Neji's Blood Money

A/N: Really, I should wait for July 13th, or at least until this story will fall into some kind of chronological order, but I just can't.

Birthday fic, takes place post-time-jump. Well, you'll see.


It was a bright, sunny summer morning, full of chirping birds and happy flowers.

Neji Hyuuga was up nice and early, as was his custom, only today he actually had something important to do, so he was also out wandering the streets.

"Hey, Neji!" Naruto greeted in his usual bright happy tones. It was unusual that Naruto was up; odds were he simply hadn't gone to sleep the night before. "Happy birthday! Eighteen, right?"

"Yup!" Neji returned the greeting with an equally bright wave, which was also odd, because even after five years of extensive anti-emo therapy, he was still a very serious angry young man.

"You off to buy your first porn and cigs?" Naruto asked. Neji laughed mysteriously and continued walking.


"You know, Neji, I don't think I've ever seen you smile before," Hanabi noted curiously on seeing her all-but-estranged cousin walk into her house.

"That's because you've never seen me on my eighteenth birthday before, sweetheart," Neji said happily, patting her head. "Now, where's your father? We need to talk."

"Are you going to start out your adult life by fulfilling your childhood oath to kill him?" Hanabi asked suspiciously.

"He's still asleep," Hinata said immediately, pointing towards her father's bedroom. She had been sitting in the room the entire time, reading a book (Clan Management for Dummies), but very few Hyuugas ever noticed when she was in the room, and her sister and cousin were no exceptions.


Hiashi awoke to find someone sitting at the foot of his bead, smiling. It was because of this smile that he didn't recognize Neji immediately.

"Good morning, Uncle! Do you know what today is?"

"Your birthday," Hiashi said, blinking a little.

"No, it's my bir—," Neji paused. "Oh... yeah. It's my birthday."

"Happy birthday."

Neji smiled smugly. "I'm eighteen, and an adult. Isn't there something that you need to tell me about?"

Hiashi thought about this for a moment. "Well, I would have liked to have a cup of coffee first, but if you insist... when a man and a woman reach a mutual understanding... er, love each other very much, something... happens, and-,"

"Or, I dunno, about my father's life insurance policy?" Neji interrupted, slapping a handful of legal documents triumphantly onto the mattress.

"Oh... you found out about that, did you?"

"I sure did."


Roughly fourteen years ago, Neji's father, Hizashi, had taken out a very large life insurance policy on himself, to be paid (in the event, God forbid, that he should die) to his son when Neji reached that legal El Dorado of ages, 18.

"Hey, Hiashi, how much did Uncle Henry win in the lotto last year?"

"I'm about to start a WAR and all you can talking about is Uncle Henry's gambling addiction?!" Hiashi looked over his brother's shoulder at the long list of calculations Hizashi was busy with. "What on earth are you doing?"

"I'm figuring out the exact amount of life insurance it would take to be richer than the net worth of the rest of the Hyuuga clan put together, adjusted for inflation over the next decade or so..."

"Why?"

"Well, you see, it's ok to defend your helpless little cousin. It's brave. It's chivalrous... having to ask her for money, on the other hand, is just plain emasculating."

"You do realize that you have to die for him to collect the money?"

"Of course."

"... and committing suicide negates your contract."

"I'm not committing suicide, don't worry."

"Hizashi, you can't even afford a policy that large. The only way you could possibly work it is if you manage to get yourself killed before they realize that you can't pay them regularly."

Hizashi laughed mysteriously.

And now Neji was 18, and had just become the second richest man in Konoha (the first being Uchiha Sasuke, who had inherited the entire assets of the Uchiha clan some years ago).

"Don't think about trying to get any of it," Neji told his uncle with a cheerful grin. "This morning I went to the bank and made out my will. If I happen to die mysteriously, it all goes to Tenten and Lee. Oh, and this check's yours. It's the money that you gave Bill to take care of me when I was little. So, that's taken care of, and I'll see you around. Now, if you'll excuse me, a pack of cigs and this month's Hustler are calling my name!"