The IDIOTs
The Irken Gods favour the IDIOTs
The Rants of Kay the Homicidal Irken...
"Another day, one more man slaughter charge to go on my record...yeah...manslaughter, whatever they say. Your work can be extremely hard to get done when you have such a pissy little princess like Lok ordering your around, telling you whether you can or can't crash through a station here or drop a bomb on Devastis' power core-which I so wanted to do since Zim did. Honestly, I feel like a piece of cheese, I feel good right up until I'm melting in your mouth and feel weird, unless I'm pizza cheese, that stuff is delicious, and just like how Vortians give out their plans, I'm easy to take in right down the throat, maybe because I'm so small, or maybe because I'm so tasty and full of juice.
Either way, I do know that if this camera drone doesn't stop following me around whenever I talk to myself, it will be 'Man Slaughter victim' Sixteen."
I own nothing, IZ belongs to Jhonen Vasquez.
Xxx
"AHH!" The Irken occupants of the Para-Hunter screamed as the ship did barrel rolls and loops.
"Can't you fly this thing straight?" Lok shouted.
"Where's the fun in that?" Kay cackled as she continued to torment her fellow Irkens with her manoeuvring.
"WHY DID YOU CHOOSE HER AS A PILOT AGAIN!" Tak shouted.
"I'LL BE HONEST, THE TALLEST DIDN'T GIVE ME A CHOICE BUT TO TAKE HER!" Lok wailed.
"WELCOME TO THE I.D.I.! WE HAVE COOKIES!" Kay laughed as she threw the ship into a dive.
The other three Irkens screamed as the ground began to approach rather fast. Tak and Lok held each other while Loe screamed for his Cold Unfeeling Robot Arm . Larry yawned. "Meh, well this is one hell of a way to go out."
Suddenly Kay pulled out of the dive, skimming the ground by mere feet. "LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!"
"NO!" Loe picked her up out of her seat and took her to her cabin where he locked her in.
Lok took over the helm. "HERE IT COMES!" He blasted through a hill and shot out over the harbour. "Activate optical stealth mode!"
A single guard stared with his jaw dropped at the alien space ship that vanished from sight right over him. He looked at his bottle of beer and dumped the alcoholic beverage. "Nikogda bolʹshe ne budu balovatʹsya alkogolem." (Never again shall I indulge in alcohol)
"What? You know I can't understand any of that Russian crap." A second guard with a southern accent growled. "Eh, I need a beer."
Xxx
"Ok, so what have we learned?" Lok, with a large bump on the side of his head asked with barely restrained rage.
"Uh...Kay is a terrible driver and you really should let me do the driving from now on?" Loe asked.
"You're all idiots." Tak growled.
"FLYING IS FUN!" Kay screeched from her quarters.
"...That's the most I can hope for from you all." Lok sighed.
"INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM IRKEN Larry's voice changed to a familiar cussing crime lord. "LOK YOU FLORP SLURPING PAK KISSER! ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!" Larry's voice returned. "Shall I open it?"
"Uh oh." Lok sighed. "Skloo." He raked one hand down his face. "Open transmission!"
A fat, red eyed Irken's face appeared on the main screen. "LOK YOU ONE EYED, ANTENNA CROSSING, MIDGET MUNCHING, HORN SWALLOWING BASTARD! WHERE'S MY DAMN MONEY?"
"I HAVE FIVE CYCLES TO GET IT TO YOU SKLOO!" Lok paused and composed himself. "Last I checked it has only been one and my mission is almost over."
Skloo grumbled. "I'm impatient and lazy, deal with it...and my pizza's late."
"I'm not the pizza delivery guy, remember?" Lok asked.
"You aren't? Oh, part of me wondered how you would go across the galaxy for five cycles and deliver my pizza in one tenth of a cycle at the same time." Skloo shrugged. "Still, GET ME MY MONEY OR 'LL LET DEST RIP YOU A NEW HOLE!"
"Meep." Lok squeaked. "Yes sir!"
Skloo cut the connection.
"What will we do?" Loe whimpered.
"We finish the mission." Lok said. "We'll finish it and let nothing stop us , or my name isn't Lok-"
"Lock what?"
"ZIM!" Lok looked to the main screen, but saw nothing. "What the-"
THUNKTHUNKTHUNK!
"UP HERE!"
Lok looked up, as did the rest of the team and saw Zim sitting on the top of the canopy with Gir, who was drinking a soda.
"ZIM! HOW DID YOU GET HERE?" Lok shouted.
"I snuck onto your ship before you left the London place and hang onto the outside ever since! I did it after I called you! Pretty creepy, huh?" Zim shouted through the canopy.
"Yes, actually it is!" Lok shouted up at him. "Look, if you want to help, then fine ,but don't mess up my mission for me! My life rides on the success of it!"
"Do not worry my Taller!" Zim snapped a salute. "Even though you damaged my beautiful base, I shall terminate all of the humans in our way!"
"Now we're talking. Can you crawl to the hangar from there?"
"I don't think I-"
"Try anyways!" Ignoring Zim, Lok and Tak left the bridge and went to the hangar.
Xxx
"So the guy on the inside is trustworthy?" Dib asked as Kolya tried to open the computer locked door.
"I assure you Agent Mothman; this agent is one of our best deep cover operatives." Artur whispered as he and Manya covered the group, sweeping the open yard with their assault rifles.
"It's open," Kolya whispered.
"Manya, up front." Artur ordered.
Many hang her rifle on her back in favour of a silenced pistol. She moved into the dark building, followed one by one by the rest of the team.
"Okay, take a look around Mothman." Artur said as he, Kolya, and Manya took up position along one side of the single room.
The building was three stories high, a simple square of cement with barred windows lining the west side of the room, revealing one of the main yards with a trail going through it that was marked with tire tracks from the vehicles in the base. The rest of the room only had some tables and counters with research notes and a few lap tops left around. Dib turned one on and immediately muted it as he took out his own computer to hack into it. A set of metal stairs spiralled up to the second and third floors.
"They definitely aren't Russian soldiers." Manya whispered as they spied on a patrol of guards. "Mercenaries most likely."
"Definitely," Kolya whispered. "American and British weapons, Russian vehicles and uniforms, and mixed race and nationalities. Last I checked Russian Army doesn't teach their soldiers to speak French," He pointed to where three soldiers were lounging by several snowmobiles. "or Italian, Chinese, and Arabic."
"So we know that this isn't a military base, that's for sure." Natty said. "Mothman, how goes the hacking?"
"I just finished the download." Dib disconnected his laptop. "Let's get going."
"Second floor and then the roof, we can rappel down into the motor pool and head for the officer's quarters from there." Artur shouldered his rifle and took out his pistol, leading the team up to the second floor. Dib used his digital camera to get a few clear recordings of some notes and hacked another computer, and then they were out on the roof.
"I'll go first." Natty whispered. "Cover me."
"Boogey, Witch, assume sniper positions and take out anybody who notices us." Artur whispered to the other two commandoes.
Manya took out and assembled a rifle with a silencer on it. She nodded as Kolya did the same, and they each knelt o neither side of Natty as she took a cylinder shaped gun out of her pack. She slid a hook attached to a cable in and locked onto one of the buildings overlooking the motor pool. She fired ,and the gas propelled hook shot across the air and sank into the wall. A pair of guards looked up ,startled, only to take a single bullet to their each of their heads from Kolya and Manya.
Natty slid one strap over the cable and attached the end to her weapon harness. She slid down and released herself as she passed over some snow. She landed without a sound, and got out of the snow. Pulling out her pistol, she signalled an all clear.
Artur went next, followed by Many, Dib, and Kolya.
They made their way through the rows of vehicles and into the officer's quarters nearby.
"Man, this is actually going flawlessly," Manya noted.
"I know," Kolya nodded. "Don't jinx it though, or we may find ourselves facing a stroke of bad luck."
"Good point." Manya said right before the team burst into the rec room and neutralized all seven officers without alerting any guards outside the building. Artur ordered Manya to initiate an interrogation of one while he, Kolya, and Natty stood guard over the other six.
Many sighed and pulled out a set of pliers. "I hate this part."
Xxx
Three Irken Invaders-well, one should-be Invader, one wannabe invader, and Lok who really should be an Invader with his height and talent were crawling through a vent.
"This is ridiculous! Why do we not just blast our way in and take what we wish?" Zim hissed.
"Because we need to make this look like it was done by another faction of humans. If we fail and the ring leader finds out aliens have found him out, he'd scrub the whole operation and we'd never find him again." Lok replied. "So shut it you mental midget."
"You dare to call Zim a-?"
"Tak, if he talks you can hit him a few times. From what I can tell of you two you'll both enjoy it either way." Lok glared at his two companions, and then continued on as silence reigned over the trio.
"Are these the specimens?" They stopped as they heard a human voice, male, with an accent to it spoke out loud from a vent cover up ahead.
"Yes Mr MacDonald. Specimens Sixteen through ninety five." A woman replied. "Specimens Ninety seven to one hundred are currently undergoing some experimental procedures. These are the majority of the products resulting from the project and shall be ready to exit their tanks in several hours."
"Excellent," Lok signalled for his companions to stay quiet and gestured for them to join him at the cover. They looked down at a large room filled with rows upon rows of tanks that were fogged up and filled with n unknown liquid. Each carried something within.
"Has there been any problems with disciplining the current subjects?" MacDonald asked.
"No sir," A middle aged woman walked into view of the cover with MacDonald. "But specimen ninety eight has shown some rather unusual thought patterns, I believe there may be a production defect of under one half of a percentage. She is rather...curious."
"What do you mean?" MacDonald asked.
"She asks about things that the others do not. She is like a child, learning at several dozen times the pace though. By now she has begun to obtain basic social skills and memorizes any form of logic given to her." The woman explained. "She is undergoing a new psychological suppression experiment in Cell D-3."
Lok glanced at Tak and whispered. "I'll climb down through here, you two move to the next vent cover in the room and be ready to jump down when give the go ahead."
Tak nodded. Zim slowly extended a tendril from his PAK and began to unscrew the vent cover, into aware that both Irkens next to him had been staring at him with frightened gazes, fearing he would reveal their position. Instead he perfectly and silently removed the bolts, collecting them and pocketing them. He moved the cover over slowly and grinned, whispering. "Surprised? I am Zim...!"
Luckily he knew when to keep quiet when he had to.
Lok climbed down through the vent and hang from it. Below him was an upper section of the massive room. The lay out was a rectangular room with a single set of sliding glass doors in the top right corner, and halfway to the top left corner was a set of stairs that went up to the upper section of the room, which had several consoles and a walk way that led along the left wall and far southern wall, lined with Plexiglas doors marked by numbers and letters. The bottom section held eighty or so of the tubes, which looked like larger versions of Smeet birthing pods.
So they were making hybrids! And they had a small army of them already! Lok's eyes narrowed as he watched the humans stroll among the rows of glass containers.
"When will we be ready for full production?" MacDonald asked.
"I estimate that within thirty days we can have a thousand. If funding increases afterwards, ten thousand by the end of this fiscal year." The woman replied. "If all goes well, a million by the end of the next year."
"Excellent," MacDonald placed one hand on the nearest tube. "Soon, so very soon I will be the creator of a new, superior race. Greater than the Irkens, humanity, or any other alien race out there. I will be a god and all who follow me my own personal legion of angels." He chuckled. "For now doctor, let us celebrate with a drink-"
The glass doors at the entrance slid open. Lok knelt behind the consoles and watched as three humans with rifles entered the room.
"Don't move! Don't move!" Lok's implants translated the words from one of the human languages, Russian. The leader was barking at them. "Down on your knees and put your hands on your head!"
The duo complied. One of the three soldiers, a woman shouldered her rifle and began to examine a computer attached to one of the pods while the second man in the group patted the scientist and MacDonald down for weapons-he took a pistol and a switch blade off of MacDonald.
Two more humans entered. One of them was the big headed child Zim had described, the other a taller, long haired female with an older human pistol in hand.
"What is the meaning of this?" MacDonald demanded.
"Seth MacDonald, we're the Swollen Eye Balls, and your whole operation is toast!" Membrane announced. "We're shutting you down and showing the world just what you've been up to."
"The Eye Balls..." Seth frowned. "Thomas could not let it go ,could he?"
"Thomas?" Dib raised an eye brow.
"Oh, yes, Agent Darkbooty as he likes to be called." Seth scoffed. "I know because you're talking to an agent, pointing guns at an agent. I am Agent Excalibur and you are interfering with a work of tremendous importance!"
"You were Agent Excalibur." Agent Ghost Slinger scowled. "You murdered people, and conducted illegal experiments with alien tissue samples. This stops now MacDonald." She looked to Manya. "Status."
"The creature's life signs are stable." Manya reported. "Shall I disconnect the life support?"
"Do it," Ghost Slinger nodded and looked to Kolya. "Go find the five others that are in training and kill them."
Kolya nodded and rushed off, leaving Artur to guard the prisoners. Lok saw Kolya ascending the stairs and quickly activated his stealth generator. Kolya rushed past him and began to open the doors one by one to check them for mutants. Lok followed him, moving silently.
"Where are the first fifteen specimens?" Dib demanded.
"They have passed training and are already beyond your reach, child." MacDonald sneered.
"I can make this pig talk," Artur growled.
"Agent Colossus, you have the go ahead." Ghost Slinger said firmly.
"It will be a pleasure," Artur shoved MacDonald to the ground by planting one foot in his chest. He aimed at MacDonald's leg. "One chance, talk or I get nasty."
As MacDonald opened is mouth to reply, Kolya shouted from up above. "Boss! I-I think I found...somebody..."
Lok glanced into cell D-3, and his antennae twitched, his eyes became as big as dish plates, and his pulse raced.
Inside the cell was a single bed, and on it laid a young green skinned Irken female. She had a slim but healthy body, and oddly had had long black hair. She was asleep, clad in only a simple white dress while a device was hooked up to her forehead. The device was the size of a microwave and had a screen on it monitoring her vital signs.
"My god..." Kolya whispered.
"Kill it, we have our orders." Natty called from below, not seeing the girl.
"I...I don't think I...I mean she's just a...she looks so innocent." Kolya shook his head.
"Agent, you have orders, now follow them!" Artur shouted.
Lok, sick of this, drew his pistol as the Irken woman began to wake up. She sat up on the bed, her hair falling in curtains and covering the right half of her face while her left eye opened, gleaming like an amethyst-just like Lok's eyes!
Kolya felt a pistol jam itself into his back. "Drop your weapons or I'll shoot him!"
Artur, Manya, and Natty spun, weapons aimed at Lok as he reappeared.
"Another Irken!" Dib gasped.
"Drop it," Lok hissed to Kolya, who dropped his assault rifle and put his hands over his head. Lok put the human between himself and the humans. "The rest of you, lower your weapons, NOW! No warnings!"
"Do it," Ghost Slinger said bitterly, lowering her pistol, the other agents following her example.
"Who are you?" Dib demanded.
"My name is Lok, and I am calling the shots now." Lok growled. "NOW!"
Tak burst out of a nearby ceiling panel, holding her pistol and aiming at the agents. Zim fell out and landed on his head. "Ouch!" Getting up, her recovered and crossed his arms. "So Dib-stink, finally it's just you, the amazing ZIM! And a bullet." Zim raised his gun...which clicked as he pulled the trigger once, twice, three times. "Eh?"
"Uh...I didn't tell him how to turn the safety off," Lok whispered to Tak.
"Good call," She replied. "Now what do we do?"
"Take this," Lok shoved Kolya into her grasp and picked up the discarded rifle.
He looked at the confused and frightened Irken, who had disconnected herself from the machine and was curled up on her side. Lok slung the rifle over one shoulder and took slow steps into the cell.
"Lok, where are you going?" Tak shouted.
"Just hold on!" Lok replied, only raising his voice a bit.
He knelt next to the shivering Irken/Human/whatever else had been thrown into the mix hybrid. He put one hand on her shoulder, and she recoiled from his touch. He gripped her arms and pulled her up despite her wailing. She sounded like any Irken or human.
"Let go of me!" She tried to beat on his chest with her fists, but Lok's grip was iron strong.
"What are you doing to her- ugh!" MacDonald groaned as Artur punched him to keep him from getting up.
"Move again and I'll kill you faster than E.T will." The Russian Agent threatened the Scottish businessman.
"There were a large amount of captured scientists brought here to perform these experiments," Lok announced as he came out of the cell, the Irken/human hybrid slung over one shoulder with her hands and feet cuffed together and then both sets of cuffs were linked by a third pair under his arm to keep her from escaping. "Where are they?"
"The aliens would not talk," Seth hissed in pain. "I killed all but the Irkens ones and drained their PAK memory cores."
"Tak, be a dear, hack in and erase all files related to this sick project." Lok said to the purple eyed Irken.
"I'm a little busy," Tak replied, gun locked on the humans.
"Good point...Zim...do you have Gir with you?" Lok asked without glancing at the red eyed Irken.
Suddenly a pie fell out of the vent before Zim could respond.
"...that was random-" Lok started.
BOOM!
The pie exploded, revealing Gir. "IT'S ME! I WAS THE PIE ALL ALONG!"
The occupants of the room stared at the defective robot.
"Uh...hook him up to a computer." Lok said.
"On it," Zim shrugged, pulling a cable out of Gir's head and strolling over to one of the computers built into the wall. "But I don't see how this will- WHOA!" He plugged Gir in and watched as sparks flared from the console.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" MacDonald shouted.
"I was right!" Lok grinned. "That dumb tin can just down loaded a ton of viruses that overloaded your system! I knew it had shit in there!" He raised one hand in the peace sign. "Victory for Lok!"
The Irken girl on his shoulder whimpered, the loud noises frightening her.
"Now my comrades, onwards to safety!" Lok proclaimed...right before multiple soldiers burst into the room. The Eye Balls spun and opened fire on them, taking cover in the maze of tanks occupied by now dead or dying experimental hybrids.
"What do we do now?" Tak shouted as the three Irkens took cover.
"Follow my lead," Lok said seriously...and then let out a scream as he leaped down to the next floor, extending his PAK legs and firing the built in lasers as he rushed through, holding the hybrid over his head as though she weighed nothing.
Confused, both Zim and Tak followed his example and fired their PAK legs as they rushed through the fire fight. Soon they reached the door, which Lok shattered with two of his PAK legs and continued on, bowling over two surprised soldiers.
"LOE! LOE! WE NEED PICK UP! WE NEED IT NOW!" Lok shouted. "LOE! ANSWER ME!"
Xxx
"Was...this your card?" Kay held up a red nine of diamonds.
"For the tenth time, no!" Loe groaned, ignoring the radio.
Xxx
"Larry here," The AI yawned. "Go ahead."
"Larry, get Loe on the line!" Lok ordered.
"Can't," Larry replied. "He's being an ass-tard."
"HE HAS THE WORST TIMING EVER! JUST PICK US UP! WE'RE BEING CHASED!" Suddenly one bullet, coming from a Squad Automatic fired by a pursuing guard, out of the hundred or so bullets fired managed to hit Lok...and took off his right antenna.
In that moment the world stopped. Lok stood with his blood running down his head, holding an Irken/Human hybrid over his head, one half of his right antenna on the ground at his feet. He slowly set the hybrid into Tak's arms as the purple eyed female rushed back to him after nearly leaving him fifty feet behind.
"What are you doing?" Tak shouted.
"They..." Lok hissed. "Are..." He suddenly whipped out his AK47. "FLORPING DEAD LIKE A BANNANNA! RAH!" He spun and rushed into the oncoming horde of soldiers, firing his rifle and catching them off guard. A dozen guards and an entire clip later Lok tossed his rifle away, reared back one leg, and kicked the first guard...right in the groin.
"OW MY BALLS!" The man fell over.
Lok repeated this...but the next guard was a woman. Despite the kick hurting a bit, she just glared at him, and slapped him once.
"...I definitely deserved that one." Lok sighed before just punched the woman, knocking her out.
Zim and Tak watched with eyes wide and jaws dropped as Lok single handily took down a dozen more human soldiers with only his fists and feet. When he was done he stood, gasping for breath and covered in his own blood.
"I really...hate it...when people touch...my antennae." Lok said as he regained his breath. "Especially cutting it off! I need these to hear things!"
"Uh...you know we can reattach it, right?" Tak asked.
"...Oh." Lok looked around. "sorry for the mess." He dropped Twenty Monies. "Here's for the dry cleaning gentlemen." He collected his rifle and joined his team. "Let's get out of here!" He scooped his antenna up and they were off.
Xxx
"Uh...Dib? Was that the crazy alien you kept talking about?" Natty asked as Many, Kolya, and Artur wiped out the last of the guards in the room. MacDonald and his assistant had escaped in the fire fight, leaving the Swollen Eye Balls alone.
"It was Zim! And that purple eyed female was Tak! I never met that Lok guy until now though." Dib looked at the carnage left behind. "Man, alien mutant babies, more Invaders, this can't get any weirder."
Xxx
"Lok! I'm picking up a power signature close to your location, a very big one!" Loe exclaimed.
"It must be one of the pathetic Human Nuclear Reactors," Tak said. "Forget about it."
"This isn't nuclear Tak, the readings..." Loe gasped. "Lok, I think I know what it is, but you'll have to get it for me to have a complete scan of it."
"Why should we waste time retrieving it?" Zim demanded. "Victory is ours! Victory is ZIM'S!"
"Because when Loe says something is important ,he never says it for no good reason," Lok grunted. "Where is it Loe?"
"Make a right ten feet ahead!" Loe replied.
Lok obeyed his analyst and was faced with a massive set of security doors marked 'AUTHORIZED ACCESS ONLY-DELTA RESEARCH.'
"I'm opening the door," Loe announced, and no sooner than he spoke did the security doors slowly hiss open, revealing a large circular room. The lights were dimmed down, and in the center sat a pedestal with something on t. It was small, and made of some metallic material...
"By the shortest!" Zim shouted.
This startled their captive, who squirmed and whined again. Tak kept her secured as Lok examined the source of power Loe had mentioned.
"Loe, what is this?" Lok asked.
"Have you the brain worms Lak?" Zim shouted. "That is Veniran technology! Ancient Veniran technology!"
"How would you know this?" Lok and Tak stared at him.
Xxx
Several years ago...
"So...what's this?" Zim asked as he looked over Skoodge's shoulder at the file he was reading.
"Meh, a file on ancient Veniran technology, I'm hoping to get extra credits in class with this." Skoodge shrugged.
"Zuh?" Zim stood there, watching as Skoodge looked over ancient Veniran weaponry and equipment. Finally he walked away to get some nachos.
Xxx
"And those were some good nachos." Zim concluded his story.
"The idiot is right Lok!" Loe said. "That is a Veniran Ascendancy Gauntlet! Those things are worth...like...over five trillion times as the Para-Hunter!"
Lok's jaw dropped, and purple dollar signs appeared in place of his eyes. "Ch-ching!" He wringed his hands together. "Major pay day!"
"No, not major pay day!" Loe dismissed his dreams of wealth with those five words. "This thing was designed so that after it was built it would only ever bond to one person!"
"Bond?" Tak raised a non-existent eye brow.
"Venirans, before the Empire conquered them had an elite group of assassins who could eliminate tens of thousands of Irkens single handily," Loe began to explain. "They gave these assassins the best weaponry and equipment available. The Ascendancy Gauntlet is the first and most basic component of their weaponry. Each Ascendancy is designed to bond to the first organic being to come into contact with it, and permanently fuse itself with said being. It will literally become a part of who ever touches it, and it will just be another life support machine like your PAK!"
"Why did the Veniran Assassins use them then?" Lok asked.
"Because they give the Venirans who wield them the ability to unlock components of their DNA, either chromosomes which have long since been rendered useless by evolution or others which have yet to take a role in shaping the Irken or Veniran genome. They also would make it possible for Venirans to use some of the most classified and deadly weaponry and technology made by the Veniran Empire!" Loe continued. "This thing is powerful, but it makes you into a walking target, it sends out a beacon that the empire has traced the frequency of centuries ago in order to make sure that no Venirans or rebels get any ideas of using these things."
"Well the empire already knows where am-well Red and Purple do," Lok reached forward. "And that power..."
"THEY DECREED ANYBODY WHO USES THEM WILL BE DEST-" Too late, Lok tapped the metal exterior of the gauntlet. "Royed..."
For several moments the room was silent. Lok examined the gauntlet, rapping on it with one fist. "Maybe its busted. Was it supposed to automatically link to me?"
"Uh...actually yes, the gauntlet is supposed to be self aware and capable of making decisions based on its written protocol." Loe answered, confusion lacing his words. "I don't get it."
"Ah well, maybe you're right anyways Loe, I don't think I'd want this thing to mess my life up any more than it already is." Lok chuckled.
"Finally, you say something that makes sense-"
"AH!" Lok cried out as the gauntlet suddenly snapped open and came down on his wrist. It had grown tiny spider legs and had launched itself at him. Reacting, he had thrown his hand up to ward it off, only for it to clamp down on his flesh. It ate through his sleeve and then through his flesh.
Clenching his teeth, Lok fell to his knees, his good hand clutching at the gauntlet in an attempt to remove it from his wrist. "Its- its going right to the cells! IT won't come off! FLORP, HELP ME!"
Tak dropped the hybrid and rushed to Lok's aid. Zim joined in after a moment, and the three Irkens vainly attempted to remove the Veniran Ascendancy Gauntlet. Lok's groans of discomfort became howls of pain. He broke free from Tak and Zim and slammed his fist into the wall repeatedly, denting the thick metal. Finally, he collapsed without a word, his now gauntlet covered arm held out for them to see.
The gauntlet had been shorter and bulky, barely a third of the length of his arm, meant to fit the wrist of a Veniran instead of an Irken's arm. Now it was long, and smoother. It was entirely silver, with tiny cables barely thicker than the human pinky finger attaching into the flesh at his elbow and wrist. It had several control keys on it along with a screen. It seemed to fit his arm perfectly now, barely adding too much mass to the limb.
"It bonded to him!" Tak took out her scanner and examined the Ascendancy Gauntlet.
"Great Splorchamheimer!" Zim cursed. (And no this will not connect to Kill Zim)
"Uh...guys? His vitals are off the charts!" Loe shouted. "Get him out of there!"
"I'm busy carrying this thing he wanted to keep!" Tak growled, referring to the hybrid. "Zim, take him!"
The red eyed Irken hefted Lok up. Despite his short stature Zim was physically strong, even for an Irken. With some difficulty he kept Lok off of the ground and activated his Spider legs. "Forget our cover, the majority of the creatures are dead and the rest will die soon enough. Let's just get out of here!"
"For once I agree with your plan Zim!" The two Irkens shot through the corridors on their spider legs, passing a stunned guard or two or some frightened workers. They came out into the snow covered man yard...and face to face with the barrels of several dozen weapons.
"Do not move! We have you surrounded!" A woman barked through a megaphone. "Return the hybrid and surrender, or we shall open fire!"
"Uh..Loe, do we have a contingency plan?" Tak whispered as she and Zim stared at the amassed human soldiers.
"Just the one. Hold still." Loe ordered them with a firm voice.
"FIRE ON THREE!" The woman, who wore a military dress uniform with a coat shouted from the bed of a truck that was parked behind the line of soldiers shouted. "ONE!"
"Hurry up..." Tak whispered.
"Show no fear my comrades...and Tak...and weird Hybrid thing...and Lak." Zim lost confidence with each word, and then shot right back to his arrogant tone. "SHOW NO FEAR!"
"TWO!"
Suddenly all four targets were consumed by pillars of light.
"WHAT THE HELL?"
Hundreds of bullets were fired in an attempt to stop them from escaping ,but they went right through the Irkens and hit the building or ground.
"They have escaped!" MacDonald swore in celtic and then faced the woman. "They have one of my hybrids! If they manage to find the surviving specimens then they can-"
"Don't worry," The woman said as she lowered the megaphone. "I'll see to it that they don't ruin our plans any more than they already have. Your Back-up facilities are still secure, correct?"
"Aye, they are."
"Head to one and start main production there then, and allow me to hunt these Irkens down." The woman brushed some black hair out of her eyes, revealing one hazel eye, and one grey, metallic eye with a glowing ring of green light. "The Swollen Eye Balls' team escaped also, and they took quite a bit of data with them, I shall make sure to hunt them down next."
Sarah Sinclair, AKA: Agent Ghost Eye looked at a folder held in her free hand. She could see a picture of Natalia 'Natty' Sinclair, or better known as Ghost Slinger in the Swollen Eyeballs. But Sarah knew her better as simply her twin sister.
"Well sis, looks like your days with the Eye Balls are starting to get interesting." Ghost Eye chuckled. "How did they find out about this place?"
"The boy, Agent Mothman discovered our off world transmissions." Seth growled. "He has compromised our whole agency and even led those Irken agents to us!"
"He'll die too," Sarah assured him. "All in good time sir ,all in good time."
Xxx
"Good timing!" Tak sighed in relief as she and Zim set the hybrid and Lok down on beds in the medical bay, where they had been teleported to.
"I aim to please! We're already breaking orbit." Loe said as he entered the room. "Larry, run a bio scan, see if there's any chance of removing that gauntlet."
"I already did," Larry sounded annoyed. "No chance, zero, zip, Nada, zilch, absolutely not. That thing is stuck good and tight and fused with him right down to his very cells. Those Venirans were called geniuses for a reason."
"Ah florp, so when he wakes up we don't know what that thing will do to him." Loe said. "It could make him turn against us or go on a homicidal rampage, I haven't ever seen an Irken use one of these things. Hell, I've never seen anybody use one."
"Just in case, I'' stand guard. I want to take a closer look at the freak of nature he just brought back." Tak leered at the frightened hybrid.
"On-board protocol dictates no interrogation, torture, or medical battery of prisoners unless authorized by the Captain." Larry cut down her dreams of dissecting the hybrid.
"Hey...she's actually pretty cute," Loe walked over and helped the hybrid sit up. "Hey there, do you understand me?" Upon receiving a nod, Loe continued. "Good. Now, I'm going to take the cuffs off of you. Can you promise me you won't try to do anything to escape?"
She nodded quickly.
"Honest?" She nodded again.
"Good." Loe unlocked the cuffs on her wrists and feet. "My name is Loe, do you have a name?"
She tilted her heard. "Sierra Niner Eight."
"A human designation," Zim growled, disgusted.
"Sierra...yeah, how about Sierra?" Loe smiled. "That sounds like a nice name."
"Are you defective or something? Why are you being nice to it?" Tak hissed.
"Uh...because I'm defective?" Loe raised a nonexistent eye brow as he faced the two Irkens. "Isn't that why you're both here?"
"What?" Tak took a step back.
"I thought you were new additions to the team or something," Loe shrugged.
"What team?" Zim asked. "TELL ZIM NOW!"
"The Irken Defective Infiltration Or Termination department." Loe explained. "OR as we're know, the Idiots!" When he said this, some dramatic music played from the speakers. "I designed Larry to do that whenever I say 'The Idiots'!" The AI repeated the dramatic music notes.
"De-defectives? Working for the empire? Impossible!" Tak shouted.
"Oh it's possible. Tallest Purple organized it and Tallest Red approved of it." Loe shrugged. "We're really the only team at the moment, the first team actually, but we get empire support and no questions are ever asked. Lok is our main leader and the Tallests' Hunter! They made IDIOTs because he was so useful they couldn't afford to throw him away for a minor psychological and emotional defect."
"But this s not right!" Tak shouted. "I can understand Zim being here but I am NOT defective!"
"According to the scanners built into Larry, you have emotional defects and OCD." Loe pointed out. "You have obsessed with becoming an Invader to the point beyond regular Irken motivation. If you were a regular Irken Larry would have had alarms blaring since the only time we ever let normal Irkens on is to kill them...or they're trying to kill us after they force their way on."
"YOU DARE TO CLAIM YOU WORK FOR THE EMPIRE?" Zim shouted. "DEFECTIVE SLIME! I SHALL-"
"ONLY I GET TO SHOUT!" A pink blur slammed into Zim and Tak. Kay grinned stupidly as she sat on them, and scratched the side of her head with her left foot like a dog scratching its ear. Tak was pinned under Zim, their faces barely an inch from each other.
"How could Idiots be a part of the empire without anybody working?" Tak asked as she shoved them both off.
"It's all hush-hush. Tallest Purple was willing to nterview Lok after he found his teddy bear for him on the Junk Planet of Garbagonia." Loe replied.
Xxx
Several years ago...
"He,he,he,he,he,he,he! Teddy!" Purple giggled as he hugged the stuffed animal. "alright little defective dude, you have yourself a deal!"
"Thanks my Tallest, but before we begin I have to ask something of your guards." Lok said.
"What is it?"
"Well make that two things-" ZZZT! "Could they stop shocking me or at least lower the level so it isn't-" ZZZZTTT! "Oh almighty shortest that hurts!" Lok cringed in pain.
"alright stop shocking him!" Purple order. Hs guards stood down.
"Ah, thank you my tallest, now for my second request...GET THIS THING OFF MY LEG!" Lok wailed as he tried to shake a giant mutant rat monster that was trying to eat his foot.
"How did you get onto the ship with that thing?" Purple asked.
"A very interesting story...which the dock master will remember forever." Lok said awkwardly.
"Well, anyways, I'll run the idea by Red and see where it goes from there." Purple walked off. "He,he,he,he! Teddy!"
Lok looked around as the guards left. "Hello? Giant Demonic Rat attached to my leg! A little help?" There was no response except for a cricket...which Lok promptly vaporized with his pistol. "Ah forget it, I saw donuts in the cafeteria." He walked off with the rat now walking alongside him, a big smile on its face. "Hey! You don't touch my donuts!" He wagged a finger at it, making it slump its shoulders. "...oh alright, you get the leftovers from any table we pass by, but don't make any sounds. If anybody asks, you're the pet of my Cold Unfeeling robot Arm." The Giant flesh Eating Demonic Rat Mutant nodded eagerly.
They walked off ,a new friendship forming.
Xxx
"Wait, how did you know that happened if you weren't there?" Zim asked.
"Uh...I'm an IDIOT?" Loe asked.
"Now when you say that do you refer to your position or...?"
"Position, I'm supposed to know this stuff. In fact I know what you had for lunch last Thursday! Pretty creepy huh?"
"It is!" Zim smiled. "We're both creepy!"
"I know!" Loe said, giggling like a teenage girl as he and Zim hugged.
Tak gagged. "I can feel my sanity dropping by proximity!"
"Oh that's expected," She spun around and came face to face with...Lok! He was awake and seemed unaware of the Veniran Gauntlet that had attached itself to his right arm as far as she could tell.
"You're awake!"
"Duh, why wouldn't I be?" Lok gave her an inquiring look.
"What is the last thing you remember?" Loe asked as he walked over.
"The last thing I remember before I woke here and hearing something about Tallest Purple's Teddy Bear was a...I think that it was some unbearably horrible pain in my-" He looked at his arm as he raised it. "Arm and- GREAT ALMIGHTY SHORTEST! SPLROCHAMHEIMER! DOMNIS CATIANAR!" He cursed in multiple languages as he ran around. "GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!"
Tak, Zim, Kay, and Loe watched their 'fearless leader' run around screaming like a smeet. Tak sighed and smacked herself in the face. "Idiot."
"Too true!" Loe and Kay said as Lok continued to slowly destroy their hearing capability.
Xxx
End of chapter
