they had triumphantly entered the camp. He'd smiled at Steve, and Steve had been too distracted, and surprised, by the adulation to notice how his oldest friend was doing.

Later, in the club, he had been sitting with some of the men they'd saved. He'd seen them take part in the escape and hoped they'd join his team. Bucky had recommended them, too. They'd insisted on him opening a tab for more beer. He'd been happy to oblige, but hadn't joined them. He'd joined Bucky.

Uncharacteristically, his friend was drinking something much stronger than beer. He hadn't noticed at the time, but now he wondered if whatever procedure they'd performed on him had affected his metabolism. Steve couldn't get drunk. Could Bucky? Maybe he was being paranoid. It wasn't uncommon for newly-freed prisoners to imbibe more than usual.

Bucky had, unsuccessfully, flirted with Peggy. She'd been stunning in red, who could blame him? It wasn't like when Steve remembered him flirting before the war, though. Of course, she was far more interested in Steve, which had never happened. But Bucky hadn't really seemed intent on changing her mind.

"I'm invisible. I'm turning into you. It's like some kind of horrible dream," Bucky had joked. It didn't seem like a joke anymore.


The van came to a halt and Steve looked around, blinking. Where were they? There were woods around them, and an underground structure, probably a dam, to their right. Maria had stopped the engine and was climbing out. He hastened to do the same, to help Natasha. She put her arm around his shoulder and leaned against him, and he tried not to think of saving Bucky. How Bucky would have laughed if he knew Steve thought of him when a pretty girl was leaning against him.

A man came to meet them in the dark inside the dam. He wanted to see Nat, but Maria insisted they would want to see "him," first. There were any number of people he could fit into that description, so he followed passively. They were shown into an improvised hospital room. Nick Fury was lying in the bed, watching them as they entered.


Steve forced himself to focus as the other man described his injuries. Nat was being bandaged by the doctor. She was upset to have been left out of the loop. That added to Steve's anger. HYDRA had infiltrated SHIELD, and Nick hadn't even noticed.

"Why do you think we're meeting in this cave? I noticed," he replied coldly.

"Yeah? And how many people got hurt before you did?"

"I didn't know about Barnes," Nick said. He saw much with one eye.

Even if he had, there was no reason to think he wouldn't have compartmentalized that piece of information, too. There was only one solution. SHIELD had been started by Peggy. He had joined because of her. She had named it after his weapon. But he didn't owe her any more. It had become something else, and it needed to go. The only way to wipe out HYDRA was to wipe out SHIELD. It had too much power to be trusted. But how did one destroy an intelligence community?

Natasha knew. "SHIELD and HYDRA rely on intelligence. So, we take that away. Take away all their secrets and put them for the world to see."

"What about the innocent men and women whose lives will now be an open book?" Nick asked. "What about people with a past they don't want known?" he added, meeting Nat's eye.

"Do you think they are any safer now, in SHIELD's hands?" Steve snapped. "This is how it has to go."