Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of these characters… if I did, Karofsky wouldn't exist anymore, Jesse wouldn't have been such an asshole (albeit one I believe legitimately fell for Rachel), and there would be a LOT more Blaine.

A/n: If I fail my exam today, it is because of this chapter. I have seriously spent 3 times as much of my time writing this as I have actually preparing for this test, because I could NOT get this out of my head. Thank God this test is open book.

Blaine stared at his reflection in the mirror, sighing. His uniform looked fine; he'd managed to fix his tie correctly without even thinking about it, and he'd managed to find one of the cardigans they could wear instead of their blazers among the mess of things he had at Kurt's house. But Blaine himself looked like shit. His skin was pale, there were dark circles under his eyes, and Blaine looked as though he had lost weight. He hadn't bothered trying to tame his curls or put in his contacts.

As much as Blaine wanted to get back to his normal life, he was sort of afraid that everyone was going to stare at him. "Are you almost ready?" Blaine turned towards the door, nodding at Kurt as he picked up his glasses from the top of the dresser and slid them on. "Aren't you going to gel down your hair?"

"I don't feel like it today." Blaine started towards the door, stopping in front of Kurt as the younger boy reached up and straightened his tie, smoothing it down and fixing the buttons on the front of Blaine's cardigan.

"You look like you could use some more sleep… are you sure you want to go back to school today?"

"I need the distraction," Blaine replied, picking up his messenger bag as they started downstairs. Carole was surprisingly already awake and making breakfast when they arrived in the kitchen.

"You didn't have to get up so early, Carole. We're perfectly capable of getting our own breakfast."

"I had to get up to open this morning anyway. Hurry up and eat – you need to leave before long to make it to school on time," Carole replied. Blaine sat down at the table, picking up his fork and starting to pick at the breakfast she had made. He wasn't all that hungry, even though he knew that he needed to eat something before he left for classes. "Eat, sweetie. You're going to make yourself sick again." Blaine closed his eyes as Carole spoke, picking up a bite of egg and forcing it down. It didn't really taste like anything to Blaine, but he forced a few more bites down until they had to leave. He glanced down at his hand as Carole forced a slice of toast on him once his coat and scarf were on. "You are not allowed to throw that out. Kurt, make sure he eats, please."

"Will do. Come on, Blaine, we'll be late if we don't leave now."

The first half of the drive to Westerville was silent; Blaine was a little surprised that Kurt was willing to make the ridiculous drive to and from school every day for him. It was just under two hours one way, and this was the fourth day in a row Kurt had driven it. "I can't believe you're doing this."

"Doing what?" Kurt asked.

"Driving all this way to and from school every day. You shouldn't have to do this…" Blaine replied.

"It's temporary. We'll move back into the dorms in a few days, when you're feeling better. You should eat that toast Carole gave you… she wasn't kidding when she said that you weren't allowed to throw it out." Blaine sighed and took a few bites, choking down the cold toast as best he could. He glanced at Kurt as the younger boy put a hand on his knee for a moment. "Are you sure you're ready for this? You don't have to go back to classes today, you know."

"I'm going crazy at your house, Kurt. I need a distraction… I can't just sit there all day with my thoughts. All I think about is what's happened the last couple of weeks. I just need something else to focus on for now."

Blaine was thankful that Kurt decided to let the conversation drop at that point. He wasn't sure he would be able to keep talking about everything. It was easier to just find ways to keep his mother's death off his mind; it wasn't getting any easier to keep himself from breaking down.

"Just make sure you're taking care of yourself, okay? You're so pale and tired looking…"

"I know I look like shit, okay? I don't need you to tell me that."

"Finish your toast… we're almost at school." Blaine did as he was told, forcing down the last of the food as they pulled into the student parking lot of the school. The two boys got out of the car silently, walking towards the building. "Hey…" Blaine stopped just inside the front doors as Kurt took his hand. "Have a good day, okay? I'll see you in English." Blaine nodded, silently pulling Kurt into a hug before he turned to go to his calculus class.

Blaine wandered into the classroom just as the bell rang, ending any opportunity Wes or David might have had to talk to him before class. He slipped into his desk silently, pulling out the makeup work he had managed to finish along with his textbook. Everyone else seemed to be flipping through their notes like crazy, which could only mean one thing – there was a test that Blaine wasn't prepared for.

"Mr. Anderson, take your makeup work to the junior commons. We'll discuss when you can make up the test tomorrow," Mr. Beckham said, standing up from his desk and starting to count out test papers. Blaine just nodded, doing what he was told and gathering up his things while the teacher passed out the test. He handed over his stack of homework, before Mr. Beckham put a hand on his shoulder and led him out of the classroom. "Blaine, are you alright? You know you don't have to come to classes today…"

"I'm fine… I need to be here today." Blaine watched as the man nodded.

"Just let me know if you need any help catching up. Or if you just want to talk." Blaine just nodded, feeling uncomfortable. "I'll let you get to work."


The bell ringing brought Blaine back to reality. He'd been staring at the page in his history text throughout the entire lecture and he wasn't completely sure what they had been talking about. Blaine packed up his books quickly, starting out the door. "Mr. Anderson, I'd like to speak with you for a moment."

Blaine stopped in his tracks, turning around and making his way back to Mrs. Hendrix's desk. He motioned for Kurt to go ahead to lunch; Blaine could catch up in a few minutes. "Blaine, are you sure you're feeling alright? You don't look well, and you weren't paying any attention during the lesson today."

Blaine shook his head for a moment. "I'm just tired."

"You should go get some rest after lunch. Don't overdo it." Blaine nodded, biting down on his bottom lip. "Go to lunch, then go get some sleep. You've done enough for one day." Blaine nodded again as he turned to leave the classroom. Blaine walked down towards the dining hall, stepping into the line and sliding his student ID to pay for the meal. Blaine wasn't sure what to eat, and he finally settled on a grilled cheese sandwich and some soup with a bottle of water.

"Please tell me that isn't all you're eating." Blaine shrugged at Kurt's comment as he put his tray down on the table across from the younger boy.

"I'm still not that hungry." Blaine picked up the sandwich and took a bite, looking up as Wes and David sat down at the remaining two seats at the table. It was their usual arrangement for lunch, and Blaine had missed it while he was out of school.

"You feeling okay, Blaine?" David asked.

"I'm fine. Just tired." Blaine took another bite out of his sandwich, ignoring the conversation that went on around him for the most part. Blaine only ate because he knew that Kurt would probably yell at him if he didn't. He'd already lost at least five pounds since the last day he had been at school, and he could see the way everyone watched him.

"Blaine… Earth to Blaine…"

"Huh?" Blaine looked up from his food, only to come face to face with Wes's hand.

"We were talking about Regionals… we're thinking about using 'Misery' for our closing number," Wes replied.

"Who's doing the solo?" Blaine asked. In rehearsals, before his mother had been taken to the hospital, Blaine had been doing that particular solo.

"We were hoping you would still want to do it. Most of the other guys have tried it, but no one sounds as good as you do for this song." Blaine sighed, shaking his head.

"I don't know, guys. It's not really fair to the guys who have been here every rehearsal. Not when I've missed so many lately."

"But you had a good excuse," Wes replied. "No one is going to be that upset if you get the solo. You're the best person for this song…"

"Then why don't you choose a different song? What about 'Good Riddance' by Green Day? We can make that into multiple solos… the American Idiot cast has an awesome version," Kurt replied.

"I like that idea… we should try it."

"Thad hates Green Day," Wes commented.

"We can out-vote Thad. Besides, he's the only reason we haven't done Green Day… they have some good song, and a lot of them aren't that difficult to translate."

"Okay… let's do it, then." Blaine let himself drift off again, ignoring the conversation that took off around him. Wes and David were exchanging ideas constantly, and Blaine wasn't really that interested. He would do whatever they told him to do; at this point Blaine was just trying to make it through the rest of the day. It wasn't until Blaine had absentmindedly eaten all of his food that anyone got his attention again.

Wes's hand on his wrist knocked Blaine awake again. "Blaine, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just tired."

"Why don't you go up to your dorm room and get some sleep?" Kurt suggested. "I can get the rest of your assignments, and we'll wake you up in time for rehearsal."

"No… I'll be fine. I can just go to bed early tonight." Blaine knew he should probably listen to Kurt; the boy was only trying to help him, and Blaine knew that he really did need to get some sleep. But Blaine didn't want to admit that the younger boy was right. He wanted things to be normal now that he was back to school, and Blaine intended to do whatever it took to make things as normal as possible.

"You went to bed early last night, and you're still exhausted… you should just go get some sleep."

"Take care of yourself, Blaine. Your teachers will understand you not being in class for one more day…" David began.

"Seriously, just drop it. I can handle it." Blaine stood up, picking up his tray and his messenger bag. He got rid of the remnants of his lunch and walked out of the dining hall. He made his way to the empty junior commons, dropping his bag into one of the chairs and sitting down next to it, pulling out a textbook and opening it at random. Blaine stared down at the page blankly, mostly just willing himself to stay awake while at the same time praying to be left alone.

Blaine looked up as something was dropped on the table in front of him. He raised an eyebrow at the sight of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "Something tells me you need that more than I do."

"Thanks, Nick. But I'm not hungry." Blaine leaned back as the other junior sat down across the table from him. Blaine pushed the sandwich back towards the boy who had dropped it.

"You may not be hungry, but I also know for a fact you aren't eating much of anything."

"You've been talking to Kurt."

"I know what it's like. I did the same thing last year, remember?" Blaine had forgotten that Nick had lost his father under similar circumstances at the beginning of their sophomore year. "Seriously, what did you eat for lunch?"

"A sandwich. Some soup."

"And what did you eat for breakfast?"

"What's with the interrogation?" Blaine asked. He watched as Nick shrugged in response, pushing the sandwich back towards Blaine.

"You look like shit… I'm trying to make sure you're taking care of yourself."

"I don't look that bad," Blaine lied, closing his book.

"You're almost as white as Gerard Way, the circles under your eyes make you look like a character from a Tim Burton movie, and judging by the way your uniform is fitting right now I'd say you've lost somewhere between five and ten pounds. Which is really bad because you were only away from school for two weeks and it's not healthy to lose more than about two pounds a week."

"Do you have to know everything?"

"At least split the sandwich with me. I'm not going to feel okay about leaving you alone unless I know you've eaten." Blaine shook his head, pushing the sandwich back towards Nick and sliding his book back into his bag.

"Stop treating me like I'm a little kid. And tell everyone else to do the same. I can take care of myself just fine." Blaine made his way out of the common room quickly, starting towards the staircase where he'd first met Kurt. It was the fastest way to the dorm rooms, and Blaine figured that was the only place his friends wouldn't be tempted to bother him. At least if he was in his dorm room, the other boys might assume he was asleep and leave him alone until his afternoon classes started.

Blaine got a longer break than most thanks to having a free period right after lunch, so it would be all to easy for him to let everyone believe he was doing what they wanted when he was really working on getting caught up on all of the material he had missed since his mother got sick. Blaine purposely ignored the text messages that came in, first from Kurt and then from various other Warblers. He didn't feel like talking to anyone; he just wanted to get something accomplished. Instead he sat down at his desk and opened his chemistry book to the page of problems he had been working on.

It wasn't until Kurt was gently shaking him awake that Blaine even realized he had fallen asleep. He sat up slowly, wincing as the muscles in his back and neck protested against the movement. Sleeping on his desk was definitely not a good idea. "Come on… if you're going to sleep, at least lay down in the bed instead of trying to crouch over on your desk." Blaine was too close to still being asleep to protest as Kurt led him over to the bed and tucked him in.

"Stay with me…" Blaine whispered.

"I still have another class. I'll come back up right before rehearsal." Blaine opened his eyes as he felt Kurt press a kiss against his forehead. Blaine reached up and pulled Kurt's face down towards his own, leaning up and pressing a kiss against the younger boy's lips. "Blaine…"

"I just needed to do that…" Blaine drifted back off to sleep as soon as he was done kissing Kurt.


Kurt Hummel was confused, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the math problem on the board in front of him. Blaine had kissed him. And while Kurt was in love with Blaine, that still hadn't prepared him for having one extremely confused teenaged boy kiss him while still half asleep. Kurt had enjoyed the kiss, but he was conflicted because he knew that Blaine didn't need a relationship right now no matter how much they wanted to be with each other.

"Mr. Hummel… number three from the homework assignment, please." Kurt's head shot up from looking at his book. "Number three. On the board, if you don't mind." Kurt nodded, picking up his homework assignment and going to the board along with several of his classmates. He wrote the assignment quickly, moving back to his seat with his mind still on what had happened in Blaine's dorm room right before class. It wasn't until he was already seated in his desk that Kurt actually looked at what he had written, and he realized that he'd copied the wrong problem.

The remainder of the class went by quickly once Kurt's embarrassment about putting the wrong homework problem on the board was over. He sighed in relief as soon as the bell rang, putting his book into his bag and rushing up to Blaine's dorm room. Kurt opened the door slowly, sticking his head in first to check out the situation. Blaine was still on the bed, but he had kicked off the covers and one of his arms was thrown across his eyes. Kurt went inside, closing the door softly as he moved over towards Blaine. The older boy didn't move, even when Kurt sat down on the edge of his bed. Kurt sat there for a moment, debating what he should do to wake the boy up. He wasn't sure what he should do to wake Blaine up, but he needed to work something out because they would be late for rehearsal if he didn't hurry.

"Blaine… wake up…" Kurt gently shook the older boy's shoulder as he spoke, but Blaine didn't do anything but groan. "Come on… it's time to wake up."

"Five more minutes…"

"We need to get downstairs for rehearsal." Kurt watched as Blaine shook his head.

"Two minutes, then…" Kurt took Blaine's wrist and moved the older boy's arm away from his eyes.

"It's just an hour, and then you can sleep the whole ride home. We need you if we're going to get anything done for Regionals. And we have to get our music arranged, because Regionals is just a little more than a week away." Blaine groaned, and Kurt pulled his shoulders until the older boy was sitting up, leaning against him. The older boy's chin rested on Kurt's shoulder, and Kurt was surprised when Blaine's arm wrapped around his waist. Kurt could feel the boy shaking slightly. "Blaine? What's wrong?"

"I can't do this…" Kurt wasn't sure what Blaine meant, but he knew it wasn't anything good.

"Shhh… it's okay." Kurt didn't know how to comfort Blaine, so he settled on holding the boy while he sobbed, despite the fact that he could feel Blaine's tears seeping through his cardigan and shirt. He gently rubbed Blaine's back, wishing he knew why Blaine was suddenly so upset. Eventually Blaine's shoulders stopped shaking, but neither boy moved. "Do you want to tell me what that was about?" Kurt asked softly. He felt Blaine shake his head.

Kurt sighed, turning to kiss Blaine's cheek. "Do you want to lay back down?" Blaine nodded, and Kurt gently let go of Blaine so that the older boy could lie back against the pillow. Kurt pushed some of Blaine's curly hair away from his face. Kurt glanced up at Blaine's nightstand, raising an eyebrow at the orange pill bottle that was sitting there. He picked it up, reading the name and the bottle's contents. "Why do you have your mom's painkillers here?"

"She gave them to me when I hurt my back last semester," Blaine replied, his eyes closed.

"Did you take any of these today?"

"No. I forgot they were even there." Kurt nodded, pocketing the bottle. It was better if he took them away from Blaine, at least for now. Especially since Blaine had admitted to wanting to take some pretty drastic measures to make himself supposedly feel better. "You should go to rehearsal…"

"I'm not going to leave you alone. Not when you're so upset." Kurt picked up one of Blaine's hands, wrapping it with both of his.

"Kurt…"

"No. We'll pack up some more of your uniforms, and then we'll go home." Kurt stood up and walked over to Blaine's closet, pulling out some of his clothes.

"I only need one more uniform… we can come back to the dorms on Sunday."

"Just in case," Kurt replied. He was fairly certain that they wouldn't be moving back in on Sunday; Blaine was having such a rough time dealing with everything that had happened, and Kurt wasn't going to just ignore that. He had every intention of talking to Carole and his dad when he got home, because Kurt had promised to keep them informed about what was going on with the older boy.

"You don't think I should be at school yet, do you?" Blaine asked.

"I think you rushed yourself. You need to go to school, yeah, but you also need to take care of yourself. And that's more important than school right now," Kurt replied.

"How much school did you miss when your mom died?"

"I don't know… I don't remember. But I didn't go back to avoid working out my feelings about what was going on."

"Nick missed three days last year when his dad died. Both of his parents are dead. He pulled himself together enough to get back to school, and I should be able to do it, too…"

"You aren't Nick," Kurt pointed out. "You can't expect yourself to be ready just because someone else was. And I know about Nick… did you know that he's in therapy? Or that he nearly killed himself over winter break last year?"

"What…? But Nick's always so happy…" Kurt sighed and turned around to face Blaine again, crossing his arms.

"Nick is a good actor. And yeah, he's happy now. But he's on anti-depressants and he goes to see a therapist every Wednesday right after rehearsal… he has to work at it." Kurt watched as Blaine sat up, looking down at the bedding. Blaine's fingers absently played with the fabric for a moment.

"How do you know all of that?"

"Nick told me about it on Monday during free period. He asked if I'd heard from you," Kurt replied. He walked back over towards the bed and sat back down. "I don't want you to end up like Nick. I don't want you to be so unhappy that you feel like you don't have anywhere else to turn but to pills or a razor. But you have to deal with your feelings… you have to deal with what happened to your mom, and you have to do it in your own time."

Kurt watched as Blaine finally nodded, accepting what Kurt was saying. "Can we go home now?" Kurt smiled slightly as Blaine referred to his house as "home."

"Yeah. Okay. Let's go home."


Blaine tapped his pen against his book, leaning his head against one of his hands. He was getting frustrated with his chemistry homework, mostly because the words weren't making sense any more. He had been working since they had gotten home from school without taking a break except to eat dinner, and it was getting late. Blaine looked up as he heard a knock at his door.

"Come in." Blaine sighed as the door opened, revealing both Burt and Carole. This didn't bode well.

"Can we talk to you, Blaine?" Carole asked. Blaine nodded, closing his book and putting it on the nightstand next to his bed along with his pen. The two came into the room and Carole sat down on the other end of his bed. "Sweetie, we talked to Kurt a little while ago. He told us about what happened at school today."

"I think I may have pushed myself a little too hard to get back to school… I just didn't want to let anyone down."

"You need to think about yourself, Blaine. Not everyone else. The Warblers can get along without you, and so can every other activity you're part of at Dalton." Blaine nodded at Burt's words. "Carole and I talked about it, and we want you to stay home again tomorrow. You can work on getting caught up with your homework, and we'll talk to the school and let them know what's going on."

"But I've already missed so many days…" Blaine began.

"It isn't going to do you any good to just sit in classes when you aren't ready to be back. We're just talking about a few more days right now." Blaine sighed and nodded at Carole's words. It wasn't going to do him any good to argue with the Hummels; they were responsible for taking care of him now, and Blaine knew that Burt and Carole took that role seriously.

"What about Regionals? They're next Saturday… if I don't go to school I'm not allowed to rehearse, and I won't be able to perform. The Warblers will be short a member…"

"We'll see… but you aren't going to push yourself just for a competition. The other Warblers will understand," Burt replied. Blaine nodded again, sighing. "You should get to bed. It's getting late, and I know you're probably tired from working on homework all night." Blaine wasn't at all surprised when Carole leaned in and gave him a hug, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. He'd learned that Kurt's stepmother was the affectionate type, and he actually liked that about her. It reminded him of his own mother, but in a good way.

Blaine watched as they walked out of the room, leaving him alone to get ready for bed. He was digging through a dresser drawer when he heard another knock on the bedroom door. Blaine turned around, leaning against the dresser and crossing his arms as he realized it was Kurt at the door.

"Don't be mad at me. I just… I needed to make sure they knew what was going on. I really don't want you to hurt yourself…" Blaine shook his head.

"I'm not mad. I'm not happy, but I'm not mad, either."

"Do you feel anything?" Kurt asked.

"Frustration. Mostly with myself for getting so upset."

"You have every right to be upset, Blaine."

"I just feel like I should be able to get over this," Blaine replied. "It shouldn't be this hard…"

"But it is. It's this hard for everyone." Blaine looked down at the floor, not wanting to look at Kurt's face. He was exhausted from all of the stress, but he wasn't sure he was actually going to be able to sleep. He hadn't been sleeping well for a while, and it seemed to only be getting worse.

Before Blaine really knew what was going on, Kurt's arms were wrapped around his torso again. Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt again, leaning against the younger boy for a moment. "You should get some sleep. You're so exhausted," Kurt commented. Blaine nodded, pulling away from the hug as Kurt did the same.

Blaine sighed as Kurt left the room, closing the door so that Blaine could change into his pajamas. As soon as he had changed Blaine sat down at his computer, lifting the screen and opening up his e-mail.

Nick,

I'm sorry I was such an ass this afternoon. I'm not doing so well right now – I'm exhausted and I'm barely sleeping.

Tell me it gets better. I don't think I can get through this unless I know that it will end soon. I feel like I'm falling apart here, and I know that I should be able to pull myself together but I just can't. And that scares me. I don't know who else to turn to… Kurt sort of gets it, obviously, but it's been so long for him. He had someone else to turn to when things went to shit, but I feel like I'm all alone here.

It gets better, right?

Blaine hit send and closed the computer before he walked over to his bed. He curled up under the covers, letting the tears overflow again because he didn't know how to keep them at bay any longer.


Nick glanced up as his phone chirped, signaling that he had a new e-mail. He wasn't sure who would be sending him an e-mail at 11:30 at night, but figured that it must be important.

Nick sighed and bit his lip as he read Blaine's message, sighing as he glanced at the silvery white scars that crossed both of his wrists, remembering what he'd felt when he was in Blaine's position.

Blaine,

I wish there was something I could tell you that could make the pain go away, but it's one of those things that you just have to go through. I didn't deal with it for a long time, and I fell apart.

It does get better, but it takes time. It's going to hurt for a while… there's nothing anyone can do to make it hurt less. But you don't have to be afraid, Blaine. This is normal. And you're not alone… you have Kurt and his family. And I'm here whenever you need to talk, okay?

You're not alone. It may feel that way, but you're never really alone as long as you have friends. And you have a lot of friends who love you. Don't ever forget that. Let us help you and be there for you. I nearly ruined a lot of friendships because I didn't want to let anyone in – I didn't want to let anyone know just how much I was hurting.

Call me if you need me.

Nick sighed, hitting the send button on his screen and gently rubbing his thumb against the band of scar tissue on his left wrist. Maybe he'd gone too far by trying to force Blaine to eat earlier in the day. But Nick wasn't going to let his friend end up in the same position he had been in just a little more than a year earlier.