"I'm glad that you made the decision Jane, I will love to show you what a warm Christmas is like. We will eat fish on the beach and watch the tide come in."

Before I consented to our departure date, I insisted that Edward and I say a final farewell to Mister Payton who had been so good to Edward during our stay. When we arrived we were greeted by the bellman and lead to the parlor. A group of eager speaking young men passed us in the hall on the way and Mister Payton was waving a farewell at them.

"Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Rochester! How good it is to see you! Why you have the most precise timing. My grandson and his friends were just leaving for the evening: they arrived for the Christmas holiday this morning, won't you be seated?"

We were seated and Edward explained our intention of leaving for Italy and our wish to say goodbye.

"Well, I can't say that I will be pleased to see you go, but I am sure that you will love Italy: especially you, Mrs. Rochester, seeing as though you have never been. I would like to extend an invitation for you to come and stay with me if you are ever passing back though Paris. My door will always be open to you and yours; you have certainly been a comfort to me."

Edward and I thanked him for his hospitality and after a short conversation mainly between Mr. Payton and my husband we said our goodbyes and left our only companion of Paris.

I could see why Edward had wanted to journey to Italy once we were settled there. It was truly an architectural splendor. The culture, the language and the weather were all unique to me and I was not unimpressed by the Mediterranean, which we saw while in Rome. Edward was quite adamant that we should do as much as possible while there and I could not help recalling the feeling that he was trying to gather in as much as possible as if he knew that we would never return.

"Jane, you must let me take you there, I promise you will not find it the least bit indecent. There are separate pools for the men and the women and it is a unique experience. I thought you liked adventure, my darling."

It was a very mild evening in mid-December (an odd statement for someone used to being in England) and Edward was trying with all of his faculties to persuade me to visit one of the popular bath houses he knew of. I was rather reluctant, understandably, once I learned you would be bathing with strangers but his arguments were wise and I was having a difficult time rejecting them as he looked up at me. I was seated on the sofa of our suite; Edward was lying on it with his head in my lap. I reached to brush a stray hair out of his eyes and briefly remembered our engagement and how I had had to resist doing things like that.

"Does that smile mean that you are reconsidering, my love?"

"No, it only means that I can't help but love you even though you are trying to use it to your advantage."

He looked perturbed at having been discovered and sat up.

"My darling, you know me too well, it's almost frightening to be so close to someone. We'll put the issue aside until after Christmas if you prefer—I only hope that you will consent to letting me get you a gift for the occasion." He kissed me on the cheek and got up to fetch the paper off a nearby table. "Of course we will exchange gifts Edward, I will get one for you and you will get one for me. That would be the tradition, would it not?"

He smirked and came back over to me, "Indeed it would. You certainly are a little vixen tonight; I thought that your painting classes had taken away all of your creative edge."

I asked him what he meant by that, I had not been acting different intentionally. "Just what I said Jane, lately you have been a most doting and amiable wife, I had been worried that you were to far away from your faerie people to renew your spells. As a matter of fact I suggested the bath houses to see if it would liven you up. Perhaps we have traveled too much too soon; England to Italy in eight months seemed to have taken quite its toll on you for a while.

I frowned as he said this; by the time we retired to bed it was still on my mind. I realized once he had said this that he was right, I had been rather distant since we left Paris, though I had been in awe of the splendor of the country. When I woke up the next morning, the twenty-third day of December, I was more ill than I could ever remember being. When Edward woke up he insisted that I see a doctor and called one to our room.

"What's going on? Is Jane alright?"

As my consciousness returned I could hear Edward making demands from the other side of the door to our sleeping chambers. He had been waiting patiently for the doctor to come and speak with him, but I knew that his patients would wear off, as they soon did. The doctor, after I explained how important that it was he go and speak to Edward, made his way out of the room: the doctor's wife, Millie, was looking after me while the doctor went to inform my husband of my condition.

She seemed a quiet and dignified woman, but as I was ill, I don't remember having any other thoughts about my first perception of her. She calmly explained to me that I had fainted after a fit of vomiting that morning, something that I was already acutely aware of, Edward had apparently panicked and sent every servant in the hotel in search of the nearest physician. She had just finished telling me to expect a child in the summer, and while I was delighted by the news I did not yet feel well enough to show it and she took my reaction as a negative one.

"Now, don't you worry Mrs. Rochester, I do not think that your husband will see the child as an inconvenience, most men of his age take young wives for the very purpose of gaining an heir. As long as you do what I suggested I do not think that you will have another spell like you did this morning. It's lucky you collapsed, it will give your husband a good idea of how fragile you are and how he should keep his distance until well after the child is born. Many a man is never convinced until something like this happens. I'm greatly surprised that he would have chosen you to mother his children; you are so small and young. You must have had a great dowry to convince him. I think there should be laws against men of his age taking such young brides, how old are you now? Fifteen?

No matter how terrible I had felt upon awaking that morning I could not allow this stranger to come in and make such declarations based off presumptions. I was too weak and tired to argue greatly, but I made sure to give her the correct information. For myself, I would be prone to forgive the comment without making a further one, but I somehow felt it was my duty to my husband to defend him.

"Ma'am, I would like to inform you that I am nineteen years of age, highly educated and greatly in love with my husband. We married one another because we chose to do so, no one influenced our decision with money or otherwise, and if you believe that I should like to stay away from my husband for a matter of a year or more then I would like to suggest to you that you are sadly mistaken, now if you would be so kind to inform your husband of these facts I would greatly appreciate it but please be so kind as to bring my husband to me first. My head is throbbing greatly and I would like nothing more than to sit quietly with my best friend by my side for the remainder of the day."

I felt a pang of guilt at having been so brusque with the woman but as I felt ill I had no desire to appease anyone but myself. I wanted to lie there and contemplate the fact that I was soon to be a mother, not to defend the circumstances surrounding it. Just as I was about to ask if she intended to fetch Edward the door to the parlor opened: Edward and the doctor stepped through. If I had not become so used to Edward's uncanny ability to express two emotions with the same look I would have been curious at how he could look concerned and elated in the same breath. He came straight to my side and took my hand.

"I know, Mrs. Rochester, that you are not feeling well, so my wife and I will say goodbye and excuse ourselves. My wife will send you a list of several reputable midwives before long. I wish you both well, oh, and Merry Christmas."

Once the doctor and his wife had left I had thought Edward would immediately offer his opinion, after some minutes of sitting quietly by my side I guessed that he was waiting on me to say something first.

"I have no idea what you are waiting on Edward, I don't know what to say until you say something first--" I was going to say something else but was interrupted when Edward handed me a small box I didn't realize he had been holding. He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, "Merry Christmas darling."

It was a gift. My first real Christmas gift and I couldn't fathom why he was trying to give it to me at that moment rather than discussing the issue at hand: the look on his face told me that nothing in the world mattered to him at that moment but my pleasure at finding out what was inside the petite, wrapped box.

I unwrapped the box quickly and he took the paper from me as I pried the lid opened. Inside was a sterling silver baby's rattle. I turned it over in my hands and read the inscription, 'To my darling child, I loved you before I met you, love Papa.'

I looked at Edward and he was still sitting there, the same grin on his face as before, he saw the question in my eyes and answered it before I had asked; "This isn't your gift Jane. I had my suspicions of the child a few weeks ago, while we were on route from Paris to here. I thought that I could give this gift no matter what the situation, but I'm glad that my suspicions were correct. Are you?"

"Of course I'm glad. Why did you keep your suspicions from me? Were you afraid I would be disappointed?"

"On one hand I thought that you would be disappointed if you weren't and on the other I thought you would have wanted to find out on your own and then tell me. You aren't angry with me Jane?"

I picked up his hand, still entwined in mine, and kissed it. "No, no, I can't be angry with you for considering my feelings. So, you aren't surprised by this news?"

"I was only surprised to find you so sick this morning. When you fainted I barely caught you."

"Will we go back to Thornfield now?"

"Go back to Thornfield? It would take weeks of constant travel by carriage, after what I saw today I don't think you could handle it. The doctor told me to make sure you stayed in bed as much as possible."

"Oh." I could barely contain my disappointment; I wanted Adele and Mrs. Fairfax to be with me through this, I had never been with a woman who was expecting, I knew nothing about it. I also had no experience with children under age six and I feared that Edward would be disappointed in me when he found out that I didn't have any idea what to do.

"I'm sorry Jane, once the child is born I will see what can be done to get us to Thornfield, though I think that you will feel better about it once you receive my gift tomorrow. Why don't you try to get some sleep, it has already been a long day. I will place dinner orders and wake you when it gets here."

I nodded in approval, and was soon asleep, though not as peacefully as I would have wished.

I was standing on a precipice overlooking some undefined body of water. I wasn't up very high and for that reason I was confused by the almost tangible fear that I felt in being there. I was not as surprised to find an infant sleeping in my arms.

Almost as soon as I saw the child it awakened and began to cry; I was terrified when I couldn't keep it quiet. I knew that it would give away my location. Who I was hiding from was not certain. I only knew that staying meant that I would never see my Edward again.

"Good morning Jane, did you sleep well?" Edward was up and about early the next morning; it seemed I had had the dream without waking him.

"I had another dream last night Edward, did I wake you?"

"No, darling, if I had known I would have woke you up. Would you like to talk about it?"

I smiled at him and started to get out of bed, I certainly felt better as I remembered the news of the day before and realized that this particular morning was Christmas day. "No, Edward, it has no place on Christmas day. Would you object to our former plans of attending services?"

He came over to me and kissed me passionately. "Darling, if you feel like going then that is certainly what we will do, but not before I can tell you about your gift." I was confused as to why he needed to tell me about my gift instead of simply giving it to me.

"I would have loved to take you to your gift instead of telling you about it, unfortunately, I don't think that you are up to it after yesterday, it is half a day's ride, and then we would have to come back. So I will have to be satisfied with telling you about it. Jane, I bought us a home on the sea shore; absolutely beautiful by description, though I haven't actually seen it. I wanted to see it for the first time with you."