Chapter 4: Sam
I look up, surprised when Colonel O'Neill walks back into my lab. He looks a little less shocked than before, but that doesn't mean I really want to see him right now.
"Sir, I'm busy."
"Yeah, and you're also pregnant."
I want to slap him, but he is my superior officer and just because I'm going to have his baby doesn't change the fact that I'd get court martialled for attacking him. I settle instead for one of my deadpan glares that usually sends him scampering off. This time, he sits down.
"Look…we need to talk." He has a stack of some papers which he sets on the lab table.
I sigh heavily as an iron hand twists my guts around unpleasantly. I've heard that tone of voice before. That 'I love you, but…' tone of voice. Ultimately, that 'I don't think we should see each other' tone of voice. And then I glance at the papers and see that they're personnel files of some of the best officers at the SGC.
"Picking out a new team already?" I say offhandedly, as though it doesn't really matter, even though it does. "Or are those for me?"
He stares at me, confused. "Temporary replacement for you, actually, while you're off on maternity leave." His deep brown eyes widen slightly as he raises his eyebrows. "Why would I be picking out a new team?" A pause. "Are you still mad at me?"
I shake my head slowly.
"Do you think I don't care?" his voice is soft and when I turn to look at him I'm met with that particular gaze that seems to melt my insides and set them on fire. And that I know has absolutely nothing to do with being pregnant. Nope. Not at all.
"I don't know, it's not like our jobs let us talk about this sort of thing."
He sighs and nods. "Do you think we should tell Hammond?"
"That depends on a lot of things." I look away from him and suddenly the wonderful melted sensation turns to one of ice. Almost unconsciously I put my hand to my stomach like I'm asking my unborn child…our unborn child…for advice. "Like what you're planning to do about this."
"What I'm planning to do…"
The way he lets the statement drift at the end, hang in space with no real promise of a finish tells me that he hasn't really thought about this. Maybe he's just spent this time assuring himself that this is real, or convincing himself that it isn't. I'm not sure. I'm not sure what I've been trying to do either. Half the time I feel more alive than ever because I know this is actually happening, and the other half I'm expecting to wake up from this dream.
"What do you want me to do?" He turns it back around on me.
I shrug, folding my arms over my chest. "I can't ask you to do anything."
"But what if…what if you didn't have to ask? What if I would do it all just because I care about you?"
"Then I'd feel guilty for making you feel obligated, sir."
He gives me a hard look. "Sam."
"Jack." I look back at him.
"I'm not going to do this because I feel obligated," he's on his feet now, not threatening but I can still hear the annoyed tone in his voice. "Damn it, I'd do it because I love you."
That caught me off guard. I stare at the desk, pursing my lips and praying silently that the burning in my eyes isn't the onset of tears. The last thing I need to do is start crying.
"Sam? Did you hear me?" I almost jump when he touches my chin, gently turning my face towards him. Any hint of annoyance in his voice is gone and his eyes are once again soft. "I said I'd do this because I love you."
"I heard you," is my quiet reply. His hand cups my cheek and I turn my face to nuzzle his palm for a second before I realize what I'm doing and push his hand away. "But the real question is do you mean it."
"Of course I mean it." He's working hard to not get angry, I can tell. "Why would I say something like that if I didn't mean it?"
"People have." I can see his hand creeping towards mine over the surface of the lab table, but I pretend not to notice. "Plenty of guys have said they loved me and are gone a couple weeks later."
"And am I anything like those guys?" his fingers suddenly close around mine. Looking up I see that he's scooted a little closer to me.
I shake my head. "No." After a moment of careful thought I add, "because…I never loved any of them back."
"And me?"
We're practically nose to nose now and before I can stop it my tongue darts out to wet my lips. "And you…I've always loved you."
He looks disbelieving. "Always?"
"Ok, maybe not the first time we met…" I laugh nervously, wondering why he's not closing the remaining distance between us. Then I remember the security camera, and the fact that he's still my CO and that Hammond doesn't even know about…
"So," Jack is leaning away from me now. "You think we should tell Hammond?"
I swear that man can read my mind. "I suppose we'll have to if you think that we're going to…"
"Have a lasting relationship?"
Hearing him say it sounds so strange, but so wonderful all the same.
I'm sitting in a café with Janet one morning when we don't have to be in to work until later. The doctor is all bright eyed and bushy tailed and she hasn't even had her first cup of coffee yet. I take a bite of my croissant and chew it thoughtfully.
"Ok, so are you going to let me in on the big mystery?" she asks.
I blink. "What mystery?"
"The mystery that's been keeping me awake the past couple nights; who's the father?"
Of course she wouldn't ask me that the million times we see each other on base, when she's still in her Dr. Fraiser mode and there are too many people watching. Of course she would wait until I'm just trying to enjoy a peaceful morning until I have to go into work and face said father and said father's commanding officer.
"It's really that big of a mystery?"
Janet just bats her eyes at me and takes a sip of coffee.
"Ok, think about this logically, Janet," I lean forward and drop my voice, like I'm afraid that the man in the business suit at the table behind us might work for the NID and would use this information to incriminate me. "I'm not seeing anyone right now, if I was, you'd know about it, right?"
"Right," she nods, still looking as ignorant as ever.
"Well, who cares about me more than they're supposed to? Who claimed that he'd rather die than lose me?"
I can see the light bulb snap on in her head as her dark eyes widen. "What…Sam when did this happen?"
"When we had our memories stamped." I keep using that as an excuse, to myself more than others, but I still keep using it as an excuse and I know I shouldn't. Therra wasn't that different from me and she certainly had some idea that there was some reason why she shouldn't have sex with Jonah, but oh, they did love each other…
"You've certainly got yourself in a mess now, Sam." Ok, maybe I was wrong about her being fully bright eyed and bushy tailed. This definitely is Janet talking and not Dr. Fraiser. Dr. Fraiser would probably be lecturing me about why this was bad and what a huge mistake I made.
"Colonel O'Neill and I have talked about it and roughly planned what we're going to do."
"And that is…?"
"We're going to tell Hammond."
Janet just stares at me for a moment, and I can tell she's deciding if I'm making a wise decision or not. "And you and the colonel? How are things between you two?"
I can feel myself going misty eyed. "He said he loves me, Janet. He really means it."
Jack and I talk again about our plans, but decide to wait to hear what Hammond has to say before one of us makes the choice to give up SG-1 for good. I was paralyzed momentarily when Jack said that he'd give it all up for me, but I stopped him when he went off on a random tangent about staying home to take care of the baby.
I did, however, manage to cut a deal with him. He tells Hammond, and I have to face my father. Which of these two is the easier task, I have no idea.
So that's why I'm sitting on my front porch one sunny morning a couple days after my talk with Janet, sipping lemonade and trying to explain to my father that I'm pregnant. My father who has an alien symbiot in his head. You'd think that would make things easier, but it doesn't. Especially with Selmak constantly putting his two cents worth in.
"So, Sam, what did you need to talk to me about?" Dad knows that I didn't just ask him to stop by so we could drink lemonade on my front porch.
I set my glass down. This really shouldn't be too hard. I'm a grown woman now, not a teenager so I have every right to have a baby if I want to and Dad can't tell me otherwise…
"Dad, I'm pregnant." I say it fast, just to get it out. Then Dad's staring at me with one of those 'Are you sure that's a good thing?' looks.
"Congratulations, who's the father?"
Could he at least make an attempt to sound happy?
"I don't really know if I should tell you." Even though Jack and I agreed we would tell him.
"Why not? You think I would go find him and beat him up or something?" There's a twinkle of humor in my dad's eyes and that makes me relax a little.
"You wouldn't have to go far to find him," I reply, steeling myself to tell him. "It's…er…Colonel O'Neill."
"Jack O'Neill?!" Any trace of humor has left my dad's eyes now. "Jack O'Neill got you pregnant?"
Way to go, Dad, you have successfully made me feel like a teenager again. Well too bad because I'm old enough to decide who I can have sex with, even if that person is my commanding officer. I wonder what he would have done if I'd told him Teal'c or Daniel was the father…Or Janet…oh the look on his face would have been priceless…
"Dad…we didn't do it on purpose," Here I am, retreating to my ready-made excuse. "It happened when we had our memories stamped."
Dad raises an eyebrow at me. "So you're saying this has absolutely nothing to do with your personal feelings for him?"
"I didn't say that…" I shake my head. "Look, Dad, Jack and I have talked about this. We know what we're going to do and he's not just going to make me go through this alone."
"Well that's good." Dad still doesn't sound convinced.
"Dad…he loves me."
Something changes in Dad's expression then, and the corners of his mouth even turn up in the slightest of smiles. "I know he does, kiddo, I just-"
"Don't say you just want to see me be happy."
"Well I do! And you have so many opportunities open to you…"
"And this is just another one." I lean over and wrap my arms around him. "Dad, I will be happy. I've got a man who loves me and I'm going to have a baby…how could I not?"
Dad sighs, patting my back. "But all your work?"
"Dad, I can still do it." I can tell his resolve is crumbling and I crack him a grin as I lean back. "Besides, don't tell me that you don't want another grandchild…"
Dad fakes a look of mock-horror. "Not if it's going to turn out like Jack O'Neill!"
"Dad!" I give his shoulder a little push. "Are you suggesting that I have a bad taste in men?"
"That is what Jacob is suggesting," Selmak rumbles suddenly. "I, however, fully approve. Jack O'Neill is an honorable man fully worthy of your affection."
"Thank you!" I cry, laughing at the expression on my father's face when he regains control.
