Kensi could feel Deeks' hands touching her back so strongly, holding her so tight. She felt so safe and warm in his arms, she wanted to stay like that forever, and so did he. Just like the first time they ever danced, even though they seemed to be hating it, inside, they had never felt better. Holding each other, looking at their eyes. And they felt good. It's like when you really wish for something and you finally have it, that one moment will count forever. But it wasn't really like that with Kensi and Deeks. They actually got many of these moments and every and every one of them shall be remembered for their lives.
As Kensi felt Deeks' nose touching her cold neck, she suddenly wanted to kiss him. But that wasn't the first time she had felt that. That huge wish of kissing Deeks got huger every day and it started on that one day when he saved her from the laser-triggered room. When she found herself lying on top of him and his hands caressing her face, she just wanted to drop her head and let their lips touch. And, now, she was having the biggest desire of kissing her partner ever but then she realized there was someone watching them, and she had to stop.
Kensi held back her wish and broke that hug. She looked at Deeks' face and wondered what he was thinking. Well, if she knew he was thinking exactly the same as Kensi, she wouldn't have lost her opportunity of making her wish come true. After looking at Jack, she remembered all that had happened and she couldn't seem to be able to face the situation. Kensi felt her eyes going wet again and closed them really hard. She just wanted to make it stop.
"I'm… hum, I'm going inside, okay?" Kensi asked Deeks.
"Yeah, sure." He answered "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine." She answered, even knowing Deeks knew that wasn't true.
Deeks looked at her and saw a thin tear streaming down her face really fast and she just wiped it, turned around and walked to the entrance. Deeks hated to see Kensi like this and he only did three times. Once when she found out who had really killed her father; When Deeks pretended to get fired and now, the third time. It was time enough to know why Jack had caused Kensi to suffer this much. Now that they were all alone, he would get all the answers he wanted. Deeks walked towards Jack, who was on the floor with his hands handcuffed together, and looked at him. In a very disgusted way. He remembered the day he found out about Jack's existence and he was shocked. Deeks would never, ever think that Kensi Marie Blye would have been committed to a man once before. And he was even more shocked to know that he had left her. Knowing Kensi like he did, he could not find a reason why someone would leave her because, once you've met her, you can't stay away from her for a long time. Her smile, her stupid, funny laughter, and all the times she beat him and he pretended not to like it. And now he intended to know why Jack had broken Kensi's heart.
"So… Jack.", Deeks said, emphasizing in his name, "For what I've heard you're not very… famous for the good you've done. I think it's actually on the contrary. Am I right?"
Jack glanced up at Deeks' face and then lowered his head again. He then opened his mouth and said,
"That depends on the point of view."
"Yeah well here we are all on Kensi's eyes. So, tell me, after you disappeared for so long, what made you come back? And don't say it was Kensi because we all know you are way over that, man. You could have started over. A brand new life! Why not?"
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"I wanted to see her again. She was a big step in my life and I… I needed her."
"Oh so you needed Kensi. The woman that waited for you at her doorstep for years. Years, Jack! How do you think she felt? At first I believe she was very broken hearted and that she did want you back but now, eight years later, I don't think she even thought of you anymore."
"I needed her love again. Since I left, I've never had someone like her. Think this way, you had a Jaguar and you had to sell it to a car stand, would you pass by just to see it what could be one last time?"
"Man, are you comparing Kensi to a car?" Deeks asked, wondering what kind of man Jack was.
Jack shut his eyes really tight.
"Just listen!" He yelled, "I wanted to talk to her once again, to feel her love again. And so I came."
"You really think she would give you that privilege? You don't deserve her, Jack. She deserves someone kind, that loves her until the end and does never leave her."
"Like you?" Jack asked, glancing at Deeks.
Deeks looked confused. Did Jack think he was talking about himself?
"What?" he asked, still looking disgusted for his attitudes.
"You think I wouldn't notice you two? Hugging and… and those looks. She used to look at me like that. But she stopped, a while after I came back from Fallujah. I didn't understand why but I do now. I was hurting her so I left."
"Jack, Kensi is my partner." Deeks said, still confused about what was happening.
"Yeah, right." Jack glanced at Deeks, "I've seen the way you look at her. She is amazing isn't she?"
Indeed she was, Deeks thought. But he couldn't let those feelings come up to the surface now. And, besides, the last person he could give vent to was Jack. And Deeks had to stop him from thinking of Kensi in that way.
"I don't know what you're talking about, we are just partners."
"Just promise me something." He asked, "Take care of her."
Deeks was sure to do that. He would never let that happen to Kensi again. He was going to take care of her. Even if that meant watching America's Next Top Model much more often. Anything for Kensi. And Deeks just wanted to go inside, check on her and hold her for the rest of the night. That was finally happening.
As he heard a car pull over, he told Jack to stay where he was and then he called for Callen. When he heard steps, he walked towards them. He saw Callen not just as a friend, but as a savior.
"Thanks, man." He said.
"Who's this?" Callen asked, looking at Jack.
Deeks cleared his throat and said, quietly,
"This is Jack. I'm sure you've heard of him. Kensi's ex-fiancée. "
Callen dropped his chin. He thought he was just some man robbing Kensi's apartment. He never thought it would be Jack. And Callen knew as much as the others, that eight years ago Kensi was engaged to this guy and, after he was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, he left Kensi on Christmas morning. He also knew that Kensi got over him but, when she thought about it, it still gave her shivers.
"So, what am I going to arrest him for?" Callen asked, knowing that he had to leave as soon as possible so he could let Kensi and Deeks have a little time for themselves.
"Attempted of murdering a federal agent."
Callen glanced at Deeks, worried that one of them would be hurt.
"He shot against Kensi but it just scratched my arm." Deeks answered, pointing at a small amount of blood in his shirt.
Callen then grabbed Jack by his hands and lead him to his car. Jack glanced at Deeks and then at the door to Kensi's house one last time. As Callen took Jack to his car to then take him to the boatshed, Deeks started wondering about what Jack had said about him and Kensi. Did he like Kensi? Yes. Did he love her? Absolutely. And, as much as he tried to hide that, he couldn't. Thinking that his partner would be inside that house, maybe breaking into tears, maybe just staring at the ceiling and thinking about what happened, made him want to stay with her forever and make sure that nothing would ever hurt her that much again.
As he heard Callen come back again, he woke up from his daydream and said,
"Thanks, Callen. I really appreciate it."
"Is Kensi okay?" He asked.
"I don't know. She is inside waiting for me."
"Okay, go then. And tell her if she needs anything, I'll be a call away."
"Thank you." Deeks said.
Callen left, taking Jack with him. And Deeks could finally go check on Kensi. He was so worried about her. He had no idea how she was feeling at the moment but he was sure she was needing help. Even the most deadly women need their prince charming sometimes. And so Deeks hurried inside and, once he opened the door, he saw nothing but darkness.
"Kensi!" He asked.
No answer.
Deeks walks around the house, calling for her, but there was no sign of anyone there. Then, when he was passing in front of the bathroom, he heard a cry. A very quiet cry. He stopped to listen more carefully and he realized it was Kensi. He knocked on the door and heard the cry disappear slightly. He then decided to speak.
"Kensi?" he tried, "It's me. Let me in."
He heard nothing but the sound of big breaths and sighs. This was the first time he had actually heard Kensi cry, and he was not liking it a bit. Just the idea of her being hurt and alone was enough to make him do something crazy. He was trying to let her be helped by him. But he knew Kensi and he knew she wouldn't let it that easily.
"Kens, please. You don't need to speak nor do I. I just want to be there with you." He tried once again.
And then, finally, an answer.
"I want to be alone."
Deeks sighed. She finally spoke. Now he had to make her open the door.
"Well then do this for me. You just have to open the door."
Click!
That was easy, he thought. Mission accomplished. The door was slowly opening before his eyes and, suddenly, he felt a hand pulling him by his shirt inside the bathroom. Kensi pulled him inside very fast and shut the door behind him. She was now standing in front of him with her face covered in tears and her eyes were really red. She was looking down with her sleeves covering her trembling hands and some of her hair covering the left side of her face. Deeks started to feel sorry for her because no one should go through what she did, especially Kensi. She cleared her throat, waited a while and asked,
"Is Callen out?"
"Yeah." Deeks answered.
As she heard this, Kensi sat down on the floor, leaning her back against the bathtub. She then started to cry very quietly. Deeks sat down next to her and looked at her. At a certain point, he realized he was staring at her. Well he couldn't avoid. When you love someone and that someone is right beside you, it is quite impossible not to stare at them. Deeks was so in love with her, nothing could describe the feeling. It is like when you're doing a jigsaw puzzle and every piece fit together and, when united, form a picture but, in this case, it formed a future, a life. Kensi was the missing piece Deeks had been looking for a long time.
"Please stop." Kensi asked.
Deeks was confused.
"Doing what?"
"Staring!" She said, getting quite angry.
"Kensi, it's okay for you to cry." He said.
She sighed, wiped her face and eyes and looked at Deeks.
"No, it's not!" She yelled, looking at her body, "Look at me. So weak…"
Deeks turned his body to Kensi, looked at her eyes and said,
"Hey, you are not weak. What you've been through… not many people go through it and the ones who do don't bear it like you do. Kensi Blye, you are the strongest person I know. And it's okay to cry. That doesn't mean you're weak. It just means you have something inside that needs to come out."
Kensi looked up at him and just smiled, very weakly. She thought about how Deeks always gave her comfort and a reason to smile. When she found who had killed her father, he was always there, even if she didn't see him, she knew he was there. And throughout all the cases and all the missions they had to go undercover, Deeks always had her back and knowing that made her be more confident of herself and not being as afraid as she would be if he wasn't there.
She looked at him. He looked sad. She thought he would be that way because of how she was acting. Telling him to stop looking at her with such coldness made her feel guilty now. Deeks didn't deserve being treated like that, she thought. And, thinking about Deeks and Jack at the same time, Kensi felt so confused. She needed to stop doing this to her and to Deeks. So she slowly leaned her head against Deeks' shoulder and closed her eyes. Deeks crawled a little bit to Kensi's direction and wrapped his arm around her back, pulling her closer to him and trying not to abuse from all the luck he was having.
"Why do you think he did that?" Kensi asked Deeks as she stopped crying.
Deeks was surprised with that question and he had no idea what to answer. He was afraid that if he was too honest, it could hurt Kensi's feelings. But he just wanted to say that he was just a jackass whose life was upside down and wanted to get back to his old one. The best he could do was telling the truth.
"I guess he wanted you back." He answered, looking at her beautiful body, "He was going crazy without you and his old life. When he… left he couldn't start over again. I admit, I would too feel a little lost without you."
Kensi shivered at the moment Deeks said that. Not that she didn't like what he had said, it was just strange for her to hear that from Marty Deeks. But that was not the answer she was looking for.
"But after all we had… We were getting married, Deeks." Kensi said, taking her head off his shoulder and looking straight into his eyes, "And then he left me. And I felt so broken, unfixable, but then I found a little light at the end of the tunnel. But he came back. He came back and I feel so stupid, so weak for letting his return affect me this much."
A tear ran through Kensi's face as she spoke. She didn't even bother to clean it, she just kept talking.
"I feel like I have no power to control my feelings and everything affects me so much more than it should."
Kensi started to think of what it would be like if she was left again. Crying herself to sleep every night, not being able to wake up and see the other side of the bed empty and looking at the pictures hanging in the living room. She couldn't go through that again. And she had to make sure it wouldn't happen otherwise, it would break her. So she turned to Deeks, cleared her face and said,
"Promise me something."
Deeks looked her in the eyes and answered,
"Anything."
"Promise you'll never leave me." She asked him, "I can't let that happen to me again so please promise you will never do that to me."
He saw another tear going down Kensi's face, raised his and wiped it, taking her hair off that beautiful face. What she had asked him was stupid, he thought, because he couldn't do that. It was impossible for Deeks to leave the love of his life. So he held her face in his hand and said,
"Nothing in this world could ever do us apart."
Kensi just smiled and fell in Deeks' arms, who held her softly. Nothing could describe how she was feeling. Those words were enough to make her feel better after what was going through her head. She knew she could trust Deeks' words and what he had said, in the way he said it, made her feel loved and not alone. And she could feel Deeks' arms around her back, his hands touching her waist and her nose almost touching his neck. She wanted to move closer. So she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him so tight. Kensi no longer felt sad or confused. She had a very clear idea of what she was feeling and what she wanted.
Kensi couldn't be happier because the man she loved was holding her and all she wanted was that that night would last forever.
Deeks was in the same boat as Kensi. Holding her and feeling capable of supporting her was enough to let him live. Because sometimes true love turns our life around, just like it did with Deeks. Touching her and being with her made him feel so much better. Like Kensi, he wanted that night to last forever because the simple fact that he was holding Kensi in his arms, were enough to make it perfect.
"Hey, do you want to go to the couch?" Kensi asked Deeks, not moving an inch from where she was.
"Sure." Deeks answered.
Then, he slowly let go of Kensi's waist and she let of Deeks' neck. He got up and helped Kensi get up after. He led her to the living room, where she stood in front of the couch, holding Deeks' hand. That was the one part of his body she couldn't seem to let go of. So Deeks grabbed one of the blankets on top of the table, sat Kensi down and covered her with it. He turned on the TV and stood in front of it with the remote in his hands.
"Wanna watch 'Titanic'?" Deeks asked her.
Kensi just nodded and covered herself with the blanket until her shoulders. Deeks put the movie playing and sat down next to her. What happened next truly surprised him. Instead of staying in the other side of the couch, Kensi crawled next to Deeks, searched for his hand and held it. Then, she leaned her body against his, covering him too. Her head landed on his shoulder and her eyes closed.
Deeks didn't seem to understand what was happening but he played along. He held her hand very softly just like he wanted to do since the first time they met. It was a dream come true.
"Thank you." Kensi said.
"For what?" Deeks asked her.
"For being yourself."
They both knew that meant I love you and Kensi just decided not to use those words. And as they watched Titanic together for the first time, Kensi fell asleep in the arms of just a man and Deeks fell asleep holding just a woman.
But together they were not just a man and just a woman. Together, they were Kensi and Deeks. And they were happy, in love.
