Portmanteau Couple Names

A/n: Requests for one-shots are OPEN. Leave a review or PM me with a couple you want to see featured and which name you want me to use, and I will try to write something for you. Draw me some fanart of any kind for this story, and I will 100% definitely include your suggestion. Specify which name you want used for the couple (I will write multiples for each pair if people want different names) and whether you want romantic or friendship.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 4: Quick

"I don't have a mailman problem."

Quinn Fabray rolled her eyes, not even deigning to look at the jock leaning against her open locker. "Congratulations."

"That makes me better than Finn."

"By what, the logic of a five year old? This is not a competition—and if it were, I wouldn't be judging according to—" The recently re-instated Cheerio fumbled for a word that wouldn't cause every passerby to turn in her direction. "—speed, given that I no longer have any interest in sex. Or Finn."

"I bet Sam has a mailman problem too."

Quinn pressed her forehead against the cool metal of the locker, silently praying for Puck to go away before this conversation got any more inappropriate.

"Actually, I know he does. He told me." The muscular jock turned to go.

Quinn spun around so fast that her Cheerios skirt nearly flew up, causing a nearby Jacob Ben Israel to pass out in the middle of the hallway.

"WHY were you talking to Sam?" The last thing she wanted this year, besides another pregnancy, was Puck causing any problems for her current boyfriend (who was cute, blonde, respectful, and in every way the anti-Puck).

"I was telling him to stay away from my woman."

Dear God, please let this all be a dream, Quinn prayed, even though the head cheerleader knew it wasn't. "I am not your woman, Puckerman. Sam is my boyfriend. Not you."

Finally, she looked into his warm brown eyes. He was smirking—always a bad sign.

"Not anymore."

"Noah Puckerman you had better be kidding you or else I AM going to hit you, have Artie turn you into a pancake, lock you in a room with Rachel for 24 hours, and then make you go on a shopping trip with Kurt." She almost wished that he had committed a more dangerous crime—maybe something that would keep him conveniently in juvie for the rest of the school year. Or until she graduated. Or maybe longer.

"He was too embarrassed about his mailman problem, so he dumped you."

"PUCK!"

"Kidding." Quinn breathed a sigh of relief. He had just been—

"Actually, he dumped you because he's gay." She gave him her best death glare, but his expression didn't changed. "I'm not kidding on this one, Quinn."

"You have no proof," she snapped.

Puck quirked an eyebrow in that annoying-but-sexy way of his. "Do you want to see the video footage of him and Hummel in the locker room….."

Unable to come up with a retort, Quinn merely shot Puck yet another glare and turned on her heel, stepping over Jacob's prone form as she headed off to find Sam.

"When you find out I'm not lying, just remember I'm still available AND I don't have a mailman problem!" he called in the direction of her retreating back. Quinn didn't even dignify that with a response.