Age Nineteen: Tuesday
Hazel walked heavily through St. Mungo's, unsure of what she was about to see. She finally came upon the room number that the front desk told her. She entered the hospital room. One step in and she can already see Fred, motionless.
"Goddammit." She said once she was fully in the room. She walked closer to Fred and looked at him for a long time.
"Hey, you." She muttered. She covered her face, fighting the urge to cry. She left the room, but came back in quickly.
"Ok." She continued to look at Fred, unnerved by his deep, smooth breathing. It seemed inhuman.
"So, I'm trying to recover. You know. From the war, and everything. Trying. Just so you don't worry about me." She paused, searching for words.
"Please, Fred. It's time to wake up now. It's me, it's Hazel. I'm here. I came to wake you up. I know it's been a long time and…" Hazel became uncomfortable. She felt as if she was talking to herself.
"Merlin, what the fuck did I come here for?"
She rummaged through her bag, but couldn't find what she was searching for. She overturned it on the floor and grabbed a small potion vial. She drank it quickly and put everything back in her bag. She sat in the chair next to the bed but didn't look at Fred.
"I'm so sick of your shit already." She sighed. "Who the fuck gets hit by a fucking wall?" She shouted. "I hate the be the one to say this, you stupid fucking genius, but getting involved in a war and not paying close attention to WALLS CRUMBLING AROUND YOU isn't the best fucking move." Hazel took a breath to calm herself. "I'm sorry."
She took out a bottle of lotion and put some on her hands. "I'm trying not to swear so much. And I'm using lotion. That's about it now." She looked at Fred's hands. "Congrats on almost getting married. I heard about it. Your mum told me, actually…" She trailed off. "Katie was always a nice girl. You probably made the right decision though. I mean, look at you. There's no way you were ready to settle down. You never cared too much about your own personal safety."
Hazel looked at her hand as if it was the first time she had ever seen them.
"I feel like a fucking arse, sitting here, talking to myself. I thought I'd walk in and say something and you'd come out of this shit. Because it's me. It's Hazel, Freddie! I'm here!" Hazel looked over Fred's body, looking for a new sign of life.
"Last time I saw you was in the same hospital." She said. "You had just blown your stupid eye. Which means I've seen you twice in ten years. That's pretty good for a couple of kids who are supposed to be best friends. Twice!"
She paused and looked around for something to drink.
"Well, I guess this is three times. Or does this even count? Does it count when one of us might be brain dead? You've always been brain dead, though, haven't you, Freddie?" She laughed. She looked at Fred, expecting him to laugh, too.
Hazel moved the chair closer to Fred. She took his hand. She looked at him—really looked at him. At his face, at his body, at his bandages. She held her hands above his body and waved them, as if she could raise the dead. She suddenly realized how idiotic she looked and stopped. She placed her hands on his chest and felt his lungs work and his heart beat. She lifted them off as if he had woken up. But it was nothing.
"I'm an idiot." She took his hand in hers again. "Your hand is all dry."
Hazel sat back in the chair and rummaged through her bag again. She took out the hand lotion and squeezed some in her hand. She started to rub the lotion into Fred's hand.
"Please don't marry Katie when you get out of this, Fred. You can't. Because what about me? What about me, huh? When my dad—when you came to the funeral home that night… The things you said to me," She paused, trying to find her breath, "You're always doing that, you know? The top ten best things anyone's ever done for me have all been done by you. That's pretty good right?"
The two friends were swallowed by the silence of the hospital room. Hazel looked at the door. She was expecting someone to come in at any moment.
"I know. I know, I'm so stupid. I'm—I'm fucked up, you know that. So I need you to get through this, Freddie. I need you to look for me again. And I'm sorry about that, but you have to wake up now. I need you to come looking for me again. You have to wake up for me. Because I'm not great. I'm not great, you know? And I need you right now. I need you to come over and show me some stupid shit and make me laugh again. Like always. I'm sorry I've been gone, and I haven't come to see you, but I'm here. I'm back. So wake up. Rise and shine, Freddie." Hazel wiped her eyes but she wasn't crying. "It's Tuesday. That was always your favorite day."
