Disclaimer: Don't own this series, don't own this series..Ain't makin' no money from it, ain't makin' no money from it..

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Chapter 4

The room was black except for the thin beam of moonlight that crept under the doorway, illuminating every tiny crevice in the wooden floorboards. A bug scuttled under the door and across the moonbeam, its tiny shadow lending it a much larger appearance. To and fro, back and forth it went, indecisive of its destination, antenna swiveling. Then with sudden resolve it whipped around and fled into the night, with only a demon to know that it had ever been there.

Not that Sesshomaru had been paying close attention. His focus was elsewhere, intent on someone more important that could be said. Iced gold eyes slit the dark, seeing the resting girl as easily as if it had been daytime. Her brown hair was tangled against the pillow, slender hands clutching the blanket to her as if she feared someone would snatch it. In and out she breathed, a soothing rhythm to what had been Sesshomaru's nightmare.

Finally, in what seemed like an eternity, Rin was whole again.

It had taken a week of the townswoman's human medicine, hours of sleep, and plenty of patience, but Rin's health returned. For the most part. She'd been fading in and out of unconsciousness the whole time, fever as unpredictable as a drunken fool. That is until today. Several hours earlier her fever had finally broken, its hold shattered, leaving everyone involved highly relieved.

"She will be fine now," the old woman had smiled, before going to attend to other patients.

So now Sesshomaru was playing the waiting game, among other things. Rising to his feet, the demon went to Rin's bedside, settling next to her. She smelled of sweat, and sickness, and..Flowers. Always of flowers. Funny how he never cared for the smell until she came along. His gaze made its way to her face, taking in every contour and feature, an intricate and beautiful puzzle all pieced together to make Rin. The upturn of her lips, the slope of her nose, the hollows under her brown eyes, and her jagged bangs that framed them. At the moment they were getting too long, a nuisance. Jaken would need to cut them soon. Slowly reaching out, he placed his fingertips on her forehead, mindful of his claws. Then very carefully his pale hands moved her hair away to let them rest there. The healer had instructed him to check her for fever every so often. A stupid request considering that he would have been able to smell her illness.

Yes, she was normal, just like he already knew. Sesshomaru had only wanted to check. After some time the thoughtful demon began methodically stroking Rin's bangs away from her eyes.

Sesshomaru had known for awhile that his feelings towards his charge were no longer of the guardian type. Though his attraction had begun earlier than what is considered proper, (Sesshomaru was by no definition a saint), he made sure to never act upon such primal urges. But at times, when the sun shimmered down her long hair and her scent, caught by the wind, was flung in his face, it was hard to control himself.

Admittedly, following in the same steps as his deceased father in the area of romance had not been a priority, but then again Rin couldn't exactly be considered a "normal" human being. So despite that fact that part of him detested this inexplicable attraction, the demon continued to silently grow fonder of Rin with each passing day. Everything about her fascinated him, from her kind nature, to her slightly crooked smile, to her sunny laugh and beautiful body. Flaws and perfections alike, Sesshomaru loved them all.

Certain events had convinced Sesshomaru that he wasn't alone in this boat of desire. Arousal would roll off of Rin at times, turning her face crimson when Sesshomaru would peer at her from the corner of his eye. She'd mumble a quick excuse to make a hasty retreat, leaving the tai-youkai with a faint, unseen smile.

Yes, he cared for her, more than could be said. But the fact remained that he was a demon and she a human. While she would wither away and die like an orchid trapped in a sunless room, Sesshomaru would forever remain beautiful, unmarred as untouched gold. Not to mention that marrying a demon was not only dangerous, but produced hanyou plagues on society that were not accepted by either side.

Being together was not in the question.

Being apart was not a pleasant option either.

After all, Rin was now seventeen, of marrying age. It was his duty to give her away to a human who would provide for her, who would give her children. He was obligated to do as such.

But he couldn't. The Great Dog Demon kept putting it off, convincing himself that she wasn't ready, wasn't quite yet up to enduring the life of wife-hood. And since she never mentioned it, he let the issue persist unresolved.

The Demon Lord was aware of his selfishness and accepting of it. He was the great leader of the Western Lands, an unstoppable force to cow down any enemy. If he wanted to keep Rin with him, then who was to stop this choice? No one except himself of course. And if Sesshomaru truly wished to achieve all he desired, honestly needed to stay Rin at his side, then something would have to be done. Something that had long ago drifted into his mind like October's breath, then swept away in the heat of morning.

If he wanted her with him, Rin would have to be demon.

Many years ago he had contemplated this issue, brought on by one innocently asked question. "Do you hate me my Lord because I am human?"

No, he did not hate her, nor could he ever. Almost losing Rin again had demanded he face the fact that Rin could die, and would die if action was not taken. For years he had bidden his time, always in waiting for the day when the decision would be made, letting the passing time decide which path to follow down. Sesshomaru would not wait any longer. As long as she was willing, as long as she was happy, then Sesshomaru would..

"Lo..lord Sesshomaru?" came a cracked voice, wrecking his musings.

The stunned dai-youkai froze mid-pat. To be caught off guard was an unusual ordeal for the stoic demon. Yet, it always seemed to involve the girl.

"Yes Rin," he replied, hand slowly retreating to his lap. He sensed her confusion, smelled the blood rise in her cheeks. So he hadn't withdrew his hand in time. Sesshomaru watched silently as the girl sought him in the dark, trying to let her eyes adjust. The redness was receding like the tide, but as present as the ocean itself. He could almost hear her innocent thoughts. I hope he can't see me blushing..

He could. And every animalistic urge in his demonic body wanted him to take what was his.

Finally her eyes found his for the most part, her gaze peering in the general direction of his face.

"Where are we my Lord?" Her throat was hoarse, tainted by sickness.

Sesshomaru did not like it.

"In a human village," he responded quietly."We've been here for a week."

Rin nodded, knowing that he could see her. Hands folded on her lap, body hidden under a blanket, the young girl looked so much younger than she really was.

"And Master Jaken and Ah-Un? Are they alright?" Typical girl, worrying about two ancient demons when she was the one incapacitated.

"Yes." Golden eyes traced her body, glad that she would soon be well again. Seeing his charge so sick had scared the stoic man, more than he would ever admit. Silently delivering thanks, he watched as Rin continued to smile.

"I am happy." Resting her head back, the young girl studied the ceiling that she couldn't fully see, grin playing at the corner of her lips. When some time had gone by, her eyes began drooping. Sesshomaru stared in amazement, taking in every miniscule movement, every heartbeat, and every breath that came from her. Everything about this human drew him to her, like a bee to a flower or a moth to a flame.

Never had Sesshomaru felt so deeply for..for anyone.

For the second time that night Rin caught the demon unawares. As if a sudden thought occurred to her, Rin's gentle eyes opened and glanced over at Sesshomaru, trouble on her brow. He feigned ignorance, instead using this time to scrutinize Rin. Now what was she thinking?

Seemingly an eon later, the girl began to talk. "Are you alright my Lord?" When she got no immediate response, a gentle hand tentatively reached out to touch his. The effect was instantaneous, though subtle. Sesshomaru's slow beating heart quickened, so loud he feared she could feel it thundering through his skin. This new pace was not by any means erratic, actually quite normal, but from him, one so calm, it was a flurried motion. Just two, no, three fingers, had effectively tattered his self-control and a part of him resented this. But another part, the bigger one, only wanted her to keep her hand that way, resting softly against his.

Not that she realized what her touch was doing to him. Unfortunately for the young woman, but fortunately for Sesshomaru, Rin was as oblivious now as she'd been those many years ago when he'd breathed life into her with Tenseiga and lifted her from the brink of eternity. Teeth gnashed together, the tense demon refused to move, not an inch. Only his mouth and eyes, both of which were focused on his undoing. After a pause he stated, "I'm fine, Rin."

Withdrawing her hand and biting her lip she carefully answered, "Are you sure?"

"Why would I not be?" came his calm voice through the shadowed room. Had she picked up on something? When had she become so observant? His traitorous heart was still pulsating with a volume to deafen the dead, or so he thought.

A hybrid of chagrin and awkwardness floated from her in waves, driving the demon to further impatience. The girl's slender hands were knotted like a rope on her lap, restlessly moving over each other. Back and forth they went while their owner tried to think of what she needed to say.

"You were staring at me my Lord," were her whispered words. Flushed cheeks followed her reply, along with a increase in her shyness.

The room wasn't as dark as he had thought.

"Yes I was," the Western Lord replied simply. He was not a coward nor a liar. Both were dishonorable acts that would only tarnish the name of the Great Sesshomaru, so why engage in either?

He felt the questions poised on her tongue, ones that she would never dare to ask. The heat in her face was still raging, urging his pulse onward, raining thoughts through his mind. Sesshomaru convinced himself it was pride and not fear that kept him from telling Rin of his feelings. She knew the type of man he was, knew that he wasn't fond of such assertion of emotions. Had he not been clear enough for her to understand his feelings? What did she wish, for him to shout them from the rooftops? Could she not fathom his intentions by all that he did, from keeping her clothed and safe, to more extremes such as protection? Resurrecting her bloodied carcass from the deserted path, wrenching her from the drooling jaws of the Hell Hound, putting his very life up for stakes in order to keep her safe. These were things he did, and gladly, would do into eternity even if her affections were not as his own. Surely she was not blind to such devotion?

Just as he suspected, she did not question him. Instead she stammered in a whispered tone, "I'm glad my Lord. I..I mean I'm glad you're alright." Then she smiled a sheepish grin that could melt any frozen heart, brown eyes shining so brightly at Sesshomaru that for a moment he thought that she could see through the blackest of nights.

A slight pang that he banished before it could bury roots flitted in his calming chest. Fine. If she would not ask, then let her draw her own inferences about his behavior. Rin wasn't stupid, and hopefully would save the tai-youkai some trouble by figuring out why he was acting as such. Mild frustration smoldered in his gut like a stoked flame in a hearth. And the more he looked at her- the more he found it slowly dying to an ember and then fading to warm ash. Remaining angry at the one who had long ago captured his heart was an impossible thing to do. Besides, anger because of another's ignorance is hardly something becoming of a demon lord.

Like a sponge he took in the wild beauty of her, mixed in with unwavering gentility of spirit. His broad chest kept constricting like a demon had it in its grasp, forcing him to breathe a little shallower, a little faster. Sesshomaru quietly embraced these feelings, the whole while his heart pattering out of syncopation with the normal beat.

Then the question that smashed him like a hammer to a glass window pane was uttered from her lips. "Am I, am I going to be okay then?"

So, she thought his affection was the product of her impending death? The ash flared into a fireball of anger, threatening Sesshomaru's self-control. Ever so slightly his clawed hand tensed, a mild twitch that was as brief as the blink of an eye, right before he answered coolly, "Of course. Now go back to sleep. We are leaving tomorrow." His heart was still pounding out that unstable rhythm, one that grew more erratic each time her heard her speak, saw her smile. He was caught in between anger and need, unfamiliar territory and a strange one at that.

"Yes my Lord." Trusting eyes peered up at him. "May I say one thing?" Brown eyes were seeking his gold in the black abyss, with only moonlight to hint the way. Sesshomaru's silence encouraged her to go on.

"Thank you Sesshomaru-sama," she whispered. "For saving me." A smile to make the stars weep fell on Sesshomaru, making his heart thump like a thousand drums. Her pulse too was pattering, like a little bird's heart was twittering in her chest. Gods, she was driving him insane and she didn't even know it. Or did she?

Wordlessly the Western Lord nodded. "Go to sleep Rin." Fatigue coated her skin like a heavy blanket. Staying awake would do nothing short of worsen her condition, something no one wanted.

Sesshomaru witnessed her smile and heard her, "Yes Sesshomaru-sama," before she shut her lids and eventually was pulled under the waves of sleep, skittering pulse slowing to its normal rhythm.

What he did not know were her last few thoughts, those of a desire to rest not in sleep's embrace, but his.

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Authors Note:

Didn't mean to kill the heartbeat concept. This was actually written before I made the title, so I decided to keep it despite the cheesiness. :)

It was my intention in this story to show another side of Sesshomaru. After reading several critiques and some online manga, I learned that he is not as heartless as he is shown to be in the anime. There are moments when he is smiling and actually displaying emotions that we all assume could never come from Sesshomaru. It's different to portray him in such a different manner, but I feel it is more accurate, especially considering his powerful attraction to Rin.

As for his odd behavior towards his young charge, I realize he is acting childish and at some points outright unreasonable. THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT! Sesshomaru is an arrogant brat who is unable to deal with emotion. This is why he gets so mad and frustrated at Rin because he wants to let her know how he feels, but his pride and lack of emotional communication skills prevents him from doing so. Not to mention that inflated ego that he carries around like the fluffy on his shoulder. Do I plan on him breaking down and sobbing incoherently on the floor? No. Will he, within the recesses of his own mind, exude emotion and reactions that we usually don't associate with the great Sesshomaru? Definitely.

Sincerely,

Angels and Immortals