All That is Inevitable
The conversation came up during one of Xiao Yan Zi's visits to Ci Ning Gong to see Tai Hou. It was the kind of conversation that she wished wasn't a normal part of her life now.
"Huang Hou was here the other day," Tai Hou said. Her tone did not denote anything out of the ordinary, but Xiao Yan Zi could already tell her mother-in-law was watching her closely for a reaction. It filled her with an odd sense of trepidation. She had a feeling that whatever was coming wouldn't be a conversation that she would enjoy, and that Tai Hou was aware of that too, which would explain the searching look. "She had a rather important matter that she wished to discuss with me."
"Yes?" Xiao Yan Zi said simply, waiting.
"She was planning to propose to Huang Shang to promote some of the concubines in the palace to higher ranks after the new year," Tai Hou said mildly.
Xiao Yan Zi held back a sigh as the subject of the conversation became clear. She could already guess what Huang Hou had probably already suggested to Tai Hou, and wondered whether this conversation was merely Tai Hou's way of judging her reaction to the plan, or there was some sort of subtler test. Either way, she didn't think it would result in a very comfortable conversation for her. That in itself was a pity, because she had been looking forward to a warm visit with her mother-in-law. Over the years, Xiao Yan Zi had come to love and respect her immensely. The transition of titles and power after Yong Qi came to the throne was stressful and confusing for everyone, but Tai Hou had understood more than anyone, even Yong Qi, the petrifying fear Xiao Yan Zi felt facing these changes. After spending years outside the palace in exile, Tai Hou probably had similar fears and dread of suddenly coming into a title that she never thought possible for her to hold in the first place.
It wasn't hard to guess now that Huang Hou's promotion list probably included Xiao Yan Zi, and Tai Hou was going to try and prepare Xiao Yan Zi for what was coming. After her brief conversation with Zi Wei on this matter, Xiao Yan Zi really should have seen this coming, but somehow she found herself taken by surprise.
"I suppose Huang Hou thought she would ask for your opinion before she takes the matter to Huang Shang?" Xiao Yan Zi asked. It seemed like a nice, neutral place to ease herself into this inevitable discussion.
"Yes. I think it is a good idea, it will give everyone something to look forward to."
Xiao Yan Zi nodded. She knew she was probably supposed to ask for the details of who Huang Hou was planning to suggest for elevation, but asking that question would be jumping headfirst in this subject she was still reluctant to discuss.
Xiao Yan Zi finally settled for a vague, "I hope you don't think I would have any objection if both you and Huang Hou agree to it," and hoped that the conversation would end there. She knew that Tai Hou could not miss her discomfort, judging by the knowing smile she was giving Xiao Yan Zi.
"Not objections, perhaps, but suggestions?"
Xiao Yan Zi thought for a moment, then admitted, "I supose must ask on Shen Changzai's behalf."
"Of course. Huang Hou has already considered that, not only to promote her to Guiren, but also to ask Huang Shang to give her a title instead of just using her surname as the title. That is not the issue. You would speak for other people, not for yourself?"
Xiao Yan Zi could not hold back a sigh, knowing that this, and not anyone else's possible promotion, that was the whole point of Tai Hou bringing up this subject with her at all.
"Would Huang E'niang indulge me if I ask that you and Huang Hou please don't consider me in this? I don't think I need to be at all!" she pleaded.
Tai Hou gave Xiao Yan Zi a piercing look, but she just returned it with an earnest look of her own. Over the years, they have come to understand each other enough that she was sure Tai Hou had no doubt of her sincerity in those words. Xiao Yan Zi knew, and had even witnessed part of it, the arduous journey that her mother-in-law took from being the previous emperor's Yu Fei to an exiled imperial concubine to the highest seat that she occupied now. While Tai Hou probably understood that Xiao Yan Zi had very little care, let alone ambitions, for the titles she could hold in the inner palace, she probably found it hard to understand Xiao Yan Zi's aversion to the security and comfort a high position could bring.
Tai Hou held out her hand and Xiao Yan Zi slowly placed her own on it. The older woman patted her hand affectionately. "You know, Xiao Yan Zi, when I first met you all those years ago, as much as I could see that you loved my son, I admit I couldn't be sure whether you would be his fortune or his ruin."
Xiao Yan Zi smiled wryly. She knew she made less than a spectacular impression on her in their first meeting. The fact that the meeting itself took place after Xiao Yan Zi had just pulled her son away from his entire life in the palace, the life Tai Hou herself left in order to secure for him, didn't exactly help Xiao Yan Zi to create a good impression either.
"But if there is anything I have seen over the years," Tai Hou continued, "is how much you have given up for him. I didn't understand what he meant then, when he said you were giving up your freedom to be with him, but I do now. I know, to be here with him now, like this, you have changed beyond what any of us thought was possible, you have given up more than any of us could count. A woman's sacrifice for her husband is often taken for granted and overlooked, but you must know that yours has never been overlooked, not by Huang Shang, and not by me. I know none of this is what you ever imagined for yourself, and the choices you have made go against your nature most of the time, but you have made them because of your love for Huang Shang. I know you do not do it all for the sake of any title you could receive. But consider, the titles are not merely for your benefits. Your title is a reflection for the entire world looking in to see how much you mean to Huang Shang. I recognise how much you have done for Huang Shang, and so does he, so allow him to make sure the rest of the world sees it as well. "
It took Xiao Yan Zi a moment to reply, because she was too taken by surprise by Tai Hou's words. As much as their relationship have improved over the years, such frank and emotional words were rarely spoken and Xiao Yan Zi could not help feeling touched by them now.
She didn't want to dwell on the magnitude of what was just said. The only reason she could make such sacrifices over the years was to not allow herself to think about how great they were, how different she was now from the girl she once was. If she looked back and contemplated just how much she gave up over the years, she might have gotten caught up in the unfairness of it all.
Still, what she told him the other day was true. She did not regret being here with him now. She never could. He was willing to make as enormous sacrifices for her once, until she took them back to Beijing, because it turned out leaving Huang Ah Ma was as huge a sacrifice on her part as it was on his. He would have made the same sacrifice for her a second time; she only had to ask again.
She never could bring herself to ask again, however, and had taken it all on herself instead. And yet, she stayed with him, not because she ever believed in the ridiculous notion that it was a woman's place and duty was to give up everything for her husband. She loved him, but not enough to make so huge a sacrifice simply because she was told to. She did it because she came to realise that he had a duty beyond her, and to pull him away from it all was simply too selfish. She loved him enough to see that by staying and taking this current position, he was bettering the lives of so many thousands of people. She stayed because she sincerely believed, as his father undoubtedly did, that out of all Qian Long's princes, he had both the ability and the compassion to become the best ruler of them all. She stayed because she believed in him, and if she needed recognition for that, it was provided in the way he loved her most of all.
"Huang E'niang, I know that Huang Shang loves me," she said. "I know that Huang Hou is good to me, and she means well when she wants to bestow all these honours on me. I know that you care about me as well. I do not need a title to tell me how blessed I am to have this kind of affection from you all."
"Even if you would not think of yourself, you must think of the children, and the child you are carrying. Your children's status will only improve with your own."
Xiao Yan Zi wished she could act petulant at the repeat of the children argument again. It was a truth of life, perhaps, that everything any of the women in the inner palace did was for the sake of having children, and then for the sake of those children. It seemed to justify all means of competition and backstabbing. As much as women competed for the greater share of the emperor's love, they also competed for the greater share of his love and attention for their children as well.
However, Xiao Yan Zi did not doubt Yong Qi's love for her; neither did she doubt the love he had for his children, whether they were hers or not. She knew he always tried to love his children all equally. If he did have favourites that he would not admit to, she was sure it would be in favour of her children, not the other way around.
"I know that to anyone else, a lot less secure in Huang Shang's affection, would think that they needed to hold high status for both their own sake and that of their children. But regardless, when the children are born, they are still Huang Shang's flesh and blood, and surely you understand that he would love them no matter what. I don't see how my title factors in this at all."
Tai Hou knew, of course, that Xiao Yan Zi was being deliberately obtuse, and simply gave her a long, piercing look, before asking, "What are you afraid of, Xiao Yan Zi?"
Xiao Yan Zi's first instinct, of course, was to deny she was afraid of anything at all. However, it was probably pointless, especially when Tai Hou was the second person, after Zi Wei, who pointed this out in a short amount of time.
"I just…I am afraid of losing myself, losing track of who I am," she admitted softly. "I am afraid, the higher I rise, the more conflicts I will be pulled into, and perhaps then, to protect myself, to protect my children, I will be pulled into doing things that I cannot look back with clear conscience. I am not Zi Wei, you know, I can't just forgive because it's the right thing to do. I am not Huang Hou, I can't just overlook things and allow them to sweep over me. I know I hold grudges and pushed to a certain point, I am so very capable of seeking revenge for it. I am afraid of too much power in my hands and what I would do with it when the time comes that I would want to use it."
"We all have our dark side and nowhere is that dark side more tempted than in the palace," Tai Hou said with a sigh. "But I think you think too little of your own goodness."
Xiao Yan Zi did not answer, but she imagined the skepticism must have shown because Tai Hou gave her an indulgent smile and went on.
"Despite your own personal grudges, you still risked your life and your health to save Mian Yi's life. I hope you know that Huang Shang and I will always be grateful to you for that."
It was all Xiao Yan Zi could do not to groan. "I do wish you and Huang Hou would not bring that up again to attempt to convince me how saintly I must be, because I know I am not," she said. "I wish I could say I was truly feeling that altruistic but there was no time to consider anything then, I just reacted instinctively."
"And your instinct was to jump into a half-frozen lake to save his life. Surely you can see that there is reason for me to be grateful that as strained and full of conflict as your relationship with Wen Fei had always been, your guts still drove you to make the decision that is inherently good instead? Your heart did not allow you to abandon him then, so it would not allow you to do anything against your principles later. And even now, you do not consider that Wen Fei owes you anything."
Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "If there is anything I hope to get out of all this is so that Wen Fei and I can come to a state where neither of us owes the other anything. It is exhausting."
"I suppose I can understand that. Though we have strayed away from the main point, which is that, Xiao Yan Zi, I have seen you change and mature all these years. You are no longer the reckless girl who has no understanding of how the palace and the imperial court works, who would blindly do things that may have your heart in the right place but is so dangerous that it would put numerous other people in danger anymore. If Huang Hou's suggestion of elevating you to a higher rank was just an attempt to indulge Huang Shang's feelings for you, then I would agree with your reluctance as well. But it is not. Your good heart has done much to persuade Huang Shang to believe in his own compassion and empathy and shapes much of who he is. As much as you have changed him, I think you are as capable of changing how the inner palace interacts with each other, only if you would allow yourself to exert that influence."
"But Huang Hou – "
"Huang Hou is perfectly capable of keeping the palace in line, I know, and the inner palace will always be her court to rule. However, she does not always know Huang Shang's heart as you do, and I suppose at this point, I do not expect her to. Considering how things are between them, I can only be relieved that their marriage has been as successful as it is. Huang Hou will always be the head of the inner palace, but do not think you do nothing to shape how it is run either."
"These are your words surely, but I hear Zi Wei's voice in it as well. She said much of the same thing to me the other day," Xiao Yan Zi said sheepishly, after some contemplation.
Tai Hou smiled fondly at her. "Perhaps then you will believe that we see the same thing." There was a pause, then she continued, "When you managed to have those who are not so close to you as Shen Changzai is, who seek to compete with you for Huang Shang's attention, and yet still speak up in your favour, as He Guiren and An Guiren have done, then I do not think that any higher position is undeserved."
Xiao Yan Zi looked up in surprise. "When you mention He Guiren and An Guiren, you mean what they said to Xiang Guiren? How do you know about that?"
"I have my ways," Tai Hou said with a smile.
"I shudder to think," Xiao Yan Zi said.
"When you speak in the gardens, and take no precaution, it is easy to be overheard. Xin Yu was out doing an errand for me and heard the entire conversation."
"I see. I suppose Xiang Guiren has come and greeted you?"
"Yes. To me, she was all that is proper. If Xin Yu did not tell me about what she overheard in the gardens, I would not think anything bad of her at all. Has Huang Shang met her?"
"Yes," Xiao Yan Zi said.
"And I suppose you have said nothing to him about her attitude towards you?"
Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "No, and it does not matter. As you have your sources, so does he. But Huang E'niang, I would hate to think even now I need to get into some childish struggle with Xiang Guiren for Huang Shang's affection. I suspect when it is just around him, she would be pleasant enough. If he needs to know anything specific, he will see us in company together soon enough and then her attitude will show for itself."
"And yet, with that, you still think you do not deserve the position of Guifei?"
Still, their conversation returned to this?
"I – " Xiao Yan Zi started, flustered.
"I suppose I do not expect you to rejoice in the idea, as others might. But perhaps that is just as well; then at least I know when you accept it, it will be for the right reasons. Just think about it. Just know that if you won't concede now, neither Huang Shang nor Huang Hou would force you into it. But you cannot avoid it forever."
Xiao Yan Zi sighed and wished she could deny what was said. She never expected even life in the palace to be free of worries and annoyances, but somehow they just seemed more unsolvable than more mundane problems of "normal people" like having enough food and shelter, and taxes.
When Xiao Yan Zi returned to Cheng Qian Gong, she found Huang Hou waiting for her.
"There you are, I thought you weren't coming back and was just about to leave," Huang Hou said.
"Have you been here long?"
"Long enough, but Nan Er and Mian Ren have been keeping me company."
Zhuang Nan ran to her and pulled her towards the low table on the kang where they were sitting. It was strewn with paper and writing materials. "E'niang! Watch!" she said gleefully.
She pulled out a piece of paper and pointed to a character written on it, asking Mian Ren, "What's this character?"
"Sky!" her brother chirped.
"And this?"
"Mountain!"
This went on for a few more characters before Zhuang Nan grinned up at Xiao Yan Zi.
Xiao Yan Zi smiled and scooped up her son and sat down with him on his lap. "You are my clever boy, aren't you?" she said, kissing his cheek. "Did Jiejie and Huang E'niang teach you all that?"
"Yes!" Mian Ren said.
Turning to Huang Hou, she said, "I'm sorry you've been waiting. You could have gotten someone to come get me."
"It was no trouble, and there's no rush. Besides, we had fun didn't we?" she asked, smiling at Zhuang Nan.
"We did!" Zhuang Nan exclaimed, eyes bright. "E'niang, Huang E'niang taught me…"
The conversation went on for half an hour about what she and her brothers have been up to in the time that Xiao Yan Zi was not at home. Later, Huang Hou asked the maids to take the children away, and Xiao Yan Zi couldn't help but think that she had come for a specific reason.
"You went to see Tai Hou?" Huang Hou asked when they were alone again.
"Yes, and she's already told me about your plans so you needn't repeat it," Xiao Yan Zi replied, not bothering to keep the sulkiness out of the way.
"Plans?" Huang Hou asked, seeming innocuous.
Xiao Yan Zi smiled wryly. "Your plans for the new year, the promotions? I can't decide whether it was Huang E'niang's idea to talk to me about it or you put her up to it."
"As if I could put her up to anything," Huang Hou said, smiling. "But I am glad she said something to you. Now I won't have to."
"I hope not. I doubt you can say anything that Huang E'niang hadn't already said to me. I'm still not saying I agree with your suggestion yet."
"Technically, you needn't agree to anything. Besides, Xiao Yan Zi, I'm suggesting promoting you with honours, not condemning you to hard labour."
"If I were ungrateful for the thoughts behind it, I would say both are burdens of similar magnitudes. But I won't."
"Of course not," Huang Hou said dryly. "Honestly, are you so reluctant for it?"
"I have no use for it. If you are so eager to have a Guifei, promote Wen Fei," Xiao Yan Zi said stubbornly.
Huang Hou laughed. "Oh, I am not as foolish as to bring that suggestion to Huang Shang. You know he would not hear it. Wen Fei will only be Guifei long after you are Huang Guifei."
Xiao Yan Zi made a face at the thought. Huang Hou just sighed.
"Will you just think about it? Seriously?" she asked.
"I will," Xiao Yan Zi replied reluctantly. "I have already promised Huang E'niang so, not that I could have said anything else. Is that why you've come?"
"I can't come to see you for the sake of it?"
"You saw me this morning. Besides, you stayed this long to just wait for me."
"All right, so I just want to warn you a bit. About tonight."
There was to be a banquet that night in the palace, and many officials were also invited. Xiao Yan Zi couldn't think of what she needed warning about, however.
"What about it?" she asked curiously.
"My father will be there. And so if he says anything…well, undiplomatic to you, just ignore it, all right?"
"Sure," Xiao Yan Zi said slowly. "But why should he? I hardly think we would interact that much. And even then it's not like we'd have much to say to each other, since we've only just met once, and for less than half an hour."
"Yes. Honestly, he thinks you're a threat to me," Huang Hou said with an exasperated sigh.
Xiao Yan Zi laughed. "Seriously? What threat? You're the empress, what threat is there? Or need I reassure him that I have no plans to usurp his daughter's position?"
"I doubt he'd believe you if you did. I do try to tell him, but you know, he simply thinks I'm just trying to put up a good face. He means well for me, but I suppose our relationship is just unconventional that he can't believe it's sincere."
"To be fair, he's not the only one. I swear, half of the inner palace thinks I'm just acting nice to you while secretly plotting to steal your place," Xiao Yan Zi said, still laughing. "Maybe I should just tattoo it on my forehead – I have no intention of being empress!"
"Even then, I doubt they would get it," Huang Hou said with a chuckle. "Anyway, I hope he will refrain from being too rude. I think even if he does know that my position is secure, he'd still think you are competition for me. I'm not sure competition for what."
"Huang Shang's heart?" Xiao Yan Zi said blandly.
Huang Hou sighed. "Yes, probably. I think he still hopes that after all this time I would have developed feelings for Huang Shang, even if realistically he should know that isn't going to happen. I've done what I must and married Huang Shang, my father cannot expect anything else."
"How did your father think of your choice…before?"
"What did he think about Yi Shan, you mean?" Huang Hou asked quietly, referring to the man she had wished to marry before he died. "The thing was, I was never truly free to make my own choice of marriage, not until after I have gone through the selection for the palace and have been eliminated. As many girls of the Eight Banner families as there are who wish to be selected for the palace, just as many wish to be eliminated, to be set free to choose their own marriage – or as much their own as their families would allow. I think if he lived, and I was not chosen for the palace, or had a marriage arranged for me, then my father would not oppose to Yi Shan at all. Our families were close and there isn't anything objectionable about the match. But then, that is the tragedy, he died before that could even become an option, and I couldn't really blame anyone. I suppose after that, the only really good thing that happened is that the man I did end up marrying is conveniently in love with someone and demands nothing from me whatsoever."
Despite the situation, Xiao Yan Zi couldn't help but smile. "If you could call that good."
"I do," Huang Hou said earnestly. "I was ready for everything to be so much worse than this."
"Worse than being empress?"
Huang Hou sighed. "I have never aspired to the position, but I don't mind it, either. I pretty much knew this was where we were heading when I married him, right? By then…I've spent three years mourning Yi Shan, but I don't think in those years I have ever successfully deluded myself into thinking that I could avoid marriage forever. Even if I was not selected for the palace, my father would eventually marry me off to someone, not out of spite or cruelty, just because it's necessary. He cannot keep me forever. I was very ready to accept all aspects of such a marriage. I would do my duties, I would be a good wife, and I told my father as such. But as he does not know how things are between Huang Shang and me right now, and he only looks in and see that Huang Shang spends the majority of his time with you, he thinks that I am neglected and that perhaps I feel the pain of that."
"And you don't?"
"No! Heavens, no, of course not!" she exclaimed. "If I decently could, I would be more obvious at how I am relieved that Huang Shang's heart is not with me. I have no intention of falling in love with him either."
Xiao Yan Zi giggled. "Well, I think I can see why your father may be miffed at me. You do realise you are supposed to like the person you're married to?"
"And I do! Like him, I mean. We have a very…cordial relationship."
Xiao Yan Zi couldn't help but burst out laughing at this.
"If by cordial, you mean you're little more than two people who basically work together to run this palace and probably see each other about an hour day on a normal basis. You also like me more than you like him. That's not supposed to happen."
"You should not complain," Huang Hou said, smiling.
"I'm not complaining. I'm just saying it's not normal."
Huang Hou just gave a half smile that by now, Xiao Yan Zi was used to. It was given when she must be thinking of how her life could have gone, and trying to not regret how it was now.
"Do you miss him?" Xiao Yan Zi asked softly after some hesitation.
"I…" There was a long pause before she would answer completely. "I don't have time to miss him."
"In the day, perhaps. But the nights can be long."
"Say you," Huang Hou muttered, but it was not quite as bitter as it could have been.
Xiao Yan Zi smiled though there was little pleasure in it. "As much as it will never be the same thing, do you not think I know anything about long nights?"
Huang Hou just gave her a wry smile.
"To be honest, I try not to dwell on it. It just makes everything miserable," she said, sighing. "I will never be as happy as you, perhaps, but neither am I unhappy with my lot."
"I suppose not. Though I also suppose your family would be a lot more reassured if you have a child to depend on."
There was a pause, where Huang Hou looked curiously at Xiao Yan Zi. "You know, five years ago, you would never say such a thing."
"Don't remind me of how much my perspectives have changed," she answered wearily. "I still can't decide whether it's a good thing or not."
"Well, it's not as if that would ever happen, so my father would be hoping in vain if he hopes for it."
"No?"
"Of course not," Huang Hou said dismissively.
"What happens on the full moon nights then?"
"We talk. It's not always boring, uncomfortable small talk, granted. I do enjoy the conversations. Then, sleep. What else do you think?" Huang Hou said, looking at Xiao Yan Zi as if she'd grown another head.
She couldn't help but laugh in response. "I don't know! I just – "
"Do you honestly think after we've established where our feelings are, that anything more exciting than that would happen?"
"Well, to be honest, from the moment you walked into Rong Wang Fu, I was prepared for anything," Xiao Yan Zi said.
"Despite what I told you both when we met before the wedding? That I didn't want this marriage? That I would not do anything against my heart?"
"To be honest, all the experience I had to work on was with Zhi Hua, who said some of those things to us once. I couldn't be particularly trusting right away."
Huang Hou smiled. "I suppose I can't exactly blame you for that. But I hope by now you believe that I really meant what I said."
"I do."
In the end, perhaps Huang Hou was being too cautious with the warning about her father. Despite whatever problem he might have with Xiao Yan Zi, perhaps the man also saw that it would be more detrimental for his daughter for him to be seen being outwardly impolite to Yi Fei in full view of Huang Shang.
Indeed, the only minor hiccup in the whole evening came at the beginning, when Huang Shang looked at the way Xiang Guiren greeted Xiao Yan Zi, then frowned and asked sharply, "What kind of a greeting was that?"
Xiao Yan Zi inhaled slowly and looked to where Huang Hou was sitting next to him and could see her slowly lowering her forehead into her palm. Around them, the other concubines who have arrived looked on in bated breath. It was probably fortunate that it was still early, the guests and – most importantly – Tai Hou had not arrived yet.
Xiang Guiren's answer to Huang Shang was about as predictable as her behaviour, and even Xiao Yan Zi couldn't understand how she thought such a reply was a good idea.
Yong Qi looked at her intently for a long moment, and next to him, Huang Hou looked like she wished to lay her head down on the table in exasperation. For a moment, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing right away, he looked around the room where everyone seemed to be watching his every reaction carefully.
Then, turning back to Xiang Guiren, he said in a carefully-measured tone, "Considering there is a banquet waiting to start and there will be guests arriving soon, we will pretend we didn't hear any of that, and you will greet every person in this room with the deference that is due to their position. We will not hear another word of protest about this subject again, ever. Is that clear?"
With such a direct command, Xiang Guiren could not do anything different. Xiao Yan Zi didn't think, however, that the tension between them would ever get better, if the look Xiang Guiren gave her as they faced one another again was any indication. Yong Qi probably saw the look as well, but he didn't have time to make any additional comment, as at that moment, Tai Hou's arrival was announced.
After Yong Qi, Huang Hou and Xiao Yan Zi had greeted Tai Hou and they fell back to allow the others to do the same. He turned to Huang Hou, head bent towards her and whispered, so that only Xiao Yan Zi could hear.
"Tell me you've tried to correct her behaviour before."
"Of course!" Huang Hou said, looking affronted. "You think I have done nothing to teach her? The lessons apparently haven't sunk in yet."
"Apparently. Try harder."
Huang Hou looked up and caught Xiao Yan Zi's eyes and she nearly laughed out loud at the frustrated expression on her face, which was quickly smoothed over as Tai Hou came over and put an end to their whispered conversation. Xiao Yan Zi looked at Yong Qi and saw that he was watching her, so she waved her hand in a signal for him to let the subject slide for now.
It wasn't until the evening was over and they were alone, that he finally brought it up again.
"You are still sure you don't want me to do anything else about Xiang Guiren?"
"Yes, I'm sure," Xiao Yan Zi said, sighing. "I know you had to say those things to her this evening because it was in front of everyone. Otherwise I really can't care less. Besides, don't you think it's a bit hypocritical of me to be condemning her for not greeting me properly?"
"Meaning?"
"I climbed a tree because I didn't want to learn how to kneel like a princess, Yong Qi."
He laughed.
"I don't think, however, that her motive for this inability to adhere to etiquette is quite as innocent as yours was," he said.
"Of course not," she scoffed. "I just don't want her to think her behaviour matters to me so much that I would have to ask you to intervene. I have a feeling it will just give her the satisfaction."
"If you say so."
"I promise, if she really begins to bother me in a way that I can't solve, I will let you ride in on your white horse to rescue me, all right?"
He laughed at her sarcasm and nodded.
Then, pulling her into his arms by the waist, he said, smiling, "If you want to know the truth, I rather miss the days when you climbed trees and roofs."
She giggled. "I thought you hated the times when I did?"
"No, I only worry that I would not get there in time when you fall."
"When I fall, you say that like it's a guaranteed thing," Xiao Yan Zi complained.
"Wasn't it always?"
Torn between annoyance and the comfort of the moment, she pouted and turned away in mock anger. "Only because I knew you expected it of me, and you always caught me."
Yong Qi chuckled wrapped his arm around her from behind. "That, I always will do."
A few days later, Zhuang Nan was out in the gardens flying a kite with Ming Yue when she accidentally bumped into Xiang Guiren.
By then, Ming Yue's opinion of Xiang Guiren was decidedly not high, and if she had seen the lady in time, she would have pulled Ge Ge away to avoid the meeting at all.
When they did inevitably run into each other, Ming Yue only hoped that the meeting would not take long. When Zhuang Nan turned around and saw a concubine she did not know, she still managed to greet her with enough graceful politeness.
"Xiang Guiren jixiang."
Ming Yue curtsied as well with Ge Ge, and almost would have expected an immediate invitation to rise. This was, however, apparently too much to expect of Xiang Guiren.
"Who are you?" Xiang Guiren asked, not bothering to allow them to straighten up to speak.
The maid beside her, Xue Yun, said, "Mistress, this is Gu Lun Gong Zhu, Zhuang Nan Ge Ge, Huang Shang's eldest daughter."
Xue Yun sounded nervous, and Ming Yue could not entirely blame her. Xue Yun had come into the palace the same year Ming Yue did, and have served a variety of different mistresses since then. She was nice enough, sensible and reliable. Ming Yue knew Huang Hou Niang Niang had assigned her to manage Xiang Guiren's household for precisely this reason. Likely Xue Yun was as disturbed by her new mistress's attitude as everyone else who had the bad fortune to come upon it, but if she wished to create a relationship with Xiang Guiren and make any headway with changing her at all, she could not be too demanding or nag her too much from the start. Even now, sneaking a glance up, Ming Yue saw that Xue Yun was trying to give Xiang Guiren a significant look towards Ge Ge, which apparently she decided to ignore.
No indication to rise came from Xiang Guiren, and Ming Yue bit back a very long-suffering sigh. Glancing to the princess beside her, she saw that the little girl's mouth was turned into a pout and she was glowering at the ground, but seemed determined to keep her curtsy until bidden to stand.
"She is Huang Hou's daughter?" Xiang Guiren asked, still apparently oblivious to the fact that the princess was still on bent knees before her.
Ming Yue thought she was more foolish than already proven if she assumed that Zhuang Nan was Huang Hou's daughter and still put her through this.
"No, Mistress, Ge Ge's mother is Yi Fei Niang Niang," Xue Yun replied, a little urgency had entered her voice.
"Yi Fei's daughter?" Xiang Guiren said with a little laugh.
Ming Yue could hear Zhuang Nan give a very low sigh beside her and she started to waver a little on her unstable position.
"If she is Yi Fei's daughter, why is she Gu Lun Gong Zhu?" Xiang Guiren asked. "The title is only given to the daughter of the empress."
"The late emperor especially bestowed the title on Ge Ge when he still lived, Mistress," Xue Yun answered patiently, though if Ming Yue knew her at all, there was definitely panic in her voice now. She must have seen how Zhuang Nan was growing tired, even if she still stubbornly refused to be at ease without Xiang Guiren's explicit words. Xue Yun's discomfort showed enough, when she gave a nervous chuckle and leaned down, took Zhuang Nan's arm and attempted to tug her up. "Ge Ge, please stand up, I'm sure Guiren just got caught up and forgot to ask you to rise."
Ming Yue felt a surge of pity for Xue Yun. She was trying so hard to balance things and Xiang Guiren was making it very difficult for her. She understood, as apparently Xiang Guiren refused to, that she could not bully a princess like this. Even if Yi Fei would not care about any slight upon herself, she would not stand for this treatment of her daughter. Xue Yun knew that it was better to tempt Xiang Guiren's anger rather than let Zhuang Nan suffer any longer.
Still, Zhuang Nan was nothing if not stubbornly her mother's daughter. She defiantly refused to let Xue Yun pull her up, and merely used the support as a momentarily relief. She shrugged Xue Yun's hand away after she got her balance back, determinedly still waiting for the word from Xiang Guiren herself to let her rise.
"Mistress!" Xue Yun said, a mixture of warning and desperation in her voice.
To Ming Yue's relief, because she wasn't sure what she would do if this farce went on for much longer, Xiang Guiren gave an air of surprise, as if she didn't notice that she had not yet given Zhuang Nan an indication to rise out of her curtsy, and said, "Oh, you may stand."
Zhuang Nan slowly did, Ming Yue with her. Then with another quick bob, the princess said, "If Guiren doesn't have any other wisdom to impart, please excuse Zhuang Nan. Zhuang Nan has been out too long and must return home now."
With that, she turned to go, and Ming Yue made to hurry after her. She was glad the princess was clever enough to realise that this was not someone she should stick around and get tangled up with. However, it seemed that it could not be easy, because as eager as they both were to go, Xiang Guiren was not done with them.
"Wait!"
Zhuang Nan definitely heaved another sigh before turning slowly around to face Xiang Guiren again.
"How did you know I was Xiang Guiren?"
"Zhuang Nan has met all the Niang Niang in the palace. It is only you I have not met, so of course you are Xiang Guiren."
"Is that so?"
"Yes, and Zhuang Nan would like to wish fortune and health upon Xiang Guiren." She spoke this very quickly, as if trying to put an end to the entire conversation. Xiang Guiren did not let it end, of course.
"Well, so your mother does know how to teach you manners," Xiang Guiren said.
Ming Yue was torn between amusement in such an ironic comment and the annoyance at the implied insult in the words. Beside her, Zhuang Nan also frowned and bit her bottom lip in order to not retort.
Apparently Xiang Guiren saw Ming Yue's expression, however, because she demanded, "And what are you making that face for?"
"Nothing, Guiren," Ming Yue said as meekly as she could manage considering the circumstances. "I am simply thinking that perhaps Ge Ge may be a bit late for some of her lessons now."
"Are you implying that I am keeping Ge Ge against her will?" Xiang Guiren demanded.
Ming Yue had to remind herself that this girl, though as young as she was, was still in a position of authority and the best way of getting out of this mess was to not provoke her.
"Of course not, Guiren. However, Ge Ge does need to return soon."
The tussle went on for a few more moments, with Xue Yun trying her best to placate her mistress and only getting more distressed for her pains. In the end, Zhuang Nan let out a frustrated huff and turned to go whether Xiang Guiren liked it or not. Xiang Guiren, apparently, did not like being defied, even by a princess, especially when said princess was half her age, reached out and pulled her back by her shoulder.
"I have not given you permission to leave yet."
"Guiren, please unhand Ge Ge," Ming Yue snapped, her patience with the silly girl having run out.
This made her turn to Ming Yue instead. "Did you just order me?"
"No, Guiren, of course I dare not. I merely request for your own sake that you do not handle Ge Ge like that," she said in a more even voice.
"You did order me! How dare you!"
Ming Yue knew she would have gotten a slap if Zhuang Nan had not come between them and pushed Xiang Guiren away. "You can't hit her!" she said imperiously, and it was somewhat scary how she managed it, because normally Zhuang Nan was sweet enough.
"She's a servant," Xiang Guiren said snidely and tried to push Zhuang Nan away.
Ming Yue tried to pull the princess away lest she got hurt, and gave Xiang Guiren a curtsy, speaking in a voice she hoped was humble, "Guiren, if I have done anything to offend you, and you wish to punish me, I hope you would at least not do it in Ge Ge's presence. Ge Ge is very young and does not need to see these things."
"She seems to understand things well enough," Xiang Guiren said dismissively.
"Guiren, you don't have the right to hit Ming Yue, she has been with my mother for a very long time, and should be respected," Zhuang Nan said.
"And what gives you the right to tell me what to do?" Xiang Guiren snapped and raised her hand again –
Ming Yue pulled Zhuang Nan behind her, while Xue Yun exclaimed, alarmed, "Guiren! You can't!"
But before Xiang Guiren could actually do anything, someone had gripped her arm and stopped her.
"Guiren, please stop."
To Ming Yue's relief, she saw that it was Xie Yuan, Huang Hou's eunuch, and there was Huang Hou herself approaching them now. It probably meant the empress had seen everything.
"Huang Hou Niang Niang jixiang."
When she reached them, Huang Hou leaned down and pulled Zhuang Nan up and said to everyone else, "Stand up. Not you, Xiang Guiren."
Ming Yue could not help a certain flash of glee rushing through her, though what followed would hardly be pretty.
"What do you think you were going to do?" Huang Hou asked Xiang Guiren coldly.
"Huang Hou Niang Niang, Ge Ge was being insolent, I was just disciplining her."
"Discipline?" Huang Hou replied, ice solidifying at every syllable. "And where are Yi Fei and I, or Huang Shang and Tai Hou that such task falls upon you? Believe me, Xiang Guiren, disciplining Huang Shang's daughter is not your job."
"I – "
Xiang Guiren fumbled around for an answer but could not think of any.
Huang Hou sighed and said, "Stand up."
Xiang Guiren did stand and seemed to take this as an indication that she was being pardoned because she gave Huang Hou a hopeful smile. Huang Hou's face, however, remained impassive and icy.
"If you wish for advice, then I give you this. Yi Fei might laugh away your attitude towards herself and not care what you say to her or about her, but do not make the mistake of thinking she is so meek and gentle that she would tolerate the same treatment of her children or even her servants. If you have problems with Yi Fei's servants, bring it to her and let her do the job of punishing them."
"But they – "
"They are not your servants to punish!" Huang Hou snapped, cutting through Xiang Guiren's weak protest. "Right now, their service to the palace is greater than yours. Touch Yi Fei's children and I can assure you, any punishment from Huang Shang will still be milder than what Yi Fei could do. And do not think Huang Shang's loyalty is so easily bought with a pretty face either. They are Huang Shang's children first of all, and even if one day you have enough fortune to have Huang Shang's favour, which I assure you, you do not have yet, Huang Shang would still not allow you to treat them thus."
There was a ringing silence around them as Huang Hou finished. Either Xiang Guiren did not know how to answer or was reluctant to, she remained silent.
"Is that understood?" Huang Hou asked frostily.
Xiang Guiren could not say anything other than, "Yes, Niang Niang."
"Very well. Return to your palace and think about your mistakes. For three days, you will not be allowed to leave your doors."
"But – "
Huang Hou gave her a hard look that successfully shut her up. "You are dismissed. Xue Yun, stay for a moment."
Not able to defy Huang Hou's order, Xiang Guiren finally turned and scurried away. Huang Hou waited until she was totally out of earshot before turning to Xue Yun. The maid, however, didn't wait for her to speak and just knelt down.
"I beg Huang Hou Niang Niang's forgiveness, I know you charged me with teaching Guiren the ways of the palace but – "
Huang Hou just heaved a sigh and indicated for Xue Yun to stand.
"I did not keep you back to reprimand you. I know you have done your best and with her attitude, it could not have been easy."
"Guiren is very…obstinate. She seems incapable of understanding that she could not have chosen a worse person to offend than Yi Fei Niang Niang," Xue Yun said.
"Clearly," Huang Hou said dryly. "I know she is not easy to teach. It is difficult for you, I understand that, and I am sorry, but you are the only one I feel have enough patience to deal with this. Do try to understand."
If she was being fair, Ming Yue might have to admit to herself that when Yi Fei first came into the palace as Huan Zhu Ge Ge, she was just as impossible to teach, and Rong Mo Mo must have suffered just as much as Xue Yun was doing now. Xue Yun wasn't nearly as hard and cold as Rong Mo Mo had been, but how time provided perspective on everything! Even then, Huan Zhu Ge Ge's attitude, at least, wasn't born of arrogance and there was still good-nature underneath it all.
Now, Ming Yue thought it probably took someone with infinite patience to deal with Xiang Guiren, and even Xue Yun could not fit that description. However, of course, Xue Yun could not do much else than say, "Of course, Niang Niang. Your orders are mine to obey."
"If things do get too much, do let me know," Huang Hou said, and when receiving Xue Yun's nod, she dismissed her with a sigh.
Turning to Zhuang Nan now, Huang Hou asked, "Do I even want to know how that all started?"
"I didn't do anything wrong!" Zhuang Nan said indignantly. "She just wouldn't let me leave."
Huang Hou turned slightly to Ming Yue, who answered, "Replying Huang Hou Niang Niang, Ge Ge is telling the truth. Guiren was just being very persistent – "
Then she proceeded to tell Huang Hou what happened. The account ended with Zhuang Nan adding, in a sulky tone, "I don't like her!"
Ming Yue had to press her lips together to stop laughing. Huang Hou sighed. "Honestly, Nan Er, you are not the only one. Come, I will walk you back."
On the way back, Ming Yue could not help airing her grievances to Huang Hou.
"Huang Hou Niang Niang, you must convince Yi Fei Niang Niang to do something about Xiang Guiren. Even if she doesn't care about how Xiang Guiren treats her, Ge Ge doesn't deserve this, and Xiang Guiren would only be worse in the future. Her arrogance is impossible to take."
Huang Hou turned to give her a very long look, and belatedly, she realised that those words were very much frank and harsh criticism of Xiang Guiren. Even if Huang Hou had the same view, it was still not Ming Yue's place to say those words. She turned her eyes downward.
"You have been with Yi Fei for much too long. You are starting to sound like her," was Huang Hou's only dry reply. Somehow, it didn't seem much like criticism.
"Did you kill Xiang Guiren or cause her some grief in the last life, because she seems intent on hating your guts," Huang Hou said to Xiao Yan Zi when she stepped into Cheng Qian Gong with Zhuang Nan in tow and then swiftly allowed Ming Yue to usher the princess away to get cleaned up.
"What happened?" Xiao Yan Zi asked with a laugh, sitting down opposite her.
Huang Hou started to tell her what had happened in the garden.
"What?" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed, looking towards the direction of the inner rooms where Zhuang Nan was. "Did she – "
"No, I stopped her in time, Nan Er is fine, just a bit annoyed," Huang Hou said soothingly. "I just thought you need to know."
"That – " Xiao Yan Zi started angrily, then apparently couldn't think of an appropriately harsh descriptor. "How dare she - !"
Huang Hou watched as she jumped up and paced agitatedly around. "Who does she think she is? What gives her any right – "
Then, finally, pausing, she faced Huang Hou with a surly look.
"What did you do with her?" Xiao Yan Zi demanded.
"I gave her a clear enough warning, I should think, and if she has any sense at all, she would not go near the children enough to do anything to them."
"If she had any sense, she would never need the warning in the first place!" Xiao Yan Zi said harshly. "It's like I don't want to get into this stupid conflict with her but she would force my hand!"
"You don't have to get into anything you don't want to," Huang Hou said, pulling her to sit down again. "Just tell Huang Shang and let him deal with her. Even if she is foolish enough to not heed my warning, she would at least be forced to obey him."
"What gets me is that those like Xiang Guiren are the type who would pull children into this. Does she think that I would stand for this?" Xiao Yan Zi seethed. Then, spring up again, she said angrily, "I should just get over there and let her have a piece of my mind now – "
"No," Huang Hou said firmly, pulling her back down. "You should not be the one to confront her about this – "
"What?" she exclaimed. "You just spent all this time telling me I shouldn't let her walk all over me, and now the moment when she attempts to abuse my child, you say I should back down? How does that even make sense?"
"Because it's your child!" Huang Hou said. "I know it is the only reason you would confront Xiang Guiren about her behaviour, but precisely because it works you up so much that you shouldn't go storming off to confront her about it. All she'll see then is that she managed to get you upset. It wouldn't make any difference."
"So what do you suggest I do, wait until she gets a chance to hurt my children even more to do something about it?" Xiao Yan Zi asked contemptuously.
"Of course not," Huang Hou said firmly. "Tell Huang Shang and let him deal with it."
"I am not going to run crying to Huang Shang just because one of them happens to annoy me!" Xiao Yan Zi said. "But I'm not going to just sit back and let her treat my children like this either!"
"Huang Shang's children," Huang Hou stressed.
"What?"
"What Xiang Guiren needs to see now is that they are Huang Shang's children. I don't think either of us trying to drum that concept into her head is going to work. She sees Nan Er as yourdaughter, a way to annoy you, that's why she picked on her. I don't think she stopped to think how Huang Shang would be displeased with such behaviour towards his daughter."
"Clearly not," Xiao Yan Zi said peevishly. "She has so far proved herself childish enough to have never considered that."
"So let him make his displeasure known to her and perhaps he can make her see sense. I would like to see him take a stab at it, because I am so close to being done with her."
Despite it all, Xiao Yan Zi smiled. Huang Hou did not admit exasperation or defeat easily. Such statement alone showed how much Xiang Guiren had tried her patience.
Then, more soberly, she said, "I just hate to think that I have to be forced to tattle to him."
"It's not tattling if it's about the children, Xiao Yan Zi. As much as I know you like to think you can fight your own battles, there are some that you shouldn't fight yourself because it would only get worse. If all her days so far has proved anything, it's apparently she only really is intimidated by Huang Shang anyway," Huang Hou said.
Xiao Yan Zi sighed.
"So you will tell Huang Shang, yes?" Huang Hou pressed.
"Yes, yes, fine," Xiao Yan Zi said, waving her hand exasperatedly.
"Tell me what?"
Xiao Yan Zi and Huang Hou turned abruptly to the door to see Yong Qi looking at them. Xiao Yan Zi groaned.
"It's nice to see you too," he said to her, smiling.
Huang Hou laughed and stood up. After greeting him, she said, "I think this is my cue to leave."
"You don't have to leave because I'm here," he protested.
"I think I do," she replied, smiling. "Xiao Yan Zi needs to talk to you."
He looked at Xiao Yan Zi, question in his eyes, but she just shrugged while Huang Hou stood up to leave. When they were alone again, Yong Qi slid into the seat Huang Hou just vacated. "Well?"
With a heavy sigh, knowing there was little point to try and avoid the matter with him now, Xiao Yan Zi told him what Huang Hou had just told her.
"Is Nan Er all right?" he asked, frowning in concern.
"Yes," Xiao Yan Zi said. "This time, anyway."
"So do you admit that now that you can't just ignore her anymore and I need to do something about this?" he asked mildly.
"I guess," she said reluctantly. "Though what do you intend to do?"
"Considering she hasn't done much real damage yet, there is little to be done, exactly. Arrogance is a failing, but hardly a crime. I will speak to her, however. Though, to tell the truth, I find it impressive that in the space of a month, she has managed to offend half the people in the palace. Even you never managed that."
The last bit he said with a smile and she only half-heartedly glared at him for it.
"I suppose the only good thing is that she has not yet done anything to directly upset Huang E'niang," he continued.
"Oh no, I don't think even she would be that foolish," Xiao Yan Zi said.
Xiao Yan Zi could not be entirely sure what Yong Qi ended up saying to Xiang Guiren, but it did effectively made her become a lot more polite, at least outwardly, not just to Xiao Yan Zi but generally to everyone, and only with hints of petulance sneaking through occasionally.
She suspected that, for a variety of reasons, Xiang Guiren probably got a lighter slap on the wrist than she truly deserved. Then again, Xiao Yan Zi couldn't be sure she was the right person to complain about that. She always managed to get away with far too much herself, both in her youth and now, armed with both emperors' indulgence.
Ultimately, she thought the entire saga of drama with Xiang Guiren was summed up best by the children, though perhaps not in the most diplomatic of ways.
"E'niang, I don't like Xiang Guiren," Zhuang Nan said.
Xiao Yan Zi smiled and stroked her daughter's hair while keeping an eye on her sons chasing each other around the room. "Nobody likes her much, to be honest."
"Then why is she here? Usually at least either you or Huang E'niang or Tai Hou like them," she asked.
"It's not that simple, sweetie," Xiao Yan Zi answered. Then, she looked up to where Yong Qi was sitting across the room. He looked buried behind a book but he was clearly listening to their conversation, because she could see his shoulders shaking slightly with laughter.
Xiao Yan Zi added, "And doesn't your Huang Ah Ma get a say in this?"
Mian Ren suddenly stopped and stood right in front of her. "Huang Ah Ma doesn't like anybody. He only likes E'niang," he announced in the most matter-of-fact, innocent way that only a child could manage.
Xiao Yan Zi nearly choked on a mouthful of tea laughing. There was a thudding sound as Yong Qi dropped his arms on the table where he sat and buried his face on them, trying to stifle his own laughter. Mian Ren simply looked from one to the other with an innocent expression.
"You should not say that," Xiao Yan Zi said, without laughing but also unable to curb a smile. She reached down to lift Mian Xuan into her lap, because now that his brother has stopped paying attention to him, her youngest child was begging to be held by her instead.
"But it's true," Zhuang Nan protested.
Xiao Yan Zi looked towards Yong Qi helplessly but he just gave her a smug smile and didn't look like he was in a hurry to correct their much-too-truthful children.
"Even then," Xiao Yan Zi said. "It's not nice."
Her daughter pouted. "You said we should always tell the truth and then now you tell us we shouldn't."
"You should always tell the truth when you have to say anything at all. There are some truths that don't need to be said out loud."
At the close of it all, Xiao Yan Zi had to admit, if there was one thing that the palace had made her learn over the years and if there was a way to sum up how she managed to survive it all this time, it was probably this.
