Chapter 4 - Stranded
"Oh my god!" Lois said as Peter held her. "It was him! It was James Woods! He killed Stephanie!"
"I always knew he was a bastard, but never this insane", Barbara said as Brian held her.
"He must have brought us here to kill us all!" Mort said. "Run! Run for your lives!"
Everyone ran out of the dining room, outside to their cars. Everyone looked at the sky as it started to rain hard. A flash of lightning lit up the sky.
"Come on, get in the car!" Peter said as everyone piled in.
Peter stepped on the gas trying to get out of there, as did everyone behind them. Just as they reached the bridge, a bolt of lightning flashed and hit a tree. The tree collapsed on top of the bridge, making it crumble. Everyone screamed as Peter hit the brakes just before the car fell into the gap. Only problem was the front end of the car was over the edge and tilting enough to fall in.
"Oh my god, Peter!" Lois said. "Back it up!"
"Oh really, Lois?" Peter said cynical. "I thought I might drive forward. I thought that might be a fun thing to do."
"Stop fighting!" Chris shouted.
The car continued to tilt forward until Brian scooted over.
"Oh my god! Quick, Peter get in the back!"
Peter climbed over the seat into the back. Lois scooted into the driver's seat putting the car in reverse, saving them from falling to their deaths…until they crashed into Mort and Muriel's car behind them.
"Oh thank god", Peter sighed as they got out of the car. "We made it."
Mort got out of his car wearing a neck brace acting as if he was injured.
"My neck…you backed into me and now…"
"And your back", Muriel added.
"We have no time for this!" Barbara said slapping some sense into Mort.
Alright it looks like we're stuck here", Joe said as everyone sat in the lounge. "The storm has flooded the causeway and the bridge is destroyed. For the moment…there's no way out."
"No Way Out, great film", Carl said. "Sean Young naked in a limo."
"What are we going to do?" Bonnie asked. "We can't just stay here with James Woods lurking somewhere in the house."
"Alright, does anyone have a cell phone?" Joe asked.
Everyone pulled their cell phones from their pockets.
"I'm not getting any reception", Tom Tucker said.
"Me neither!" Herbert said.
"No bars!" Mort said.
"It's alright", Mayor West said. "I'll put a message in a bottle."
He wrote a note and stuck it in a bottle and left it on the desk beside him.
"Now we wait."
"Seriously, who voted for this guy to be our mayor?" Barbara whispered to Brian.
"This town's full of idiots", he answered.
"Look, he's got a landline we can use!" Derek said pointing to a phone on the desk.
"Oh no", Lois said. "You know, I wouldn't feel right about that. We're guests and it's long distance."
"Now's not the time to be polite, Lois", Barbara said. "It's either call the cops or wait for James Woods to kill us."
"It doesn't matter", Brian said picking up the phone. "The line's dead."
Everyone in the room started panicking until Herbert spoke up.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Everyone but Chris, just keep your pants on and let's figure a way out of here."
"He's right", Diane said. "We just got to stay calm."
"With a killer in the house?" Bonnie asked.
"Killer in the hooooooooooouse!" Stewie said.
Barbara giggled smiling for the first time in all this.
"Stewie, say that again."
"Killer in the hooooooooooouse!"
"Hey, guys", Priscilla said coming into the lounge. "Has anyone seen James?"
"Sweetheart, you may want to sit down for this", Joe said wheeling toward her.
"Who want little tiny tacos?" Consuela said coming with a tray of tacos.
"Ooh, little tacos", James said coming in the room. "I'll have one of those."
Everyone gasped and backed away from him.
"It's him!" Bonnie said pointing.
"Sorry I took so long", James said ignoring everyone's looks at him. "I was going to the bathroom and I just couldn't stop looking at my penis cause you know, it's just so fantastic."
"Too much information!" Barbara said.
"You're a monster—yeah it's fantastic—you're a monster, James Woods!" Peter said. "You think that you could just commit murder and get away with it? Quagmire loved that girl!"
"Easy", Quagmire said embarrassed.
"Murder?" James said. "What are you talking about?"
"You're going away for a long time, pal", Joe said.
"Jimmy, what does he mean?" Priscilla asked stepping close to James.
"I honestly don't know what's going on here."
"Oh really?" Tom said. "Well maybe that dead pile of cookie dough in the next room will refresh your memory."
"What do you mean?" James asked. "There's nothing in that room."
James led everyone back into the dining room. They looked at the head of the table and sure enough, Stephanie's body was gone.
"It's gone!" Brian gasped.
"Where is she, Woods?" Joe asked. "What did you do with the body?"
"What body?" James asked.
"You know, maybe she wasn't dead", Dr. Hartman said. "I'll admit it. I'm not great with that stuff sometimes."
"And you're a licensed doctor?" Barbara asked.
"I told you", Brian said. "Idiots."
"Alright, look", James said. "I don't know what's happening here. But look, I'll admit that I'm a lot of things. A member of mensa, a huge hit with the ladies, someone who've broken out bigger if he wasn't impossible to work with, but a murderer! I had just found God. Why would I want to jeopardize my entrance into heaven?"
"If I were you, I'd keep your mouth shut till I talk to a lawyer", Joe said.
"But I didn't kill anybody!"
Unexpectedly, the power went out. Everything was pitch black. Everyone gasped until Peter ruined the suspense.
"Oh my god! Is this what black people see all the time?"
Everyone heard the sound of a knife entering flesh and a body hitting the floor. They all screamed in fear unsure who was attacked. The lights came back on showing everyone in the room was alive…except for James Woods who laid dead with a knife in his back.
Priscilla screamed as she saw the body. Dr. Hartman kneeled next to him and checked his pulse.
"He's dead."
"Oh my god!"
Priscilla fainted into Carl's arms who caught her with his hands on her breasts.
"Nice."
