A/N: Many, many thanks to ladygris for her all her help. Shadows-of-Realm was the instigator of the idea for Ellery's former profession and dwparsnip is to blame-um thank for one of the situations that John and Rodney found themselves in while on Walk-About.
Let me remind those of you who scoffed at the implausibility of this scenario (Lithane), this story was written for FUN and no other reason. Rodney and John being left alone with a baby when they know so little about them was just too hilarious a vision not to write.
Gracias and Namaste,
~Sandy
Two Men and a Baby
Chapter 4
The End of the Line
A tall, muscular African-American man about thirty-five dressed in a polo shirt, chinos, sneakers and a ball cap unfolded himself from the driver's seat and opened the back door. "Mr. Wainwright…" the driver tipped his hat, "…Miss." To Teyla, his accent was similar to John's but rougher.
"Harry, I've told you not to call me Mister."
The man snorted. "Sorry, Boss. Thought ya might wanna show off in fronta the lady." Harry got into the driver's seat automatically buckling his seatbelt while Ellery made sure Teyla was ready. "Where to?"
"The end of the line. And hurry please." He lowered his voice. "He used to be a cab driver in New York City. When I came to San Francisco, he came along." The limo pulled away from the curb and into traffic and he reached over to tug on Teyla's seatbelt making sure it secure. "Just checking."
~~O~~
Ellery watched Teyla who was in turn staring out the window at the scenery. He'd gone to the park this afternoon to get away from his board of directors. Or rather, his BORED of directors. Yes, he knew he should be interested in what they had to say about the business and its current state of affairs. Like many other companies, they'd taken a bit of a beating the last couple of years though things were looking up for the second quarter as well as the rest of this fiscal year. But it was all so bloody boring!
The moment he'd seen her coming toward him, he'd uncharacteristically felt a pull in her direction causing him to step into her path and present her with the flower that had been his boutonniere. She was a striking woman, exotic and beautiful. He'd never seen anyone like her anywhere on Earth and he'd been to many foreign countries in his lifetime.
And why he'd made up that ridiculous story about being the King of San Francisco, he didn't know. All he knew was that being close to her had made him feel a serenity and quietude he'd never experienced in his former life and seldom in his current one. And she made fighting look like an art form.
"Teyla, I have to tell you something."
Her small hand gave his a squeeze. "You look troubled. What is it?"
He knew he had to tell her the truth but was reluctant to do so in case it ruined the little bit of friendship they'd managed to build in this one short afternoon. "I…lied to you."
"Oh? About what?"
"Almost everything. But you knew that the moment I called for the car."
She nodded but kept hold of his hand. "Tell me now."
"And so I shall." He retrieved his hand, crossed his arms and began his tale. "Until about five years ago, I worked for MI6." Without looking at her, he could tell she hadn't a clue what that meant. "In the British government, MI6 is sometimes referred to as the Secret Intelligence Service or, more colloquially as Her Majesty's Secret Service."
Her expression brightened with comprehension. "Ah. James Bond."
Laughing, Ellery finally looked at her again. "Yes, but without all those incredible gadgets from the movies, though we did have our share."
"Why did you leave?"
"Ah, thereby hangs a tale. It all started when a long lost uncle passed away and left everything he had, a lucrative business, a modest 134 room castle and a summer home in Paris, to his only living relative, yours truly. There were two conditions to my inheritance. I had to take over his business and change my name to Ellery Murdock Wainwright IV. He had no children, you see, and wished for someone to carry on his legacy."
"So, what is your real name?"
With a long sigh, Ellery rubbed a hand through his dark blonde hair. "You'll laugh and when your laughter is spent, it will be your choice to call me by my given name or the name I have assumed." He watched her patiently waiting for him to continue. "The name given to me at the time of my birth, and I kid you not, is James Edward…Bond."
~~O~~
"Oh, for the love of…Argh!" Rodney signaled and the server immediately brought extra napkins and a towel to wipe the table. The young woman, beguiled by John's hazel eyes and obviously well-kept physique, almost dumped over a glass of water as she cleaned up the mess Torren had made.
John finally took the towel from her, wiped the table down then carried it back to her with a smile that made the girl melt. When he returned to the table, Rodney was giving him one of his looks. "What?"
"You just don't know when to quit, do you?" He gestured at the girl who was giggling with a friend, both casting glances their way.
"I can't help it if women find me fascinating." John winked at the girls. They blushed at being caught watching and hurried into the kitchen. "Not to worry, Rodney. I'm not planning on making a date with either of them and not just because they fit the Daughter Rule."
"What the hell is the Daughter Rule?" Rodney finished wiping Torren's face and tossed the used napkin with the rest.
Leaning forward and lowering his voice, John grabbed a French fry and dragged it through the ketchup. "If she looks young enough to be your daughter, she's too young to date."
After thinking it over, Rodney smirked. "In that case, it should be the Granddaughter Rule because…"
"Do not finish that sentence if you wanna live to the next sunset. Which happens to be in about two hours."
"Fine." Rodney threw his hands up in the air and smiled when Torren imitated him. He did it over and over, making the boy laugh. When they tired of the game, Rodney gave him a sippy cup the server had filled with milk.
A few minutes later the attention of all three was captured by music coming from the far side of the diner. A young man with long hair in a ponytail was playing guitar. Torren reached a hand in that direction making noises that sometimes sounded like words.
John took a long drink of his iced tea, wiped his mouth and went to talk to the man. He nodded, passed John the guitar and they traded places. After a few practice strums, John began to play one of his favorite songs by Johnny Cash, I've Been Everywhere, but instead of the original words, he changed them to fit their current local.
He segued into Ring of Fire and it wasn't long before John had an audience, including Rodney and Torren who'd moved from their original table to stand at the front of the group. Torren wiggled and Rodney crouched to let the boy stand between his knees. Torren took a tentative step, then another and another until he was walking on his own. "John! Look!"
At the tone of Rodney's voice, John abruptly stopped playing to watch as Torren, holding Rodney's hands to keep from falling walked to him. Releasing Rodney's hands, he grabbed onto John's pants legs and stood there looking up at him with a triumphant squeal.
"He walked!" John set the guitar aside, scooped the boy up and tossed him in the air while the audience applauded. "Look at you, pal. Soon you'll be wearin' big boy pants."
The diner's owners, a couple standing in the back of the group, smiled, the wife remarking, "They sure are excited."
Her husband of thirty-three years slipped his arm around her shoulders as hers went around his waist, pulling him close. "Yeah. Just like we were when our son started walking."
"They sure do make a sweet couple." She stepped out of his embrace. "I'm gonna get them each a dish of ice cream to celebrate."
~~O~~
The limo pulled up to the train station that had been the Atlanteans starting point, Ellery getting out before Harry could open the door for him. He reached in and assisted Teyla out into the bright sunshine that was just now beginning to fade as the sun descended toward the Pacific Ocean.
The Athosian looked around and spotted Torren, Rodney and John sitting on a bench. Rodney was scowling and John was grinning as if he'd found something massively funny. Ellery followed her as she made her way through the crowd to their side.
Torren saw her before the men did and he called out to her. She rushed forward to scoop him up and give him a big hug. "I missed you." He hugged her back then squealed when she gave him the stuffed rabbit that had caused their latest adventure. "What have you and your uncles been up to?"
Rodney was practically dancing around with pent up excitement. "We gotta show you something." He took the boy from his mother and moved down the platform a few feet while John crouched facing him. Putting the boy on the ground, he told him, "Go to Uncle John."
"Come on, Torren. Show mommy what you can do," John encouraged him.
Torren, excited to show off his new-found skill, took several steps while holding Rodney's hands then let go to walk the rest of the way on his own. When he got to John, he turned to Teyla awaiting her reaction.
Teyla had watched her son walk for the first time with one hand over her mouth to keep from startling him with a shout of joy. Then she held her breath as he pushed away from John and toddled to her, clutching her hands and giving her a tooth filled grin as if to say, "See? I told you I could do it!"
Once again, she picked the boy up and hugged him to her. "Oh, if only your father could see." The memory of Kanaan dimmed her happiness but just a little.
The three friends turned sharply when they heard throat clearing. Teyla ignored the questioning glances from her friends as she drew Ellery into their midst. "John, Rodney, this is my friend Ellery. He was kind enough to assist me in locating the Mission Station then return me here. Ellery, these are my very dear friends, Colonel John Sheppard and Dr. Rodney McKay." They shook hands all around.
"A pleasure, gentlemen." Ellery had left the ridiculous top hat in the alley when he and Teyla had been waylaid and was glad he did when he saw her friends giving him dubious stares.
"And this is my son, Torren." Her pride in her child made her face glow.
"So this is the lad that's been such a concern. He's a handsome boy." Hands behind his back, Ellery seemed hesitant to speak as he watched mother and son together. "Teyla, could I have a word, please?"
"Of course." She handed Torren to John and walked a few steps away so they could speak privately though it didn't matter. Her friends would grill her about Ellery as soon as they reached the car. "Ellery, why did you tell me the truth about yourself?"
Suddenly, the man who'd been so outgoing and forward all afternoon seemed shy. "I didn't want there to be any lies that might get in the way of us becoming romantically involved."
"Oh?" Having thought about this exact scenario, she smiled. "And what makes you think I would want to be romantically involved with you? We barely know each other."
The shyness disappeared as he leaned close with a cheeky smile. "Because you like me." She gave him an enigmatic lift of her eyebrows, but he saw through it. "Admit it. You do like me even though I'm a wealthy businessman instead of an eccentric homeless man who thinks he's the King of San Francisco."
He watched her and she gave in again, nodding. "Yes, I do like you. Very much. When would you care to have this date?"
"Lady's choice." He gave her a small bow reaching a hand inside his jacket to pull out a card. "The sooner the better as far as I'm concerned."
Teyla glanced over at Rodney and John with Torren pretending not to listen though she knew they were. "I will call you."
"And I'll be waiting." Ellery took her hand and kissed the back of it once more before hurrying away. She watched him go, tucking the card into the pocket of her pants before joining her friends.
"Who is he?" John, suspicious, wanted to know.
She took her son from John and led the way to the car. "He is the King of San Francisco."
~~O~~
John climbed wearily behind the wheel of the car, waited for everyone to get buckled in and pulled out of the parking lot headed straight for the Air Force base and home. When he finally pulled into the hangar where the Jumper was housed, his companions were all asleep. He gently awakened Rodney and Teyla then carefully lifted Torren out of the car seat. The boy sighed in his sleep as he settled over John's shoulder.
Inside the Jumper, Rodney went to the pilot's seat, powered up and lifted off as Teyla took the co-pilot's seat and John sat behind her.
Once they were on course for Atlantis, Rodney turned to Teyla. "King of San Francisco, huh? We had our own brush with…" he made air quotes, "…royalty."
John huffed softly so as not to awaken the boy. "A transvestite in a tiara isn't royalty, Rodney." His friend ignored him as the console beeped alerting him to the fact that Atlantis' autopilot had taken control of the Jumper.
"Ask Rodney what else happened. I mean, aside from meeting Honey Bunns."
Turning to face front again, Rodney's grin faded. "We agreed not to mention that."
"You agreed. I just didn't disagree." John moved Torren to his other shoulder. "Rodney dozed off with the hat I bought him pulled low over his eyes and a couple of older ladies thought he was my father."
Teyla chuckled softly until she saw how mortified her friend was. "I'm sorry, Rodney. John, we will not mention it to anyone else when we return, understood?"
"But…okay. Not a word. But you gotta admit it was funny."
"Uh…no, I don't." The Jumper landed in its assigned slot with a small thump as they moved to the open hatch.
Chuck was there to greet his CO. "How was your trip, sir?"
"Not bad, Sarge. Anything happen while we were gone?"
The Gate Tech shrugged and covered a fake yawn. "Nothing to write home about."
"Good."
Rodney, John, Teyla and Chuck headed down the stairs, parting in front of Woolsey's office.
"Oh, by the way. Ronon and Banks will be back in two days." Rodney seemed to find that amusing.
"Yeah. So?"
"The Mess Hall's serving Chinese that night so he'll be doing battle with chopsticks again."
John grinned. "Great! Dinner and a show. Can't wait." The Colonel and the physicist walked Teyla to her quarters. John laid her son in his bed and the two men parted company in the hall tossing an absentminded "good night" over their shoulders at each other.
When he arrived at his quarters, John was pleasantly surprised to find that he had a visitor. Amanda was curled up in his bed, her honey blonde hair spread over his pillow, the sound of her breathing welcome after the long day.
As quietly as possible, he went into the bathroom, showered and returned to slip under the covers with the woman he loved. He kissed her neck, she sighed contentedly, rolled over and snuggled against his chest. Just before he fell asleep, he whispered, "Mmm. Mandy."
The End
A/N: So far, I've had one request for a follow-up with Teyla and her date with the King of San Francisco. Pursuant to page 47, paragraph 3 (subsection 10) of the Fanfic Writers Rulebook that states you must write a sequel if it's requested by at least three reviewers. That means I need two more requests. I will also entertain ideas for the date. So let's hear it, people!
~Sandy
