A/N: Hi everyone. I've had a bit of a strange day today, so I'm sorry if this chapter isn't as good as I would like it to be. Please let me know if you think of a way to make it better.
I hope you all had a nice day!
4. Secrets
A few days go by rather quickly ever since Natsu showed up. His reunion party at the pub was a blast according to Gajeel although I felt pretty awkward throughout the whole thing. Back at my place I gave Natsu my spare key and told him I had to go to bed because I had work the next day. He told my good night and I went to change and meant to give him a blanket and pillow once I had. What a surprise I had when Natsu wasn't in the apartment when I came back out of my room and he didn't show up until I had fallen asleep on his blanket and pillow on the couch waiting for him. I woke up the next day and found myself in my bed although I distinctly remember not falling asleep there. Out in the living room, there he was, sprawled on the couch, drooling onto his pillow.
I didn't have the heart to wake him up so early and he must have gotten back pretty late. I had my breakfast, wrote him a note telling him I went to work and left. Work was uneventful as always and I'd rather not dwell on it, as always. Levy did fine though and didn't have any major problems. Of course, you can't really avoid the occasional angry person, no matter how polite you are. Afterwards though, he wasn't at the apartment. I suppose I can't be too surprised that he didn't want to stay there all day. There are only so many times you can go through a person's belongings so I went out again to buy some groceries to prepare dinner.
On my way to the store I thought I saw him several times, quickly disappearing behind corners when I turned around to check. It was only every the swish of what I thought was a white scarf or a flash of pink. I couldn't be sure what it really was and even less so if it was Natsu. I tried to ignore it and went about my shopping and I managed to lose myself in the questions of what I could do with the food I was putting into my basket. Although I wasn't really aware of it, I bought the things I knew Natsu would like.
On my way back though, I saw Natsu for sure, and I didn't like what I saw. He stood in the opening of an alley way, looking around as if waiting for someone. Curious and apprehensive, I stopped and waited for something to happen, and it did. A man I didn't recognized walked up to Natsu, expecting to see him there and they walked into the shadows of the alley. Again curious and maybe even more so, I crossed the street and headed for the opening of the alley way where I distinctly saw Natsu handing the man a bag of something sealed away, and the man, looking eagerly at the bag handed Natsu money without looking up at him.
I turned away from the alley to lean against the wall, suddenly out of breath, my heart thundering against my chest. I hoped desperately that I was wrong about what I saw. I don't want him to have been dealing drugs even if it felt even stranger that he would be selling them in a town he hadn't been in for two years.
I hurried home after that and tried to act as if nothing had happened when Natsu eventually arrived, a wide grin on his face and a bag of groceries in his hand. I looked at him, wondering what he'd brought but when he met my eye, I had to look away. His gaze was too intense and I felt too strange about what I saw. I was the most uncomfortable encounter I've had in a long time, including breaking up with Gray. I couldn't keep conversation with him even though he seemed very keen on asking me what I'd been up to these past two years. That too was strange though since he still hadn't apologized for just up and leaving.
In an effort to at least be pleasant, after dinner I showed him what I've been working on through school and he seemed interested enough. Distant though, which I couldn't explain and he kept checking his phone. Eventually, after a while of just sitting in the living room and after a maybe thousandth time that he'd checked his phone, he frowned and gripped his phone very hard. I could almost imagine it breaking in his palm. I met his eyes then and he stood.
"I have to head out for a bit." He said and went to put on his shoes. Before he left the apartment, he turned around once more. "Don't wait up." and he left without another glance at me.
The next day was no different only I didn't have to go to work, having a rare day off. At breakfast where Natsu and I sat together I suggested I'd call Levy and Gajeel to ask them if they wanted to hang out. We could walk around town and see how it has changed over the past two years. Natsu looked up at me intently at this suggestion and stared at me for a moment, not unlike Gray has done the past two months whenever he'd shown up. It was very disconcerting. He shrugged then and said that he already had plans.
It was hard to believe at first since he said it with such certainty, as if I was already supposed to have known this. An awkward moment ensued while I stared at my breakfast and Natsu continued to gobble down his own. I wanted to say something then. I wanted to ask what he was up to, where he was going, what he had been doing in that alley the day before. It was like I had a complete stranger in front of me and I couldn't get the words out of my mouth.
When Natsu was done with his meal, he stood and went over to the entrance and put on his shoes.
"See you later!" He called and had the decency, I suppose I should call it, to flash me one of his familiar grins before he left. I didn't know which hurt more, the fact that he was treating me like an insignificant acquaintance, or that he seemed to assume that I was alright with everything, which was far from the truth. As if I was some sort of doormat that he could simply walk all over.
I tried to do some school work but failed miserably. I could have called Levy and told her about it, but my stomach roiled at the thought of having to talk to someone about Natsu. I just couldn't wrap my head around his behavior and on some level, I don't think that I wanted to understand it, I just wanted him to be the person I had known.
The third day was no better than the first. But this time I decided that I had to do something. I spent all day at work coming up with a plan of how I would breach the subject with him, how I would talk to him and how he would explain to me that there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for his behavior. I imagined myself getting angry and telling him off for not calling or texting me these past years. I would yell at him, telling him how much I'd missed him and how dare he simply tackle back into my life and act this way. He would apologize profusely and beg for my forgiveness which I would elegantly grant him.
Here I sit now, a blanket around my shoulder, the book I've been trying to read for the past four hours lies open in my lap, the cup of tea I made when I started my wait stands long forgotten and cold on the table in front of me.
Of course I had fallen asleep, I'm not used to staying up late anymore. Especially not when I'm trying to read. Natsu just arrived back from wherever he's been and he stares at me, his eyes wide open, his arms out stretched, his toe only just hitting the floor, looking exactly like a thief who is sneaking about.
We stare at each other for a while and eventually he puts down his leg and straightens up. He scratches his neck.
"Oh. You're up." He says. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I frown at him. All my plans from work fly out the window. He looks dangerous as he stands there and I realize that his knuckles are bloody. I stand up and let the blanket fall to the floor.
"Where have you been?" I ask.
Natsu bites down on his jaw and looks away. His hand still at his neck but he can no longer act as if he's scratching some itch.
"I can't tell you." He says in a flat tone that I neither like nor recognize. Tears well up in my eyes.
"I don't believe you." I say. His brow draws down and he glares at me.
"Well that isn't my problem, now is it." He says and I'm surprised at the sudden hostility. I step around the table to stand in front of him.
"Natsu, what is going on?" I want to reach out to him but it seems that he has changed much more than I expected. At least the use of his name sparks some reaction and he looks me in the eye. I almost wish he'd look away. I lean back but stand my ground.
"It's none of your business." He says and moves forward to walk past me. I step sideways to block his path. I put my hand to his chest and can feel his heart race there.
"Please, Natsu. You show up out of nowhere and now you act as though this is completely normal. You can't…" I hesitate. "You can't expect me to accept this. You can't…" But he interrupts me.
"Don't tell me what I can and can't do." He nearly yells, a finger pointed at me. "All of this, all of it I did for you!"
"What are you talking about?" I say desperately. "What is going on?"
He stared at me.
I stare at him.
He shakes his head.
"If I tell you..." He puts his head in his hand. "They will know… And don't ask me who they are!"
There is a long silence before he looks up at me. He sighs and lets his hand drop. He straightens and suddenly looks far older than I have ever seen. The way he looks at me though, reminds me of a lost kitten. His eyes drill into me and yet again, there is nothing in the world other than his eyes.
"Lucy," He starts and takes a step forward, looking awkward, apologetic and almost frightened. A shiver runs down my spine when he says my name. "I have been blackmailed." He says. My eyes widen but I hold my tongue because I have a feeling that he won't continue if I interrupt him now.
"And if I didn't do what they said, they would go after you."
And he proceeds to explain the real reason why he vanished so suddenly two years ago.
