OHIO SMITH and the Raiders of the Lost Canoe

Ahhh, back to our heroes again, eh? Well, last we saw them, they were in the shrine of Mumbo Jumbo, and some giant rocks were talking to them . . . .

YET AGAIN, SOMEWHERE IN SOUTH AMERICA: Shrine of Mumbo Jumbo.

"AHHH! TALKING ROCKS!" The porters screamed.
"AHHHH! TALKING PEOPLE!" The rocks screamed.
"AHHH! WHAT ARE WE SCREAMING ABOUT?" Asked a strange voice.

All three porters, and all eight rocks, turned to face the owner of the strange voice.
It was a man. (Yes, a man. How frightening.) Anyway, It was a man. And where, on a human, his right hand would be, he had a chainsaw. Yes, sports fans, a chainsaw. His chin was a bit large, but boy! Was that man handsome!

"Huh, huh, who are you?" George asked, frightened.
The man cleared his throat. "Ahem. I'm Ash, House wares," He struck a noble pose, and then looked at the eleven of them, to see if it had any effect.
"I don't know where I am. . . . Last thing I remember, I was in a Cabin, in Tennessee. A rift in time, and space opened, I was sucked in, and Dropped off here," He waved at everything around him with the chainsaw.

"Oooohh," the porters sighed in awe.

"Well, Mr. Housewares, let me be the first depression-stricken porter to welcome you to South America!" Perry said, sticking out his right hand in a shake. Ash just stared at him.
"Riiigghhhtt," He put his left hand on his hip. "So, How do I get out of this dump?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh . . ." Carter scratched his head. "Maybe you could ask the rocks?"

"Yes, ask us! Ask Us!!" The rocks all cried at once.

"Okay," Ash faced the Rocks. "How do I get out of here?"

"How would we know? We're just rocks! Ask someone else, dimwit!"

Ash frowned. "This place is just BRIMMING with hospitality, ain't it?"

George nodded, dumbly. "Sooo," He racked his brain for something Intelligent to say. "I can dance like stripper." He began prancing around the rocks, wiggling his butt. He took off his shirt and threw it behind him.

Ash slapped his forehead. "I'm surrounded by dumb-asses."

"HEY, George!" Carter called. "Look! I have a stick! Go fetch, boy!" He threw a stick, and George chased after it. "Ya just gotta know how to deal with simple-minded people!" He grinned at Perry.

"Yeah!" Perry agreed. "Just gotta know how to deal with Primitives!"

"Primitives, eh?" Ash said, rubbing his chin.
"Yeah!" Perry nodded.
"Well, Mr. Housewares, its been great talking to ya, but we hafta keep movin'. We're supposed to find this stupid-looking-gold-plated-but-not-real-gold-monkey-statue-thing-with-an-incredibly-long-name. I hope You find your way out!" Carter waved, and was about to turn to leave when . . .

"Hey, Kid! You mean this?" Ash held out the Stupid-Monkey-Statue to the porters.

"Yeah! THAT'S IT!!" Perry Cried. He took it from Ash and started running toward the mouth of the cave. "I'll give it to OHI, Carter!"

Carter looked at Ash, who stood with his hand in his pocket. "Hey, Mr. Housewares . . ."
"Yeah?" Ash asked. He had been kicking the dirt, but he looked up at Carter.
"Is this where the space portal was supposed to take you?" He asked.

"I'm not sure," Ash said Looking around. "But I think that the rift had an effect on this place," He looked around. "Jimmy Hoffa, The rocks . . . Its all stuff from the future."

"Ohhh! I get it now!!" Carter said. George had returned with the stick, and he threw it again. "Ttthheee Fuuutttuuurree!"

Suddenly, a small goblin ran past them. "Did you see a girl, and a TALL monster guy run through here?" It asked.

"Nope, Sorry, kid." The goblin shook his head and continued on.

"How did the rift open, Mr. Housewares?" Carter asked.

"Well, there was this book, and these passages in it, and when they were read, this Evil was let out into the Woods. To break the spell of the Evil, we read more passages, and the rift opened,"

"Maybe the book was sucked here too," Carter said, after a long think. "We can read the pages and open the rift again!"

"Maybe!" Ash said looking around. "Can you help me look?"

"Sure, I guess . . . Mr. Ohi won't miss me . . . I'm just a Porter!"

***MEANWHILE OUTSIDE OF THE CAVE***

"YES! FINALLY! The Monkey Thing is MINE!" Ohio cried, as he exited the cave. "And I didn't have to do A THING! BUWAHAHAHA!"

"Ohi, I'd be careful with that, If I were you!" Toby said, standing at the mouth of the cave. "It has TERRIBLE powers of greed on some people."

"What did you say? YOU'RE GOING TO STEAL MY MONKEY?! Well, You CAN'T HAVE IT! Its MY MONKEY!" He held the statue high in the air, where Toby wouldn't be able to snatch it.

Toby shook his head. Someone Tapped him on the shoulder. He jumped, frightened. "Hello, do you know the way to the Castle?"
Toby turned to face whoever it was. It was a young girl, about 15, or 16. She had long dark hair, and a giant reddish-brown beast was standing next to her. "The castle?" Toby asked.
The girl nodded. "May I ask your name, young girl?" Toby asked Politely.
"Oh! Yes, I'm Sarah, and this is Ludo," She pointed to the beast.
"Oh, well, Hello Sarah, I'm Toby! And I don't know anything about a Castle . . ."
"YOU'RE TOBY?" She asked. She scratched her head. "That can't be . . . My brother's only a baby . . . I must have been in here longer than I thought. Well, C'mon Ludo, lets get out of here," And with that, she turned and walked back into the cave, followed by the beast.

"Curious," Toby said, pushing his glasses up onto the bridge of his nose.



A/N: YAY! Lookie! Aren't you proud! A fourth Chapter in the Ohio Smith Saga! Yay! Okay, So I don't own Indiana Jones, Evil Dead 2, Ashley J. Williams, the S-Mart, or Labyrinth (and all its characters). R/R *smoochez-n-hugz* -Val