Finn watched sadly as Rachel made her way inside the airport. If asked, he would have sworn that she was walking differently. Less attitude, more purpose. Of course, Rachel always walked with purpose, but she usually walked with the attitude that nothing was going to slow her down. Now, she looks like the smallest obstacle would be enough to bring her to a screeching halt. Finn hated that he made her aware of such obstacles.
He watched her as she waited in line to check her suitcase and claim her boarding pass. Only when she disappeared behind the metal detectors did he turn his attention to the things going on around him. Children demanding souvenirs from wherever their parents had visited. A girl only a few years older than him dropped her bags and ran into her boyfriend's waiting arms. Finn wondered if his reunion with Rachel would be so happy. Their goodbye certainly hadn't been as bittersweet as the loving couples kissing each other goodbye with promises to be home soon and call tonight. Theirs had just been bitter.
After fifteen minutes of dazed people-watching and resisting the urge to cry like a girl, Finn was jerked back to reality by an airport security guard tapping on his window.
"You can't park here, kid. If you're waiting for an arrival, then drive around the loop a couple times or wait in the arrivals parking." The guard said when Finn rolled down his window.
"Oh, okay. Sorry officer. I'll get out of the way." He replied, then rolled up the window, put his car into gear, and left the airport.
As soon as he got away from the hustle and bustle of the airport, Finn realized just how quiet the truck was. His time with Rachel had made him all too aware of how deafening silence could be. To her, silence was just a cue to make some noise. Pitch-perfect, beautiful noise, but noise all the same. Now that she was gone, Finn had to settle for the car stereo. Automatically, the stereo began playing the Elton John CD Rachel had played for him less than an hour ago.
As "Benny and the Jets" filled the cab, Finn chastised himself for letting Rachel get on that plane in the state she was in. For letting her out of the truck without making sure she, and they, were okay. For not making it clear enough that what happened with Santana meant nothing to him. For not telling her that it was the biggest mistake he's ever made. For not telling her about it sooner, and for letting her read that stupid text. For doing it in the first place. For being willing to throw away something great for a meaningless encounter that turned out to be a source of constant guilt and fear. If he thought he regretted his actions when he was still in that hotel room, it was nothing compared to his self-loathing now that one stupid mistake was pushing away the only girl he had ever really loved.
Somehow, in the midst of all his self-flagellation, Finn managed to get himself home in one piece. There was a near-incident involving an unnoticed stop sign and an Oldsmobile, but he was quick with the brakes and the adrenaline rush alerted him to the rest of the world long enough to get him safely home. Luckily, his mom was at work and wouldn't be around to ask any questions for several hours. Finn didn't think he could handle saying what had happened that morning out loud yet.
When Finn stomped into his room, he automatically turned on his radio. Again, the silence was too loud for him at the moment. It made it too easy for him to think. But not even the dulcet tones of Linkin Park could push the image of Rachel walking away from him out of his mind.
Finn wished she wasn't leaving him for a month. Of course, he had wanted that before that stupid text from Santana, but that isn't the point. Before, he had known that at least a part of her wanted to be in Lima with him, now he wasn't so sure. He wished that he had told her she was all he cared about and that of course he wasn't going to take Santana up on her new offer. He hates the idea that Rachel might be thinking that he would run off to that bitch again.
He wished he could convince Rachel that Santana meant nothing to him, that his brain was screaming at him to stop before he even started. Well, before Santana started. Finn hadn't really been an active participant in the events of that night in the hotel room. He wished that he hadn't been such a jealous jackass. He wished he hadn't broken up with her in the first place so he wouldn't have had the chance to become a jealous jackass. He wished he had just told Rachel the truth from the beginning and not left her in the position to find out the way she did.
Most of all, he wished he had just stayed the hell away from Santana Lopez.
"Did she really think that I would want her again now that I'm with Rachel? It's not like she's known for screwing the same guy more than once anyway. She must have been messing with me." Finn thought, then before he even had time to think about it, he was storming out of his house and heading in the direction of Santana's house a few blocks away.
"Couldn't wait to call?" Santana quipped flirtatiously when she answered the door.
"Why the hell would you do that?" Finn yelled at her.
"So you're not here to get laid, then?"
"Obviously. Why would you even ask me? You know I'm with Rachel now. Or was, until I got that stupid text from you. Now I'll be lucky if she ever talks to me again."
"Oh, so that's what this little hissy fit is about? Somebody neglected to tell his girlfriend about his past?" Santana asked, bored.
"I didn't neglect to do anything. I was waiting for the right time." Finn protested.
"And the day she left for nerd camp was the right time? Great planning there."
"I didn't plan to tell her today. I was forced to when Rachel read your text."
"Don't try to pin this on me. I'm not the one that let the troll read my messages."
"Don't call her that! And before you texted me, I had no reason to hide my messages from her! How was I supposed to know that you were going invite me over for- for that- again? You know I didn't even really want to do it the first time."
"Well, at least one part of you did." Santana smirked, glancing at Finn's crotch.
"Really? Did you really have to go there?" Finn started another rant, but stopped when his phone rang. After taking a second to compose himself and turn away from Santana, he answered.
"Rachel, hi. You made it to New York alright? I'm glad you called."
"Yes. I'm just at the airport waiting for the rest of my group to arrive."
"Oh. So… how are you doing?" Finn asked slowly, afraid of the answer.
"I'm still pretty upset, but I think I'll be okay. I'm hurt that you didn't tell me sooner, but I understand-" Rachel started, but stopped when she heard a female voice on the other line.
"Is that her? Hi, Rachel!" Santana yelled in the background.
"Damn it, Santana. Why would you do something like that? Rachel, I swear it's not what you think." Finn tried to explain, only to realize that he was talking to dead air.
"Great. She hung up on me. Why would you do that? Do you realize what she's thinking right now?" Finn yelled at Santana.
"I just thought she should know who her boyfriend is hanging out with while she's gone."
"That's a load of bull! First of all, we are not 'hanging out'. You know perfectly well that I'm only here to tell you that I don't appreciate you coming on to me and ruining my relationship with Rachel. Second, you don't give a damn about Rachel or me. You did this to screw with us. I'm done with this crap. Stay the hell away from me." Finn said before storming out of the house. As soon as he pulled himself together well enough to use his phone, he dialed Rachel's number. After what felt like fifty rings, someone answered.
"Rachel says to tell you that she doesn't want to talk to you right now." An unfamiliar voice said.
"Who are you? I need to talk to Rachel." Finn demanded.
"I'm Jen. I'm her roommate at camp. And Rachel says that she doesn't want to talk to you right now."
"Then can you give her a message for me, Jen?"
"Sure."
"Tell her that I was only with Santana right now to tell her to stay away from me. And tell her I love her and that I'm sorry and that I hope she'll give me a chance to make things better and that I love her."
"Okay, I'll tell her." Jen said with a slight chuckle at the second 'I love her.'
"Thanks. And Jen?"
"Yeah?"
"Take care of her for me?"
"Well I don't know how much I can do, but I'll try."
"Thank you."
"Bye."
"Bye." Finn said, then hung up the phone and continued his trudge home.
