Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I make any profit from this story. The owner of these characters is solely J.K. Rowling. This story is AU so as such; I have taken several liberties with the timeline of the original story which is parallel to my story, just like an alternate universe. With my own original characters added in as well.
Warnings: violence, abuse, swearing, non-consent, M/M, eventual mpreg, depression, self-harm, angst
I appreciate any creative criticism so long as it helps to increase my writing skills. Please enjoy!
Italics indicate character thinking to themselves.
I'm sorry this chapter is a week late. I'm dealing with some depression right now, and last week I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry. I will try better in the future.
Ashitaka
Chapter Four: The Meeting
It seemed like no time when Draco found himself sitting with the other Slytherins at supper, with a large portion of kidney pie sitting in front of him. He poked it with his fork, before spearing a small piece of it with his fork and putting it into his mouth, forcing himself to chew and swallow it. He glowered at Blaise who sat beside him as he laughed at some joke that Vincent was telling. He was the one who found Draco just as he was getting back to the common room after running into Harry that afternoon and decided that he needed to supervise and drag him to the meal. He frowned down at the plate, as if the pie had done something to him personally.
A few bites later, Draco pushed the plate away from him before he leapt to his feet and raced out to the first-floor boy bathroom just in time to get into one of the stalls as he spilled out the contents of his stomach. Kneeling on the cold floor in front of the toilet as he continued to wretch into it weakly, so concentrating on what he was doing that he didn't notice the footsteps that followed him into the stall. A strong hand rubbed his back as a soothing deep voice murmured comforting words in his ear, soothing him as he rode out the spasms in his stomach. He groaned as he slumped down on to his legs, holding the rim of the toilet weakly as a muscular arm reached passed him to flush the toilet. He barely noticed when the warm heat left his back, as he listened to the sounds of the water running in the sink.
The warmth surrounded him once more, as the muscular arm reached around his chest pulling him back to lean against a muscular chest. The arm stayed wrapped around him, as the other hand grasped his chin and turned it gently to the side before starting to gently wash the vomit away from his mouth and chin. Draco turned his gaze up at the face of the person who was holding him, his eyes widening in shock when he met the gaze of those stunning emerald eyes.
"It's okay. I… I can clean myself up!" Draco stammered, pushing against Harry's chest weakly.
"Just stop and sit still." Harry said sternly, looking at the small blonde, trembling against him. "Obviously you can't look after yourself, so just let me do it." He finished washing Draco's face gentle before releasing his hold on him, getting to his feet. "We might as well go have our talk now. You came to tea quite late, and when I left there were barely anyone left who would see us." He held his hand out for Draco to take, which he did, letting the Raven pull him to his feet gently.
"Okay, let's go then." He looked down at his feet as he quietly left the bathroom and walked up to the Room of Requirement beside Harry silently, entering the room at Harry's heels. He noticed that the same chairs and couch were placed in that familiar semi-circle in front of the warm fireplace with the massive four poster bed missing from the bed. Draco sighed nervously as he curled up in one of the arm chairs, staring at the fire as Harry settled himself in the couch across from him, silently waiting for Harry to get to why he wanted to him.
"Draco, what's going on?" Harry let out a heavy sigh of frustration, using Draco's name to get the blondes attention, whose attention flew to his immediately.
"Wha… What do you mean?" He stammered out as he dropped his gaze to his hands in his lap, which were rubbing unconsciously against the wound in his arm. Man up! Do not make him turn you into a whiny mudblood! You're a Malfoy so act like one!
"You. You have been acting oddly these past few weeks, acting scared of me, skipping classes, skipping meals. That isn't like you."
"What do you know? You know nothing about me! You only know what you stole from me!" Draco leapt to his feet, his voice raised in anger, fists clenched at his sides. "You hurt me. Humiliated me. This is all your fault Harry!" He stepped right up into Harry's face, standing over him shouting, trembling in anger. "All I did was love you and look what that got me!" Draco's entire demeanor slouched as he seemed to fold in onto himself as the tears silently slipped down his flushed cheeks. Harry quickly reached out to pull the trembling boy down into his lap, but Draco stepped back out of reach.
"I acted like a fool. I didn't realize that you meant what you were telling me. I know that my apologies will not make this right, but I want to try to make it up to you. Will you let me try? I am not a bad person; I should never have allowed that to happen in the first place. Please. Please Draco?" Harrys low voice begged in forgiveness as his gaze held the blonde boys.
"You think you deserve forgiveness? How dare you! You don't deserve that! I… I can't give you that! You messed up! I don't know why I bothered to even meet with you! I stupidly had faith in you, and all you did was stomp all over me, hurt me, humiliate me! And you think you deserve forgiveness. Is that because you are the 'Boy who lived'? Because everything is just handed to you? Is that it?" Draco screamed at Harry, the anguish written across his features.
"Let me make it up to you Draco, please." Harry pleaded as his face fell, disappointment written across his face.
"How can I trust you to not hurt me again? How can you ever make up for that? Why should I trust you?" Scoffing, he turned his back to Harry, arms crossed as he stared into the fire
"I can't promise you that I won't ever hurt you again, because there are so many kinds of hurt and pain in the world. I can only promise you that I do sincerely regret my actions. Regret that I didn't take the time to listen to you. Regret that I left you to deal with your pain all this time." Draco turned back to Harry, stepping closer so he was standing over him, but not close enough for the other boy to reach him, a look of incredulousness written across his face.
"Are you kidding me? You're fucking kidding me! Bloody hell!" He started to pace in front of the fire, running one of his hands through his hair. "You know what? Fuck you Potter." He stopped, snarling at Harry before heading towards the door without looking back.
Draco reached the door, pulling it open, to throw a quick look back at the other boy who hadn't moved from his seat, his head hanging down. Ah fuck it. Why do I still love him? It's so bloody wrong! Draco walked out of the room, letting the door fall closed with a loud bang behind him with a sad, soft sigh.
What do I do now? If I go back to the common room, Blaise will only find me and drag me to socialize. Fuck. I just want to bleed. So badly! Draco stopped his progress down the hall with a start at that thought. Am I really that sick that I enjoy hurting myself now? A slow, sick sort of grin planted itself on his face at the thought. His heart started to pound quicker at the thought of using the razor blade on his wrist, excited at the thought of watching the blood flow slowly down his arm. He headed down to the great hall, then down to the dungeons to the Slytherin dorms.
He slipped into the common room, seeing several groups of students either working on homework or socializing. He looked around to see if Blaise, Gregory, or Vincent or even worse, Pansy were there, and unfortunately, she seemed to notice him standing there. Well shit! He sighed angrily as Pansy got up from her seat and rushed over, closing her fingers around his forearm, squeezing the hidden wound there. He let a small smile creep across his face as the resulting achiness shot small amounts of pain, somewhat helping to curb the urge to cut for now as she dragged him to the usual area his friends sat in.
Pansy pushed him into her vacated seat before plopping herself into his lap heavily. Startled at her motion, he shoved her off his lap onto the floor before he jumped to his feet, the chair pushed away from him. The entire common room fell silent, waiting and staring at them.
"What the bloody hell was that Draco!" Pansy screamed up at him, sitting on the floor as her face flushed in embarrassment and anger. She huffed and pulled herself up off floor. "Like seriously. What is your problem? You ignore me, now this!" She whined, stepping up closer to Draco.
"Yeah, well, a Malfoy does not need to explain himself to anyone, least of all you." He schooled his features to read scorn as he looked back at her, stepping back from her advancement.
"You do need to explain yourself! I'm your girlfriend, I deserve respect!" Her faced grew redder as she noticed the stares and whispers of the onlookers.
"Yeah, no. No, I do not. I am not a chair you can throw yourself on. Learn some etiquette and decorum." He scoffed at her, turning his back to them and heading towards the boy's dorms.
"Where are you going Draco?" Vincent called after him.
"Bed." He called back over his shoulder at his friend.
Reaching their dorm, he shut the door behind himself softly, releasing the tense sigh he had building up in himself. He crossed the room, stopping to grab the spare razor blades he stole from Vincent, old long sleeved top, and comfy pajama bottoms before locking himself in the bathroom.
He stood in front of the bathroom mirror, watching as his small, pale hands began to work his tie off and open his dress shirt. He slipped out of the shirt and lay it on the vanity, turning his gaze from his reflection to the healing cut on his left forearm. Grabbing up one of the blades, he cut another line alongside the first cut. Then another, then another. Until he had seven fresh cuts alongside his older one, the blood flowing slowly down his arm. It covered his arm in red warmth as he dripped into the clean sink. Putting the blade down, he ran his fingers over the cuts, through the blood feeling pleasure at the tingling pain he inflicted on himself. Damn, that's what I needed. He looked up at his reflection, smiling happily as he gazed at himself, pale, blood running down his arm, and the fingers of his right hand covered in that bright, bright red. Turning the sink on, he rinsed the blood off his hands and his forearm before he pulled out the first aid kit. He dabbed some baxin on his cuts before covering them with gauze pads and wrapping his arm. He lightly hummed to himself as he put the kit away and cleaned the sink and his blade.
He quickly finished up his nighttime routine, changing into his pajamas and brushing his hair and teeth before he gathered up his clothes and blade and headed back into the main room just as Blaise and Vincent entered. They were both silent, watching him putter over to his bed, not noticing when he slipped the blade into his robes pocket and lay everything neatly over his footlocker at the end of his bed. He moved to the other side of the bed to start pulling the bed curtains closed when Vincent cleared his throat loudly.
"Umm. Think we could talk to you for a minute Draco?" Vincent's deep voice soft as he and Blaise moved closer to him as he stilled his actions, his back still turned to the pair.
"What do you need?" Draco gave his head a small shake as he moved to the end of the bed, pulling the curtains there closed quickly before he moved to the other side.
"We're just wondering if you were okay?" Blaise asked gently.
"Yeah, I'm just fine. Why do you ask?" Draco's hands stilled, trembling slightly as the boys moved around his bed so to see him easier.
"We're just worried about you. You're not acting like yourself." Vincent stared at the small blonde.
"Me? Oh, I'm just fine. There's no need to worry about a Malfoy." He grinned as he turned to look at the boys. "I appreciate the concern, but I'm heading to bed now. I'm tired." Draco covered his mouth as he yawned. "I will see you both tomorrow."
"Yeah. Good night Draco." Blaise replied softly, watching as Draco crawled into his bed, drawing the curtains closed.
Draco's grin dropped off his face as soon as the curtain closed, and he closed his eyes, giving thanks to whatever higher power in helping prevent his friends from questioning him further as he drifted off to a dreamless sleep. They never need to know any of this.
