I DO NOT OWN THE DIVERGENT TRILOGY, CREDIT TO VERONICA ROTH!
I rotate my body around to the source of the scream. By the chasm stands a young woman, her hands clasped over her mouth. I sprint towards her, knowing that someone terrible has happened, most likely something completely irreversible. Tobias follows, as does most in the pit. I reach the woman, careful not to frighten her. I can't read her expression, it seems to be mixed between panic and shock. I can now see that her whole body is shaking and her knuckles are white. I edge closer to the slick railing where the girl stands. Her eyes are focused on the churning water, I follow her gaze. I motion for everyone else to stay back with my hand. I reach the railing and trail my eyes down to the water. A body is bent against the rocks at sharp angles, every bone must be broken. With a sharp intake of breath, I step back from the railing and step towards the girl with caution. She doesn't acknowledge my presence, her eyes still focused on the water splashing against the body in the chasm. But after what she must have just witnessed, I don't blame her. Her face turns as white as a sheet and her eyes roll back into her skull. Her legs slide out from under her body, and just as she is about to collide with the damp floor, I leap forward to catch her. Cries come from the crowd as a figure pushes through and stands beside me. Tobias gently takes one leg in each hand as I balance her head on my arm. We lift her up and slowly make our way through the crowd. The crowd parts for Tobias and I to pass through, I can't help but think back to Al. A tear rolls down my cheek and I quickly swipe it away. As I pass through the throng of spectators, I briefly take my eyes off my feet to see Tori. She looks grim, as do most others. Some are crying, hugging each other. Tobias and I make our way to infirmary, where they are rushing to set up a bed. Someone must have warned them. Tobias and I hand her carefully to the doctors who place her on a bed and wheel her out of sight. I can't erase the image of the lifeless body from my mind, all the limbs bent at unnatural angles. I think I recall seeing bone protruding from the body. Who was it? Why did they throw themselves into the river? It's all so sad, so horrible that the woman saw it all. Knowing the person who ended their life makes the grief impossibly worse, especially knowing that you had something to do with their sadness.
Tobias grips my hand and his touch is comforting, I would hate to lose him. I never want to lose this boy who makes me feel like life is worth living, because without Tobias, I'm not sure it is. I've already lost my parents and Caleb is dead to me.
We make our way back to the scene where it all took place, the crowd has thinned out greatly. Only a few people mill about. A group are working by the rocks to identify the body, questioning will begin later. I can only imagine that the woman is being treated for shock. Work will most likely be cancelled for the day, allowing time for the Dauntless community to grieve. I don't want to head back to the apartment, I want to walk outside and breathe in the fresh air.
"I'm going to take a walk. I'll be back in a few minutes." I manage to strangle out a few words to Tobias without breaking down.
"Okay, stay safe. I'll meet you in the apartment, I love you."
I walk away from the chaos and past the chorus of questions people are pitching at one another about the scene. I need to clear my thoughts, feel the crisp air and dewy grass. As soon as my feet recognise the hard ground underneath them, my body takes off in a run. I run until my body is numb and my legs ache. I find a patch of grass under a tree and lie down, slowing my breath so that I inhale and exhale in an even pattern. I can't hold in the emotion anymore, my body is racking with sobs. The hot and salty tears carve pathways down my cheeks and drip into the grass. You killed Al and Will, Tris. You killed them! Shame on you. I squeeze my eyes shut as the last of the tears roll down my face and try to block the mental images that flood my brain. It's now that I notice how soft and fresh the grass is, it makes a lovely mattress for my body…
I awake, feeling incredibly warm and cosy. My eyelids open slowly, it takes a few seconds for my brain to register with my eyes and process my surroundings. I'm in bed, our bed. A warm body is pressed against my side. Tobias. He must have found me in the grass and carried me back to the apartment. I mustn't have gotten as far as I'd thought. I told him I'd be a few minutes, not a few hours. Crap, he was probably worried sick. I can't do this. I can't hurt Tobias so he punishes himself, when I should be the one facing the consequences. There cannot be another repeat of what happened with Al. According to the alarm clock, it's late afternoon. My stomach grumbles. I feel dirty and grass is scattered throughout my hair. I take a shower after slipping out of bed next to a sleeping Tobias. When I re-enter the room, Tobias is sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for me. He taps the spot next to him and I sit.
"Tris, I know what happened earlier today was alarming. I knew you'd need to step out for some air. But you were gone for a few hours so I went looking and found you asleep, curled in the grass," He frowns, "I nearly tripped over you."
"I'm sorry. I got lost in my thoughts and fell asleep. Can we go to the dining hall? I'm starving," I reply.
"We will soon. But first I need to know that you're okay. Don't give me this 'I'm fine' crap, because I'm certain that you aren't. You don't need to put on a brave face every hour of the day Tris. You can talk to me, I'm always here for you. Always." I can tell he means it. I look him in the eyes and explain how I can't stop flashing back to Al and now that I think of it, Will. More blood on my hands.
"It's my entire fault Tobias. If I wasn't so stubborn with Al, he would still be breathing and alive. I know Will wasn't himself but the feeling of shooting one of my best friends will never fade." My voice cracks and I'm crying again. Ugh. Tobias shuffles closer and my body is automatically drawn to his, like a magnet. My face fits perfectly in his shoulder. I've been crying so much lately, it's not fair on Tobias.
"Al may have been sad from other things Tris. It's not like you pushed him into the chasm yourself, he wouldn't have blamed you. He blamed himself, thinking he was a bad person. I can't have you thinking you're a bad person, hurting yourself like that. Okay? I love you. Let's get some food" He wipes the tears from my face and kisses me on the lips. I almost melt into him, but I pull away remembering his promise of food and hearing the demand coming from my stomach.
"I love you too, as always."
We sit at our usual table, eating sausages followed by cake. The dining room is usually a place of laughter and chatter. The majority of those not looking down at their plates awkwardly are daring to whisper to each other. I glance around at the members of our table. Tori sits opposite me, frowning. Uriah's usual cheerful self has been gradually fading since Marlene and Lynn's deaths. He looks up at me and gives me a half smile. Shauna is trying to make small talk. I miss Christina, I hope to see her soon. Tori suddenly moves from her seat and briskly walks to the front of the room. She clears her throat to draw everyone's attention. Her voice echoes throughout the space, clear and firm.
"We have identified the body found in the chasm. It was Beth Gregson, Dauntless of three years. She will be greatly missed. Her sister, Agnes, is in hospital and we ask that she does not have visitors at this time. Beth's funeral will be held later this week. Thank you." Tori exits the room, wiping her eyes.
