A/N: Thanks to everyone who's followed/favorited and/or is reading but not reviewing.:)
WHAT IS THIS?! A NEW CHAPTER?! Why yes, yes it is. I am so sorry for the long wait. Just...assume updates will be horribly sporadic until the end of this semester. I'm sorry.:P
Olivia O'Neil- When I do get to parts where I will need that info, I will be sure to credit you.:) Thank you!
Elsa Tomago- I make no promises, but I will say that no, Elsa will not go alone.:) She needs to get better at using her "mind-messaging"-she is quite frankly terrible at it at the moment, lol. ;)
IndyGirl89- I am taking your advice:) I appreciate the concrit very much:)
AvatarxFrozen- I'm glad you enjoyed it! I had fun writing the last chapter.:)
warorpeace- Glad you liked it! I enjoyed writing happy-Elsa. Plus cute family fluff.:)
On to the story!
"I'm so glad you had fun today," Anna told Elsa a little while later. The two of them were sprawled on Elsa's bed with a checkers game set up between them. Anna had convinced Elsa to leave the paperwork until morning since it did not have to be done that night. "I got a bit worried you'd hate it or, well, not be able to do much…" Anna's voice trailed off when she noticed Elsa's happy contented expression had faded somewhat. "I'm sorry, I just meant-"
Elsa gave her a lopsided smile and glanced at her left leg propped up on a pillow. "It's okay, don't apologize. You meant exactly what you said. I thought that too, after all. Gerda is right. I really was okay with not being able to do everything you could this afternoon, and I shouldn't forget that. So don't apologize for pointing it out." She paused before adding, "But I don't particularly want it pointed out over and over, either." That's reasonable, isn't it? I think?
Anna nodded. "Makes perfectly good sense."
"Besides, you didn't make it to the top either, and you're physically stronger than I am and there's nothing wrong with your leg," Elsa went on, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "What's your excuse?" She was expecting a pillow in the face, and sure enough, Anna smacked her with a pillow, and she dropped an ice cube down Anna's back.
"Oh, you-!" Anna hopped up, toppling the checkers game as she tried to get rid of the ice cube. "Elsa, that's no fair! It's cold! And what d'you mean, what's my excuse?!"
"Just what I said!" Elsa tried her best to stop giggling, but Anna looked so funny jumping around that she couldn't. "Anna, you look like a monkey jumping around like that!"
Anna hammed up the monkey imitation for a few seconds, and then just tried to tug Elsa to her feet. "Let's play charades since I kind of wrecked the checkers game!"
"Is that suggestion because you were losing?"
If it had been anyone else but Elsa saying that comment with that deadpan expression, Anna probably would have snapped at them and been offended, but somehow hearing Elsa of all people talking like that actually made Anna happy. Elsa was happy; Elsa didn't sound hurt or sad; Elsa's teasing meant she was genuinely all right. Anna pulled Elsa close and just hugged her tightly, then jerked away abruptly. "So who d'you want t-"
Elsa yelped and would have fallen if Anna hadn't caught her.
"Sorry, Elsa, I forgot you didn't have your brace on," Anna apologized. "I just…I don't know. I'm sorry." She searched Elsa's face for any sign that she might be scared, but Elsa's lopsided smile was back.
"I'm fine. You just startled me. I can stand up by myself, see? I just have to actually really think about it. And not have someone randomly pulling me around." Elsa hesitated and bit her lip before asking, "Could…could you maybe help me try walking by myself again? I know it's not nearly as much fun as charades, but…please?"
And there's the 'I know I'm not worth the trouble, but…will you please help me?' Elsa I know, Anna thought, frowning. I should have known Elsa's new 'tude wouldn't last. Hmph.
Elsa misunderstood Anna's frown and silence to mean that she didn't want to help, and Elsa's shoulders slumped a bit. "Never mind, it's okay. Let's play ch-"
"Oh, no, that's not-oh, no, that's not why I didn't say anything immediately," Anna said hurriedly. "You just…you sounded like you didn't think you were worth helping. Again. Like you wanted help, but you thought you should apologize for asking for it." And I don't like hearing that from you, Elsa. I want you to be happy and ask for help freely without thinking you don't deserve it. It makes me sad to know you still think like that.
Elsa felt exceedingly awkward and didn't quite know what to say. She plopped down on the end of the bed, trying to figure out how to explain herself. "Anna, please don't be upset. I am okay. I don't know how to explain it, but even if I react the way I just did, misunderstanding things and assuming the worst, I do know now you're not going to abandon me or leave me all alone. Or laugh at me, or pick on me for being…damaged." Elsa looked down at the floor, her cheeks pink in embarrassment. "I'm incredibly sorry for just, well, being present-day me, I suppose. It hurts that I still can't be the big sister you remember from when we were little. I guess I just want to say that somewhere deep inside Elsa knows she's reacting illogically and is trying to be better, but she can't help it sometimes." Does that even make any sense? I don't know. What would I think if someone said that to me? Would I get it? I'm…not sure…I think I would. "But I feel much better. Your ridiculous outing earlier rather made me feel better, actually. More confident, too."
Anna reached for Elsa's hand and gave her a reassuring squeeze. It was slightly cold, but Anna didn't pull away. "Elsa, I'm glad you feel better. And you don't have to apologize for hurting. You don't have to apologize for being yourself. You don't have to be embarrassed to admit old fears that don't bother you anymore. It's ok. I can't understand exactly how you're feeling right now, but that doesn't make your feelings any less valid. Do you understand that?"
Elsa started to nod, but then shook her head ever so slightly. No more hiding, Elsa. No more. It's okay to admit you don't quite get it. "I'm supposed to take care of you. I'm the queen and your big sister," she whispered. "I heard what Anikka told you. She's six, and she thinks I can't take care of others." Is it that obvious?
"That's not what Anikka said. She meant you don't take care of yourself and keep getting hurt, and if that doesn't change then you'd have trouble taking care of us. She's a little kid, Elsa-she was right, but she didn't explain herself well, that's all. And why are you saying present-day Elsa can't take care of things? I think she's sweet and caring and can do just fine," Anna said, putting her arm around Elsa's shoulders. "You said you felt better."
"I do. I just still think that girl always ends up needing to be taken care of!" Elsa protested. "I'm supposed to be taking care of you!"
"But, Elsa, you do take care of me, and I think you know it! And really, you've said it yourself: you can function on your own. You're all right. Maybe not great, but all right. You don't 'need to be taken care of'. You need love and reassurance, just like anyone else would. Maybe if you're sad or panicked, it's easier to feel better if someone takes care of you, like the other night with that awful nightmare. You can't tell me you don't think that's normal. A girl who wasn't previously hurt somehow would still be all weirded out if she got assaulted like that and then had to execute said people. It's, you know, cliché 'tough stuff' all over." Anna was glad when Elsa relaxed and let her head lean against Anna's shoulder.
"That…actually makes sense," Elsa said quietly.
Anna smiled a tiny bit and went on, "And honestly, you know what else? Even when you were s-suicidal before, you were still taking care of me in a weird roundabout way. You didn't make another attempt because of me. I know that's why. You loved me. And even your stupid attempt then and running away last year were misguided tries to somehow protect everyone, as awful as they were. I'm not saying attempting suicide was ok, because it most definitely was not, but I think your motives were more than 'I can't deal with all this hurt anymore' somehow. Not that that isn't understandable by itself in the first place." She took Elsa's hand and touched the scar on her wrist as she continued, "You tried to get rid of yourself because you thought you were too much trouble and a burden to me and everyone else. I didn't understand that then and was really mad at you for trying to take you away from me, but I get it now, even if I still think it's dumb." Anna's voice caught, and she finally just wrapped both arms around Elsa and held her close. "I understand, Elsa. And I won't…tell you it's okay, 'cause it's…not, but I understand."
Elsa did not cry, but she hid her face in Anna's shoulder. Anna understood. She had honestly still felt horribly guilty for that whole thing, and then all the more so for having those thoughts yet again awhile before, even if she hadn't actually made another attempt. Anna telling her she understood and that it wasn't okay made her feel vindicated somehow, that she had made a terrible decision but that she had had very real reasons for doing so. Elsa felt as if some heavy weight had stopped binding her heart inside. Her little sister understood her, and she was holding her, and not running off because she was disturbed that her older sibling had something badly wrong with her. She was oblivious to the tiny snowflakes floating around her.
Though Anna was alarmed at first, the second she realized Elsa was just relieved somehow, she simply continued holding Elsa and didn't say a word. Snowflakes were harmless; she would just be a bit cold until Elsa felt better. Besides, these were just a few tiny ones. They also did not look like Elsa's 'sad' snowflakes. Is she…relieved? That doesn't make sense…And Elsa's magic behaves much better for her when she's emotional now. Good job, Elsa, Anna thought, but she just kissed the top of Elsa's head and didn't say anything about it.
Elsa instantly went stiff. "Ma-Anna?" she blurted. Mama used to do that when I was so little I can hardly remember it clearly. And Gerda has done that before, but…
Anna frowned. "Mom did that when you were tiny?" she asked softly. "I didn't mean to make you all tense or anything, I'm sorry."
Elsa nodded and pulled away. "It's okay, really. I'm just not used to it anymore. Gerda has done that before and I tensed up then too. It just makes me…remember. I don't like it," she whispered, not quite meeting Anna's eyes.
"Remember what?" Anna had a feeling it wasn't as simple as 'I don't like it' considering Elsa had no problem with contact anymore (unless it was unexpected, from a stranger, or from someone she didn't like), and that she genuinely liked hugs.
"She didn't do it any more after you were born. I can remember Mama kissing you on the head like that when you were a baby. Gerda did it for both of us when we were little." Elsa glanced at Anna, her expression clearly worried about how her little sister would respond. "Mama would kiss me if I asked her to, but it…it wasn't the same. I don't know how to explain it. I quit asking. I mean, little me was partly imagining the different treatment and exaggerating it, I'm sure of it, and I do know that they did care about me…but they did play favorites with you. I don't remember ever holding a grudge towards you or them because of it, but it did hurt. Quite honestly, I don't think Mama or Papa even knew that it hurt…maybe it's my fault since I should have said something, I don't know. One time when you were bigger, you found me crying in our room. You could barely talk clearly yet, but you hugged me and made me feel better. Even then you were trying to fix me." She gave Anna a lopsided smile.
Anna balled her hands into fists. I don't think little pre-accident Elsa was as ok as we think. Seems to me she was already hurting, simply because she was being treated differently just because she was different. "It's not 'fixing' to give someone a hug because they're sad or hurting. You know that. And do you know how ridiculous it sounds to say it's a little kid's fault that her parents are hurting her by not treating her the same as her sibling because she didn't speak up? That doesn't make sense. At all."
Elsa shrugged. "But speaking up might have helped. They didn't even know they were hurting me. Maybe if I had said something, they would have acted differently. Anna, I thought about saying something, I really did. Little Elsa just thought the whole thing was normal. That there was somehow something wrong with her and that Anna must be better. So I stayed quiet. I didn't understand why Papa didn't like my magic, so it wasn't because I didn't like my powers, either. There must have been something else wrong with me that I just didn't know about or understand."
That means Elsa has literally never believed there was nothing wrong with her. What on earth, Mom, Dad?! Anna hated the way Elsa had worded her last sentence; she hadn't said she had thought there must have been something else wrong with her…she'd said there was something else that must have been wrong with her. And she didn't sound upset about it; she just sounded resigned. "Elsa, there wasn't anything wrong with you. You were just an innocent little kid."
"Then why didn't they treat us the same?" Elsa looked down at her bare toes and wrapped her arms around her middle as she added, "Why did they even keep me if they didn't think I was good enough? Why didn't they give me away or, you know...kill me?" Another pause. "I actually…don't want you to try to answer those questions since I know there isn't really an answer. They were rhetorical. It doesn't hurt so much anymore; I know I have you, and I feel like Gerda and Kai are like parents, and at least Papa genuinely cares about me some now. But I just wish I could understand why, if that makes sense." I really do feel okay? That's surprising. I still feel little Elsa's confused and hurt emotions somewhere inside, but it's not overwhelming anymore. They're just there. Mostly I feel happy with Anna and Gerda and Kai being willing to accept me.
"Makes perfectly good sense," Anna assured her. She decided to change the subject before Elsa made herself upset again, although she was fairly certain Elsa was merely questioning things. Also she honestly did not want to hear any more morbid ideas from Elsa about her parents killing her when she was tiny! Sheesh, Elsa. "D'you still want help?"
Elsa nodded and smiled a bit as Anna helped her to her feet. Even if Anna was helping her balance, it still felt nice to her to actually be standing on her own. "Don't let go!"
"I won't. I promise," Anna assured her instantly. She frowned as she watched Elsa struggling to just take a couple steps; the older girl stepped on her bad foot wrong and nearly twisted her ankle. "I got you," Anna said quietly. "You're pigeon-toed with that foot when you haven't got your brace on, Elsa. Like, a lot. I think that's why you're having trouble."
"Monumental deduction," was Elsa's only response, but she wasn't mad at Anna since she knew it was true.
"Can you try…not doing that?" Anna asked hopefully.
"I don't know."
Anna frowned, trying to think of something that might help. "Elsa, make something to hold on to with your magic, ok? I think I might have an idea," she said after a moment. "Is it all right to touch that foot?"
Elsa nodded hesitantly and followed Anna's instructions, but she mostly just felt confused and a bit worried. And…what am I thinking, that I could rescue whoever's trapped at Dover? I can't even walk by myself. What if something like that cave incident with Jade happened again? I still wouldn't be able to get Anna or me, let alone anyone else, to safety.
"Ok, now try taking a couple steps again, sis," Anna told her, reaching up to give Elsa's hand a squeeze. "I'm just going to help this one stay straight if need be, 'kay?"
"…Okay." Elsa felt Anna gently straighten the bad one as she awkwardly moved it forward, and immediately tensed up. Why couldn't she do that herself? It wasn't like it wouldn't go; it just…didn't move right. All the same, she relaxed a bit when Anna did the same thing again two more times. Even if it's with lots of help, that's…six steps altogether. That's much better than before, isn't it? Elsa nearly fell when Anna didn't help her the next time, and she couldn't quite catch herself before her bad leg just collapsed under her. Instantly she was on the floor, and she sighed. Of course that had happened, even though she'd been holding on to those ice-railings she'd made. "Well, that was better than last time," she said finally. "But you let go!"
"I thought you were fine," Anna protested, but she felt bad all the same. Of course Elsa fell. She was expecting help and then she didn't get it. "I'm sorry." She scooted close to Elsa and just gave her a hug.
Elsa wasn't upset, just a bit disappointed, and she was quick to curl up against Anna right where she was. It really wasn't that late, but she was tired. Anna thought I was fine! She usually assumes I can't do things. That was actually…nice. Even if I did slip and fall. Oh well.
"Don't you want to actually go to sleep under the covers, Elsa?" Anna asked, knowing quite well her big sister just wanted to go to sleep now, even though she hadn't said so. Anna received a barely noticeable nod in reply, and she just picked Elsa up and tucked her into bed. "You fall asleep so fast if you actually feel safe," Anna said softly.
Elsa curled up in a ball and sleepily reached for Anna's hand. She did feel safe, for Anna was with her and Anna wouldn't let anything hurt her if she could help it.
Elsa bolted upright in the middle of the night…again, unsure as to why. Her first thought was a bad dream she just couldn't remember the details of, since it wouldn't be the first time that had happened, but something told her that wasn't the case. She felt the same odd dizzy feeling from her magic again, and she instinctively put one hand to her head in confusion. Is someone trying to get in my head somehow because I was asleep? How would the white trolls even know I was asleep…? "Well, they could deduce that from the time difference, I suppose," she said aloud. Elsa tried her best to remember anything that might have seemed like a dream or otherwise, but she just couldn't.
She closed her eyes and tried to actually make her magic stop the odd dizzy feeling instead of waiting for it to wear off. Did I just have a bad dream? What woke me up? It crossed her mind that maybe something had happened to Anna, like when those bad men had tried to hurt and kidnap her, but Anna was just fast asleep, snoring quietly and half hanging off the bed. I…I executed those people, though…I still feel horrible about it, but they cannot hurt us anymore.
'You killed people and feel guilty about it,' a voice Elsa instantly decided she did not like said. Almost immediately her magic's 'shield' went up again; she had felt something poking at her mind that she knew was someone else's magic, and she didn't like it, whether that someone meant to harm her or not. It hadn't hurt, but it made her feel violated inside, like her privacy rights had been breached or something. The dizzy sensation was back, but Elsa thought she would rather have that than some weird thing she didn't know knowing her inner thoughts and fears. What if there's a way to get that…whatever it is to talk to me and block it from getting at my memories and thoughts? Maybe it would tell me something useful?
Logically she needed to have some kind of harmless thought in her head if she pulled her magic's shield down…right? She thought of how she and Anna had teased each other on occasion when they were little with 'don't think about a pink elephant with purple polka dots!' and how that was quite literally impossible. That will work! Elsa closed her eyes again and purposely tried only not to think of pink-and-purple polka dotted elephants as she forced her shield down. She felt her hands growing sweaty with fear, but she purposely didn't 'say' anything mentally, hoping for some sort of response.
'Nice try, dilettante. Asinine to pull a mental shield down when you can keep it up, however. I read you. You are scared of something,' the voice said. 'It is not a master of whatever powers it has,' it said to someone or something else.
'But strong enough to be valuable. Perhaps powerful enough with the right training to-'
'Quiet. It is listening. GET OUT!'
Elsa yelped, and instinctively flinched back, hitting her head on the bedpost. Ow. And…and I am scared, scared of failing, the thought flitted through her mind before she realized what she had done. A second too late, Elsa felt the cool dizzy feeling rushing through her head again, and the connection was broken. She reached for Anna and buried her face in the pillows. What have I done? Now what? The dizzy sensation intensified, and Elsa knew, despite how little she really understood about the whole thing, that the whatever-it-was that had 'talked' to her was trying very hard to get into her head. Elsa tried to pull the barrier down again, but this time she couldn't-at all-and she was suddenly glad of it. The thing was probably a white troll, and if it could not break through her magic's barrier, then maybe she had a chance against them whenever she did go on that rescue mission. I need an expert's help, I know I do. And that's not me, obviously, or Anna.
"What if there's a way to simply listen in on the goings-on without pulling the shield down?" Elsa wondered aloud. If she could do that (probably not, she figured, since that had nothing to do with ice magic, though that didn't explain how she could shield herself from her mind being read or communicate messages telepathically herself.) She impulsively lit the lamp on her nightstand and shook Anna awake. "Anna, please wake up. Please."
"Elsa, it's the middle of the night!" Anna protested grumpily once she realized what time it was. "Go back to sleep, you stinker!"
"But it's important, I-"
Anna didn't even open her eyes all the way; she reached out and pushed Elsa against the pillows and then flopped her arm over her. "Go t' sleep…"
"I swear, if you don't get up right this second, I am going to go down the hall to your room and eat all of your secret chocolate stash," Elsa said in her most serious, bossy big sister voice.
This failed to elicit the desired response; Anna merely huffed (rather scornfully, Elsa thought) and turned over, yanking most of the covers with her.
Elsa pulled the covers back-she couldn't stand them not being even on both sides of the bed-and purposely dropped the temperature in her room to just over freezing, dropping a small pile of snow on Anna as she did so. Now Anna bolted upright and nearly fell off the bed. Elsa couldn't help giggling at Anna's put-out expression. "That's what you get for not waking up!"
"That's no fair! Elsa, it's freezing in here! Put the temperature back to the way it normally is in here, cooler than the rest of the castle, but not freezing!" Anna protested. "What on earth is so important that you just had to get up at who knows what time of night? I know it's not 'cause you needed help again, because you wouldn't be teasing me if that was the case." Anna's irritated expression softened when Elsa's shoulders hunched to her ears.
Elsa didn't say it, but somehow Anna's stressed 'again' hurt a little, even though she knew her little sister hadn't meant anything by it. "I just…wanted to see if I could…send and/or receive telepathic messages…from you," she said in a small voice. Now that she thought about it, it did sound ridiculous. She was an ice mage, a cryokinetic, not a telepath.
But Anna didn't laugh or even grin; she just reached and gave her arm a reassuring squeeze. "Where'd you get that idea?" she asked simply.
Elsa explained about what she thought was a white troll, the shield her own magic had made, and the 'conversation', ending with the mistake she had made by thinking that she was scared of failing. "So…that's why," she finished. And it sounds ridiculous.
"It's all right, Elsa. I'd think most people are scared of failing and would feel bad about killing people. The white trolls don't even know what kind of magic you have exactly, and they can't get into your head unless you purposely actively let them, which would be stupid. Them trying to get into your head is probably what woke you up," Anna pointed out.
"What if they did get information about me while I was asleep? What if-"
Anna shook her head firmly. "They didn't. I just know it. Your magic protected you. So, Elsa, go ahead and try to read my mind and send me a message. I'll think about something specifically silly so's we won't be fooled by just knowing what the other is thinking without any kind of magic."
"Okay." Elsa tried to 'talk' to Anna the way she had with the white troll and the someone that needed help, but there was no reply and she didn't feel her magic reacting at all. At least not a lot. It just stirred about inside her lazily. Several seconds passed before they decided it wasn't working.
"Maybe you can only 'talk' to other mages," Anna suggested. "Kind of like how Linnae can. That would make more sense. Maybe even only telepaths or something. It might even have something to do with the white trolls' lair or something. Since we know you can't directly talk to Emily or Rapunzel or something. Either that or you guys just don't know how yet. Or something like that."
"That was a lot of 'somethings'," Elsa said with just the slightest hint of a smile. Just as quickly, the smile vanished, and she looked at Anna with worried eyes. "Anna, what am I supposed to do?"
Anna set her jaw, and her blue-green eyes flashed dangerously. "I think the white trolls should be asking that question. They know you might have enough raw power to hurt, maybe even defeat, them."
"But while we were tying knots and things, you and Kristoff told me I should appear weak if I ever went to Dover," Elsa protested. "So they would be less interested in me."
"Well, that was never going to last. I can sure see that now! Elsa, Kristoff has told me about those creatures. They're dangerous; they can get into your head. They can't alter or take memories like the rock trolls can, but they can do a lot of other stuff, like forcing people to relive memories over and over, putting 'em in a coma, stuff like that. I made Kristoff tell me what he knew about the last time a mage attempted to fix this. He spent the rest of his life like poor Liv in your 'The Littlest Elemental' story, and his companion was captured. It's horrible." Anna hesitated, not liking the terrified expression on Elsa's face. "All that to say if you can keep them from getting into your head without even much effort, you are a huge threat to them."
Elsa wrapped her arms around her middle again and just stared. "What…what about the missing mages? Are there mages from five hundred years ago trapped there, somehow still alive?" she whispered. What is going on? And why am I stuck in the middle of it? I know it's selfish, but…this makes me want to just be normal like Anna.
Anna shook her head. "I don't know. Maybe? They don't actually leave their 'domain' much-they can't very often, now, because of something Grand Pabbie did-so they mostly rely on hapless mages going through the Strait of Dover, like on ships or whatever. Which you can guess happens very rarely. So if someone comes and tries to free their captives, they'll just capture them too. Please, Elsa, I know you just want to help, but I don't want you anywhere near that place," she begged. "I can't see you locked up and hurting…again."
Though Elsa still felt frightened, she sighed and shook her head. "But there are other people hurting. Don't they deserve a chance to get out of there? You've given me chances and rescued me over and over…" She paused before adding matter-of-factly, "Besides, you wouldn't see me locked up or hurt."
"That's not funny!"
"I was not trying to be funny. I was quite serious."
"That's even worse! For one thing, quit saying I've 'given you chances and rescued you over and over'. Usually it's the other way 'round. And, even if it wasn't, Elsa, you don't understand…I won't be able to get you out of there if something awful happens. I won't even have a remote fighting chance. If you went there you've got to be able to get in and out on your own. You and I both know that's physically impossible for one person to do, even if they're a powerful natural mage like you," Anna told her. "Think of what Grand Pabbie's explosive could have done if we hadn't stopped it. You couldn't do that by yourself; neither could Emily or Rapunzel. We needed all of you, and even then the cloaking part still happened."
Elsa bit her lip hard and made her signature snowflake in her hand, just staring intently at it. "I…I think, and I'm not trying to…oh, I don't know, sound grandiloquent or anything, but I really, really feel like I actually could have stopped that explosive by myself if it hadn't been for Pabbie's mirror test…thing," she said softly. "I know that sounds really odd coming out of my mouth, especially since while you and the others were actually doing something to help, I couldn't even defend myself properly against ordinary people, but…" Elsa, you sound crazy. Why would you ever think that? If Olaf hadn't managed to get you help in time… She shuddered.
Anna frowned when she saw Elsa's free hand flit to her neck. Although there wasn't a mark on her from that whole incident, Anna knew exactly what the older girl was thinking of. "It's all right, Elsa. It won't happen again," she assured her, hesitantly reaching for Elsa's hand.
Elsa flinched but didn't otherwise protest. I can't do this. I know it's most likely a suicide mission of sorts, and you know what? I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT! I really don't! Is that…is that selfish when I know there's others in danger…? A moment's more thought, and she figuratively froze. She knew exactly why she couldn't-didn't want to-go. "I don't want to die, but I would willingly sacrifice myself to save others. I would be scared, but I'd do it. But…" she hesitated, struggling how to explain her thoughts, "I…I don't know if I can knowingly go into a situation where I would most likely be a prisoner for life, even if I did get the others out. I'd…I would want to get r-rid of myself, and I...I promised you I'd never attempt that again. I…don't think I'd be able t-to keep that promise…" Elsa scrunched her eyes shut, half-scared of Anna's reaction. What if Anna thought she felt like that again now? That wasn't true. Or what if Anna just got mad at her for spilling her fears out? She's not going to get mad at you, Elsa. You know that. "It's just…this isn't like that lab facility thing-I knew you would get me out of there even though I was still scared of what might happen in the meantime 'til you did."
Elsa's terrified. She's scared of what's going on and she's scared of how I'm going to react. I just know it. "Elsa. Elsa, look at me," Anna said gently. She tried her best to smile back when Elsa tried to give her a shaky one. "It's all right to be scared. And you don't have to try to look happy around me. But anyways, what I wanted to say is just…it means a lot to me to hear you say 'I don't want to die' like that. Lots and lots and lots." Anna hugged her tightly and wouldn't let go. It means you're ok. That you're not hurting so much anymore. "You're never going to be in that place alone because I won't leave. I wouldn't be much help if we got stuck there or had to fight, but I won't leave you alone. If you feel like it's part of your…job or destiny or whatever to try to help, I'll stand by you. But you have to wait until we get more solid information. Period. Going right now is just stupid."
Elsa nodded, grateful for Anna's understanding and the hug. Anna wasn't magic like her, but her baby sister's love and care seemed like magic to her in of itself. It made her stronger; it helped her deal with things; it made her 'damaged' self feel not so…useless. "I think maybe you're the one in that legend prophecy thing," Elsa mumbled, quickly falling asleep again.
Anna didn't understand that comment since she didn't have powers like Elsa did, but she chalked it up to Elsa just being tired since it was, after all, still nighttime. "G'night, Elsa."
A/N: So, one, Elsa and Anna were able to discuss things (and be a bit silly) and Elsa did not get upset. Then they have found out a bit more about the white trolls in Dover.
Don't forget sleepy-Elsa's comment at the end. Dun dun dun. XD :)
More songs...
I Lost Myself ~ReVamp
The Cage ~Sonata Arctica
The Last Night ~Skillet
I will TRY to get the next chapter up next week, but I do not want to promise.:P
