Later I heard the news. The Dark Lord was back. This meant my life was about to get bloody complicated. Father was freaking out for sure, and Mother? Oh the horror, I could only imagine how protective she would be over me. All this did was crush my dreams. I know what you must be thinking, I am a Malfoy, surely I would be glad to have The Dark Lord back. The reality is that his return was worst for the death eaters and their families.
Especially for one fifth year slytherin that was in love with the enemy. We were rivals before, but this became bigger than just us. He was then the bane of my master's existence and was enemy number one. I still loved him, but surely any chance I had with him was gone with one spell on one day of the end of fourth year. That summer was filled with secret meetings and with father leaving on orders all the time. Quite honestly, I hated The Dark Lord that summer and the next year.
Potter's life was hellish in fifth year too. I felt obliged to join the taunts and jeers. Torturing him like that began to hurt me, because all I wanted was to make him smile. If I could see those deep green eyes light up once more, light up because of me, that would have been paradise. It became my fondest dream. If only I could reach out and stroke that unruly hair, if only I could trace every inch of his skin with idle fingers, if only if only. I was lost in daydreams and moved on autopilot alone.
I couldn't stop the pain that came when he frowned. That Cho girl was often at his side, and I burned in anger from the background of his life. My emotions were hellish. The new teacher was this government woman, Umbridge. She was disgusting, she tried to hit on me once or twice. Or maybe many times, but I didn't lead her on to get what I wanted, of course not. I'm a noble and upstanding…. Oh to Hell with it. I flirted shamelessly with her. I got her to tell me what she had Potter doing in those detentions and I almost threw up. She was the most repulsive thing I've ever had to deal with. I winked and flattered, I even gave her cat-related shit. Father approved of my manipulation, so at least one good thing was happening in my life. I was spiralling into a hell I never before imagined.
I saw Potter after a detention with her once and that was enough. I hid in the shadows and heard the pain he hid from the world. He left a trail of blood as he walked. His head hung low, and he looked so broken down, and I couldn't stand it. I tried to raise his spirits after a quidditch game by mocking him. I thought that anger with me would get his spirits up, after all hatred is the best medicine. That plan backfired so badly, oh so badly, and I felt terrible. He got banned for life from quidditch, his Firebolt was gone, and I could see how dead he looked after that.
That last blow was too much to handle, and Potter was looking more and more sickly. The scars on his hands always looked fresh now. Umbridge was his destruction, she was killing the only person I had ever loved and I couldn't take it. I saw him passed out in the library once and inspiration hit. I wrote him a note. It read: "Harry Potter, I see you hurting. I see your pain. Let me help you. I will end your detentions, just leave me a message behind the painting of that field by the charms class."
That night I kissed Umbridge. I bribed her with my attention to stop Potter's detentions. The awful woman didn't even bother to ask why. She was too giddy over having an attractive student lover. I had to see her more often than just classes, but Potter was safe from her. I checked the painting every day and exactly two weeks after I stopped his detentions he responded.
