Chapter 4: Feelings are Not Mathematics

What was she? She was pretty, cute, funny, smart… but those were all observations, not his opinions of her. But she was also ambitious, courageous, an excellent friend, a great leader… once again, observations. He shook his head again, this time in frustration. He was giving himself a migraine just thinking about it.

Why did emotions have to be so complex and mysterious? Phineas overwhelmingly preferred maths, chemistry, physics and music. Almost yelling in frustration, Phineas jumped off his sister's bed and ran down the stairs to get a glass of water from the kitchen, perhaps it would help him think… and besides, Ferb was down there, maybe he could help.

Phineas' hopes of help from his brother were dashed when he found the empty living room. However, he forced himself to put on a smile before getting his water as he had originally intended. 'Besides' he reminded himself, 'even though we're brothers we're not meant to be together all the time.'

Again, he stretched out on the couch and contemplatively sipped his water, occasionally swirling it as if to give his thoughts a swirl. Again, he was plagued by the question 'what do I feel about Isabella?' he groaned. Then, he sat up quickly, he was Phineas Flynn! He was not going to laze around and he was not one to groan, ever. These thoughts cheered him up a great deal and he lay calmly back down on the couch, massaging his temple with one hand and sipping the water with the other.

Jeez… this was, by far, the hardest problem he had ever come across. For others it may have been easy, not so for Phineas. 'I've come across math problems that have stumped great mathematicians and solved them, but this, this is obviously not maths.' he thought to himself. Isabella was just… just… what was she?

What did he feel about her? He massaged his temple again and a surge of clarity rushed through him momentarily. He loved her. That was it, he loved her. But then another question was brought to his attention. 'what kind of love?' what kind of love indeed! The English definition of love was ambiguous and didn't help at all. He needed more specific definitions. Phineas knew the Greeks described four kinds of love and wondered whether those might help him.

There was agápe: almost synonymous with the modern English word love, having many meanings. There was éros: love romantically, true love, love of a spouse, love sensually. The there was philia: brotherly love, love for ones family, friendly love, love of a friend. This was certainly what he felt for his family, his friends. And finally there was storge: simply affection, even as low as simply putting up with something.

Agápe was too vague for Phineas, it simply led to the same question again. Then there was storge and Phineas knew it wasn't right, Isabella was higher, not lower, than friendship. That left two, éros and philia. Phineas thought hard, did he love her as a friend but… more? Or did he love her… romantically love her. It was confusing.

Phineas rubbed his head and stretched. As he stretched he thought about it, éros or philia. How did he love her? And then two memories flooded his brain. Memories that would normally have been forgotten. Magical memories, twinkling ones that he had barely ever experienced before.

As they erupted inside his brain he flew through time and space until, once again, he was back at that chilly late-September afternoon. It was warm in the house. Around him were the smiling faces of his parents, Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro and Candace. Next to him was little Isabella. Little Phineas watched as his father bent down in front of him, a broad smile creasing his careworn face. Phineas smiled at him, "you two friends ay?" he asked, still smiling. That was it! Isabella was his friend! It was so simple! He felt so happy inside. He also felt very strongly for this girl, he didn't know why; she was his first friend, he hadn't had any before now, perhaps this is how you should feel toward friends. He nodded with his excitement at gaining a new friend, "bestest friends!" he shouted gleefully, releasing the excitement he held in his chest before he added hastily "forever!" causing his father to smile even more at his son's happiness, "gonna marry her ay?" he chuckled. At this remark Phineas felt just as puzzled as he had upon first hearing it, although now it brought some clarity to him. But before he could ponder it the scene was twinkling before his eyes and it was gone.

Then once again Phineas was flying until he found himself in a bare, blue, darkly painted room. Around him in the room was a thick, pearly white fog that obscured everything except… he turned. There was Isabella, looking forward, into the fog, at something he could not see. "uh, Major Monogram?" she addressed the unseen figure. From he fog came a gruff voice, "uh, yes?"

This didn't make any sense to Phineas. Who was Major Monogram? What was this place? He couldn't ever remember being here before. Perhaps it was a dream he had had. That would make a heck of a lot of sense to him, but somehow he felt that this had actually happened. But nothing here was familiar!

"is it true that we won't remember anything from today?" she asked the fog again, glancing at Phineas for a second. "that's right" came the reply. That would make sense then. If Phineas had had his memory wiped than of course he wouldn't remember this! But still, what was he doing here? He felt sure that, when it had actually happened, there were other people here. Where were they? Why were only he and Isabella here? Quietly, Isabella turned, "good" she responded before turning fully to face Phineas and pressing her lips against his. 'Oh my gosh!' thought Phineas, 'why is she doing this? It doesn't make any sense! And yet it feels so…' "Isabella!" he cried involuntarily as her lips parted from his. Had Isabella ever done that to him? It didn't seem likely, but a part of his brain said that she had. 'But that's ridiculous!' Phineas thought, 'she would never kiss me!' he told himself. Again, he felt his mouth involuntarily moving, "wait! Wait! Wait…" it trailed off as he watched the scene dissolve before him and found himself standing in the living room again, on his feet instead of the couch. And then it hit him. Smack between the eyes. For the first time in his life, Phineas experienced true clarity… and it was bliss.

"Éros!" he shouted, again involuntarily. It was so obvious, how could he have been so stupid? It wasn't that hard was it? It was simple, he was in love with her. No, he wasn't in love with her, he was smitten with her, or more! And he always had been! He breathed a sigh of relief and sat back down on the couch. 'What a revelation!' he thought to himself humorously.

His first priority was to tell Ferb, he needed to know. Ferb was his step-brother and they shared everything together. Just as he was about to reach for his cellphone however, Phineas drew back. Ferb was having his alone time and it would be selfish of him to interrupt that, he could wait and he'd tell Ferb when he got home. Second priority was to tell Isabella. She was his friend and needed to know. Besides, even if it was only one-sided Isabella was his friend and Phineas knew she would accept it so they could continue with their normal lives.

Stretching happily to himself, Phineas rubbed his head again, it hurt badly. 'best not to attempt that again anytime soon' he told himself as he grabbed some aspirin and rolled out a set of blueprints on the table to occupy him for the day.