A/N: The struggles of a perfectionist. I've managed to beat back writer's block, for a while at least, so enjoy.
"Love is all and love is everyone
It is knowing, it is knowing."
- John Lennon/Paul McCartney, Tomorrow Never Knows
James fiddled with his glasses as he turned the key. As silly as it seemed, three months into a stable relationship, he still seeked Lily's approval, and was scared deep down that she'd reject it. There was always this part of him that was cautious, waiting for the Lily he'd met in the pub, angry and proud and desperate, to come back.
But he'd only have these thoughts when he was alone, when he caught sight of her, like now, sprawled on the couch reading a book, another one of those she had to finish for her literature class, all his fears melted away and a silly grin made its way onto his face.
Lily looked up, and started, dropping her book. As she bent down to pick it up, James asked her, "Are they that bad?" He tried to sound casual, like he was trying to make a joke, but a tremble made its way into his voice.
Lily stood up, her book forgotten on the couch. She gently touched the outline of his round, wire glasses. "They're nice."
"Really?" James asked, and with relief came back coherence and his usual touch of slightly obnoxious cockiness.
"Yeah," Lily said, leaning in—
"BLOODY JAMES!" Sirius shouted, kicking the wall.
Marlene hurried into the entrance hall. "Will you stop that?" she shouted. Sirius stopped long enough to look at Marlene, who had her hands on her hips; a warning that he really should stop or the consequences would be drastic.
"Sorry," he muttered.
Marlene looked at him, and her glare softened into a somewhat more sympathetic stare.
"What's he done now?" she asked.
Sirius looked at her, and almost said something, then changed his mind.
"D'you want to come to Dumbledore Records tomorrow?"
Marlene looked at him strangely. "I've got better things to do than watch your mates mess about with guitars."
Sirius laughed and snaked an arm around her shoulders. "You're perfect, you know that?"
"Of course," Marlene answered.
Remus eventually dozed off sometime in the middle of the night, his flat blindingly bright, after hours sitting rigidly in a trance of pure terror. He woke up screaming after a nightmare that faded after a few seconds of being awake. It worried him a little that he could scream so desperately and no one would come to his aid. He sat shivering for a while, feeling very alone.
Again, James wasn't there in the morning. Lily sighed, and she felt a headache coming on, which was strange, since she'd slept rather well. She tried to shake her head to dispel the sleepy feeling, but this only had the effect of making her dizzy. She sat up with a sigh. Lily checked the clock to make sure she wasn't too late. Calculating the time the bus would take, she reasoned she had half an hour until she had to leave. Lily hoisted herself off the bed, feeling tired as the smell of old cigarettes (she could blame that on James) reminded her of her old flat, and for the first time she felt a twinge of nostalgia for her old life as a waitress. Lily shook that thought away; there was no reason to want her hated old life back.
It was surprisingly cool for mid-September, and Lily shivered as she closed her jacket. Golden and amber-colored leaves spattered the sidewalk, and orange-tinted sunlight slanted into the bus stop, filtering through the filthy glass. It was the perfect image of autumn, complete with Lily's lone figure under the bus stop. Severus thought the picture was quite beautiful, and was hesitant to disturb it, but he advanced anyway. Lily still faced away from him, peering anxiously out to the street, looking for the bus.
"Hello."
Lily jumped when he spoke, and turned, her face set into an expression of defiance. "What do you want now, Snape?" she spat.
He winced slightly at the use of his surname but was set in his goal of talking to her. He fiddled with his golden earring with one hand as he casually leaned against the side of the bus shelter.
"I'm just here to talk, Lily."
"What about?" Her eyes narrowed.
"Oh, so your dear friend Remus hasn't told you?" he asked, an amused smile playing on his lips.
"What would he tell me?" she asked then caught herself. Lily didn't want to appear too interested in what he had to say.
Snape smiled. He had something of interest; a bargaining chip in the situation.
James came into the recording studio without Lily, and it seemed as if the bubble of tension in the room broke at this simple display of normality.
He put picked up his guitar, and sat in a corner. Sirius and Peter were already there, each sitting in their usual places. Sirius wasn't confined to his usual corner, but he enjoyed sitting there. His area was marked by a ring of ashtrays and crumpled papers.
Peter never strayed far from the imposing drum set at the far wall, and James, a creature of habits like the others, sat at the common table where Sirius sometimes crawled out to add to his songs.
James pulled up a shoulder bag filled with papers and took out a stack of blank score sheet where he'd scribbled a few notes of a song that he'd been humming absentmindedly for a few days.
He picked up a pen and tried for some lyrics. His mind was somewhat foggy, and James couldn't really put down on paper something coherent, just bits of words that sounded nice. He pulled out his worn notebook, which held about two years of his life, and jotted down his fragments of lyrics, thinking they might be useful sometime.
Seashell eyes, windy smile, he scribbled in the margins. He added: glimmering, shimmering, and was left tapping his pen against the table idly, out of inspiration. The door opened, and Remus entered, looking pale and tired, but James just assumed he was having one of his flares, and decided to not try to pry into his friend's private issues.
Remus picked up a guitar, and smiled somewhat nervously. His entire demeanor was overall twitchy. "'ello Remus," Peter said, and said bloke jumped slightly at the noise, before turning shakily to the direction of the drum kit, where Peter was twirling a drumstick, raising an eyebrow at his tall friend.
Remus nodded at his as acknowledgment, and took a deep breath. James stood up and headed to the back of the studio, where the other had gathered.
"James, what's with the granny glasses?" Sirius asked. James blinked, confused, and then realized what Sirius meant. He'd forgotten he was wearing them. He pushed them up his nose slightly self-consciously.
"They were the only ones they had, at this little place called Ollivander's," James said. "It's the only place that gets you glasses in two days…"
"They're not too bad," Peter said, and he smiled slightly at Remus, waiting for him to acknowledge the joke, or admonish him. Any reaction would have been better than his strange blank nervousness.
Remus nodded quickly.
"Snape, tell me now or I'll leave," Lily warned.
"About Remus? But really, I'm surprised that he hasn't told you, since you are all such good mates now."
Severus saw a bit of doubt creep into her expression. He'd always been able to read her, and in that respect he had an advantage over her. In the past, Lily had honestly defended him when he didn't deserve it, because he could make her believe he was innocent. When he wanted to hide his emotions, no one would know them, and Severus always relied on this skill.
"Are you sure you want to know?" he asked, and Lily looked conflicted.
"Yes." When she spoke her voice was steady and she looked Severus in the eye.
"There was a murder at his home."
Severus moved, and for the first time, Lily noticed the bus that had pulled up to where they were. Severus hopped on nimbly before Lily could question the truth of his words. She made a quick decision and turned away from the bus, going the other way.
Sirius was the only other left at the studio, and James surveyed him warily as he stuffed some papers into his bag. Sirius moved slowly towards him and James prepared himself for a row. He'd felt Sirius sending him dirty looks over the past two days at the studio. He knew he was het up at him, but wasn't sure exactly why.
James looked up, finally, tired of playing this strange game of guessing at each others' intentions. "Look, mate, can you stop with your 'noble anger'?"
Sirius glared at him. "Don't you give a sodding damn about Remus anymore?"
"Why? What have I done now?"
"He's been late, and looking terrible, and you're just off in your own little world, Lily, Lily, Lily!"
"I'm allowed to be in a relationship, aren't I? Or is that only a privilege reserved to you?"
Sirius closed his mouth angrily, and James shoved past him. The door slammed at the air moved caused a paper James had left behind to flutter on the table. Sirius glanced at the sketchy beginning of a song, a saw the title: Lily.
Irrationally, he felt burning jealousy. He wanted it to be like the old days again, him and James, the original Marauders, even before Remus or Peter joined. He wanted to have that old, easy relationship with his best mate, when it was only Potter-Black, the legendary songwriting duo.
Sirius put down the paper and left the studio last.
