Bittersweet Void
Well, here is chapter three. It is more interesting than chapter two, and hopefully I will get more reviews for this one than the last. The beginning of this chapter may seem confusing, but it won't be once you get further along in it. I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation
Chapter Three
Yuki rolled over in bed with the hopes of getting comfortable. It was less than five minutes later when he turned over again. With an aggravated sigh, because of the lack of sleep, he got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. It was connected to the bedroom.
He went over to the sink and splashed warm water on his face. He paused and looked into the mirror. He frowned at the sight of him looking like hell. There were dark bags under his eyes. Running a hand through his brown hair, he smirked. Shuichi would flip knowing that he had colored his hair.
He walked out of the bathroom and bypassed his bed, noticing that the digital clock read three in the morning before heading for the door to the hallway. Without Shuichi warming his bed, he didn't get much sleep, and when he did he would dream of the pink haired vocalist, only to wake up without the male beside him. He headed to the kitchen to start brewing some coffee before heading to his laptop in the living room. He might as well get some work done since he couldn't sleep. As he booted the laptop up his mind wandered off to when his whole world got turned upside down.
It had been a full year since he heard the news that Shuichi didn't want him back. Ever since then he hadn't been himself. To avoid the heartache of being so close, yet so far from Shuichi, he had stayed in New York. He still worked on his novels, but he didn't get them published yet. Apparently, the ones he had been working lately were some how connected to Shuichi. They were hopeless romance novels that he would have published once he got back to Japan.
His computer was up and running before he knew it, so he continued on the third story he had began writing since being in New York. The other two were already finished. After only one paragraph, he got stuck and decided to go pour him a cup. The coffee pot should be done by now.
He walked into the kitchen and remembered a time when his Shuichi would be right beside him talking his ear off while he prepared his coffee. He missed those times. Back in the past, however, he would yell at the brat to shut up. Now, he would give anything to hear that voice talking about something as trivial as not wanting Fujisaki to be added to Bad Luck.
Yuki poured his cup in his too quiet kitchen and headed back to the living room. When he sat on the couch and sipped his coffee, Yuki felt the heat of the beverage rush to his stomach. It was ironic how he was warm yet cold at the same time.
His soul had grown cold considering that his warmth was all the way in Japan—warmth that would never be his again. He couldn't take the quiet coldness of the apartment, so he walked over to the stereo and turned on one of Bad Luck's CDs. Instantly, the room was filled with In the Moonlight. Tears filled his eyes because Shuichi had made that song about him, but it didn't cause him to change the track. He sat down and closed his eyes, reminiscing on a time where Shuichi was his, when he was Shuichi's world. Now, he was nothing to the boy, and the thought of the young male living without him scared Yuki.
Yuki stayed away when he heard that Shuichi was doing well without him, not remembering him, but now he was second guessing his choice. Yes, it may have been best for the vocalist at the time, but it wasn't best for him. He wanted to respect the pop star's wishes at the cost of his own happiness.
Tears were falling from his face by the time the song ended and Bad Luck's version of Shining Collection came on. Yuki remembered when he wrote this song especially for Shuichi. As the lyrics played, more memories of Shuichi clouded his mind. His constant yearning for Bad Luck's singer grew into an ache.
He missed Shuichi and although it would seem selfish to return to the vocalist's life, he no longer wanted to keep his distance for the sake his former lover's wellbeing. His health and sanity was on the line. Yuki hadn't been eating properly or getting enough sleep with the younger male being absent from his life. Shuichi had become his drug and Yuki could no longer live like this. He needed his drug. He was addicted.
Yuki went to his laptop and booked a flight to Tokyo that left in seven hours. That should be enough time to pack and prepare for the trip. He had been away from Shuichi too long to waste any time now.
"Eiri, have you been eating? You look rather thin," Touma greeted as he helped Yuki with his luggage, putting it into his trunk.
"Get off me, Seguchi," Yuki replied, wanting the president of NG to stay out of his business.
"I'm sorry, I'm just concerned about you," Touma replied, looking hurt.
"Don't be," Yuki said, closing the trunk and walking around to the passenger side of the car.
"Are you going to be staying with Mika and me for the night?" Touma asked, knowing that there was no furniture at the empty apartment that Yuki had left a year and three months ago.
"No, I want to go to my apartment," Yuki said, staring out the window as Touma left the airport. When Touma didn't respond, Yuki looked at the older man, noticing the way that he grew tense. "What's wrong with me going there?"
"There is no furniture there," Touma replied, finding the road way more interesting than meeting Yuki's glare.
"What the hell do you mean?" Yuki yelled.
"When you left I had all of your belongings put into storage," Touma replied.
"What! Why the hell would you do that?" Yuki yelled, growing more agitated by the second. Then the thought came to his mind. Seguchi had told Shuichi that he wasn't returning and then told the vocalist to get out of the place, and that was why Shuichi got hypnotized. He believed that Yuki wasn't coming back. "You asshole! You're telling me that he left me because of you! You took my stuff out of the apartment and told him that I wasn't coming back!"
"Eiri, I had your stuff removed, yes, but I told him that he could keep the place. I left his stuff intact, he was the one who moved out on his own," Touma answered, like it should make Yuki feel better. It didn't.
Anger built within Yuki with every word Seguchi spoke. He probably took Shuichi to get hypnotized and if he didn't he still played a major role in their separation. Slowly memories of their phone call about Shuichi having his memories came to Yuki. Seguchi had plotted the extended separation of the two, indirectly convincing Yuki to stay away from Shuichi. He made Yuki feel like it was for Shuichi's good! Not wanting to go to jail for murder, Yuki told Touma to pull over.
"Eiri, it's twelve at night, be reasonable," Touma pleaded, knowing that the novelist was pissed.
"You fucking jeopardized my relationship and you're telling me to be reasonable? To make matters worse, I believed you. I fucking believed you!" Yuki yelled, hating himself for falling for such an obvious trap.
Touma obliged and pulled over. Before the car was in park, Yuki jumped out and rushed to the trunk. "Open the damn trunk!" Yuki yelled. Once again, Touma obeyed and before he was out of the driver's seat, Yuki had his suit cases on the side walk.
"Eiri, please don't do this," Touma said, not making an attempt to help the other man.
"Stay the fuck away from me! And if you ever try to hinder Shuichi and I again I will castrate you, you got that!" Yuki yelled, causing Touma to flinch.
"I was only trying to help," Touma murmured.
"Yeah, well, help me by staying out of my life! Now, get out of my face! My items that you have in storage had better be at my apartment before noon tomorrow! I don't ever want to see you again! And you better not send Mika to check on me either!" Yuki yelled, too far gone to calm down.
Touma didn't move from behind the car as Yuki walked up on the sidewalk with his belongings. He watched as Yuki called a cab. It wasn't until the other male left that he got into his car. He was broken, no… ruined because of the things that Eiri had told him.
Yuki walked into his empty apartment and dropped his bags. The place was void of any objects as he walked around, checking the various rooms. It was not void of any memories, however, as visions of Shuichi came to mind: the living room where they would watch television together, the kitchen where Shuichi would ramble about various things while he made coffee, and the bedroom where they made love.
Yuki sighed as he walked into the bedroom and sat down on the floor. Before he let his emotions trample him, he had to call his agent. He was fortunate that his agent never cared about late hours that he called in. He had to let her know that he was back and had two books ready to be published. He also wanted an interview as soon as possible. In his anger at Touma, he forgot to get information on Shuichi and an interview may just trigger the vocalist's memories and bring the pink haired male to him. After getting off the phone with his agent, he let his memories consume him, taking him down a long road of good and bad times with his love, Shuichi.
Shining Collection roared through Yuki's phone speakers, alerting him for a phone call. He yawned and looked at the illumination of the room from the windows. He hadn't been aware that he'd falling asleep. He groggily answered the phone only to be greeted by the cheery voice of his agent.
"Hello, Yuki?" The woman said, sounding wide awake.
"I don't want to go by my pen name anymore; in fact I want all of my stories that will be published in the future to go by my real name," Yuki responded. He didn't want to be connected to Yuki Kitazawa anymore. He left the man in the past a year ago.
"My apologies… Eiri, I have an interview for you as you requested. It's at 6:00 PM. Are you ok with that?"
"Yes, also I would like you to inform whoever will be interviewing me about the name change. I don't want any confusion with the media," Yuki replied in the nicest voice he could muster in the morning.
"Ok will do, is there anything else?"
"No, I believe that's all," Yuki finished. With a few more words exchanged he was off the phone. He checked his clock on the phone and saw that it was 10:00 AM exactly. Not too long after he got off the floor the door rang, and he saw that it was the movers with his furniture.
After his interview, Yuki went home to finish unpacking the bags that he brought from New York. After he finished his task, he looked around the apartment. It looked the same way it had before he left for New York, except there was no Shuichi or any of his items.
Deprived and empty. That is how Yuki felt at the moment. Sitting around the house wouldn't get Shuichi back and it wouldn't stop his yearning. He looked at the clock. It was 9:15 PM. With nothing better to do Yuki grabbed his coat and headed out the door.
He wanted nothing more than to feel like his life was back to normal, even though it wasn't. Normal for him would be taking a walk in his favorite park at night, and it was place where he met Shuichi. He would be able to relax and reminisce in the place that started it all.
When he reached the park, he frowned. Somebody else was there. So much for being able to reminisce alone... There was a black haired guy, sluggishly heading for the bench that Yuki was going to sit on. From the way he was walking, the stranger was probably drunk. Not wanting to be detected Yuki just watched from the shadows. The guy looked much like his Shuichi, around the same height and everything, except he was a little more muscular than his old lover had been. When the guy got closer, Yuki noticed something about him the made his heart wrench.
Amethyst eyes... The guy had the same color eyes as Shuichi. Yuki stepped out of the shadows to study the guy better. It wasn't often that one could find someone with the same eyes and similar features. For some reason, Yuki couldn't stop himself from walking right up to the guy. By this time, though, the guy had laid down on the bench and closed his eyes.
Yuki gasped when he studied the guy. He looked dead on like Shuichi. "Hey, you, what's your name?" Yuki asked, needing the confirmation. When the guy didn't answer, Yuki reached into the guy's pocket, looking for his identification. He pulled out the man's wallet and opened it. The wallet dropped out of his hand once he had gotten his confirmation. He fell to his knees shortly after and embraced the sleeping male.
"Shut up," said a deep voice.
"What?" replied Shuichi.
"I said shut up. Get outta here," answered the unknown voice in a cold manner.
"What, get out?" Shuichi tried to verify, confused.
"I don't have time to deal with idiots."
"Sorry, I'll be quiet now," Shuichi said meekly.
"I told you to get the hell out, you're just an eyesore."
Shuichi stirred lightly, coming to. "What a weird dream." He slowly opened his eyes, closing them when the light from the morning sun intensified the splitting headache he had. He then noticed that he was in a bed. "What the hell?" the vocalist thought before someone's voice interrupted him.
"Light bothering you? Sorry, let me get the curtains," a deep voice said.
Shuichi shot up in bed, alert because of the unknown, yet familiar voice. He eyed the man who was now closing the curtains. Who was he? He then took in his surroundings and realized that he wasn't at home. "Who are you and where am I?" Shuichi asked, moving away from the taller guy.
Yuki's heart constricted as he looked Shuichi in the eye, searching for any indication of this being a cruel joke. He knew that Shuichi supposedly didn't remember him, but he didn't know that the reality of it would hurt so much. Then a thought hit him. Maybe he should play it safe. Maybe it was better that Shuichi didn't remember the cruelties of the past. "Wait here," Yuki said, ignoring his former lover's question before going into the kitchen.
Shuichi watched as the American looking male walked out of the room. How had he ended up in this situation? What happened last night? Shuichi vaguely remembered the club and then afterwards walking to the park. Then that voice… He remembered hearing that voice. Why was that voice so damn important?
Yuki came back into the room with a cup of apple juice and some aspirin, offering it to Shuichi. "Here take these. I can only imagine the hangover that you must have."
Shuichi nodded in thanks as he took the juice and pills from the guy. It wasn't until he took the pills that Shuichi realized that the guy had the same voice as the one in his dream. "Just who the hell are you anyways?" Shuichi jumped to his feet, remembering how cold the guy in dreams was. Maybe they were the same person.
"I'm Eiri. Take it easy," Yuki said. As if on cue, Shuichi grabbed his head in pain and sat back on the bed.
"You bastard…! You were so cruel to me, and I accepted it. I fucking accepted it!" Shuichi yelled while still sitting on the bed, the dream replaying in his mind.
"It wasn't me. Look, I don't know who you are talking about, but I've never met you before," Yuki responded wearing a cool mask. He didn't want Shuichi to remember how he was cold to him. Was he that awful? Did Shuichi get his memory back?
"I'm… sorry… I don't know what I'm talking about. I should be thanking you for helping me. Besides, you and the guy in my dreams don't even have the same hair color. Maybe I thought it was you because of your voice," Shuichi replied.
"It's fine, so who was this person who was cold to you?" Yuki asked, playing it off as if he was only curious.
"I don't know. For all I know, it could just be my vivid imagination that gave me the dream. It's weird, I feel like I've seen you somewhere," Shuichi answered, searching his brain as best as he could for the answers.
"Maybe on television," Yuki said, shrugging. Shuichi had grown perceptive over the time that Yuki was away. He stared at the other male, drinking him in. Those confused amethyst eyes, the way his muscles moved under his clothes, the maturity that he had gained, it all made Yuki go crazy for him.
"Oh, you're the guy that was being interviewed," Shuichi said, slowly moving to stand. Yuki nodded. "I still don't know why I feel like he is…I don't know. I need to go home."
Shining Collection shrieked over the silenced room, causing Shuichi and Yuki to dig in their pockets for their cell phones.
Shuichi answered his phone seeing that it was Hiro, missing the look of surprise on Yuki's face. "Yea, I'm fine…No, there's no reason to worry…I'm going home now…Where am I? I'm at Eiri's… No, I just met him… I just said that I just met him! Of course I don't know him! … Done anything? What the hell is that supposed to mean? … No, I don't need to be picked up, ya ass! I was just leaving…Bye, mother." After a scoff, Shuichi closed his cell phone.
Yuki waited until Shuichi hung up before speaking. "So you like that song?"
"Yes, it's awesome. Somehow, I don't remember who wrote it though, and I find it odd that I can't recollect who sung it, but I feel like it's about me," Shuichi responded not wanting to reveal that he sung it, but cursing himself for revealing such things to a stranger.
"It is about you, Shu…" Yuki thought."I like it. The person who sang it is a musical genius," Yuki said, still playing naïve. He wanted Shuichi to keep talking. He loved that voice. His voice was no longer as high pitched as it had been. It was… attractive.
"Yeah, he is. Well… I've got to go. My friend's having a bitch fit," Shuichi murmured. He headed for the door, wondering how he knew his way around this place. He had never been here before. When he made it to the door and put his shoes on, Yuki's voice stopped him.
"Wait, Shuichi," Yuki called out, walking toward the younger male. Being polite, Shuichi turned around. His politeness was met with being slammed against the door. His amethyst eyes widened, feeling the other male's lips on his.
His mind went blank.
Chapter End
I don't think that there is anything in this chapter that needed to be explained, however, if you are confused please don't hesitate to ask any question. Well, how was it? I let you inside of the novelist's head and there was some Shuichi and Yuki action. Review and tell me how the story is so far. Reviews fuel my motivation. I know that I didn't get many for the last chapter and I am hoping that this one was more enjoyable.
