Sitting on the floor in the living room, Ichimatsu waved a feathered toy in front of a stray cat. He decided to stay home today because the news channel predicted that it was going to rain sometime later on. Even if it wasn't going to rain, he would've stayed home anyways. His brothers had been a constant pain recently and he finally had the chance to be alone to himself. It had been a long time since he could pick up and play with a stray cat and he was going to make sure that no one was going to bother him. If only peace like this could last all day.

All his hopes seemed to die when the door slid open revealing a lazy Osomatsu scratching his stomach under his hoodie. He eyed Ichimatsu with a blank stare before walking to the coffee table and grabbing a magazine and flopping down on the couch.

Ichimatsu acknowledged his brother entering the room but didn't say a word and neither did Osomatsu. Good he thought. If Osomatsu kept his mouth shut and left him alone then he wouldn't mind if he was in the same room with him. Focusing back to the cat, he started waiving the toy feather in front of it again. He should've been happy that he was finally spending time with a cat since he hadn't had the chance to in over a week, but for some irritating reason there was still that nagging feeling in his chest. He brushed it off, he could worry about it some other time.

"Hey, Ichimatsu"

Ichimatsu stopped waiving the toy but he refused to look up. He wanted to scream. He was a fool to think it could've been quiet in the same room with Osomatsu. "What," he hissed.

The older didn't seem affected by the poison in his response. Scratching his behind and flipping through another page, he did not up look at him once. "You know, you should go talk to Karamatsu," he said as if there was no care in the world.

"What?" Ichimatsu repeated but more exasperated. He finally tore is eyes off of the cat and glared at him. He didn't think Osomatsu would say something so absurd out of the blue, but then again his brother was always full of surprises.

Osomatsu turned another page nonchalantly, acting as if he never even heard him which only bothered him more. "I'm sure he would like that."

It went silent again as Ichimatsu was speechless. Was he not aware of the kind of relationship he had with Karamatsu? Did he not understand that he would rather die than to spend time with that painful guy? Annoyance grew into rage as he spat, "No, I refuse. Why should I spend time spend time with that Shittymatsu? He's dead, he shouldn't even be here in the first place." It was harsh, cold, and direct and Ichimatsu knew it but he didn't have the time nor patience to deal with Osomatsu if this was going to be the topic of their conversation.

Still glaring daggers, he saw the way Osomatsu shrugged. He just shrugged his damn shoulders, as if his response meant absolutely nothing. "It's your decision," was all he plainly said.

Ichimatsu didn't respond back because he couldn't think of anything to say. If Osomatsu was going to be that way then so be it. He turned his attention back to his cat and realized he had gripped the toy stick harder. It hadn't even been 10 seconds and he already felt extremely uncomfortable, and he was positively sure that Osomatsu had intended it to be that way too.

No longer able to handle it, he abruptly stood up, startling the cat to dash out of the room. "I'm going out to buy some cat food," he announced and without waiting for a reply, he rushed out of the room. He didn't look back but he didn't need to. Because he could feel Osomatsu's smirk and gaze burning into the back of his head. That smug bastard.

Reaching the door down the hallway, Ichimatsu ripped it open and was about to step out but he stumbled back in fright and surprise. "You- you!"

On the other side of the door, Karamatsu stood there with an arm stretched out, as if he was about to open the door but Ichimatsu had beaten him to it. He stared at him in shock and surprise too but then quickly smiled and greeted him. "Good afternoon brother. What a nice surprise to see you, we haven't talked in quite a while."

"Shut up," Ichimatsu sneered. Alive or dead Karamatsu would always act like that and it drove him crazy. Actually, why did he even step back when he saw him? It wasn't as if he would bump into him if he had kept walking.

A sudden idea popped into his mind. If Karamatsu couldn't touch others, then he could no longer be considered in his way ever again. Just for the fun of it he continued walking, making Karamatsu flinch as he walked through him. Ichimatsu stopped once Karamatsu was behind him and looked at his hands. It felt as if Karamatsu was never there in the first place.

Looking back, he noticed the way Karamatsu's shoulders hunched over. His fists were clenching and he was shaking. Ichimatsu suddenly felt guilty for what he had done. Eye's trailing to the ground on the side, he thought back to what Osomatsu had said earlier.

I'm sure he would like that

He heard some shuffling and Ichimatsu looked back up to see Karamatsu taking a step into the house. His heart raced and he bit his lip. Without thinking, he called his name. "Hey Karamatsu… you can come with me if you want," he muttered.

Karamatsu turned around and stared at him in pure shock. Ichimatsu didn't mind it though, even he was surprised himself to say such a thing he'd never thought he'd ever say in his life. But like when he was with Osomatsu he didn't have the patience for his answer. "I'm giving you five seconds before I leave."

In an instant Karamatsu scrambled towards him. He tripped over his feet but he didn't fall, and Ichimatsu wondered if he could feel pain when he was dead. Once he caught up, Ichimatsu continued walking without a word leaving his brother to follow along.

It was already drizzling and Ichimatsu figured it would be pouring later on which meant he had to hurry. He thought it would be a quiet walk, thinking that Karamatsu would get the message that he wasn't in the mood, but of course he didn't understand. Karamatsu would never understand and Ichimatsu had told him plenty of times to shut up but he just wouldn't shut up.

"So you remember how Choromatsu went to an interview last week? Well the company called him back saying they could let him be an intern for a while to see if he's fit for the job. I'm so proud of him," Karamatsu rambled on.

"I don't care," Ichimatsu deadpanned. By this point, they had already gone to the pet store to retrieve the cat food and were now heading back home, and he already regretted bringing his brother with him.

"Also Todomatsu said he bought some more fishing bait and he said we could go fishing this weekend. Do you think you'd like to come with us?"

Ichimatsu gritted his teeth, "No, now shut up."

"Hey Ichimatsu…is there something wrong?" and Karamatsu sounded genuinely worried and it was too much for him to handle.

It was the last straw and Ichimatsu stopped walking and finally snapped. "I said shut up! What don't you get? You are dead yet you talk so damn much! I can never get any peace and quiet with you around!" His chest was heaving and that nagging feeling was growing larger and heavier. This was bad, was he panicking?

Karamatsu looked at him horrified. But his arched eyebrows soon furrowed as they were pinched together. He looked torn and broken and Ichimatsu's chest started to hurt because he couldn't bare seeing his brother like that. "What…" Karamatsu whispered, his voice shook and it was weak. "Just what did I do wrong? Just please tell me what I did wrong because I don't understand." He was practically begging now as his eyes pleaded for answers.

However, the thing was Ichimatsu didn't have answers because he was afraid. But afraid of what? Being honest? And what was he afraid of admitting? Ever since the day Karamatsu came back the realization flooded through his mind. All the memories of being so cruel to his brother had weighed his heart down so much. It ate him away to the point that he figured it was too late to make amends. Too late to correct his past mistakes. But Karamatsu was there with him so he could start now couldn't he? But that was the problem though… he may be here, but that didn't mean he could come back.

Because once someone died they could never come back.

Karamatsu was just a fragment, meaning that he wasn't truly there. So what difference did it make to be honest? He'd never regretted so much for all the things he had done to his brother. Not an ounce of respect ever since they first spoke to each other when they were little, and even after Karamatsu had died he still acted the same way. And it ruined Ichimatsu his whole life to the core.

He remembered hearing Todomatsu talk about the time they went to a café and fished together and Choromatsu telling him about the amount of confidence Karamatsu had given him for his job interview. Normally, Ichimatsu would nod but he wouldn't show much interest, but what actually got his attention was how happy they were when they talked about it. The whole time they spoke they were both smiling because they were with their brother. Their dead brother. And it confused Ichimatsu to no end. He remembered Todomatsu saying he wouldn't give up and that there was still a chance. At first Ichimatsu didn't understand, but now looking at Karamatsu, who was still desperately waiting, he could now understand why.

Biting his lip, Ichimatsu looked at the ground and scratched his head frantically. He was aware of how difficult it was to be honest but when you've gone that deep in guilt it was almost impossible. Squinting, he looked up to see Karamatsu. His face now contorted to worry, presumably from the way he was moving around so much, but he was still standing there, waiting.

Taking a deep breath, he kept his hands on his head and shut his eyes. It was now or never and Ichimatsu refused to mess it up. "I-I…I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry for everything."

When Karamatsu didn't respond he panicked and thought if he had messed up. He knew it, he was too late. Hesitantly opening his eyes, he saw Karamatsu standing still. His eyes trailed from his feet slowly upwards and upon reaching his face, Ichimatsu's eyes widened.

There Karamatsu was, his mouth agape as tears streamed down his cheeks from his unblinking eyes, and it worried Ichimatsu because that wasn't the reaction he was expecting. "Karamatsu dammit- don't you dare cry on me be-because if you do…" his throat felt tight and his eyes stung. Ah, so that emotion finally caught up to him, he thought as he finally let go, letting his tears fall. "Then I'll cry too..."

He didn't notice when Karamatsu approached him, but when he did he flinched when his brother brought both hands up to rest against his cheeks, close enough to where it wouldn't go through but to make it look as if he was actually touching him. The loss of feeling pained him, because it served to remind him that he wasn't alive anymore.

"It's okay," Karamatsu whispered, bringing their foreheads close and closing his eyes, "I forgive you."

Ichimatsu's lips quivered. Even if that wasn't what he expected, perhaps he had expected a harsher response, he was still so ecstatic and relieved. Relishing the feeling of being so close to Karamatsu he finally let go. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry…."

They didn't know how long they had been standing there in the middle of the path but they felt the drizzle turn into a down pour. Ichimatsu shivered as he was soaked head to toe and Karamatsu looked at him. "We should go home," he suggested.

Ichimatsu meekly nodded, too tired to say anything more. He was about to start walking but Karamatsu interrupted him by reaching out to grab his hand. As always it just went through his hand and Ichimatsu smirked. "You fool, you can't touch people remember?"

Karamatsu pulled away embarrassed and chuckled. "My apologies, I don't think I can ever get used to it." He looked around their surroundings and Ichimatsu was going to ask but Karamatsu lit up in delight. "Ah, my brother, could you hold on for a minute?"

Shrugging, Ichimatsu watched him jog a few meters away. Karamatsu bent over and picked up a short brown stick and he suddenly realized his idea. He waited for him to come back but he noticed how Karamatsu was just standing there craning his neck up and looking at the cloudy sky. He stared blankly as the rain fell on his face but he seemed unaffected by it. His eyes weren't blinking and his mouth was parted and Ichimatsu was growing skeptical.

"Karamatsu?" he called out, snapping his brother's attention out of whatever he was entranced in earlier.

Karamatsu was now looking at him but Ichimatsu saw a wave of emotions flash through his face. The older quickly jogged back to him and apologized, "Sorry, I was just so amazed by the beauty of the rain."

It was a lie of course, and eyeing him Ichimatsu thought about bringing it up but he decided against it. Instead, he just groaned and pointed at the stick in his hand. Karamatsu smiled fondly and offered the stick to him, "Since we can't hold hands then-"

"I never wanted to hold hands with you in the first place," Ichimatsu interrupted, but there was a lightness to it, and his smile was evident enough to make Karamatsu laugh.

"Well like I said," he continued, "If we can't hold hands directly then we can use this stick to hold hands indirectly."

Ichimatsu rolled his eyes, "That sounds so dumb." But that didn't stop him from reaching out and grabbing the opposite end of the stick.

They continued walking back home and Ichimatsu knew just how weird he looked. He was holding a stick out to the side of him which he received strange looks from by passers. He didn't care though, he never cared about the judgement from others other than his family.

"We should hurry home before you get sick," Karamatsu said

Ichimatsu waived it off, "I don't care I'm too tired."

Karamatsu wanted to argue, he really wanted to, he always had concerns over the wellbeing of his family, but his lips grew into a smile as he nodded. "Of course."

During the whole walk to their house Ichimatsu kept giving Karamatsu side glances. It was true that he would never get all those moments when he had mistreated him back. It will bother him probably for the rest of his life, and he hoped that his brother really did forgive him. But even if Karamatsu secretly didn't, he would take into consideration about what Todomatsu had told him.

About not giving up.

It was muggy and cloudy and overall dead looking but Ichimatsu felt like the sun's rays were shining down on him. The healing process might take a long time and might never even fully heal but he was working on it, and he hoped he could fix it by starting now. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, he thought as he unconsciously gripped the stick harder. That sounded like something he could definitely try.


Not gonna lie but...this really got me. I'm proud of you Ichi :')

Thank you for reading! Please leave a review! They really mean a lot :)