But there's so much to save…

"Yes, ok. Is… is he going to be okay?" Kurt went from smiling and real to pale and ghostly within the seconds it took for Kurt to get the information that his father was not doing well. When a person has a heart attack, a part of their heart dies, the more heart attacks a person has, the more likely they are to go into cardiac arrest and die. Burt Hummel's heart was trying but failing at working. For a man with such a huge heart in a metaphorical sense to have such a weak and dying heart in a literal sense was almost ironic in a twisted disgusting way. Burt's chances of living were slim. He needed a heart transplant and he had O negative blood. It would be near impossible for him to have a donor.

The days went by and Kurt was fading again with the knowledge of him becoming an orphan. He would have no one. Except that wasn't true. Kurt had Carol and Finn and Blaine. But they weren't blood family. They would never be Burt Hummel.

Everything just seemed horrible and sad and although there was a chance for a donor for Burt, it wasn't likely. Kurt was told to make his condolences with his father. Kurt had gone completely numb again. Him and Blaine were together, technically. It didn't seem it though. They didn't hold hands, they didn't talk, they didn't kiss. They were almost as separate as before they got back together because Kurt was quite literally living at the hospital when he wasn't at school. Burt was still in a coma. Then one day Blaine was doing homework, and he got a call.

"Hello?"

"Blaine? They found a donor. They.. he's going to be alright!"

And it all changed for the better.

For a while at least. For a while they were a couple again in love. They went on dates, held hands. Everything was perfect.

Burt had gotten better and was eventually allowed home, Kurt and Blaine had resumed their relationship full force and were in love. But Blaine had not forgotten the image of Kurt's cut up and mutilated wrists. Whenever Blaine brought it up Kurt would quickly change the subject, saying that he hadn't done it in weeks. He had eventually gotten the confidence to be able to wear short sleeves around Blaine and Blaine only. Blaine had begged Kurt to see a doctor or a therapist about his depression and cutting but he refused and would get icy if Blaine pushed. He didn't know what to do.


It was a Saturday and they were lying on Blaine's couch, Kurt in a long sleeved but thin cotton shirt. They were watching a movie apparently. But what started out as watching a movie in Blaine's basement quickly turned into them making out on the couch, Blaine trailing kisses down Kurt neck. He eventually got to the collar of Kurt's shirt and reached down to move the fabric covering Kurt's should. Before Kurt could stop him he saw it. They were fresh. They were real. Kurt hadn't stopped. He just had found better ways to hide it.

"Kurt…" Blaine said, just as confused and hurt as the first time.

"How dare you Blaine? You have no right to do that. This is my body and if I want to fuck it up I will"

Kurt tried to sound strong and confident but he was already crying, his voice shaking. That's why Blaine didn't snap back or yell, he just grabbed Kurt and held him while he cried.

"god Blaine I'm so fucked up! I don't know why! I don't know why I do this to myself all I know is I can't stop. I love you and I hate myself Blaine. I hate myself so much. I don't deserve you I don't deserve life" Blaine just shushed him, rocking him in his arms "baby you deserve everything. Never say you don't deserve life. You are bigger than life Kurt, you're better than this problem and I'm going to help you to get over it. But before I can help you, you're going to have to help yourself…" Kurt knew what that meant. It meant having to go to a therapist, to tell his father that he'd been cutting up his beautiful skin. He knew his father, carol, Finn none of them would look at him the same after they knew. That's why he didn't tell anyone but Blaine. He didn't want people to think of him as anything but Kurt Hummel. But they were going.

"I.. I can't Blaine. I can't face my dad and tell him. I can't see the look of confusion and disappointment. It will kill me Blaine." Blaine froze at the last words. He had never thought Kurt might actually kill himself. Kurt would never… would he?

"Kurt never say that ever. Never talk about you dying. " he lost his bravado with his question. "you- you've never thought about… or tried?" Kurt averted his eyes and Blaine's eyes grew wider than ever before. He grabbed Kurt, roughly by the arms and forced Kurt to look him in the eye. "Kurt… you can never, ever think about doing that. Why? God Kurt when?"

He let go of Kurt and let him think. Kurt took a breath and rolled his heels a bit, but then looked into Blaine's eyes with sorrow and regret.


a/n not the best way to end it but at least i didn't kill burt. he shall live. oh and can i say... THEY KISSED THEY FUCKING KISSED BLESS YOUR COW DARREN CRISS BLESS YOUR FAMILY GLEE LIVE AND OH MY GOD YOU HAD ME AT EMMY TOO CHRIS GAAH HNNNG ok rant over review or i'll cry and be sad :)