Okay, so I wasn't going to post this chapter til I had chapter 6 done, but I just HAD to post it. I'm like half way done with chapter 6. Thank you for my reviews and messages and alerts and faves. lol! I was so happy. Some people had a few questions. I'll answer at the bottom.
"Isabella. Wake up. It's time to go." My mothers voice grumbled.
My head shot up. My eyes brightened. My heart thudded once, twice, three times fast and picked up in double time. I squealed. Today was the day I got out of hell.
"Don't look so excited to be leaving me Bella. Your father knows nothing about your.....problems, but I assure you being police chief, he will notice if you don't straighten up. This is your problem to take care of Bella."
Of course she hadn't told him. But it wasn't for my benefit. Who wants to call up their ex husband with "Hey our daughter is being raped by my husband, and I won't do anything about it because I don't give a shit, so she cuts herself and does drugs. She has been for 3 years, but I don't give a rip, so here, wanna take her off my hands so I can hang with my rapist hubby?" I mean come on, talk about epic failure. But that's what Renee was. An epic failure. I still didn't understand really. I had to ask.
"Why? Why didn't you do anything about it. You knew that Christmas. You saw me, and the blood, and the bed....you saw the way he looked at me. You've known." I trailed off.
Renee cocked her head at me. "Bella dear, do those drugs give you hallucinations? What are you talking about?" She waved her hand in front of my face, jiggling it back and forth.
Ahhh. Fucking bitch. Manipulative bitch. That's how it was going to play out? Okay.
"Oh well. He says I'm better than you anyway. He likes it when you're gone. I'm tighter...it does piss him of when he cums before me though. I never cum. You know....because forced sex by my mother's husband doesn't turn me on. You know....rape?" I picked at my fingernails. Nonchalant. I was feeling anything but.
I heard her get up from the bed and walk towards the door.
"I love him Bella. He's all I've got. My only choice. I have to make this work. I need him Bella." She said softly, willing me to understand. And suddenly ,I did. She was just selfish. She was Renee.
I looked at her, just staring into her eyes. I felt mine flicker with sudden fury.
"You don't love him Renee. You love your self. You are incapable of loving, and for that I'm very sorry. I understand now. But that doesn't mean I will willingly release you from all the guilt." I hopped out of bed to begin packing my suitcases. I reached instinctively for my laptop and ipod, only to have ripped from my hands. I slowly turned my head, so I wouldn't break my neck doing it at the speed I wanted, to see Renee standing there...still.
I gave her a WTF look, in which she glared back at me. "Bella, your being punished. You don't get these. THESE," she waved around my favorite electronics," are a privilege. You may not pack them."
"Renee, I BOUGHT those myself. In case you do not remember. And I have done NOTHING wrong, I'm taking my stuff." I said coldly.
"Oh Bella....if you think you are taking these with you, you are delusional." She laughed. LAUGHED! At me. She laughed.
"Okay. Whatever." I rolled my eyes.
She gawked at me for a moment. Probably in awe by the fact I gave up without further argument. She thought she won. Pshhhhh. Please bitch. If she thought I was leaving my laptop and music behind, she was even dumber than I thought.
Today would be the day of my new life. No more Phil. I wasn't ready to give up my drugs just yet.I would have to be more careful with Charlie around.
"Hope you have a safe trip hun. Call me when you get there." Renee spoke as I extracted myself and my luggage from the car.
"I'll never call you Renee." I shut the trunk. "I hope you both burn in hell." and with that I walked away, pulling out my Ipod, feeling released from my prison. I told her I was taking my shit.
I walked into the airport. I waited, and waited, and waited. And got checked over, and waited again. Finally I was on the plane. The plane that would take me back to Forks, WA where I haven't been since before the rapes started.
When I was born, it wasn't into a happy marriage. My parent's didnt' love each-other, and now I know why. Renee wasn't able to love anyone but herself.
So when I was one my mother decided to pack up and go South to Phoenix. I stayed with Charlie. My mother always said it was because she wanted to get on her feet, and she couldn't do that with a baby. I always thought she did it FOR me, but later I found out that she just wanted to party, be free from restrictions. I guess since she had me when she was 20, she never really got to have that party phase.
Charlie raised me, but he was never really one of those emotional people. I spent most of my time at family friends houses, especially the Cullen's. Esme had been my mother's best friend while growing up. She had been dating my fathers friend Carlisle, which is how Renee and Charlie met. Of course Esme and Carlisle ended up married also, but their marriage lasted.
Esme had a son a few months before me named Edward. Two years after that, Esme found out she wouldn't be able to fall pregnant agian. They adopted two kids, Emmett and Alice. They were the same age as Edward and I. Alice was my best friend...or had been anyway.
I also grew up with the Hales, the Cullen's neighbors. Nikita Hale wasn't the kindest lady, and probably wasn't meant for kids just like my own mother. Her husband Peter was never around, always on business trips, or so he said. They had a daughter named Rosalie who was by far the most beautiful child in Forks, probably in Washington. To bad her personality wasn't as great as her outside.
Rosalie was one of those that would sling mud just because she was jealous over your new stroller, or expensive dress.
Jasper was the Hale's son. He was Rose's twin, and the same age as the rest of us. Jasper was a quiet child. Never talked much, he was very sensitive and had a knack of knowing exactly how you felt. Alice and I were usually around him more than the others. Edward was with Emmett alot, but spent more time around me. Rosalie, well, you could expect her to be wherever Emmett was, it was kind of creepy actually.
As I grew up, I started visiting Arizona during the summer, since my mother wasn't still 'completely on her feet' to take me totally in. Charlie and I eventually grew closer. I was still best friends with the group. Well, everyone besides Rosalie. She was a major bitch. Alice was my best friend, and Edward was my best bud. When I wasn't with Alice, I was with Edward. When I was with Alice, sometimes I was STILL with Edward. We just had this bond. I can't explain it really.
He knew things, without me having to tell him. He could understand what I was feeling just by looking into my eyes, but unlike Jasper he could actually understand WHY I was feeling like that. I had to admit, I had a bit of a crush on him. Okay, MAJOR crush.
At 12 my mother decided to grace me with one of her rare phone calls. I still remember the day clearly. I was with Edward right before it happened.
"Bella." Edward whispered.
I looked up into his emerald eyes, stunned. We were sitting outside my house, watching the clouds drift by. It was a rare sunny day in Forks, one that I didn't intend to waste.
"Yeah." I whispered back.
He grabbed my hand, entwining his fingers with mine. My heart started beating fast, I'm sure he could hear it.
"Do you wonder what it's like?"
"Wonder what what's like?" I asked curiously.
"Kissing. Being in love." He looked straight into my brown eyes.
"Well...I mean...I don't know.." I stammered. I was pretty sure I was the color of a tomato.
He flashed me his crooked smile, eyes twinkling.
"Well, I do." He looked at my lips, then to my eyes. "Can I kiss you Bella?"
"Please." I breathed.
He pulled my closer to him, so that our bodies were pressed against each other. We sat there, breathing hard, just staring at the other, slowly getting closer. Our lips were almost touching when my dad burst through the front door.
"Bells, your mother's on the phone. She wants to talk to ya kid."
Edward and I immediately jumped up, and after restarting my heart, I finally had enough breath to reply. "Yeah, okay dad! Coming!"
His left brow shot up, at the sight of Edward and I panting. "Bella? Edward? Everything all right?"
"Uh, yeah. I was just...I mean, we were- just...breathing?" I squeaked.
"Bella, inside, phone, now."
As I flew through the door, I heard my father mutter something, "You better watch yourself Edward Cullen. God knows I am! I'm telling you...."
I stared at the phone for a moment, wondering what she had to say now. She hadn't called since I got back from Arizona over the summer. Not even on my birthday.
"Hello? Mom?"
"Bella! Sweetie I missed you. I'm sorry I haven't been able to call, I've just been busy."
"Oh...Okay mom."
The line was silent for awhile. I decided to break it.
"Was there something that you needed, mom?"
"What, I can't just call my own daughter?"
"Well, no, I mean...it's just that you don't usually call unless you have something to tell me...or something."
She sighed.
"Yes, I guess you know me to well Bella. I did call you to tell you something. Something wonderful sweetie!"
Was she coming home? Was she going to visit me to make up for my missed birthday?
"Bella. I met someone! We got married last week. Oh honey, he's just amazing! We bought a house. Its big. Its great. I have furniture. He plays baseball for a living! How great is that?"
My heart stopped swelling as any thoughts of her coming home were dashed.
"Oh....That's, um...That's great mom."
"Bella. I'm ready for you. I'm coming to get you tonight."
That day a big part of me died. The part of my heart reserved for my friends. Finally my mother was ready for me, but now I wasn't ready for her. I liked my life. I loved my friends. And...I loved my dad.
I never got to punch Rosalie. I never got to give Emmett a noogie. I never got to give Jasper his Strokes t-shirt back. I never got to go shopping with Alice. I never got to kiss Edward. And I never got the chance to say goodbye.
As soon as I was off the phone, and Charlie found out, I had to pack. Then when I was done...she was there...with him. I was 12, but even then I knew how to feel vibes off people. Phil's vibe, was not a good one.
I sent letters to Forks every week those first 2 years. My friends took turns writing me back, but I always loved getting Edwards letters. I called Charlie everyday for awhile, then every week, then every other, then only once a month. Then I stopped calling completely once I turned 14. Once the rapes happened. I also stopped mailing letters. I stopped reading letters I received. I stopped taking Charlie's calls.
That Christmas....I was 14. I remember it so well.
"Mom! Mom! It's Christm-Phil? Where is mom?" I stopped jumping up and down when I walked into the living room. Phil was sitting on the couch looking at all the presents.
"Merry Christmas Bella. Your mother is with Candy, Marge, Cindy, and Bebe. Said she'll be back around noon."
My face fell. Of course. She was never here much.
"Oh."
"Cheer up Bella! Look at all these presents." He smiled, gesturing to the loads of neatly wrapped boxes under the tree.
I tried to smile. I don't think I fooled him.
I spent the next hour unwrapping gifts, but in all honestly, I had no idea what I had opened. I was still upset that my own mother would rather be with her friends than me on Christmas.
Next to me I heard Phil cough.
"Bella. Did you get me a present?"
Oh. No. I didn't. But, mom always took care of that sort of thing.
"Uh...No. I mean, doesn't mom usually buy you one?" I asked.
"Yes, yes she does. But I want a present from YOU."
"Well, I mean, I didn't get you anything. I can buy something tomorrow. I'm so sorry Phil!" I felt kind of bad, but how was I to know I was supposed to get him a present!?
He came and sat next to me own the floor.
"It's okay Bella, there's still a present you can give me." He said, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear.
Okay, creeping me out.
"Wha- What's that?" I cleared my throat.
"Have you ever heard of virginity before Bella?"
I gulped. Yes, yes I had.
I couldn't very well fight him off, but I did try. Nothing worked. He got his 'gift'. He stole it from me. He took it. My mother came home later than noon that day. She didn't make it back until nearly midnight. I didn't even see my mother on Christmas. I was balled up on my bed on the verge of sleep, all cried out. My eyes were nearly swollen shut. And that blood stain. That blood stain was RIGHT THERE in the middle of the bed, taunting me. My body was covered in a big t-shirt, and my hair was a mess. It smelt like stale sex. God that smell, I'll never forget that smell. Sweat mixed with the smell of pennies, coppery blood. It made me want to vomit.
My mother walked in. She took me in. She looked at the stain on the sheets. She noticed the condom wrapper hidden under my bed. She noticed a tube sock labeled 'Phil' up the side. She noticed the smell . But all she did was say, "Oh honey. I'm sorry I missed Christmas. I lost track of time. I'll make it up to you." She tried to play it off as her not being there for Christmas that got me so upset. But now I KNEW she knew at that moment. It made that memory so much more terrifying in a way.
I decided right then, I was not going to think about the rapes. They never happened. I just wanted to forget them. I wanted to wipe them away...but at last, I knew I couldn't. Try as hard as I might those terrifying years would always be a part of me. They had taken their tole. I wasn't the same. I would never be the same. I was a zombie. Phil killed me, but never completely buried me. That's what I was waiting for. Not for my life to restart, or for things to get better, but for what would finally do me off. But I would try to forget as much as I was able. And no one would ever know besides Phil, Renee, and me.
Going to Forks was the last option I had. It would probably end terribly, now I could see it was actually a horrible idea! damn! What was I fucking thinking!? Alice, Emmett, Jasper....Edward. They'd obviously be around. I mean, god, we had been best friends for 12 years. Wouldn't they want to know why I stopped mailing them letters? Stopped calling Charlie? I guess I'd just have to see. One thing was certain, I was not the same Bella. I hope they wouldn't need to find that out. Maybe They'd leave me alone. I could only hope. I knew that hoping was in vain.
Okay I'll answer some questions but first....if you have questions, or concerns, or comments, please tell me. Also if you think you have an idea for something that should happen in this story, tell me. I'm open to ideas, I love them.
So some questions people asked.
Do you have any experience with this stuff?
I'm assuming you mean the subject matter such as drugs, drinking, cutting, rape? If that is what you're asking, then my answer is yes...and no. Drugs? No way, never will. Drinking? Nope. Rape? No, thank God. Cutting? Yes. Lots and lots of experience. Not anymore though. But I have about 4 1/2 years of that type of experience.
Second question: When will Edward come in?
Be patient! Edward is coming in the next chapter. But here you kind of got some of him huh? Bella had to tell some things before Edward could appear. She has problems. She had part of a past that didn't include Edward. But, he is in next chapter. His own POV actually.
