"Samantha and I are lovers," he said simply.
"You what?" This stunned response came from Cameron Mitchell, who hadn't really been listening up to that point, distracted by his own thoughts about their predicament and the general's illness.
"Oh, how delightful!" Vala exclaimed with a grin.
Daniel kept his own counsel, ruminating and trying to take it in before reacting.
Face still streaked with tears, Sam peered at Daniel trying to discern his thoughts. In some ways, she was relieved it was out in the open at last, but she dreaded his reaction above all.
"More than just lovers. Way more," she said, looking from one to the other of their companions. The bad feeling in Teal'c's gut calmed further, and he tried to capture Sam's eyes again, needing reassurance and wanting to provide her with it too. Her apparent refusal to look in his direction and meet his eyes perturbed him, despite her words, and the troubled feeling returned.
"Um… how long has that been going on?" Daniel asked, still keeping any feeling he might have on the subject very much to himself.
It bothered Sam that she couldn't read him. Thoughts focused on him, rather than her lover, she failed to pick up on Teal'c's confusion and pain.
"Many years," Teal'c replied, and Sam approached Daniel, touching his arm.
"Are you angry?" she asked, distressed when he shrugged her off.
"I don't know what to think." He shook his head, lips pursed in thought.
"We've been here a very long time, Daniel," she said, stating the obvious, she knew, but feeling the need for some justification. Out of all their companions, Daniel would likely be the one to feel that betrayal on behalf of his friend Jack. Eventually, he spoke again.
"How could I have missed it? How could you have kept it secret for so long? You should have told me."
"We had good reasons not to do so," Teal'c said.
"Jack," Daniel responded with a nod. The reasons were obvious, but this situation gave him much to think about: how Jack would feel if he knew; their betrayal of Sam's husband and Teal'c's friend; their lack of trust in him. It hurt that they had never told him, even though he knew why and mainly because he knew why. "I need to think," he said, turning and exiting the room quickly.
"Daniel!" Sam called, making a move to follow him. Her lover's strong hands grasped her to stop her leaving.
"He needs time, Samantha. Give him that."
"We've hurt him, Teal'c. I would never have wanted to do that."
"He feels betrayed, for himself and for O'Neill. That is only natural, is it not?"
Sam hung her head, feeling ashamed about the relationship for the first time in quite a while; and guilty because they had hurt Daniel by keeping their secret from him.
Her feelings of shame were apparent to Teal'c and ate at him, enhancing his pain. He had no desire to feel ashamed of a relationship that meant so much to him, and didn't want her to feel it either. Why should they feel shame after all this time?
Teal'c was no longer certain regret and betrayal were words that should be relevant when it came to him and Sam. They had been together for a long time, many more years than she had been with O'Neill. This was logical in his head, but his heart told him a different story.
Placing his arm around Sam's shoulder supportively, he was deeply hurt when she shrugged it off. Her shame served to emphasize his and her rejection stung. Did all those years together amount to nothing? He questioned how important he was to Samantha, hating that doubt and what it made him feel.
Noticing the uneasy reactions of the pair, and regretting the hasty departure of her partner, Vala smiled too brightly and toothily, feeling the need to intervene again. "Well, I think it's great. I'm so pleased for you. Daniel will be fine. I'll go find him in a minute, when he's calmed down. Have a little chat and make him see that it's okay."
"That might not be so easy," responded Teal'c. "You are not O'Neill's friend as he is. And perhaps you do not feel as he does about us keeping this secret for so many years."
Vala's smile disappeared, replaced by a frown. She opened her mouth to speak but, before she said anything, Sam interrupted. "Vala, he needs us to talk to him about this, don't you think?" She chewed on her bottom lip apprehensively and Vala nodded with apparent reluctance.
"I'm betting you'll find him in the library. He spends a lot of time in there," she said.
"Indeed."
Although upset and confused, Sam couldn't help but smile faintly when Teal'c spoke that word; one she had heard hundreds of times over the years. It could mean nothing and absolutely everything. She felt a sudden urge to kiss his cheek, but refrained, pondering what to do about Daniel. Such a kiss might have eased Teal'c's heartache, but she was totally unaware of how he suffered, still focused on Daniel's reactions.
Cam's expression was still one of stunned amazement. He pointed a finger at them, aiming it first at one and then the other. "Y-you mean you two… As my grandma might have said, talk about being dark horses." He grinned inanely. "Well I'll be…"
"It's probably us who will be damned, Cam," Sam retorted, causing Teal'c's heart to stutter, his sorrow clear in his normally impassive expression, if only she had taken the trouble to look. "I think I'll go find Daniel."
She left the room without a second glance at her lover, whose hurt feelings made his head reel with emotion. The reaction should not have surprised him, but it did, catching him unawares. He hadn't given any conscious thought to his feelings for Samantha Carter/O'Neill for a long time. The relationship had been long, and he had come to take her presence in his life almost for granted.
They had become very close, he knew that, but apparently not as close as he wished. He cared for Samantha deeply and now feared the public knowledge of their affair would take her from him; that she would be too ashamed to continue. His gut tightened further.
They had not discussed O'Neill for many years, so he could almost forget she belonged to another. But, despite those years as lovers, now he did consider it, Teal'c did not doubt that she still loved her husband. The haunting music played on her cello still spoke of that love and loss. He had assumed, however, that she loved him too, maybe not in the same way, but enough. Now he wasn't so sure.
"I will follow," he said, making up his mind that he should cast such thoughts aside for now and support her with Daniel. They would talk later, they must. His heart and life depended on that, and what she might say. Daniel first.
Watching his retreat, once he left, Vala turned to Cam. "Well, that was awkward."
"You sure can say that again."
"Well, that was awkward," she repeated with a teasing smirk. Cam rolled his eyes: been there, done that, seen the movie repeatedly, and got millions of t-shirts, he thought. Too long stuck on this tub.
"I'm going for a run," he replied, leaving Vala alone to go and change.
When he left, the solitary Vala turned to look out of the window, a small tear coursing down her cheek. She liked the old general, and was going to miss him if they lost him. Turning back, she made her way to his room to see how he was doing and give him the succor the others were too preoccupied to provide.
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Jack twirled the delicate bracelet around in his hands, thinking about his wife. Sam was going to love this, and he looked forward to the opportunity of giving her the gift. In fact, he looked forward to seeing his wife again, when she got back from her trip on the Odyssey with all that bright and shiny technology.
He hoped he'd be able to pull her away. All that science could distract Sam; she'd lose track of time, and him. It was bad enough that they spent so much time apart, with him in DC and her in the Springs, but when she got deeply involved with a scientific puzzle, prizing her away could be downright difficult, to say the least.
O'Neill had good cause to appreciate that deep involvement. That brilliant scientific brain of hers had saved his butt, and Earth, many times over the years. She'd brought him home when he had been lost; and got herself home when she had been too. She'd resolved puzzles with Janet Fraiser that had saved their lives more than once. She'd blown up suns, destroyed universes. He would always remain grateful that she had walked through that briefing room door and become a member of his team, despite his initial doubts about scientists. But he could lose her to that science sometimes, and that could piss him off a little.
Sam loved him, Jack knew that. It wasn't that she didn't want them to spend time together; it was just that she loved her work. That was something Jack could relate to and have a lot of sympathy with. He wouldn't want his wife to be any different. He'd fallen in love with that woman, and the so much more she had become since they'd embarked on their relationship and marriage. He loved her to bits, every little thing about her; except the really, really annoying things of course. But he figured he had his really, really annoying points too; probably many of them.
Taking a sip of his scotch, O'Neill briefly looked around the living room of the place he currently called home. There were "things" in the room that made it more homely: medals on the wall; pictures of him with Sam and with Charlie; comfortable chairs and the over large settee that you could sink into after a hard day's work. Lots of possessions, sure, but it would never truly be home without Sam to share it with, not anymore.
Jack had got used to being alone. He'd spent years practicing after Charlie had died and Sara had left him. It had been hard to get used to it, one of the hardest things he'd ever had to face in his life, but he'd managed. He'd even been vaguely happy alone, despite the solitude of life outside the SGC. Sure, he'd had friends, and not just the people he worked with.
The friends who had stuck by him, despite his sullen moodiness after Charlie's death; the new friends he had made in Colorado, playing poker, fishing, in bars, what and wherever; the friends who worked in the mountain and who had demonstrated that friendship in so many ways that soothed and comforted his aloneness. Despite all of them, he had been a solitary, and lonely, man.
Sam had transformed that life and the man who had lived it almost no longer existed. The day they had decided to start dating, the day he'd finally plucked up the courage to ask, had changed everything. Now they were married, happy together, comfortable and relaxed as a couple, as husband and wife, as best friends and companions.
Jack had never been sure it would work between them. It was one thing to yearn secretly for it, for her, but the reality had the huge risk of being different to the dream; a dream that had taken very many years to become reality. He had never been sure they weren't too different, weren't too much of a fantasy, that it hadn't been too late. Not until it happened. When it finally happened, it had become so much more than anything Jack could ever have hoped or dreamed for.
He loved her madly, always would and knew it, and he was missing her like crazy.
'No need to be alone anymore, O'Neill,' he told himself. 'Even when she isn't around.'
He tried to convince himself of that and, to some extent, it was true. But having her in the same room, touching her, talking to her, sitting with her in contented silences; all of that was better than being alone – anytime, anywhere.
Sometimes Jack simply watched her. He watched her move around the room, watched her tapping madly at the keyboard of her laptop, watched her watching TV, watched the millions of little things she did, the actions she took. When he watched, Jack would smile to himself, thinking what a lucky son of a bitch he was to have found a woman he could spend the rest of his life with. A woman who loved him and who he could love in return, a woman whose simple presence in the same room could elicit feelings he thought he'd lost forever. She was truly awesome, truly wonderful – a soul mate he had never really hoped to find again.
So, he watched, filled with love and awe, and sometimes she would catch him watching. He no longer had to feel embarrassed when she caught him. He had been once, but never again. When she caught him, she would smile with such affection it stirred Jack's heart. A smile made especially for him. Often, she would stop what she was doing and walk over to him, cupping his face in her hands and kissing him, ruffling his hair. Whatever. It felt good; it felt fantastic. He loved her for that, and more deeply all the time.
Damn it, he missed her.
Separation from the people he loved was something Jack had been used to. He was military through and through, had spent his whole life as a soldier, fighting other people's fights that were also his. He and Sara had spent so much time apart, and he'd missed too many of the little things that had signified his son growing up. A military man paid that price, and Jack considered it a price worth paying for doing what he loved as much as he loved his family.
Now the same was true for his relationship with Sam, although doubled because she was also military, doing a job she loved as much as she loved him. If she hadn't been, she probably would have moved East with him; as it was, she lived in Colorado Springs.
Jack didn't begrudge that, he truly didn't. He wouldn't want her to give up anything for him just as she wouldn't expect him to give anything up for her. It had always been so, and this had kept them apart for many years. Now, they were still apart all too frequently, even while together, but at least they were together. That knowledge, the knowledge of her love and commitment, of the fact they would be together as often as their careers permitted, was more important to Jack than almost anything else in this universe. That knowledge kept him going, and comforted him when he was alone. It comforted him now.
But, none of that stopped him missing her. Jack wished she was there, or that he was in Colorado. Not that being in Colorado would be helpful right now, because Sam wasn't there. She was millions of light years away, no doubt enjoying herself tremendously soaking up whatever she could of the Asgard technology as they incorporated it into the Odyssey and its databanks. Meanwhile, he was stuck in boring budget meetings and the like; those necessary evils of his job.
Eyeing the bracelet again, Jack began to make mental plans, plans that might mean he could greet her when she returned to the SGC and get her to himself for a few days. Major General Jack O'Neill was as good at machinations as the next man in DC, and he machinated now.
tbc
