"Did you use tongue?"

The week since my 'first' date with Will had been plagued by the phone call I received from Andrew the day after, notifying me that Claire had gone into hospital. I was panicked, and worried, finding myself racing out of work almost instantly to be by her side. The morning sickness, or the 'every minute of every goddamn hour' as Claire once so pleasantly put was still going on despite her being 24 weeks in and as a consequence, her body had suffered, becoming too dehydrated and undernourished.

"Claire, come on" I whined, immediately turning my attention to the glass of juice sat on the coaster. Since her stint in hospital Claire had immediately come round to mine, wanting to know everything that had happened with Will, and as happy as I was that she and the baby were doing ok, I hadn't missed the integrating conversations she loved so much.

"I'm not saying" I stated, as her lips pouted together in annoyance.

She moved closer, taking my hand in hers, "Boo, come on, you can tell me".

I nodded as her grin showed her satisfaction. My cheeks burned scarlet red, embarrassed and ashamed to feel this way talking about something as simple as a kiss.

"Hey boo, no need to get embarrassed, wait until all the other stuff comes" she winked and suddenly I felt the air race out of the room. "Have you and Will talked about doing the 'nasty' yet?"

"Claire-" I said sternly, crossing my legs and cradling my hands in my lap. I didn't want to look at her. I was annoyed. My virginity had always been a prevalent topic throughout the years and I had regretted ever telling her the truth that Andy and I had never done it. Perhaps if I had kept up the lie my seventeen year old self had invented she would ease off now but apparently my silence only fuelled her prying.

"You can't keep running away from it Emma".

Colour drained from my face as my failed attempts at intimacy; both with Will and Carl haunted me. I drank my juice fervently, attempting to push my tears away, praying that she'd drop the issue.

"Emma-"

"Just drop it Claire" I snapped, pushing my gaze lower as I felt guilt seep to the surface, "it wasn't you that John pushed into the lagoon it was me. You have no idea what it's like to live like this." I cried and the tears slid down my cheeks mournfully.

"Boo" she whispered, lifting my chin up. Her eyes had softened, clouded over with remorse and understanding. I felt myself being folded into her arms, her hug easing the pain that ached within my heart,

"It's just so hard Claire" I whispered as my bottom lip started to tremble, closing my eyes tightly shut.

"But Dr Shane's been helping you hasn't she?

"Yeah" my lips turned into a small smile, "a little."

"And what do you talk about with her?" Her hands ran through my hair lovingly as she cradled me against her and I felt suddenly protected from everything I felt.

"Everything." I paused, inhaling deeply. "About the accident, and Will."

"And has she mentioned about possibly becoming intimate with Will?"

I drew in a deep breath, embarrassment plaguing me, "yes".

Her eyes were comforting as she placed a single kiss on the top of my head, "and what do you say to her, do you want have sex with Will?"

I sat up slowly, and without realising, I was clamping and twisting my hands together nervously. "Of course I do" I whispered honestly as my tears continued to fall. "I'm just so ashamed."

"Why boo?" she asked softly, her hand squeezing mine in encouragement.

"I'm 32." I croaked, running my palm down my pale, freckled arm frantically with nerves. "And I've never been intimate with anyone like that before." I lowered my voice, fearful of letting go of everything that had anxiously built up inside, "But I want to".

My confession filled the room as the silence crept in, and in between the shame and the nerves, I felt an emotion that was foreign to me; relief.

"How did it feel?" I asked almost bravely and I felt her reach for my hand.

"My first time?" And I nodded, looking directly in her eyes. "Crap" she muttered and I felt my stomach lurch with dread.

"Boo I was 15; underage and naive. I thought I loved him and when it came down to it, I did it because that's what he wanted, not what I wanted." Her tone was sombre and I suddenly felt guilty for bringing it up.

She ran a thumb over my hand causing me to look up, "but with Andrew it was-" and she paused, thinking of the right words.

"Amazing?" I added, the slight shimmer of hope lacing my eyes.

"Mind blowing" she nodded, "I've never cum so hard before in my life."

I winced at her crudeness and she just laughed, throwing her head back against at the sofa.

"The point is boo; when you do finally pop your cherry it'll hurt, but everything else, being with Will in that moment, just the two of you, it will feel incredible because you both love each other. And the rest of it, the good stuff" she laughed as I buried my face in the crook of her neck, "it'll feel amazing all in here." I burst into a fit of giggles as she tickled me in the lower half of my stomach and the apprehension of wanting to lose the big V was out weighted by the fact that it would be with Will.

"Now," she paused, "lingerie".

"What about it?" I asked nervously.

"You need to buy something that'll make you feel a bit sexier for when the time comes."

"What's wrong with the ones I've got, you haven't even seen them!" I felt mildly insulted by the accusation that none of my panty sets were deemed 'sexy' enough. I had a few nice sets, admittedly in the basic blacks, whites and beiges but they were nice.

"I have" and I figured she must have gone prying when I was in the shower earlier, "and they're fine Ems but they're safe."

"Safe? What's wrong with that? Safe can be a good thing" and I ran my fingers along the bra strap I was wearing now, a nude padded one; comfortable and practical, "see, it's not ugly".

"Boo, the nursing bras I've just brought are sexier than that! You need something, a little naughty, not too much, just something lacy maybe."

"Lacy?" I frowned, glancing down at my barely existent chest, "won't that make my chest look even flatter? Aren't I best just wearing something a little more, well, padded?"

"When Will Schuester see's you naked for the first time he isn't going to be thinking your breasts are too small or wow I wish she had wore padding in her bra-"

"No?" My eyes widened and I wondered where she was going with this,

"Hell no! He's gonna be thinking, holy shit, I'm finally gonna have sex with Emma Pillsbury."

"Claire-" my arms wrapped protectively round my chest, partially in embarrassment.

"It's true. It wouldn't matter if you grew another arm or a third breast to him. In fact, I'm sure it would be a blessing." She joked, "the only thing that will matter to him is that you're there, wanting him as much as he wants you."

"But what if I can't do it again?" I whispered, thinking back to that fateful night I had run out fraught and embarrassed on him.

"Boo you weren't ready then." And she tucked a strand of hair behind me ear as I looked up to her sadly. "And when you are Will will be there for you."

"Do you think I should talk about, about," I lowered my voice, "sex, with him. About how I feel and stuff?"

She scooted closer, allowing me to lay my head contently in her lap,

"I think maybe it would be easier to talk about it with Dr Sheen and Will together, that way you can't shy away from the situation".

"Maybe" I responded, thinking deeply until Claire shook my out of it,

"Hey, listen; you can beat this daemon boo. We're all here for you; Will, me, Dr Sheen, I promise, none of us are going anywhere." She smiled.

I closed my eyes, smiling through my tears as I whispered; "thank you".


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