Disclaimer: I don't own Dawson's Creek or any of its characters.

A/N: Sorry I've been slow updating. I've been really busy with school but now with spring break I should finish it pretty quickly. My goal is to finish it this week but I'm not sure if that will happen. Stay in contact and we'll see how far I can get.

Chapter 4

Joey put her car in park outside her sister's B&B. She got out and waited for CJ to grab his bag before heading for the front door.

"Wait here," she instructed a few steps into the house, "I'll go find Bessie." CJ nodded and Joey walked away.

As soon as she disappeared from sight, CJ set his bag down and stretched. He was looking around the room when he heard someone walk in. Thinking it was Joey or Bessie, he spun around, "That was fas–" he stopped short in surprise when he saw who it really was. "Grams," he greeted," How are you doing?"

Grams didn't answer. She looked away and walked into the living room. CJ dashed after her. "Grams wait!" The elderly woman turned to face him with more speed than someone her age should have and CJ knew that if he wasn't careful he was going to have Round 2 of what happened at the cemetery except with Grams instead of Jack.

"Look, I don't want to fight you. I just want the chance to know what happened after I…"

"After you left?"

"Well, yeah, after I left. I know the baby –"

"Amy."

"Yeah, Amy is my daughter and I swear to you that I never would have left Jen if I had known she was pregnant."

"Why did you leave her in the first place?"

CJ ran his hand through his hair and shrugged. "I don't really know. The commitment was getting to be too much with me." He paused for a second but when he saw the glare on Grams' face, he hurried on. "I mean I was getting cold feet." The glare deepened. "I mean… uh… I…"

"You're just digging yourself into a deeper hole, young man."

"Sorry I took so long, I had an emergency in Room 4," Bessie said, walking into the room. She stopped abruptly when she saw Grams. "Am I interrupting something?"

CJ looked at Grams. "Can we finish this conversation later, please?"

Grams pursed her lips in thought before nodding. "Go get settled in and we'll talk later."

CJ smiled genuinely at her. "Thanks."

 

An hour later, CJ found Grams in the porch swing holding a picture of Jen, the tears fresh on her face. This astonished him because he'd always thought of Grams as too strong to cry. All through her chemotherapy, she never once let her guard down in front of anyone, least of all, him. She was always cheerful even when the pain was unbearable. Putting that part of the past out of his mind, CJ stepped out.

"You really miss her don't you?"

Grams look up, startled at first but relaxed when she saw it was only CJ. She looked back at the picture, one of Jen during her senior year of high school and nodded.

He came and sat beside her. He smiled when he saw the beautiful blonde he missed so much. "She looked so happy then."

Grams glanced at him. "You know, she was just as happy when she had you." When he didn't respond, she gently prodded, "What happened?"

"I honestly don't know. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love her. I guess I just thought I needed to make something of my life, something for myself that had nothing to do with her. Maybe I thought I needed more. Now I know that I was so stupid back then. Leaving like I did was stupid; leaving when I did was stupid. Hell, leaving in general was stupid," CJ finished with his head hung in shame. Grams patted his shoulder reassuringly. He raised his head. "Jack said that I caused her death. How is that possible? What could I have done to hurt her that bad?"

Grams sighed. "It's a long story."

"We've got all night."

"Okay." With that, Grams was off telling CJ everything that had happened in the last three years. She told him about how Jack had been there to support them the whole time, all through the pregnancy and for the rest of the chemo; how he had taken a week off from work when Amy was born to help with the transition and that was why he had been named godfather. She explained Jen's heart condition and how it was there her whole life and only appeared during the pregnancy. Grams told him how long they spent with specialists, trying to find a solution and that through all of it, Jen refused to worry anyone, even her friends, with her problems. "Jack only found out about her condition last week and he had to come to terms with it and say goodbye in a few days whereas Jennifer had almost two years to do the very same thing. She was ready to go but Jack still isn't ready to let her go." Grams smiled. "You really can't blame him for being angry with you. He has gone through a lot this past week and it's going to take him a very long time to adjust to life without her."

CJ was quiet for a few minutes. He had a lot to think about before he spoke. That's why when he finally did, his words were slow and thoughtful. "I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry for everything I did to hurt Jen. I thought she would have been fine without me, better off even. If I had known what she was going through, I would have given her my own heart. She doesn't deserve to be dead. I do after all I did to her."

Grams could see that he was close to tears. "Come here, Child." She put her arms around him and squeezed. Grateful, he returned the hug. Grams pulled away but kept her hands on his shoulders. She peered into his face. "Now listen. What happened to Jennifer was very unfortunate but I will not have you blaming yourself for her death for the rest of your life. She would want you to move on and not dwell on this."

CJ took a deep breath. "You're right Grams. I just have one more thing to ask – can I meet Amy? Can I meet my daughter?"

Grams thought a minute. "Maybe. Let me spend some time with Jack and see if I can change his mind about you. What time does your flight leave tomorrow?"

"8pm."

"Hey everyone! Dinner's ready!" Bessie called from inside the house.

Grams perked up. "Come on, Dear. You haven't lived until you've tasted one of these meals. It's the best cooking I have ever had."

"Great! I'm starved. Shall we?" He helped Grams up and together they went inside.

A/N: What do you think? Were CJ's reasons for leaving good ones? Do you think Jack will let CJ meet Amy? You will find the answer to that question in the next chapter. Reviews please!