Hello there to everyone who is still around!!!! -happy sigh- Well, I decided to take this off of hiatus and finish it off thanks to touching words from my dearest Bekas Strife. 3 This is short as usual, but I hope that you all will enjoy it. If the humor isn't too funny, please forgive me. I've been swamping myself in too much angst lately. -pout-

Chapter 4: The mother-in-laws

One thing that most people overlook when they are planning a wedding is the ever present mother-in-laws. Brides usually think that since it's their wedding that they get things done their way, but once the mother-in-laws appear, everything go to hell. This is especially true in the case of Bridezillas and their unfortunate fiancé.

"Well, Boss, it's not like I went out of m' way to get such publicity."

The red-headed Turk was currently trying not to melt into a puddle of goo from the intensity of Rufus's glare. Stating that the President was going to have his balls was a huge understatement

"Reno, I'm going to kill you," the young President hissed in fury making his subordinate pale. "Why the hell do I have to learn about my own Turk's wedding on Entertainment Tonight!"

"Er, you watch ET, Boss?"

"That's not the point!"

"Excuse me, sir." Tseng came in to see Reno flat on his ass trying not to cry from the pain of dodging sharp letter openers and heavy paper weights since he was still on crutches trying to recover from a "torn groin muscle".

"What?" Rufus snapped as he prepared to launch a few more things at his idiot Turk.

"A certain busty brunette is here to strangle Reno."

"By all means, let her in."

Reno jumped to his feet (painfully, albeit) and hobbled to his Boss.

"Oh Shiva, don't let her get me! I'll do anything!"

Where was Rude when he was needed the most?! Tifa came flying into the room spewing fire and brimstone. In the doorway Reno could see what was left of his lover.

"You //censored// worthless, scum! How dare you take Cloud away from me and-"

"Wait a sec," Reno interrupted as he attempted to get behind Rufus's large chair, "weren't you at the party where I proposed to him? Like, shouldn't you already know about this, yo?"

Yes, he was merely buying time since everyone in the room already knew that he wouldn't have had the balls to propose if Tifa was there.

"If I was there, do you think that you'd be here?!" Now she was powering up her complicated Limit Break and Rufus realized that he was going to be collateral damage.

"Wait a second, Ms. Lockheart, but I'm afraid that I have dibs on killing Reno first."

Turing to the unfortunate man, he pulled out his Ivory Beast (gun) but Tifa wasn't about to let someone else take her prey. Naturally, there was a huge fight in the President's office while Reno tried to hide under the heavy desk. He figured that it would at least shield him from some of the shrapnel. Once again, Tseng was the one to break it up.

"Sir, now there are paparazzi at the front desk wanting a statement from you. On top of that, there is a certain Jacinda Black who is threatening to fry Reno's balls if he doesn't come down and finalize some decisions on the color scheme and table decorations."

"Freakin' Odin, why is everyone trying to get my balls?" Reno groaned.

"Table decorations?" Tifa chirped. "You mean you not only had the gall to get engaged without telling me, but now you've gone and ordered the decorating without my consent?!"

"Color scheme?" Rufus hissed. "You're worried about color schemes? The first thing you need to focus on is getting reservations for the guests! Everyone knows about that!"

"Er, uh, Cloud pretty much takes care of everything…"

But by now two new beasts were unleashed from their hell, the mother-in-laws.

"Rufus, are you an idiot?" Tifa snapped. "You never worry about reservations until after you get the wedding theme planned out."

"Just because you are of the female persuasion doesn't mean that you are automatically right about wedding stuff," he shot back. "The theme is always being tweaked and it would be foolish to wait until that is done before you make reservations for the guest. If you do that, they won't arrive until after the wedding."

"In your case, that would be a good thing!"

"Cloud," Reno whispered under the roar of those two bickering. "Maybe we really should consider eloping."

"I hear you," he groaned.


Little Miss Black was not to happy to hear that things were having to be changed all over again, but Reno promised to pay extra if she would just mediate between the two bickering in-laws.

"Burgandy is a hideous color, are you two out of your mind?!" Tifa exclaimed.

"They're guys, regardless of their sexual orientation, what did you expect?" Rufus bit back. "And they're not going to like any color you choose because you're a girl and girls can't pick guy colors."

"Oh, so you think they'll pick the colors you like?"

By now, Cloud couldn't help but jump into the argument. After all, it was his wedding.

"Hey, I'll pick the color I want! It's my wedding!"

"But, Cloud," Tifa whined, "you don't know how to do these things. I can do it better."

"Oh, so now you're being sexist?" taunted Rufus.

"We obviously can't take your advice," she retorted. "Seriously, look at your plain white wardrobe. There's no way in hell that they're having a black and white wedding!"

"Who says that I'll pick a black-and-white wedding theme?!"

"I don't want that," Cloud whined as he tugged on Reno's sleeve. "We already made the decision, so…"

"Cloud," Tifa interrupted. "Let me take care of this."

"But-"

"Put a sock in it already," Rufus hissed. "We'll never get this done if you keep interrupting."

"But it's my damn wedding! Reno, make him leave me alone!"

The Turk and Jacinda were deep in a thumb war battle and he just shrugged.

"C'mon, sugar, just play nice."

"I'm not going to freakin' play nice when he's trying to ruin my wedding!"

"Hey, it's not just him," Reno replied defensively. "What about your surrogate mother over there, yo? She's the one who started this crap."

"Do you even know what surrogate means, Reno," she threw back at him. "How does Cloud put up with such an uneducated piece of garbage like you?"

"Oh, like a bar waitress like you is so much better?" Rufus shot in defense of his Turk.

"Tch, and I thought that you two were bad," Jacinda mumbled as she looked back at her notes which were now full of crossed out stuff. "Wake me up when they're done arguing."

But enough was going to be enough. Cloud's blue eyes lit up in fury at being denied his god-given right to pick his own color scheme. The Bridezilla buried within the man reared it's gloriously well-groomed head and Reno covered his ears in time to save them from the ear-shattering bitching that everyone was about to get.

"THAT'S IT!!!!!! I'M THE BRIDE, AND WHAT I WANT WILL GO!!!! IF YOU WANT SO FREAKIN' BAD TO PICK COLORS, GO GET YOUR OWN DAMN WEDDING!!!"

Tifa looked a little surprised at her ex-gay-boyfriend and Rufus rubbed his ears in pain, but that didn't stop the ranting.

"Is it too much to ask that I have one special day with the man that I'll be spending the rest of my life with? We're getting married and no one is going to stop us!"

"Er, Cloud, they're not trying to stop-"

"We love each other and that's all that matters! You guys are just jealous that I have such a fine piece of man-meat pounding my ass every night!"

"Cloud!" Reno tried again, only to be ignored as usual.

"Well guess what, bitches?! He's mine and back to the color scheme, I picked it already so that's final! Got it?!"

Everyone stared at the blond dumbly, trying to figure out how he managed to run through several topics like nobody's business. Yes, that was a special talent of all Bridezillas. That and drinking a lot before the big day.

"Is everything changing back?" Jacinda asked as she doodled inappropriate things on Reno's arm with a permanent marker.

"Yes," Cloud stated. "It's my day, and that's that. If you two want an invitation, then you better piss off!"

Tifa looked ready to argue, but Rufus stopped her.

"There's no use in fighting this," he sighed before a sinister twinkle appeared in his eye. "Well, we'll just see you guys at the wedding!"

"Wait, you gave up to quickly!" Reno protested, knowing that it was never a good sign when Rufus backed down like that.

"See you back at the office," he replied with that cold smile.

A light bulb lit over Tifa's head and she grinned just as wickedly.

"Yeah, Reno, see you at the office!"

"Why me?" Reno asked no one in particular as he banged his head on the wall. "Why me?"

"Ah, at least all that is cleared up!" Cloud said cheerfully.

"I hate weddings," the red-head mumbled.

Author's notes: If you don't get it (which you probably won't because I suck at writing these things), Rufus and Tifa don't mind backing down for now because they'll just get Reno at the office. Since he's part of the process and a far easier prey than Cloud-zilla, they'll get their way through him. In the least, he'll get yelled at instead of them. Sorry if that wasn't clear!

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