Hi, me again! So, today I will parody 'Opal takes over the world'. Thanks to Cup O'Tea Hatter, GiGi B and greenpineapple for reviewing, and sorry the last chapter wasn't as funny as the others, I will be back to normal funniness today. Hopefully. I can't really be the judge of my own funniness.
Opal laughed evilly and dramatically and witchily. It was the sort of laugh that makes shivers go up your spine and your stomach feel like it's full of seven-year-olds that have had too much cola and are on a sugar rush and will eventually get obese and die due to high cholesterol levels. Don't drink cola, kids. Even though no child should be reading this 'cause it's T. If you're a seven-year-old, go drink some cola. You just broke the fan fiction rules.
In short, Opal was laughing.
Why? To set atmosphere, of course. Nothing funny was actually going on, but hey, it set the scene. She then went on to make an epic speech to Nobody At All going into how she would violently kill Artemis and Holly, but not Foaly or Caballine even though they outsmarted Opal more awesomely and should be picked off more. (In her opinion, obviously. Love you guys!)
So, she made her way up to Fowl Manor to make a threat on everyone's lives. Again. Without Merv and Scant. *sniff* She and Nobody At All crashed through the wall all dramatic, like. Nobody At All hit a piece of rubble and got a nosebleed. Opal just lay on the ground because she was unconscious. Face it, cliché writers, Nobody At All can crash through a wall and not be knocked out. Which is of course why he only got a nosebleed. (What the hell am I on about? That there was a patented Irish expression.) Then Nobody At All faded away, never to be seen again, or at least until IceDynamiteDragonflyStars could come up with another horrendous joke.
Meanwhile, Holly looked up from her book (Artemis Fowl: The Graphic Novel.) Realising it was just Opal, she went back to laughing at how idiotic Foaly and Mulch looked like in the illustrations, and wondering what pervert drew this. There was a picture of her naked on the first page of chapter two. Young children were reading this! (Seriously, there is a picture of her in the shower. Nothing scandalous, but definitely displaying some boob. Hey, that's what I should parody next chapter, the graphic novel! I am a genius.) Anyway, Holly looked up from her book. Then, realising it was just Opal, come back to take over the world, she looked back and continued her laughing and wondering. Artemis quickly sent Foaly a colour-coded message, which was, of course, blue, which was for OPAL'S TAKEN OVER THE WORLD. AGAIN. JEEZ, THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK. IN FACT, THIS ISN'T EVEN WORTHY OF CAPS LOCK. We all know what will happen. One of us will come up with an ingenious plot to stop her and we'll win by the skin of our teeth, even though teeth don't have skin and this is inaccurate. So, you free on Tuesday?
Foaly responded with his usual infinite wisdom and smartness. He said:
Lol. Hey, do U want 2 see the Hobbit?
To which Artemis responded with:
Lol, k. U get d popcorn.
Geniuses and their genius speak. Meanwhile, Opal was holding Myles and Beckett at gunpoint. They were used to this by now and instead of screaming like toddlers, they continued what they were doing, which was drinking vodka. Meanwhile, Angeline and Artemis I also continued what they were doing, which was... ahm... Playing with Lego. Yeah. Until Opal smashed the bricks. Then they listened to the Frozen soundtrack. I have a feeling I may have mixed something up there, but whatever. So, anyway, after watching the Hobbit, then going out to eat pizza on totally not a date, then walking down the pier holding hands, still totally notion a date, then kissing, completely and absolutely not on a date, Artemis and Foaly returned. Opal was sitting on the sofa eating Taytos (which are a brand of Irish crisp. Or potato chip, as I believe you Americans say. Anyway, they're great. You haven't lived until you've eaten Taytos, really, you haven't.) in a bored sort of a way, watching Ice Age 4, which was the best one, definitely. In fact, she liked it to the point where she got an account on Fan fiction, then went and wrote a story about a teenage pirate hedgehog that joins the gang. And wrote bad parodies when she:
(a) couldn't be bothered to update, or
(b) had writer's block. In fact, in the most recent chapter of her parody, she wrote how she came to be on fan fiction. Yes, people, you have guessed correctly. I am in fact not some random and slightly mentally insane Irish kid. I am in fact a random and incredibly, crazily mentally deranged Havenish pixie. I am Opal.
(Jk I'm not. But I could be! *evil laugh* You will never know...)
