Chapter 4: The part in which Snake gets in a cave and Naruto sets off to rescue someone.

Two unnamed guards were talking freely at the front gate, to pass some time.

"So, how much screen time do you think we got?" Asked one of them.

"Not much. We don't even have a name!"

They laughed a bit, took one needle to the head each, and set off to the wonders of induced sleep. Big Boss quickly passed by them and ran to the forest, breathing heavily, but finally back in control. Thanks, 'Naruto'. I'll never forget your idiocy.

-The Hokage's Room-

Tsunade and her student were training some hard punches in cylindrical training punching bags. They were connected to iron bars and spun wildly with each hit.

"Hyaa!" Tsunade shouted, punching the bag with enough force to break the iron bar and send it flying against the wall, destroying the external layer. Inside, the was none other than Jiraya.

"I think it's enough for me, Tsunade-sama." Sakura said. "We should have been after that escapee by now."

"I suppose you're right." Her master answered. "So, how do you feel now?"

"I feel in heaven!" Sakura answered, excited. "This is the best thing that I've ever done…"

"Há!" Naruto exclaimed, from inside the other punching bag. "I always knew you love to touch me! Believe it!"

Sakura was getting ready to show Naruto what true pain feels like when Shizune entered the office. She informed:

"Lady Tsunade, we have gathered everyone we need for plan N."

"Sorry Sakura, I the training is over." Tsunade informed. "Shizune, do you mind patching these two?"

She nodded. Good grief, they are strong. Shizune Thought. Two of the office's walls were beyond repair, and Jiraya was out cold. Well, they deserve it.

After the two shinobi were ready to go, the Hokage went outside: a large mass of competent ninjas and Naruto were gathered in front of her. But not just any ninjas; Tsunade had picked only the right personnel for the job. In front of everyone, she must have had a serious and respectful expression, if it weren't for the pink bear beanie on her head.

"Good night for everyone, and my apologies for waking you all up." She announced. "We have a little situation: someone escaped our prison. Our sources confirmed already that the fillers won't end until we find that person. To avoid causalities, I have gathered every character important enough to have his name mentioned in the series to help us." Since it was a filler, Tsunade knew no important character could die. "And let plan 'Named Taskforce' begin."

"Ugh, I don't want to be the party popper," Said Shikamaru, "But where do we begin?"

"Good question." Answered Tsunade.

Then she slammed the door shut, with her inside.

"What a drag…" The shinobi replied.

"Let's go already!" Naruto objected, and the mighty N Taskforce left konoha. I'm gonna bring him back, no matter the cost. Yeah, that sounds original enough, the blonde ninja concluded.

There was, tough, another person inside the Hokage's tower still.

"Jiraya, I've got one more thing for you to do; this time, try not to screw with it."

"Anything." The shinobi said, smiling on the outside. Who am I to say no? He thought, shivering on the inside.

"If they take too long to bring him back, or if anything fishy shows up, kill the guy."

"No problem… But could I suggest something? "Jiraya said, sliding slowly towards the door. "I Think it is in best interest of everyone if I kill some time before going… You know, do some 'research', so they have a fighting chance."

It was inevitable, but Jiraya still remained surprised when kicked out of the tower as an ultimatum to do his mission. Well, I had to try. Resolved with his situation, the Sanin took an alternative way to leave the village. One which just happened to pass by Konoha's hot springs. Not that anything could diminish his resolve to complete his mission. Maybe I'1ll do just a little research. For… For literature! He concluded, satisfied with what he came up with.

Bog boss run though the forest, knowing there would soon be many child soldiers coming after him. And dogs, probably. I hate those dogs. In the brink of desperation and unable to find another place, he was forced to explore a cave to sleep for a while, and communicate with his team. Surely, they would be patiently waiting to give him the adequate instructions for his next step.

"Snake? Snake! SNAAAAAKE!" Major Zero called on the radio.

"I'm here, Major."

"Oh, good. I thought…"

"…I was dead." Snake completed.

"Yes. Using our state-of-the-art scanners, we were able to see everything which has happened to you in real time, so there's no need to report." Major Zero explained.

"Why are you telling this to me?" Snake asked.

"You have a bad memory." Major explained.

"Really? I don't remember ever forgetting something important." Big boss objected.

"See how bad your memory is?" He noticed.

"Signit, can you help me?" The agent tried, ignoring his boss the best he could.

"Yes, man, no problem." Signit answered. "I see you have recovered everything you had, except for one thing… Why do you think they took your narcoleptic cigars?"

"I have no idea."

- The Hokage's tower…-

"Do you think he's okay?" Ino asked, shaking Asuma's snoring body.

"Well, I suppose we can't leave without our sensei." Shikamaru said. "We'll be forced to wait here and watch the clouds until he wakes up. "

"Isn't that wrong?" Choji asked.

"We can have chips if you want, too."

"Yes, poor sensei. We MUST take care of him!" The akimichi replied, following his most basic family instincts.

-The cave-

"So," Signit continued, "you also seem to have some new equipment! But what on my grandma's name is that?"

"I'm not sure." Snake answered, holding the paper bomb kunai with curiosity. "It's shape suggests a climbing tool, but it has really sharp edges. There's also some drawings in the paper." Snake concluded.

"That looks like Japanese to me." Signit noticed. "I better call a specialist." There was a moment of silence while he looked for Para-medic. "Para-medic, what are you doing?"

"Me?" She asked. "I'm reading this really nice comic book about a hyperactive 12 year old blonde ninja called Naruto Uzumaki who wants to become the leader of his village!" She explained.

"I don't care what you're… Wait, is that release date right? How did you get your hands in something from the 21st century?"

"How does Snake have equipments 2 to 5 years ahead of production time?" She answered."

"Touché." He replied.

"But, how's the situation with snake?"

Signit explained the whole situation for her, while snake slowly, but steadily, connected the dots.

"Snake, I believe we are in a confuse situation." Para medic said.

"I think I got it already." Big boss confirmed.

"Good, good… So now that you know your current situation," Para-medic said. "Can you give me an autograph from Naruto?"

"…"

"C'mon, please?" She asked. "Pretty please?"

"Para-medic, control yourself." Major finally intervened. "So this is you current situation, Snake: You're being pursued by child warriors with unexplainable powers, without any support of any kind. All you can do is find your way home."

Thankfully, Snake thought, My team is here to help me.

"So good luck with that." The major concluded.

"What? Major?"

The only answer was interference sounds. Or, rather, the Major trying to reproduce interference sounds in a ridiculous manner.

"Shhhhh…" Major Zero's voice slowly faded.

Without anything to do, Snake made a fire to keep himself warm, and sit there, inside the cave, waiting for the alert bar and the catchy music to disappear. Curious, he picked the exploding tag kunai he stole and slowly analyzed it, turning the object atop the fire so he could see it better. But what does it do? Big boss still didn't quite know what to do with it. Maybe if I…

"DINAMIC ENTRY!" Maito Gai Exclaimed, appearing from the entrance of the cave with a lightning fast flying kick. Shocked, Snake released the kunai to defend himself from the attacker, out of the most pure agent instinct. Needless to say, the kunai fell over the fire.

A massive ball of fire escaped from the cave entrance, almost reaching the three Genin from team Gai, propelling their crispy sensei outside and releasing a cloud of smoke.

"DINAMIC EXIT!" Gai shouted, before going unconscious.

"Why can't we just plan something?" The girl of team guy asked, but no one was interested in what she had to say.

"GAI SENSEI!" Rock Lee exclaimed, running to see if his sensei was all right."

"Ooh… Fighting dreamers…" Gai said, in a dizzy tone. "…Just go my way…" He was, despite all, overall still in good state.

"We should enter the cave." Neji suggested. "The enemy must have been damaged by the explosion too."

"What if there are other traps?" The girl asked.

But before the Hyuuga could answer, a hail of machine gun bullets and a semi-psychotic scream came from inside the cave. The genin could just barely dodge its incredible speed.

"A ranged attack?" The kunoichi said. "I'm on it. Kuchiose No jutsu! (Summoing Jutsu!)"

Using two special summoning scrolls, Ninenine summoned a massive hail of ninja weaponry against Snake's bullets, unable to see though the smoke. Bullet hit shuriken, and sparks filled the cave entrance. While Lee was too busy crying over his not dead sensei, Neji did try to do something:

"Byakugan!" He exclaimed, and his eyes bulged and became white. "Impossible…"

"What is it?" Twenty asked, while summoning even more ninja tools.

"I can't see anything… It's like your enemy has no chakra!" He explained.

"But that would mean he's utterly useless. And if he's fighting me equally, then…"

"…Then?" Neji asked.

"Shut up. Look, the bullets stopped." When she finally settled down, the kunoichi noticed that some bullets actually made past the hail and hit her. She collapsed, but unfortunately no one noticed. Or cared.

"This looks suspicious." The Hyuuga commented. "We should take care and…"

"The guy's dead!" Lee commented. "Good work TenTen! We should enter the cave gallantly to get our prize!" The ninja showed his thumb and his smile shone some brilliant light. "What are you waiting? Let's go!"

"You have got to be kidding me." Neji commented, watching his team member heroically enter the cave. "Maybe we could let him be. What do you think, Tenten?" But when he waited for an answer, none came. He should probably find her. Nah, she's not that important.

"DINAMYC ENTRY!" Lee shouted, entering the cave in a flying kick. But there wasn't anyone, except for piles of ninja tools. "Where are you, foe?" Lee shouted. "Show yourself or you'll succumb to the power of youth!"

Eventually Neji came by to help him. They searched the entire cave: It was small, and didn't have any trace other than a used paper bomb and a dead fire.

"Ah, this is ridiculous!" Rock said, sitting by a cave wall. "Hey, alligator, did you see him?" He asked to a suspicious-looking alligator right next to him. It shook its head negatively. "Great. He left right in front of our noses and we don't have a clue!"

"Yes, this is, indeed, ridiculous." Neji agreed. The head shaking alligator was fairly suspicious for him, but he was too busy with his own theory. This must have been a decoy. The foe was never in this cave, and the trap took us precious time. "We should get moving. Is the sensei all right?"

"Yeah, he should be." Lee said. "It was just a little paper bomb, after all. Gai sensei is stronger than that!"

But it was once they resumed pursuing the target when Neji had that sense that something was wrong, almost missing. But it didn't take long until the feeling went away.

"Ugh…" The kunoichi whose name the narrator can't remember got up, covering her would with her hand. "Neji? Lee? Where are you guys? Why nobody cares about me? And why can't I win a fair fight?" No one answered. She did see, tough, a shadow leering out of the cave, with a hat shaped like a crocodile. "Hey you! Come here!" The shadow stopped, and looked at her injured body. Whatever that crocodile-thing was, it gave her a medic pack and ran away from Neji and Lee.

He noticed me! Tensomething thought. This is a one in a lifetime chance. She got up, ignoring the wounds, and ran after the guy who cared. He's definitely my true love!

Snake kept running from the shouting wounded girl and from the other two as fast as he could, until a reasonable distance was set. Once calmed down, he got his radio on again.

"Hello, Snake." Major Zero greeted.

"What?" Snake asked. "Aren't you going to ask me if I'm dead? They just cornered me in a dark cave!"

"Of course not! I have a profound trust in your agent abilities." The major explained.

"So, did you get that autograph yet?" Para Medic asked.

"I've got more important things in my list. Like surviving." Snake explained.

"Oooh burn!" Signit commented.

Why do I still try to reach them? The fox agent shut down his radio and kept his way, all by himself now. At least there weren't any dogs.

- Not far away form there –

"Did you pick his scent yet, Akamaru?" Kiba asked.

"It's useless. My bugs didn't detect any chakra in the proximities." Shino reported.

"Well, that doesn't matter." Kiba said. "cause dogs are way better than bugs."

"Stop being idiotic." Shino commented, his pride secretly hurt.

"Only if you stop buggin' me! Get it? Bugging me?"

Hinata let a sigh, and did her best effort not to think of Naruto. But since that wouldn't be in character, she failed to do so. Oh, Naruto-kun… Why the author won't let me stop thinking of you?"

"Wait! Akamaru's got a scent."

"You place too much trust in that smelly ball of fur." Shino commented, achieving his secretly planned vengeance. Or, rather, his revengeance. Wait, that name is just stupid. Why would anyone use it?

"You two can stop now." Kurenai demanded. Since the two of them still had fresh memories of her 'psychological training', they obliged immediately. "Let's follow akamaru's scent. If he gets us anywhere, we report and get back home. All right?" She had been awakened from her beauty sleep, and had entered, as Asuma once put it, 'bitch mode.' The three genin nodded and resumed searching.

"Woof Woof!"

"Look, this isn't getting us anywhere." Shino said, after a few minutes. "We should…"

"Woof Woof!"

"I'm sure we'll find him eventually." Hinata commented.

"Woof Woof!"

"Would you STOP BARKING, Kiba!" Shino asked. "I can't take that horrible sound all day."

"I was talking to akamaru." Kiba commented. "He seems to have found the direction of the scent. Oh, and he also thinks bugs are stupid."

"Woof Woof!" Akamaru confirmed. "Woof Woof!"

"Wait! I think that's it!" The Inuzuka commented. His dog pointed right, and team Kurenai sprinted to the target, anxious to have a nice night of sleep.

Stupid dogs. Shino concluded.

Big boss was traveling the land with caution when things started going awry. Everything became pink, with petals everywhere. Behind him, there was a tree, holding him with insurmountable strength. What is this now? Narcotics? From the tree, a brunette in white appeared with that strange climbing tool of before. She had red eyes. Yeah, definitely narcotics, He concluded.

Kurenai was ready to take the shot and unload all her anger in the man, when it turned. Whatever that crocodile thing was, it scared the crap out of her, cancelling the carefully crafted genjutsu and leaving him out of her grasp.

When Snake heard barks and growls, he did exactly like a highly trained soldier would do and froze in place, unwilling to look back. If he didn't move, perhaps the monster wouldn't leap at him.

"There he is!" Shouted a young voice behind him. "Get him, Akamaru!"

When Big boss turned himself, his was greeted with the horrifying image… Of a puppy. You have got to be kidding me. But it was a strange puppy. It was red tough, and growled aggressively. But it was what 'it' did just afterwards that really made the point. Starting to spin in an inhuman speed, the little dog formed a tunnel of diabolic destruction and claws coming right at him.

Brave as he was, Snake ran for his life with all the speed he could muster and shout wildly for help. Which was, in retrospective, not a very good idea. Soon there was another tunnel of destruction after him. Even the dogs are worse here. This place is hell. And all I wanted… Was donuts.

Suddenly, another figure appeared in his front, wearing a grey jacket. He said:

"He's mine, Kiba. Go, my spineless minions."

Bugs appeared from his skin, from the coat, everywhere, and formed around the boy's hands. Once more, any other FOX agent would be surprised, but Snake had it coming and immediately put the Pain's special outfit. He zipped by Shino, taking all the bugs with him.

"WHAT!" The Abudarme asked. As Kiba passed by, Shino could swear he saw a tongue pointing at him. "Bugs! Wait! Come back to your master!" He ran after the foe.

"My turn!" Hinata said, showing up in front of Snake. "BYAKUGAN!" She screamed, and her eyes bulged. Seeing perfectly the chakra of her enemy, she positioned and informed: "Trigam! 32 Palms!"

Hinata then proceeded to kick Kiba's ass all the way back to their sensei. She removed the Byakugan, happy with a mission accomplished. That's how you do it, guys. Girl power!

"Why…" Kiba asked, before passing out. Akamaru faithfully returned for his master and licked him.

"Oops!" The hyuuga said. "Wrong guy…" Meanwhile, Shino eventually gave up on getting his bugs back and returned.

"Good work team!" Kurenai said. "Mission accomplished!"

"But we didn't…" Shino started.

"I said mission accomplished!" She insisted, glaring.

"Yes sensei. We did a good job." The Abudarme confirmed. "But I'll miss my bugs…" He cleaned a tear from his face.

But before they left, the bugs came back, in a massive cloud.

"Bugs! You came back!" Shino greeted, waving his arms around them like a hug. "Never do that again to me!"

"Come on, kids, let's go home." Kurenai ordered.