- Chapter Four -
The Secret
Michael was turned away from her, and his face was practically pressed up against the window facing the parking lot as she walked into his office. This late in the day, she steeled herself against Michael's infamous unpredictability, hoping that he wouldn't have another ridiculously inane task for her.
"Hey," she ventured, "here's your schedule for next week."
As he turned to face her she noticed that Michael appeared to be even more worked up than usual. He looked like he was about to cry, and was trying to regain his composure.
Against her better judgment she asked, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Look…About you and Jim…"
She could see exactly where this was headed, and decided to try and divert it while she could. Things were awkward enough already.
"Oh no, that's… You don't have to…,"
"No, I just feel it's my responsibility as your boss-slash-friend – "
"No, it's- really, it's okay… um, I know that Jim had like, a crush on me when he first started, but that was a long time ago, so…," she hoped that would be enough to bring Michael to a halt.
Instead, he just gave her a look.
"It wasn't that long ago," he said earnestly, "It was on the booze cruise."
Wait… what?
"Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise, or he told you about it on the booze cruise?"
"Ah-a-yyyoookay. Shhhhuut-it… Michael. I'm done. That's it. I'm out."
Much to Pam's amazement, the eternal blabbermouth Michael actually clammed up for once. He wouldn't say another word. Pam shuffled back to her desk in a daze, unsure of what to think.
Sitting down, she pretended to move stacks of paper from one place to another as she played back the conversation she'd had in the kitchen with Jim. She believed that the crush was a thing of the past, but going over it in her mind, she realized that Jim could just as easily have been putting on a show. After all, how many times had she watched him tell a blatant lie with a straight face while pulling a prank on Dwight? And why did she feel disappointed when he felt the need to reiterate that he was "totally over it?"
It would make sense, though, wouldn't it? Hadn't she been able to feel the tension on the booze cruise herself?
There had been a moment, when Jim took her up to the top deck to get her away from the pandemonium of the party, that Jim had looked at her. In fact, that was all he did. He had just… looked at her, but it seemed like he was trying to pry her apart with his eyes.
She remembered that she had just asked something about the cheerleader… what was her name? Katy. She had just asked him what it was like to date Katy. And he just kind of spaced out… and looked at her. Looked into her.
The look that was in his eyes somehow slid past all of her defenses, as if he was looking into the deepest, darkest corners of her mind. She simply couldn't deal with that level of examination. She remembered making up some excuse for being cold and escaped back downstairs, feeling guilty for leaving Jim up there on his own after he had made the effort to get her away from everyone else. But honestly, he had been creeping her out a bit.
She cleared the last stack of paper from her desk, and dropped it heavily next to the shredder. Thinking about it now, she wondered if he had been trying to say something. Tell her… well, tell her how he felt. She bit her lower lip as she stared blankly at her computer screen. What if what Michael had (almost) said was true?
She could hear the rest of the Dunder Mifflin staff gathering their belongings, eager to shuffle out the door at the end of another wonderful day at the office. Figuring that she should do the same, she reached for her purse and started to shut down her computer.
In a way, she thought as she slipped into her coat, it wasn't her problem. She was happily engaged, right? It didn't matter if he had a crush on–
"Ready?" Jim interrupted.
"Yeah,"
She watched him grab his coat from the rack and fold it over his arm. Pam found herself inspecting Jim as they walked out together. She tried to imagine what Jim would be like in a relationship. He was funny, and easy to talk to. She watched his back as he walked towards the elevators in front of her. His shoulders were slumped into that relaxed, lanky gait that was easy to recognize, even when she wasn't wearing her contacts. She kept sneaking peeks at him while they waited for the elevator. He had clean features, and moppish good looks, with hair that, even unkempt as it was, hung adorably low on his brow. He had deeply hooded, expressive eyes that were always ready with the next joke, and a smile that could always make her feel better.
As she got on the elevator, Pam had to admit to herself that Jim was quite a catch, and that many girls probably dreamed of being with a guy like Jim. It made her kind of sad to think that he might have a crush on her, when she was already in a committed relationship with Roy. She didn't want to keep Jim from being happy with anyone else. He would make any girl extremely happy.
It just couldn't be her.
After more than three years of engagement, Pam was sick of being engaged, and was getting impatient waiting for June tenth to arrive.
Author's Note -
Okay, so this one took a little longer to get through, because I've been trying to scrutinize my writing a bit more, and adhere to a higher standard of quality. Take from that what you will. Many thanks go out to my dear girlfriend for looking over my writing and taking it to the cleaners. Also, thanks to Mag68 for contributing useful suggestions. I can't always promise to incorporate every suggestion into the story, but I definitely keep them in mind moving forward.
Right, so time to start work on the next installment. See you all next time.
