Chapter 4

There's one convenience store in La Push and it's located in the centre of town. The store always has citizens of the rez rambling through it. To top things off, the three women who work there are the biggest gossip in town.

So when I finally decide to go buy a pregnancy test, I steer clear of that convenience store. One thing I hate about La Push is that rumors and gossip spread like wildfire. The last thing I need is for Paul to get news that I'm pregnant before I even know if I am. And especially not before I know how to explain this to Paul.

Paul's at the shop working, so I take his truck and drive down to Forks. The town is small as well but no one knows who I am here – besides gymnastic fans, I guess. Plus, they don't care and if a rumor did spread, it would not go all the way to La Push.

I pull up outside the only grocery store in town since I'm not sure if their corner stores carry pregnancy tests. Locking the truck door, I head inside. It's not too packed but there's quite a few people in the building. I head straight to the pharmacy section. Their pregnancy tests are right between where you order your prescriptions and the shampoo. I've seen them a million times before.

I honestly don't know much about pregnancy tests, like which ones are more accurate. Not wanting to ask for help, I grab a pink one that I saw on an ad on television before.

The pharmacy is closed since it's a Saturday so I have to go to the front cash registers. I know it shouldn't bother me but I really don't want to run into someone that I know. Just my luck, as I'm walking out of the aisle, I slam directly into Dr. Cullen. Since he's as a hard as a rock I bounce backwards. He stable me, sending a friendly smile at me. "Hello Everlie. I haven't seen you in awhile. How have you been?"

I begin fidgeting with the test in my hand instantly. Smiling nervously, I answer, "Um, okay. How have you been?" I know the Cullens come to the stores every once in awhile to keep up appearances but why did he have to be here the one day that I was?

"Good. Good," he answers, noticing the pregnancy test. He smiles probably expecting me to be happy – which I want to be. "Ah, are you expecting?"

I blush deeply. I really like Dr. Cullen, he helped me a lot and that's probably the only reason I don't leave right then. "Paul sure hopes not," I mutter darkly before realizing what words just came out of my mouth. Oh my god, did I just say that out loud?

His eyebrows shoot up and I can tell he's come to the conclusion that he shouldn't ask anymore questions. "Well. I hope you the best. It was nice seeing you."

"Thanks. Nice seeing you, too." My voice is high-pitched now something that always happens when I'm nervous.

Hastily, I go to the cash, pay for the test and head out of the store and toward my car. I know Dr. Cullen won't say anything and even if the mind-reading vampire finds out I'm sure he won't say anything to Jake. That would be the only thing that could happen. And even if he did, I doubt Jake is even at the Cullens' house right now. I have nothing to worry about.

Except Paul's reaction.

Gulping, I turn the key and start the truck. It's almost five o'clock and Paul was off at four so I know he'll be home when I get there. The thought makes me drive slowly. I stop at every stop sign for longer than necessary and when I pull into the driveway, I take my time getting out of the car.

I walk through the front door, hearing Paul running the sink in the kitchen. I don't say a word but walk straight into the kitchen. My little bag in hand. He turns when he hears me and shoots me a breathtakingly beautiful smile.

I try to return him one but fail. His falters and immediately he asks in concern, "What's wrong? Are you okay? You look a little pale, babe."

I bite my lip. "Paul, we need to talk."

A frown forms on his face. "About what?"

"About something that I haven't been able to tell you for the past couple weeks even though I really should have," I say it quickly trying to get this over with. When he just stares at me questioningly, I continue, "Please don't be mad that I didn't tell you it's just I didn't know how and I … I was scared to see your reaction."

He gulps. "Why would you be scared, sweetie?" He touches my cheek gently. "Don't be scared to tell me something."

I want to point out that every time in the past few weeks I've mentioned the words baby he's made it clear he doesn't want to know what I'm trying to say. I say. "It's about something you don't want to talk about." Something you don't want.

He nods. "Come on, Ev, what's going on?"

I twist the plastic bag around in my hands timidly. "I think I might be pregnant."

Paul instantly pales and his eyes become as large as saucers. The look on his face is something I've never seen on him before. He's literally terrified. "W-what?" I don't have time to explain. "How the fuck could you be pregnant?" he whispers. "We used condoms and you were on the pill."

"Well..." I stutter quietly.

His eyebrows shoot up. "Well?"

I bite my lip again. "You knew I forgot to take a pill a few weeks ago. And then I didn't start my period – I still haven't – so I stopped taking them in case I am. It's not good for the baby if you take them."

He stares at me in disbelief still looking terrified. "But if you weren't to begin with you could be now because you weren't on the pill." He's shaking slightly and I can tell he's pissed about this fact.

Sighing, I shake my head. "We've been using condoms since I thought I might be. Please don't be mad at me," I whisper, blinking back tears.

His shaking subsides and he pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around me. "I'm sorry, Evie. I know I'm making this harder on you. Do you have a test to take?"

I nod, gesturing to the bag in my hand. "Can you come with me while I take it?" My voice sounds like a terrified child's but I can't help it. This could be a life changing moment.

"Of course," he assures me, following me into the bathroom. The terrified look on his face hasn't disappeared and if anything, I think it's gotten worse.

With trembling hands, I pull the test out of the bag and set it on the counter. There's nothing else for me left to do but take the test but for some reason I just stare at it. Paul's fidgeting behind me so I pick up the box and read the instructions. I know you're supposed to pee on it but that's about it.

It says that you have to wait two minutes after you pee to see the results. So in about three minutes, things are going to change. In one way or another at least. "A-are y-you gonna take it?" Paul asks anxiously.

I nod, exhaling slowly. Finally, I take the test out of the box and pee on it. I turn around to lean on the counter for support. "It take a couple minutes before it shows," I admit quietly. He nods but doesn't come over to me. He stays in the doorway, clutching the door frame. Studying him, I realize he still looks terrified and anxious and although it's faint, his body is still shaking. More from nerves than anger though.

His eyes flicker to the clock in the hallway. "It's been two minutes."

Nodding, I whisper to myself, "This is it."

I glance down at the test and disappointment washes over me. I know I shouldn't be disappointed; this is supposed to be a good thing. A great thing. But the disappointment doesn't go away. It just grows and grows until hot tears and pouring down my face and my throat is choked with them.

Paul's terrorized look turns into traumatized and he opens his mouth to speak. Quickly, he closes it before he can say anything but after a moment opens it again and whispers, "You're pregnant?"

The words along with his horrified tone repeat themselves in my head over and over again, tormenting me. Slowly, I shake my head. "No. I'm not."

Pain shoots through me at the words and I slide down the counter to the floor, my body wracking with sobs. Paul's face is clouded in disbelief and he begins shaking when he sees me huddled on the floor, sobbing. "Then... then why are you upset?"

I don't bother looking up at him. The fact that he's glad I'm not just makes me feel even worse. I was so convinced that I was pregnant. And as scary as the thought was, I was so excited. I want a baby so much. I'd been having typical pregnancy symptoms – which looking back was probably because I thought I was – and I just felt like I was.

And then I saw the test. And I've never felt so disappointed or hurt in my life. Not when I fell during my floor routine, not when I found out I had to quit gymnastics. Never in my life have I felt like that. So I choke out through my sobs, "I... I want...ed to … be." Resting my head back on the counter, I realize just how much I wanted this. "So much," I whimper.

Paul begins shaking violently and even though I know my sobbing is making him worse, I can't stop. He storms out of the bathroom. "Paul," I try to call after him but it comes out as a broken whisper. He doesn't even look back and when he leaves, he slams the door so hard that the entire house shakes.

I pull myself into a fetal position, attempting to stop crying. "He'll come back," I blubber softly, "he always comes back."

But time passes and he still doesn't come back. When I finally get my sobbing under control – although tears are still streaming down my cheeks – I chuck the pregnancy test into the trash and slowly walk into the kitchen. "Paul?" I call, more loudly this time. Maybe he came back and I just didn't hear. But no. I don't get an answer back from him.

Glancing at the clock on the microwave, I gasp out a sob. It's half past nine... It had been around six when he left. Trying to put things together in my head, I come to the conclusion that it wouldn't take him three hours to calm down. He must have been calm awhile ago; he just chose not to come back.

Stumbling over to the couch, I collapse on it and cry some more. In an attempt to distract myself and possibly calm down enough so I can get out a full sentence, I turn on the television. I don't bother to check what show is on; I just stare blankly at the set.

It's not too late, he'll be home soon, I tell myself repeatedly. But when it's half past ten and he's still not home, my panic comes back. Where could he be? He might have went to his mom's house but I don't want to call her unless I'm sure. She'd just worry if he isn't there.

My only other verdict is that he might be on patrol. He won't go to one of the guys and ask if he could stay the night because I know unless he was really mad, he would never tell the guys how he reacted.

There's only one person who I can call. Reaching for the phone, I dial Sam's number quickly. "Hello?" he answers in confusion, probably wondering why someone would call him this late.

Taking a deep breath to clear my throat, I'm about to ask the question that's answer will hopefully be the least painful, "Hi, Sam, it's Everlie. Is Paul on patrol?" My voice is shaky and he'll definitely know something's wrong.

"Um, yeah. He went on at ten. Why is something wrong? Do you want me to go get him?"

My heart plummets at his answer. Since ten? That's only forty minutes ago. He left, had no where he had to be all day and didn't come back? "N-no, that's okay. I just... wasn't sure where he was," I add, my voice breaking at the end.

"Everlie, what happened?" Sam demands gently. "Do you want to talk to Emily?"

Honestly, I want to just hang up and cry. How could he not come back? He's never not come back after this much time. But maybe it will help getting it off my chest. "Please."

I hear shuffling as Sam hands her the phone and explains, "Something's wrong with her. She sounds pretty bad and she said she didn't know where Paul was..."

When Emily's voice comes on the phone, it has her typical motherly tone which I find a little comforting. "What happened sweetie?"

My sobs burst out again and I cry out, "He left."

"Wh-what do you mean he left?" she stutters, sounding worried. "Tell me what happened; start from the beginning."

"W-well. I thought I was pregnant so I went to get a test. A-nd... I came home to tell P-p-paul. He looked... horrified but he... came with me to take it." I swallow quickly, trying to keep the tears away. "I t-took it and when I saw the results, I started crying." I add in a whisper, "I really thought I was and I-I-I was really … upset when I wasn't." Regaining my voice, I continue, "He thought I was crying 'cause I was and he started shaking and getting freaked out. So I told him I wasn't and he got really mad and... I don't know. He just left. He got angry and left when I told him I wanted to be."

"It's all right, honey," I says soothingly. "It's going to be okay. I'm sure he just... lost track of time. On second." She covers the mouthpiece of her phone but I can still hear her conversation with Sam. "Paul lef – "

He must cut her off because I hear him respond, "I heard. I can't fucking believe him. He didn't mention a thing when I talked to him earlier. I'm going to go find him."

"Be careful," she calls after him. Then she removes her hand, bringing her focus back on me. "Are you going to be okay? I can come over." And bring Wyatt which will just remind me of the one thing I want and can't have.

"N-no. It's okay... I'll, uh, deal. I've got to go Em." I hang up instantly and run into my bedroom. I don't bother to change and just jump under the covers. I sit at the headboard, cradled in the fetal position with the comforter pulled up to my chin. More tears come down my face and once again my sobs and shaking my entire body.

Where is he? Why can't he be here with me? As mad as I am right now at him, I want him to be here with me more than anything.