Lee dropped his bag in the entryway of the cabin and slowly walked through the rooms. The cabin was post and beam with big windows over looking a deck not twenty feet from a big blue lake. Lee walked out the door to the deck and down the stairs to the pier that stretched into the water. He stood on the end of the pier and looked at the mountains.
He was so tired he couldn't think. He could barely walk. He'd never even gone to bed the last night on the boat and the next night they'd docked and ….he shied away from thinking about what he'd done last night, in the shower…. He ran his hand through his hair, wincing as his ribs pulled, and turned away from the dock.
He couldn't talk to Nelson about this. Not yet, not until he'd had time to think it through. Time to figure out if what he'd done required that he resign. When he'd thought it all through, remembered clearly what had happened. That would be the time to go to the admiral. He'd confess his actions. But only when he'd had a chance to figure out what he wanted to do. He sighed slightly, if he actually had a choice.
Maybe there were no choices here - when a man used his position as he had. When an officer had sex with a subordinate in his chain of command was there really any choice of action? Would going away for a few days make any difference in his choices? Was he postponing the inevitable because he couldn't bring himself to do what his honor and his duty required?
There was a wide trail beginning just past the dock that appeared to head along the lakeshore. He started walking as a substitute to thinking. He concentrated hard on the beautiful views of the lake and surrounding mountains. He admired the straight pines along the trail, the snow still lying in their shadows. Early April in Santa Barbara was late spring; here it was the end of winter. He pulled his hoody closed and zipped it up to his neck and looked around for something else to admire, something to think about besides Chip and Nelson and if he had any future with either one of them.
Chip pulled in next to Lee's car and turned off the engine and sat. He looked at the cabin and the lake, or as much as he could see of either one in the rain soaked twilight. It'd begun raining half an hour north of Santa Barbara. The thermometer had kept falling and the rain had gotten harder and suspiciously whiter the further he went into the mountains. Still early spring this high, he'd been lucky it was sleet and rain and not snow. Although, he looked at the drifted sleet in the driveway around Lee's car, it could well be snow by morning.
Sighing softly to himself, he climbed out of the car and grabbed his bag from the back. The rain was freezing on his neck and face and he hurried, as much as the slick footing would allow, up the sleet-covered walkway to the cabin. He knocked on the door not wanting to walk in on Lee unexpectedly if he hadn't heard the car.
Getting no answer he tried the door and finding it open called into the house, "Hello, hey Lee, it's Chip, you there buddy?"
Still no answer, he went inside, dropping his bag by the door and wandering down the hall into the big room that stretched the whole length of the cabin. Even in the rain and gloom the view of the lake and mountains was spectacular and he paused a minute looking out the wall of glass. The wind had come up and the lake was alive with small white caps. The sound of the sleet and rain hitting the windows made him shiver even though the cabin was warm.
"Lee, Lee?"
Chip saw Lee's bag by the couch and leaving it there ran lightly up the stairs to the second floor loft. He checked the three bedrooms and looked out the windows over the lake. Nothing. Shit.
Chip came back down and went into the kitchen. The kettle sat on the back of the gas range, empty and cold to the touch. He hadn't even made a cup of coffee, so he hadn't spent any time in the cabin at all. Chip stopped and thought. Lee was upset. Chip didn't want to dwell on why it was that his friend was so unbalanced that he'd literally run for the hills but Lee had run. Running up here what would he have done next?
Gone to the lake and what? He would have kept running. Too sore to run, as Lee liked to do to work his way through a problem, he would have walked. Chip went back to the entryway and grabbed a warm coat off the rack of miscellaneous jackets. He had to try a couple to find one that fit and then he paused to think.
Yeah, Lee would have come up here, gone and looked at the water and started walking at 1200 hours when the sun had been shining and it was a beautiful day. Chip grabbed a second jacket and a flashlight and headed down toward the lake.
It only took him a minute to decide that Lee would head north on the trail around the lake. His friend would have been on autopilot so he would have gone north. When he walked along the shore in front of his cottage in Santa Barbara he always headed north away from the city beaches and the Institute. So Chip began walking, his head down to avoid the worst of the blowing sleet.
He met up with Lee half an hour later, nearly knocking him over. Lee was walking head down, seemingly half dazed with the cold. Chip had had his eyes firmly on the ground watching his footing and avoiding the wind in the collar of his jacket. So he didn't see Lee until he walked into him.
"Hey." Chip said, grabbing Lee, who'd swayed to a stop and didn't appear any too steady on his feet.
Lee stood still looking at him and then smiled. "Chip? I was thinking about you."
Chip noticed the words came out slower than Lee's norm and the 'th' of 'thinking' was slightly slurred. Not good. He pulled out the spare jacket he'd been carrying under his own coat and threw it over Lee's shoulders. He could feel Lee shivering through the wet hoody he was wearing. He wanted to put his arm around him to try and offer some warmth but thought he'd better keep some distance after the previous night and Lee's run. Instead he grabbed Lee's upper arm and turned back toward the cabin.
The walk back was made in silence. Chip could feel Lee shivering and by the time they arrived at the cabin he was wet and cold as well. It was with great relief that he shut the door on the rain and wind. The two men stood together in the entryway, too relieved to be out of the weather to move.
"Guess winter's still got some life in it up here." Chip offered.
Lee nodded without raising his bowed head, his arms wrapped tight around his body.
"I brought some groceries, I'll warm up something." Chip offered to the silent form in front of him. "You go change into something dry."
When Lee made no comment Chip reached over and grabbed his two forearms. "Lee, you need to get warm and dry."
"Yeah," Lee said to Chip's enormous relief.
Once Chip saw Lee move toward the big room he headed into the small kitchen and started the stove. A few minutes poking in cabinets and he had a pan of soup on heating.
He went into the living area. Lee was in front of the picture windows looking out at the storm.
"There's heat, is there hot water too?" Chip said, trying for a light tone and not wanting to mention the word shower. Lee turned and looked at him and Chip hoped that the blush he knew had inflamed his face wasn't showing in the dim early evening gloom.
"Yeah, he's got a fuel cell hooked up to the place." Lee turned back toward the window and swayed slightly. He reached out to rest his hand against the glass. "What are you doing here?"
