Author's Note: I wish to give a very special thanks to Zivon96 for being cool enough to drop a review. Even though the Apache didn't win the last fight, I still think it would have been a very close encounter.
Viking: The battle-crazed berserker who tore a path of destruction through Old Europe
(A group of Vikings are shown overrunning a group of defending soldiers, one of whom has their head split open by a much larger Viking's Dane Axe.)
Vs.
Spartan: The battlefield butcher of Ancient Greece
(A Spartan is shown slamming his aspis into the face of a Persian Immortal, while impaling another with his xiphos.)
WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, we've assembled a team of world class fighters to test history's most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when two warriors go toe to toe.
No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death to decide who is…THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!
Here in our elite fight club we have gathered doctors, medical scientists and weapons experts to test out the lethal arsenals wielded by each of our combatants to determine who would win a fight between two warriors who never met in a face to face duel:
Viking:
Circa: 1000 A.D.
Height: 5' 11"
Weight: 180 lbs.
Armor:
Riveted Chainmail
Spectacled Steel Helmet
Spartan:
Circa: 480 B.C.
Height: 5' 8"
Weight: 165 lbs.
Armor:
Bronze Cuirass, Greaves and Arm Guards
Corinthian Helmet
"These are two of the fiercest warriors in all of history, known for their ferocity and their endurance," Richard "Mack" Machowicz explained, "The Vikings lived for warfare, in fact, their idea of heaven was war and the Spartan, he was trained his entire life to do one thing, and that's kill his enemy."
"I'm siding with the Spartan," Dr. Armand Dorian spoke, "They endured the most brutal, merciless training ever known to the ancient world, perhaps the hardest training in all of known history. You have to be tough to survive that."
"I'm picking the Viking for this one," Geoff Desmoulin replied, "He was an in your face savage who would go through any means to win. He was there to kill his enemy, take his possessions, and then take them back for his own family."
Vikings were sailors and warriors that settled across the northern lands, pirating and pillaging to obtain the natural resources and valuables essential to their survival.
"The Vikings were forged by the frigid climates of the great north, they were tough since the day they were born," Mack explained, "They lived for war and all who stood in their way were doomed."
Vikings didn't just fight to plunder, but also to die in battle, believing that was their only way to Valhalla.
"They had an intrepid nature that enabled them to discover the Americas 400 years before Columbus, coupled with a religious view glorifying a violent death, they will truly be unlike anything the Spartan has ever encountered," Mack finished.
The Viking brings to battle an assortment of deadly weapons that made them the most feared plunderers of their day:
Short Range: Long Sword
Mid-Range: Dane Axe
Long Range: Boar Spear
Special: Shield
Today the Viking will be going up against an equally brutal adversary who fought their way into history following one of the most famous last stands ever known.
Coming from the ancient city state of Sparta, every aspect of society was geared towards producing the perfect soldier.
"When an infant was born, they were carefully inspected by the elders. If there were any imperfections detected, you would quickly be cast off the cliff. At the age of 7, a boy would be trained to kill his enemies in one of the hardest training regimes ever known to man, one so brutal it was believed to have been the inspiration behind the grueling regime for today's Spetsnaz operatives," Mack explained.
The Spartans eventually fought their way into history during the Greco-Persian War, particularly at the famed Battle of Thermopylae, in which 300 Spartan warriors led by King Leonidas I went up against a force of Persian warriors numbering in the hundreds of thousands, fighting to the last man.
"These were Spartans we are talking about here. They knew they were outnumbered and likely going to die, but they didn't let that stop them from making one final stand in what could have been akin to an ancient version of the defense of the Alamo. It was their sacrifice which helped save Europe from Persian tyranny," Mack finished.
The bronze powerhouse was outfitted with an assortment of brutal weapons that enabled him to cut down all who stood before him:
Short Range: Xiphos
Mid-Range: Dory
Long Range: Javelin
Special: Aspis
Both warriors will start out by showing off their equally brutal swords. Going up first will be a double-edged killer utilized to its fullest capacity by the Spartan.
"The Xiphos was a short sword measuring only a foot in length and weighing two pounds," weapons maker Dave Baker explained, "It had a leaf-shaped blade which made it easier to thrust and pull out of thick armor while causing more trauma in the process."
Hank took a few practice swings with his newly-acquired blade, while Jerry laughed in the background.
"Are you kidding me? That looks like nothing more than a giant pocketknife!" the rival weapons expert whooped.
Hank ignored the putdown and made his way over two ballistic gel torsos that had been set up for him, one bare and the other wearing the Viking's riveted chainmail.
"Alright Hank, we've set up two targets for you, one unarmored and the other armored. I want you to show us what the xiphos can do to an enemy," Geoff said gesturing towards the inanimate adversaries.
Hank did as he was told and took his position in front of the dummies.
"Hank, when you are ready, on 3…2…1! Hack 'em up!"
With a war cry, the weapons specialist thrust the short sword into the unarmored dummy's chest just below its ribcage. Having made his point with the first defeated opponent, he approached the chainmail-wearing torso and thrust into it, his blade penetrating the metal surface; however he would struggle to pull it out before finally doing so and slashing at it, his blade only managing to slice off a few rivets and thus doing no real damage.
"Alright let's assess the damage," Dr. Dorian said approaching the unarmored torso and pulling on his gloves, "Your thrust went right below the ribcage and its hit the metal rod being used to support this torso. Had this been an actual spinal cord you would have severed it, causing instant paralysis. It was also low enough to have severed the main aorta, instant death."
The good doctor then made his way over to the second torso and carefully removed the chainmail, "You've achieved the same results as before; however the penetration wasn't as deep, still enough to cause lethal trauma. The blade has shown lethal thrusting power, but compared to slashing techniques, I see little result."
"My sword is longer and made from superior metals. You might as well declare the edge already Geoff," Jerry said.
"Well, let's find out," Geoff replied.
The Viking responds to the challenge with his famed long sword.
"The Viking's long sword was a straight-bladed, double-sided sword forged together from iron and steel," Dave Baker explained, "It could thrust and slash and due to the shortness of its hilt, it was almost always used one-handed. It was three feet in length and weighed three pounds."
Jerry thoroughly inspected the long sword before approaching two ballistic gel torsos, one clad in the bronze cuirass of a Spartan hoplite.
"Alright Jerry, it's going to be the exact same test for you. Whenever you are ready, hack 'em up!" Geoff said readying the high speed camera.
Jerry got into position and took a couple deep breaths while taking some practice swings with his long sword.
"On 3…2…1!" Geoff called out.
Jerry swung his sword at the unarmored torso, going for the head immediately and nearly cutting all the way through it just above the dummy's nose. He then impaled the torso through its neck, pulling his blade out and going for another swipe, taking its head clean off its shoulders and then stabbing hastily through its chest.
With the unarmored torso dealt with, Jerry makes his way over to the one wearing the bronze cuirass, swinging the sword, which clanged off the armor, leaving a noticeable dent. Seeing that wasn't effective enough, the weapons expert attempts to drive his sword through it, leaving a hole behind. Out of frustration, Jerry swung his blade higher and lopped off the dummy's head.
Dr. Dorian approached both mangled torsos to inspect the damage, starting with the unarmored.
"Pac-Man anyone?" the trauma doctor quipped, finding the top part of the skull sliced in half, "You've turned this guy into a human Pez dispenser. You have penetrated the brain cavity on your first strike alone, instant kill. Secondly, you impaled the man's neck and severed his spinal cord, another instant kill. Then there was a decapitation, instant kill, and lastly, you've destroyed the man's ribs and pierced his heart, guys I think you know the rest," he said looking towards Geoff and Mack.
"Instant kill," both men said in unison.
Dr. Dorian then made his way over to the armored torso and inspected the damage.
"With your first strike there was no penetration, although it is possible you could have struck him hard enough to possibly crack or even break a rib, gonna hurt the guy, but not kill him," Dr. Dorian explained before moving over to the hole, "And you've managed to pierce the armor, deep enough to cut him, but not deep enough to do any significant damage," the doctor explained, ignoring the dummy's severed head, not a planned part of the test.
"Heh, you were saying?" Hank said shaking his head at Jerry.
"Mine's still better at slashing," Jerry retorted, noticing a pig carcass suspended nearby. Taking his long sword he made his way over and slashed cleanly through it, nearly splitting it in half, the bottom portion hanging only by a few strips of flesh before he sliced through it again.
"If you ask me, that second slash was overkill," Dr. Dorian spoke up in mock fear as he walked over to assess the damage, "Cut clean through the spine and the pelvis, very impressive."
"Let's see you try," Jerry said to Hank, noting the short sword's poor performance at slashing.
Undeterred, Hank made his way over to another suspended pig carcass and slashed into it, leaving an impressive gash that would have inflicted serious trauma upon a human foe, but lacking the display of lethality from the Viking's long sword. Grunting in frustration, he delivered two more slashes before he nearly dismembered the pig, leaving its bottom half hanging by a few thin threads of flesh.
Both swords have demonstrated their killing ability, but what does our panel think?
"I'm definitely going with the long sword on this one," Geoff said, "It's longer and it's shown its effectiveness as a slashing weapon, even if it wasn't able to penetrate the cuirass. I'm still impressed by it overall."
"I'm gonna have to go with the xiphos," Dr. Dorian countered, "It might not be as effective at slashing and lack the long sword's reach, but its stabbing power does it for me, plus it can penetrate the Viking's chainmail. You also have to keep in mind that the Spartan is a well-armored killing machine with a large shield the Viking will have to get around."
Again, the crucial tiebreaker would fall down to Mack.
"I'm going to side with the long sword on this one," Mack answered, seemingly somewhat conflicted by his decision, "It's effective at both slashing and stabbing and granted, the xiphos deals out the trauma, still I'm finding myself more impressed by Scandinavian slasher."
For short range weapons, the Viking takes the edge with the long sword.
Coming up, both warriors break out their mid-range arsenal, an iconic Viking head splitter going up against a sharpened spear that spilled the blood of many a Spartan adversary.
XXXXX
Now it is time for both warriors to break out their mid-range arsenals. Up first will be the Viking with an iconic weapon known and feared throughout ancient Scandinavia, the Dane Axe.
"The Dane axe was a brutal battle tool with a thin iron head possessing pronounced 'horns' and a steel cutting edge. It had a five foot long wooden handle and weighed seven pounds altogether," Dave explained, "Its purpose was powerful, overhanded chops that took advantage of the Viking's great height."
A thick block of wood was set up in the fight club and Jerry stood nearby with his Dane axe in hand. Taking a deep breath, Jerry raises the axe high above his head and brings it down with all the force he can muster, easily chopping the block in two.
"We measured 11,000 newtons, that would be enough to sever a limb," Dr. Dorian reported.
"Heh great, you should come over and cut down that dead tree in my front yard. It's blocking my view of that hot lady who lives across from me," Hank chuckled.
"As it was with the long sword, we've once again set up two targets for you, one unarmored and the other wearing Spartan gear. Show us what you can do," Geoff said motioning towards two more ballistic gel torsos.
"On 3…2…1, hack 'em up!" Geoff shouted.
Raising the axe high above his head, Jerry brought it down into the unarmored torso, cleaving deep into its gel surface with a wet 'thuk' that made the others wince as the blade was pulled out and fake blood shot out.
With his first opponent dealt with, Jerry made his way over to the second target, outfitted in a bronze cuirass and Corinthian helmet worn by the ancient Spartan hoplites.
Again raising the axe high above his head, Jerry brought it down on top of the helmeted head, leaving a noticeable dent that completely destroyed the helmet's plume and almost cracked it in half. Focusing on the body, he turns the axe sideways and swings it hard into the torso, leaving another large dent, before rearing back and swinging two more times, the final blow finally breaking through the cuirass and leaving a small cut, a visibly fatigued Jerry nearly dropping his axe after the final blow.
"Your blow to the unarmored torso has nearly cleaved this man in half," Dr. Dorian reported while inspecting the deep cut, "You have gone beyond the heart and the lungs, this is comparable with the trauma of a victim being run over by a train."
The good doctor then made his way over to the second target to inspect the damage done. "The man's helmet did nothing to protect against your first blow," he said removing the heavily dented Corinthian helmet and inspecting the decimated plume, "You caused a massive skull fracture, instant kill," he said before moving down to inspect the cuirass and noticed the small cut left in its surface, "Your first blow alone would cause enough blunt force trauma to contuse the man's intestines and incapacitate him. Moving a little further up, you would have managed to crack a rib or two, as well as cause massive internal bleeding, but even with the cut you did manage to make you would cause only a flesh wound. This could very well be a delayed kill."
"I also noticed how fatigued you were at the end," Mack pointed out, "In spite of your weapon's power, that right there can be a great hindrance."
"My mid-range weapon is longer, faster and lighter," Hank smirked.
The Spartan answers the Viking's challenge with the dory.
"The dory was the chief weapon of the Spartan hoplite, used most famously in their phalanx formation," Dave explained, "It was eight feet long and weighed five pounds. On one end you have the main weapon, the iron spearhead, and on the other you have the butt spike known as a 'Lizard Killer' that can be used as a secondary weapon, but was mainly used for stabbing downed enemies as they passed over them."
Hank stood with a dory in hand, making a few practice thrusts as he approached the ballistic gel torsos set up for him.
"Alright Hank, we have two targets set up for you, one unarmored and the other wearing a Viking's chainmail. As you did before, show us what you can do," Geoff said motioning towards the inanimate adversaries.
"When you are ready, on 3…2…1!" Geoff called out.
Hank shouted to his enemies and drove his spear into the unarmored torso, going clean through the intestines and with a mighty tug pulls it out, spilling some of the fake organs onto the floor below. He then makes his way over to the armored torso and thrusts the spear into it with a sickening tear, the chainmail doing nothing to protect its wearer, but causing some struggle for the weapons expert as the spear's point becomes entangled in some of the rivets before finally pulling it out. He then flips the spear over to the butt end and drives it in, not going as deep as the opposite end.
"Well, we have our answer for the first guy," Dr. Dorian said kneeling down and picking up the strand of artificial intestine, "Christ, you turned this to Swiss cheese," he said before making his way over to the second torso and carefully removing the chainmail shirt.
"This spear tore through that chainmail like it was a t-shirt," Dr. Dorian said inspecting the hole left behind, "In one thrust, you broke ribs, pierced the heart and lung, and lastly the spine. Had the target been unarmored, the spear point would have exited through the back. Your second strike didn't go as deep, but would have still pierced the man's lung, another instant kill."
Both weapons have proven their deadliness, but which weapon do the experts think is better?
"The axe definitely packs a punch, but it is cumbersome and can cause fatigue for the user. I'm going with the dory," Dr. Dorian started.
"The axe has the power, but remember it still has to get past the Spartan's shield, edge dory," Mack followed.
"I thought the Dane axe would have won this hands down, but the dory does have the reach and the speed, plus it involves less exertion for the user, edge dory," Geoff finished.
In mid-range weapons, the Spartan takes the edge with his dory.
Coming up, both warriors break out ancient missiles and then we have a battle to determine once and for all who will be, 'The Deadliest Warrior!'
XXXXX
Now the time has come for both sides to break out their long ranged weapons. Up first will be the Spartan with the javelin.
"The javelin is a three foot long throwing spear with a small bronze tip on a short shaft," Dave explained, "It was typically used by a class of light infantry known as the 'peltast' and was thrown just before engaging their enemies at close range."
Three paper targets were set up and with them; three javelins were waiting on a nearby table.
Hank went over and picked up the first javelin, drawing his arm back and chucking it towards the first target, his aim going wide and only managing to strike the target's left arm. Picking up the second javelin, he tossed it and was a little more accurate with the second toss, striking the target close to the center target. Picking up the third and final javelin, he chucked it at the last target and barely nailed it in the side.
Dr. Dorian approached the targeted to examine the damage, "Alright this first strike is going to cripple your target's arm. It's not going to kill him, but it will render that arm useless."
"Keep in mind that could be the arm holding the shield," Jerry called out from the background, "Won't be any damage period if that's the case!"
Dr. Dorian nodded to the comment and made his way over to the second target, "Judging by the placement of this javelin, you will have managed to strike the target's lung. He's going to bleed out fast, that's a kill." He then made his way over to the last target, "This last javelin is going to likely become lodged in an area that won't have any vital organs. It's going to hurt him, but not kill him."
"From what I see it's very inaccurate, as well as slow, not a good combination on the battlefield, especially when you've got a large berserker coming at you head on," Geoff explained, eliciting a chuckle from Jerry.
"However, there is still one final test," Geoff said motioning towards a ballistic gel torso outfitted in Viking chainmail, "I think you know what to do."
Hank nodded and picked up the final javelin and took his position. Drawing his arm backward, he launched the pointed missile and it managed to strike the target head on, penetrating its chainmail defense.
Dr. Dorian walked over and pulled the javelin out to inspect the wound, "You have achieved a penetration of 2.5 to 3 inches and have struck the pancreas. That's going to incapacitate your opponent and eventually kill him."
"That javelin of yours belongs in the Olympics, it seems pretty sh-tty when dealing with an actual living, breathing opponent who can easily step around it," Jerry spoke up, "My spear is longer, more accurate, has more uses and two can be used at once!"
"The Viking boar spear was a very basic spear with a metal head on a wooden shaft that had multiple uses," Dave explained, "It had steel guards near the head that could block attacks and were sharpened to improve the cutting power and cause more trauma in the body. They were typically around seven feet in length and weighed six pounds."
Jerry was positioned in front of several circular wooden targets with large red 'X's' painted in the center. There were four boar spears lying on a table next to him.
"Vikings typically carried four spears at once, show us just how accurate these can be," Geoff instructed.
"With pleasure," Jerry nodded, picking up a spear and taking a position 25 feet away from the targets.
Taking a forward step, the weapons expert launched his spear and sent it flying into the first target, striking just above the 'X.'
Grabbing the second spear, Jerry tosses it and hits the target right in the dead center.
"Impressive," Geoff remarked with a whistle.
"Keep in mind, a very skilled Viking can also throw two spears at once," Jerry remarked before picking up the last two spears and chucking them simultaneously, both of them finding their intended targets.
There was one final test. Nearby another ballistic gel torso was set up, outfitted in a Spartan's bronze cuirass. Walking over to another table with three boar spears, Jerry picked up the first spear and hurled it at the dummy, managing to puncture the breastplate, yet it bounced off afterward. Grabbing the second spear, he chucked it and it bounced off, yet left a noticeable dent. Grabbing the third spear, he chucked it as hard as he could, the pointed projectile finding its mark just above the cuirass in the target's shoulder.
"I am seeing the same degree of penetration in all of these targets," Geoff said as he went to examine the circular wooden targets, "These would very likely be serious kill shots, or at least incapacitate an enemy to the point they would be left open to other attacks."
Meanwhile, Dr. Dorian made his way over to the ballistic gel torso.
"This first shot I'm seeing a quarter-sized hole left in the cuirass," he said cautiously poking it with his gloved finger, "That had deep enough penetration you could leave behind a flesh wound, but probably nothing too severe. Your second shot bounced off, but judging by the dent I'm seeing here, it would probably be enough to wind your enemy, maybe even break a rib." The trauma doctor then reached up and pulled the spear out of the hole it left behind, "With your last strike, you managed to basically destroy the man's shoulder and with it you've severed several vital blood vessels. This man is going to bleed out fast unless he receives immediate medical attention."
Both weapons have a similar concept behind them, but where does our panel stand?
"For me, the boar spear definitely takes the edge. It's faster, inflicts more trauma and requires less training," Geoff said.
"I agree that the javelin may be slow and inaccurate, but keep in mind that the spear would have a rough time against the Spartan's cuirass, not to forget it would also have to deal with the Spartan's aspis, whereas the javelin has shown more penetration capabilities against the Viking's unreliable armor. I'm sticking with the Spartan on this one," Dr. Dorian countered.
"I have to go with the spear on this one," Mack finished, "It seems to be more effective at all ranges and can be used as a regular thrusting spear up close, whereas the javelin would be a strictly longer range weapon, and even then it's not very accurate. Not only does it have that, but the fact that two can be thrown at once also helped its case."
In long range weapons, the Viking takes the edge with his boar spear.
Coming up, both warriors break out their deadly shields in a show off equally effective offense and defense and then after that, two legendary warriors are resurrected in a battle to determine who is 'The Deadliest Warrior!'
XXXXX
Now the time has come for both sides to reveal their equally deadly shields. Up first will be the Viking with his wooden shield.
"The Viking used a circular iron-rimmed wooden shield made from planks fastened together side by side," Dave explained, "It was meant to be chewed up as a fight went on and when struck with an ax or sword, the blade would be caught, enabling the user to perform just a simple twist to disarm his enemy, and was also particularly effective against arrows."
A foam target was set up with sensor patches and Jerry got into position in front of it with his shield at the ready.
Going for a feint attack as he would with a human adversary, Jerry swung the shield sideways, catching his foe in the neck. With the target reeling, he then placed the shield in front of him and charged it head on, knocking it to the floor.
"You generated enough PSI with that first blow to break the man's neck and possibly even inflict some skull trauma," Geoff said reading the meter, "and that second blow is going to break ribs and cause internal trauma. Your shield is definitely effective as both a defensive tool and a bludgeoning weapon."
"But how does it stand up against your opponent's weapons?" Mack asked.
A Viking shield was set up and Hank was positioned in front of it, armed with the Spartan's xiphos, dory and javelin.
"This is going to be a three pronged assault, long range, mid-range and short range. Hank, show us what you can do," Geoff said setting up the high speed cameras.
Hank nodded and picked up the javelin, chucking it at the shield. The pointed missile became stuck in the wooden surface, pointing outward like a large arrow.
With the long range attack carried out, Hank grabbed the dory and launched himself at the shield, his weapon leaving a visible crack. Having shown the capabilities of his long and mid-range weaponry, he then unsheathed the xiphos and swung it towards the shield, managing only to chip at the surface and then swinging again at the rim, leaving a dent. Showing the slashing approach was ineffective; he thrust the short sword outward, leaving another crack in its surface.
"The javelin failed to fully pierce the wooden surface," Geoff said observing the worn shield, "You're probably going to slow your enemy down, but not hurt him. The dory though has had greater success, you've managed to punch through it and you would possibly be lacerating the arm behind it. Lastly, the xiphos didn't do much damage when slashing at the shield, but you did manage to punch through it a second time. This shield is going to be worthless pretty fast," Geoff remarked, prompting Hank to smirk at Jerry.
While the Viking's shield has proven its diversity as a defensive and offensive tool, let's see what happens when the Spartan responds with a deadly shield of his own.
"The aspis is one of the largest shields ever used, four feet in diameter and weighing in at 24 pounds," Dave explained, "It consisted of several layers of riveted wooden planks covered in a layer of bronze with a layer of leather in between to absorb the shock. It can break necks and shatter skulls with relative ease."
To test the lethality of the shield, the panel has set up a crash test dummy with four pressure sensors placed around the body.
"Alright Hank, show us what you can do, in 3…2…1!" Geoff shouted.
Hank whirled the shield back around his hip and swung it sideways, striking the dummy in its torso before drawing back again and striking it in the temple before going for another rapid swing and striking it in the neck. To finish his enemy, he brought the shield up in front of him and charged forward, knocking it from its supports and sending it collapsing to the floor, the weapons expert adding one final stomp to his downed opponent's head.
"Your first shot was swung at an angle that caught your target in both his chest and his upper arm. This man would have broken ribs, damage to internal organs and you've shattered the bones in his upper arm, rendering it useless. Your strike to the temple inflicted 45 G's of pressure, that's enough to cause a depressed skull fracture and send pieces into the man's brain, causing a laceration and with it an immediate kill. Your shot to the neck would have broken the man's C1 vertebrae, instant death," Dr. Dorian explained.
"What's also impressive if that you managed to generate anywhere between 45 and 58 G's with each strike, roughly the same force of a low speed collision or an IED explosion," Geoff added.
"There is the question of fatigue though," Mack added.
"Spartans were trained since early childhood and by the time their training was complete, they would have hefted this shield like it was nothing," Hank replied.
As it was before, the aspis was set up and Jerry waited nearby with a long sword, Dane axe and boar spear.
"Same thing as it was before, Jerry you are going to carry out a multi-pronged assault utilizing the Viking's weapons. Show us what you can do," Geoff said setting up the high speed cameras.
Jerry nodded and picked up the boar spear, tossing it at the aspis, bouncing off its bronzed surface, leaving only a dent behind.
Undeterred, Jerry drew the Dane axe and swung at the aspis, not once, but three times before the weapons expert started feeling winded and dropped the cumbersome axe to the floor, drawing the long sword and swinging repeatedly at it before attempting a final stab, which caused the tip to glance off its metallic surface.
In the end, the results were embarrassing.
"I'm seeing only structural damage inflicted here," Geoff said approaching and carefully inspecting all of the dents left behind, "I don't think you're going to do much damage to the man behind the shield."
"I do see you managed to generate 425 psi with the axe," Dr. Dorian said reading aloud the results from the computer, "That right there could cause at least one broken bone in the user's arm."
"The Spartan spent his entire life in pain. One broken bone would be nothing to him," Hank smirked before turning his attention to Jerry, "Looks like someone's gonna be taking a one way trip to Valhalla."
"Heh, it's gonna be Thermopylae all over again for your boy," Jerry sarcastically retorted.
Both shields have proven their defensive value, but what does our panel think?
"Aspis all the way," Dr. Dorian started, "None of the Viking's weapons were able to penetrate it and it's surprisingly fast for as big and cumbersome as it looks."
"I have to agree," Geoff followed, "It provides just as much lethal offense as it can reliable defense. Aspis all the way."
"Gentlemen, I believe you've spoken for me already, aspis it is," Mack finished.
In special weapons, the Spartan takes the edge with the aspis.
Coming up, the X-factors of each warrior are gauged and then after that, we finally have our battle to determine who is…THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!
XXXXX
And now Mack will gauge the X-factors of each warrior.
"For ferocity, both men were some of the most brutal warriors to ever live, but the Vikings in question are not the notorious 'berserkers,' so we gave it to the Spartan for how scrappy he was, a 94 to the Viking's 89."
"For training, the Spartan was trained from childhood in one of the most brutal institutions known to man, an entire life that was dedicated to crafting the perfect soldier. The Spartan takes a 100 to the Viking's 81."
"For physicality, again the Spartan takes it due to his lifetime of training. He gets a 97 to the Viking's 91."
"For intimidation, this is another even matchup for both sides. On one side, you've got the larger Vikings coming at you in a horde, ready to destroy everything they come across and are famous for shouting nonstop before, during and after combat. On the other side, you've got a heavily-armored killing machine that is ready to charge at you head on, no fear of death. Both sides are given a 95."
"Finally, we have killer instinct. Both men are born killers who have no fear of dying on the battlefield. Again this is dead even, both men being given a 100."
Our scientists and weapons experts are done testing the results and the time has come to decide who will be the victor. To ensure the battle won't be decided by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated one thousand times in a duel to the death.
"This is going to be a battle of two warriors very similar to each other in terms of endurance and brutality, but in the end there can be only one. Let's find out whom," Mack said before flipping the switch.
XXXXX
A lone Spartan hoplite patrolled along the Spartan coast, on guard following rumors of an impending invasion being carried out by a savage northern tribe making its presence felt in the surrounding areas.
Eventually, the lone warrior came to a cove where he spotted a strange wooden vessel unlike anything he had ever seen before and from the bottom of the hill he could hear movement. Readying himself for a fight, he jabbed his javelin into the ground and took a defensive position, his dory in one hand and aspis in the other.
A lone Viking ascends the hill, his long sword in one hand and a boar spear in the other, scouting for his colleagues as they seek new villages to plunder. As he reaches the top, he comes face to face with the solitary Spartan.
The hoplite lets out a feral battle cry to the Scandinavian invader, grabbing his javelin and launching it towards the bigger man. Unfortunately, he aimed too high and the pointed projectile sailed harmlessly over the Viking's head.
The Viking responded by hurling his boar spear towards the Spartan defender, who brought his shield up to deflect the spear. As was typical, the marauder had three extra spears on him, grabbing another and chucking it towards his armored adversary, who again swatted it away with his shield. Seeing the man wasn't going to stop, the Viking grabbed his last two spears and hurled them towards his opponent.
As it was with the first two, the Spartan managed to bring his shield up in time to deflect the third spear, but the fourth had made contact, slashing into the Greek warrior's arm. Thanks to his brutal training in the Agoge, he was able to shrug it off and continued his charge.
Knowing his opponent wasn't going to give up, the Viking reached for his shield and mounted a charge of his own.
Both men charged at full speed with their shields in front of them, colliding with a massive 'dong,' the Viking's size playing in his favor as the Spartan was knocked backwards.
With his opponent taken from his feet, the Viking pulled out his Dane axe and viciously swung it downward, but the Spartan used his shield to cover his body. Undeterred, the Scandinavian marauder brought the axe up again and swung it downward, but again the Spartan blocked his blow. The Viking repeated the process a third time, but again no luck and stopped to regain his strength.
The Spartan saw the glaring hole in his opponent's offense and quickly reached for his xiphos, shooting it upward and slicing the bigger man's thigh. His opponent cried out in pain and the hoplite swung his shield upward, knocking the Viking backwards.
His opponent reeling, the Spartan pushes himself back to his feet and advanced upon the larger man with his bloodied short sword drawn. Drawing his arm back he went for a powerful slice, but the Viking recovered just in time to bring his shield up, the Greek warrior only managing to take a chip out of its wooden surface. Undeterred, the hoplite again drew his arm back and went for another slice, but his blade clanged against the wooden shield's iron rim and the Viking recovered in time to shoot his long sword downward, stabbing the Spartan through his foot.
The hoplite shrieked in pain and the Viking attempted to take advantage, closing the gap in an attempt to draw cut his enemy across the back, but the Spartan reflexively shot his aspis outward to keep his opponent at bay. With his assailant close to him, the Greek warrior attempted to same maneuver, but the Viking's chainmail protected him from the xiphos' slash and he brought his shield up to swat the smaller man away.
The Spartan was royally pissed off now and sheathed his short sword, drawing his dory spear and charging forward as fast as his injured foot would allow.
The Viking saw him coming and quickly dodged as the hoplite shot his spear outward, bringing his sword around and going for a slash directed at the Greek's side, but ending with his blade bouncing off the Spartan's cuirass.
The Spartan was slightly winded from the failed blow, but quickly shrugged it off and went for another thrust with his dory, this time connecting with the Viking's shield and cracking it, but finding its point stuck in it as well. The Viking saw another opponent and twisted his shield, attempting to pull the hoplite towards him as he drew his sword back in an attempt to slice off the man's arm, but he was out of range and brought it down on the dory, slicing the spear in half.
Again unarmed, the Spartan was forced to draw his short sword and he cautiously circled the Viking, ready for his next move.
The Viking shot his long sword downward at the Spartan's leg, sending the armored warrior blocking low, but it was a feint attack and the Scandinavian quickly swung his arm around in a shortcut directed at his opponent's throat, but the scrappy Spartan brought his aspis up in time for his opponent's blade to bounce off the edge. The marauder swings his sword again, but the walking Greek battle tank brought his short sword up to parry the blow and swung his shield sideways to knock the bigger man from his feet.
With no time to reach for his shield, the Viking quickly pushed himself back to his feet and tried to swing low at the Spartan's leg, but the Spartan again had his aspis ready to absorb the blow, going for another slash with his xiphos only for it to bounce off the Viking's chainmail. Refusing to halt his advance, the Viking went for another slash with his long sword, only for it to be caught by the aspis, which the Spartan hoplite would respond to with another slash, this time going low and striking the marauder in his hamstring.
The Viking cried out in pain and was forced to a knee, opening him up for the Spartan to deliver a backhanded strike to his face; breaking both his cheek and jawbone simultaneously.
With his opponent floored, the Spartan stepped over his adversary and shot his short sword downward into the Norseman's throat, turning his flowing blond beard a deep shade of crimson as a torrent of blood spurted from the wound.
Victorious, the Spartan stepped backward and looked around for any more enemies before raising his bloody sword into the air and crying out "SPARTA!"
XXXXX
Winner: Spartan
Xiphos: 52
Dory: 210
Javelin: 9
Aspis: 382
Total: 653
Viking
Long Sword: 175
Dane Axe: 104
Boar Spear: 18
Shield: 50
Total: 347
In a battle of two similarly ferocious warriors, the Spartan prevailed in a battle much more lopsided than expected, largely thanks in part to his aspis.
"I'm surprised this battle was more tilted in favor of the Spartan than expected," Geoff explained, "but when you look deeper into it, you have to consider the Spartan also possessed the superior armor and a lifetime of intensive training that allowed him to prevail as 'The Deadliest Warrior.'
(The Spartan limps back to his city following a grueling battle, intending to warn his king about an invasion likely to follow. For now, he will relax and let his wounds heal, having claimed his fallen challenger's Dane Axe as a souvenir.)
XXXXX
Next time on 'Deadliest Warrior' it's a battle of the brutal conquerors:
Roman Centurion: The killer commander who led the way who led the way for the Roman Republic to become an empire.
Vs.
Mongol: The brutal raider who led the charge to conquer more territory than any other empire in continuous history.
XXXXX
Author's Note: The only thing I really changed here from what was shown on the show was making the Viking's long sword his short range weapon rather than mid-range, and making the Viking's axe his mid-range rather than short range. I also tweaked the names, the "Great Axe" becoming the "Dane Axe" and the "Spear" becoming the "Boar Spear."
That's all I have to say so until then, read and review! This is Metal Harbinger saying SPREAD THE SICKNESS, ONE MIND AT A TIME! \m/
