It had been exactly a week, and still no message from Blaine Anderson. Kurt had seen Rachel a few times since their text conversation, yet he was too scared to ask any questions about her brother or why he had wanted Kurt's number in the first place. It was a Wednesday night now, just after 10pm, and Kurt stood in front of his bathroom mirror, going over what he was about to do in his head. The teen was getting ready to go upstairs and tell Burt and Carole something that utterly terrified him, yet gave him so much hope at the same time.
Kurt put on his best brave face as he told his parents to sit down at their kitchen table. There was no backing out of things now.
Carole looked at him with her usual motherly gaze, yet it had been softened even more, if that was even possible. His father wore the same usual expression, face blank, but to Kurt, he could tell Burt Hummel was worried about his son. Kurt took a shaky breath, and said the nine words he'd been dreading of saying ever since Quinn and Mercedes left last Wednesday.
"Dad, Carole, I need to start seeing a therapist."
Blaine Anderson did not know what the hell was wrong with him. He didn't know why he felt so compelled to get the boy he'd come to know as Kurt Hummel's phone number from Rachel. He didn't know why it'd been an entire seven days, yet Blaine still found himself typing various messages under Kurt's name and deleting them before he pressed send. He didn't know why he felt so awful those two times he ran out on him. He didn't know why this boy was such a mystery to him, and he felt as if his sole purpose on this planet was to solve it. He didn't know why upon first seeing him, Blaine felt the way he did. He didn't know what the fuck was happening to him, and why every time a cute girl would approach him in public, he'd tell her to back off. He also had no logical explanation as to why he found himself going through various numbers of past late night booty calls, and deleting them all off his phone.
Then, completely out of the blue, Blaine realized there was only one thing he could do to sort out how he was feeling, and he was more than willing to suffer the consequences. He typed out a few simple words to Kurt, a vast change compared to the paragraphs he'd written before, but what made this time any different is that he actually sent the message.
His parent's reaction was so much better than he thought. He assumed there'd be a few tears on Carole's end, and Burt wouldn't really understand his son's request. Turns out they were incredibly proud of him for taking this big leap forward himself, and doing what he thought was going to be the best for his recovery. They had all had a family hug, then parted ways for the night. It was just after 11:30 now, and his father and Carole were long asleep, but Kurt was seated on his bed, doing some fashion sketches, an old hobby of his. He was feeling a lot better about himself, and thinking about the events from the previous year still made him a little sad, but not as much as before, talking about it had already really helped. He wasn't himself entirely yet, and he knew that getting some form of professional counseling would really help him take that huge step forward.
Suddenly, he heard his phone buzz from the nightstand next to his bed. Kurt just assumed it was probably a goodnight text from one of the girls, but was confused to find it was from an unknown contact. Then he read the message and his heart did a funny thing in his chest.
Unknown: Kurt, this is Blaine. Your bedroom is downstairs, right?
Kurt: Is this what took you a week to ask me?
Unknown: Please just answer the question.
Although the logical side of Kurt that had no idea what Blaine wanted, and how incredibly creepy this question was, he couldn't help being intrigued.
Kurt: Yes, it's downstairs.
There was no answer after that, so Kurt took the time to change the contact name from "Unknown" to "Blaine Anderson", then picked up his sketchbook and continued to draw. A little bit after 12, and still nothing from Blaine, Kurt was concerned. What was going on with this boy? Did he just give the location of his bedroom to some kind of pervert? Well, he was Rachel's brother after all, and Kurt happened to rather like Rachel, so he highly doubted her brother would be some creepy teenager who made a habit of stalking Kurt in the night. A few minutes later, Kurt heard the door to the basement open, and just as he started to really panic because who the hell just did that, Blaine Anderson came sliding down the stairs on his behind as if he were 6 rather than 16. It seemed as if the Ander-Berry siblings made a habit of randomly making appearances in his room after all.
"Um, do I even have to ask what the hell you're doing here, Blaine."
"You kept on running out on me, so I had to come to a place where you'd have no escape."
Even in the middle of the night, Blaine thought Kurt looked adorable. He really hoped it wasn't weird for boys to think that about each other, but he couldn't help himself whenever he saw Kurt. He was dressed in silky blue pyjamas, and his hair was free of that stuff he used to keep it all nice and styled, so it was a little messy. All Blaine found himself wanting to do was reach out and run his hands through it. Get a grip, Anderson, he thought. The younger teen suddenly felt very self-conscious in nothing but plaid pyjama pants and a hoodie from a surf shop back in California, with his curls free of any product. But to answer Kurt's question? Blaine had no idea what compelled him in the first place to sneak into his room at midnight. He barely even knew the guy for God's sakes, which made him realize that he was here for that purpose, to really get to know the other boy.
"Well, if I'm honest," Blaine started, "I'm here to get to know you. Also, why you seem to hate it so much when I'm in your presence."
"I thought you hated me."
"Kurt, why would I hate you? I barely know you."
Kurt really didn't want to bring up the phone call, but he didn't have that much of a choice, since it was the answer to the other teen's question.
"B-because of the way I yelled at you on the phone."
"Oh, that." Blaine looked as if he were thinking for a moment, then went over and sat on the edge of Kurt's bed without being asked, but Kurt really didn't mind at all. "I don't think hate would be a way to describe how I felt about that. Honestly? At first, I was a little upset, because you did interrupt me, but I guess you had good reason to. I'm definitely not mad about it, and there's no hard feelings on my end about it at all."
Kurt let out an audible sigh of relief, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Blaine let out a soft laugh, and Kurt almost choked on air. For fuck's sake, even this boy's laugh made him all bubbly inside.
"Wait," Blaine said, "is that why you ran off on me, twice?
"That wasn't the only reason." Kurt muttered quietly, embarrassed.
Blaine looked confused, but he didn't question it.
Kurt had referred to his sexuality in front of Rachel maybe one or twice, but wasn't sure if she passed that bit of information on to her younger brother. Blaine changed the topic before any further discussion though.
"So, Kurt Hummel, now that we've cleared the air about that, I'm rather intrigued on why my sister has taken such a liking to you, so tell me a few things about yourself."
Kurt couldn't hold it any longer, so he said what he'd been meaning to say this entire time.
"Why are you even talking to me in the first place? From what I've been told about you, don't you usually use this time to get like, laid or something? Why are you sneaking into my house just for a little bro time?" He hoped he didn't sound rude saying any of that, especially because of how weird the word bro sounded coming out of his mouth. Kurt was just genuinely wondering. He noticed a visible change in the other boy's demeanour, and immediately regretted what he just said.
"I don't know, okay? I don't know why I've been feeling so obligated to listen to you ever since that phone call, or why I felt the urge to come over and see you in the first place. I don't know why it's been exactly three weeks since we officially met, and I just can't go a single one of those days without thinking about you! I don't know, Kurt! I-I just don't."
Kurt was appalled by Blaine's words. He now knew that he was definitely at risk for falling for this boy, and he needed to know everything that was going on in his life before fully committing to any romantic feelings again.
"Blaine, how about you start by telling me about yourself?"
"Yeah, yeah. I can do that."
He took a deep breath, and subconsciously ran a hand through his curls, which Kurt found rather adorable. Then he realized how utterly ridiculous it was to be thinking these kinds of things, seeing Blaine was about to start talking about his very heterosexual lifestyle.
"The first 11 years of my life were perfectly normal. Well, it depends on how you'd define normal, but I didn't really have any serious problems or anything to that extent. I had a mom and dad who loved me, and who I loved just as much. A little bit after my eleventh birthday, my dad sat my family down, and told us, completely out of nowhere, that he was gay. I knew what that word meant, seeing as I lived in California, and I'd see the occasional same sex couple out in public, so I asked my dad what two girls or two boys in a relationship are called, and he explained that word to me.
As far as I was concerned, there weren't really any obvious signs my dad was gay, because I believe he really did love my mom. She took the news pretty hard, and kicked him out of the house completely. I don't think she's necessarily homophobic per se, it just must've been a lot for her to take in. My dad ended up winning full custody of me in a legal battle, and my parents barely talk anymore. I, however, do stay in touch with my mom.
When I was twelve, my dad met Hiram Berry while him and I were shopping down in Beverly Hills, and the rest is history. They got married, and Rachel became my official step sister, but we decided to keep out last names, for, well, reasons."
"Wait a minute here, you mean to tell me you turned down the opportunity of becoming Blaine Berry? Oh. My. God." Kurt began to laugh, and not just a giggle, full blown laughter, solely at the thought of how ridiculous of a name Blaine Berry was.
"It isn't even that funny," Blaine whined, but secretly, he was really enjoying the sounds of Kurt's laughter and how his face scrunched up adorably.
After Kurt had calmed down a little, he spoke next.
"Wait, Blaine Berry, I feel like you're missing out on a big part of your life story here."
"You're never going to live that down, are you?" Kurt shook his head and Blaine continued. "What part of my past have I neglected to mention, Kurt Hummel?"
"How about the one that involves you and every girl in So Cal, oh, and let's not forget my best friend?"
Blaine felt a surge of guilt the moment Kurt even referred to him being involved with any girl, even if he'd said it in a teasing manner. He tried his best to ignore it, but that didn't work for very long as he began to tell Kurt about the part of his life he, for some reason, was beginning to dread.
"It all started when I was 14 I guess, the beginning of my high school career. I didn't let it show that much, but this whole thing with my parents left me feeling pretty alone. People would always ask me how I was handling it, and I'd tell them I was fine, or how happy I was that my dad was so brave, but I just had this feeling of emptiness building inside my chest. I really wanted somebody to actually take a good look at me and see that I really wasn't as fine as I said I was, and while I was happy my dad found Hiram, everything just happened so quick and so sudden, I was overwhelmed.
Anyways, in ninth grade I met Angelica, a girl in a few of my classes. She was reasonably popular, and she was extremely pretty, but what mattered most was that she was a genuinely nice person. We went out the entire school year, and although the most sexual thing we did was make out, our relationship wasn't too bad if you ask me. As for filling that nagging feeling of emptiness? I would forget about it on occasion, but it never went away completely. Our relationship all came crashing and burning around June of that year, when I found out she had cheated on me by sucking off some guy named Chris in the woods behind her house. Very trashy, even for me. Anyways, I broke things off with Angelica right away, but that entire thing really fucked me up, you know? I barely left the house at all that summer, and it gave me serious trust issues. The one time I put my heart on the line, it gets broken."
"Blaine, I'm so so sorry." Kurt said, sounding genuine, since in a way, he was going through a similar situation
"Kurt, there's nothing for you to apologize for. Plus, this happened a long time ago, and I'm over it." He looked over at Kurt, and smiled.
"Okay, back to the story." Blaine continued. "When school started, I was desperate for somebody to take notice of me again, and to fill this full-on emptiness inside my chest. I started to see Angelica and Chris in the halls, showing a lot more PDA than I was comfortable with. So, I stopped caring. The girls in my school took notice of this, and they were all about it. We'd go on dates, but I'd never actually consider settling down with any of them. I'd go to their houses after the dates, but as for having actual sex? I'd never do it at that age, and especially not with a girl I barely even knew. I want my first time to be with somebody who I can love, and who loves me just as much in return, and not on some cheap sheets with the underlying fear their parents would walk in at any minute.
There were so many girls practically throwing themselves at me, and I loved the way all this attention made me feel. It drove Rachel up the wall though." He laughed to himself. "She was in a very serious relationship with this boy Jesse, so to see how her brother's love life couldn't have been any different from hers, well, it infuriated her."
"Can I ask you a serious question?"
"Kurt, isn't that what this bro time is for?"
"Okay, well, did being with all these girls help that empty feeling?"
"You know what? If I'm honest, no. I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few weeks, and it's occurring to me that even though I have nothing against girls, I find that getting intimate with them only made me feel shittier about myself. I thought it was making me happy, but I think I only loved the attention it was giving me. If I truly loved these girls, then why did I leave Quinn Fabray the first chance I got? Why have I had at least seven encounters since then with fairly attractive girls making googly eyes at me, or asking to exchange numbers, and I just shut them down?"
"Blaine, I'm going to cut you off right there and ask you an even more serious question. Have you ever been with a boy before?"
He was quite confused by Kurt's question, it was one of the last things he could've expected. Had he ever been with a boy? No. However, had he ever felt the way he feels around Kurt with a girl? No, not even with Angelica. That was the part that terrified him the most, because he was still quite unfamiliar with the boy sitting across from him, yet he felt like he'd known him forever.
Kurt sat there, frozen. He had turned a bright shade of pink, and just stared at Blaine, incredulous. Oh fuck, Blaine thought. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. "I didn't happen to say that out loud, did I?"
Kurt could only nod.
"Well, isn't that just fucking splendid. Kurt, could you please start telling me about yourself before I actually die of embarrassment."
The older teen let out a small giggle, then immediately put on a serious face, ignoring how fast his heart was racing after Blaine's accidental confession.
"Fine, but we are definitely going to talk about this later, Blaine Berry."
It was Blaine's turn to laugh now. He rolled his eyes as well, but it was more affectionately than annoyed.
"Um, well, let's start with the basics. My mom died when I was eight years old, and she was kind of my rock." Blaine looked at him, and Kurt realized just how easy it was to read his emotions. His hazel eyes were focused on Kurt with what was complete and utter sympathy.
"You don't need to apologize for it or anything, because it happened a long time ago so I'm okay with it, in a way. I had a pretty good elementary school life, but middle school is where the teasing really started. People made fun of me mostly for being interested in things that were considered 'girly'. It didn't bother me, because I was just being me, and I wasn't going to let the opinions of other's change that. I ended up meeting my best friend to this day, Mercedes Jones, in seventh grade. When I got to high school, Mercedes and I joined the Glee club in our sophomore years. We weren't the most popular, but we were just all one big family. Oh, and that's where I met Quinn, the one I yelled at you over."
"How could I forget." Blaine shuddered at the memory.
Kurt paused, knowing things were really going to start to get difficult. The other boy must've sensed his uneasiness, and he put a comforting hand over Kurt's, completely shocking them both. Damn instincts. Kurt was tense at first, but then he found himself relaxing under Blaine's grip.
"This past year is when my life took a turn for the worse. At the beginning of the year, my dad had a complete unprecedented heart attack one day at work. He ended up recovering just fine, but the whole thing left me really shaken up. By then, the small teasing had turned into full blown bullying, and I had started to let it get to me. I was just too tired of coming up with some snarky remark for everything or pretending like it didn't bother me in any way.
There was this one guy, Karofsky, who did everything to make my life a living hell. He was the worst of them all. He'd throw me into lockers, call me degrading names, until one day, when I followed him into the boy's locker room, he kissed me. It was my first real kiss, and it had been stolen." He felt Blaine visibly tense.
"By this time, I had gone over to spy on a school called Dalton Academy that our Glee club, New Directions was competing against for Sectionals. During my time there, I met a boy named Sebastian Smythe, and fell for him, hard. I was going through this rough patch, and he was like some sort of knight in shining armor." Kurt laughed, but it was cold and humorless.
"Anyways, Karofsky ended up threating to kill me if I ever told anybody about the kiss, and my dad found out about it, bringing it right to the school principal. The school district refused to expel him, only suspend him for a few weeks. I couldn't stay at McKinley, so my dad and his new wife, Carole, paid for my tuition to transfer over to Dalton. Every single day my feelings for Sebastian grew stronger, and he told me he felt the same way for me one day while I was at work.
We began dating, and everything seemed to feel right again. Unfortunately, that feeling was completely wrecked when the Warblers, the name of their show choir group, started rehearsing for Regionals, and Sebastian proposed to sing a duet with me. Being the newest and most unexperienced member in the group, this infuriated my teammates. They started to leave me out of everything, and talk shit about me behind my back. My boyfriend however, did nothing to defend me, so I tried to convince him to give my part to somebody else. Of course, he said no, and when Regionals came about, I fucked up the last note of my solo, which made the way the Warblers treated me become unbearable.
After three months, I called it quits with Sebastian when he threw me across a dorm room, and since it was too close to the end of the year to leave Dalton, I was stuck there, having to see his face around, every single day." He emphasized those last few words, and Blaine could sense the anger and hurt radiating off the other teen. "Just like your thing with Angelica, this really screwed me over too. It still is. I've barely left the house this entire summer, just to run in the mornings, and I was too scared to tell my friends until the day you first texted me, actually. I'm going to see a therapist to try to get my mental health back to the way it was, so I mean, I've taken a huge leap forward from where I was at the end of May."
It was then that Kurt looked over at Blaine. He looked enraged, like he wanted to pull a Finn Hudson and kick a chair or something. He took a very cautious breath before saying his next words.
"Kurt, please say you're lying to me about all this."
The older teen could do nothing but look at him, confused, why would he do that?
"Oh, my God. Oh, my God." Blaine removed his hand from Kurt's, and started to pace around the room.
"Blaine what's wron- "
"I think I'm gay, Kurt! It's occurring to me now that I have feelings for a boy, and that boy is you. No wonder I've been so drawn to you since we first met, or how I can't even begin to describe the way it made me feel when you started to talk about the way you were treated. Maybe the reason I don't feel fulfilled whenever I get it on with a girl is because I'm not attracted to them the way I had convinced myself I was. Kurt, I think I want to be with you, but I don't want to fuck up any of this thing we're building, whatever it is. I'm a mess, and you're definitely not in the right state of mind to be hearing all this, but once you started talking, it just all kind of pieced together in my head."
Kurt looked taken aback, because really, this was a lot of information for somebody to take in. He didn't even know if Kurt reciprocated the feelings Blaine felt for him in the first place. He was probably going to seem like a total creep. Then, Kurt began to speak.
"Blaine, I hope you understand that I've been avoiding you not only because I was convinced you hated me after the call – "
"Can I just clarify that I had only been there for maybe fifteen minutes and all we had done was make out on her couch?"
Kurt chuckled. "Oh, thank god. I don't think I could've said what I'm about to say knowing you had gotten hot and heavy with my best friend. Anyways, I was also avoiding you because I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you that I was a goner. I definitely feel something for you, and I would love to be yours, but let's face it, as you said, we're both messes. For starters, I need you to come out to everyone you hold dear, at your own speed, and meet my family before we could date."
"Kurt if you think I would ever try to keep our relationship a secret in any way, you're wrong."
"Also, as much as I care about you, as you said, I'm in no place to be with anybody right now. If we were to begin a relationship right now, I'm positive it'd end in absolute heartbreak, and us both resenting each other. I need to wait until I'm ready, and I'm not saying you have to wait for me in return, but I think we both have our own issues to resolve before fully committing to each other."
"From what I've learned about you, there's no doubt in my mind that I'd wait for you to be ready. It would kill me to find out I'd rushed you into anything, or made you uncomfortable. You're completely right, we need our time, and I think we can grow as friends first before deciding we want to be together. Hell, I'm 16, you're 17, we have a whole year for us to decide on anything. If we decide we're better off staying friends, as much as I know it'd hurt me, I'd accept that if that's what you wanted. In the meantime, I can't wait to get to learn all the little quirks and habits that come with one Kurt Hummel."
Kurt blushed, and looked down at the ground, smiling. How was this the same Blaine Anderson he met a few weeks ago? He glanced over at the clock on his nightstand, and saw it was almost one in the morning.
"Alright Blaine Berry, it's getting pretty late, and our little heart to heart has made me very sleepy. I suggest you get out of here before one of your parents, or that sister of yours wakes up and sends out an AMBER alert. Or even worse, my dad wakes up to find I have a boy in the basement."
"I'm not leaving until I get a goodnight hug."
"Isn't it supposed to be goodnight kiss?"
"Is your goal just to make things more complicated than they already are?"
They both laughed at that, and Kurt went across the room to stand face to face with Blaine before getting serious again.
"Is anybody in your family going to have an issue with you being attracted to boys?"
"I'm attracted to you, so technically it's boy. And, the only person I'd be wary of telling is my mom, for obvious reasons. You seem to forget that I have two gay dads, Kurt."
"Right. Well, you have my number, so text me when you get home so I know you're safe."
"I live right across the str – "
"Text me when you get home so I know you're safe. Alright, I'm about to give you your hug so prepare yourself." Blaine dramatically shifted on his feet and shook out his arms, inhaling deeply, earning a laugh from Kurt.
When the two of them made physical contact again, it just felt so right. They stood like that for a few minutes, wrapped in each other's embrace in the middle of Kurt's room at an ungodly hour. When they broke apart, Kurt timidly leaned back in and gave Blaine a chaste kiss on the cheek.
"Um, Kurt? You missed."
"Don't flatter yourself."
