Emerald Angelic Devil 2009

Chapter 3 – The Unforgivable Sin

As I ran I became conscience of the fact that I was not breathing. This stopped me so fast that I actually tumbled to a stop. Later I would learn that such things were unheard of in a vampire as we are graceful never clumsy. Now though, my mind was filled with this new fact. I was not breathing. I wondered had I taken a breath in a while. Surely my lungs needed air so I took a deep breath in and was quickly surprised that I did not feel relief in the breath. What I did feel or rather smelled and tasted was the scents all around me.

I quickly learned that while we did not need to breathe our very breaths had heightened other senses. I could smell so many things at once and yet my mind quickly picked the lot apart and told me what each was. There were a few smells I did not know but most came to me in quick flashes and then on to the next. I could smell the fresh earth as well as the bark of the trees. There was one strange smell I was not certain on but my racing mind did not let me pause too long on it.

I soon smelled the scent of blood but this time I could tell it was not human. Animal my mind quickly decided but what kind I did not know. The smell was not as appealing it seemed as it only aroused a slight burn in my throat. I stood for about a half an hour just examining all the scents I could. Had anyone seen me I they would have thought I was crazy as I stood in this open meadow sniffing the air.

Finally one scent reached me and the flames almost licked at my tongue in my need for blood. I realized that I still smelled the humans I ran from at the river, not realizing I had ran so fast I was still less then a mile away from them. I took off in a shot again away from them. I would not kill them.

I ran through the forest now breathing in and out every minute or so to know when I reached a town. When I would start to get a strong flame in my throat I would know to turn away and run around the town. The very thought of killing a human went against everything I was taught but it was more then that. Deep down I had a compassion for human life, which was the reason my father thought me a disappointment. I abhorred taking an innocent life. This in mind is what made me stay away from any place I could smell them. I would resist.

Dark thoughts soon crept in. What if I could not resist? I was so shaken by the thought that I stopped, once again to quickly and tumbled once more. After I picked myself up for the second time tonight I pondered this dark thought. What if I could not resist and took an innocent life? This hurt me so deep inside that my next thoughts were horrible. It was like my life flashing before my eyes, only it was a horrible future life instead. I saw mounds of bodies before me all crying one thing, "Innocent."

The very idea of this rocked me to my core. I knew my heart was dead now like the rest of me and therefore should not feel pain but nonetheless I felt a razor sharp pain in it. This dark horrid future made me hurt in the only way a vampire could feel. Conscience.

At that moment is really when I realized I must still have my soul but that was not what spurred my next thoughts. The compassion for human life is what made me decide to kill myself. Had I of been thinking of my soul I would not have considered it as I was taught suicide is the unforgivable sin.

How would I kill myself? Sunlight, crosses, stake to the heart, fire and even holy water. I quickly remember too that the one about running water was not true as I felt my wet clothing so which ones would work? I quickly decided on the sunlight as I knew dawn would be coming soon. I wondered to my self would I be able to hold long enough in the sunlight for it to do the job. I had this feeling self-preservation might kick in.

I reached the cliffs of Dover well before the dawn. As I stood on the cliff looking down suddenly inspiration struck me and without a second thought I launched myself over the edge. As I fell I prayed for death when my body struck the rocks below. This however is not what I found at the bottom.

What I did find was the burning pain of the venom healing my broken body. It was not as bad as my transformation but it was intense. While I lay healing I came to the conclusion that this idea was not going to work. After a while I could see the approaching dawn so I went back to my first plan. Surely success was in my grasp as I still could not move my broken body well enough to get away from the dawn.

I lay there healing and burning and quickly got caught up in the sound and smell of the sea and land around me. My kind is easily distracted and so I soon found a way to bare the pain. Listening I could hear the sound of wild life around me again. I could smell their blood and wondered at the thought that this time the burn was a little stronger.

I could also smell human blood again but it was a bit farther away and in my weakened state I did not have to fight so hard. The burn however was about the same as the animal scent. I did not have time to ponder this long though as a new sound took its place. I quickly found I was hearing life out in the sea. I could not tell what it was but I knew it came from there. Soon my mind raced on to the next thought as I turned to study a movement I saw.

A wave had washed some creature up on to the banks and it was quickly making its way back to the sea, crabs I saw. I watched the sea for a while longer before I saw the sun begin to rise. At first it only peaked over the horizon and when I did not burn I decided I might need a more direct blast of its rays. I closed my eyes and awaited death.

I lie there welcoming death while I took in my last thoughts. My mind was ablaze with ideas. Everything from sounds, to scents to even private musing filled my mind. I got so lost that the sun was fully risen and shining down on me before I knew it. When I realized it, I tensed for the pain.

300 seconds later I felt nothing and my eyes popped open. My mind quickly stored the fact that this too was a falsehood. The sun did not burn us. What it did took me many more moments to realize. I suddenly saw a flash of sparkle and turned my head towards it expecting to find some object responsible for this flash but what I found caused me to actually jump up and my freshly healed body stumbled once more. The cause of this sparkle was my own arm. It looked as if diamonds had been pressed into my skin.

After picking myself up once more I stood in the sunlight and looked over my body. Every inch of skin I could see that was not covered was sparkling. I wished for a mirror to see my face. Abruptly the flames in my throat overwhelmed my and I knew it was a human. My resolve still strong drove me to run for the ocean before I realize the human was not actually close.

This fact did not stop me after I figured it out but a new idea took over and I swam out further. I would drown myself. Forgetting about the breathing exercise earlier I was determined this would work. I swam out about a mile and then dove deep into the sea. I found that my dead body did not rise as well to the top and this aided me in finding the bottom quickly. Once there I held onto a large rock and waited.

900 seconds later I was still alive. So we could hold our breaths a long time. This would not work so I tried breathing in the water. While it did not feel right it did not harm me either. The worse part was the taste. That was uncomfortable. While it had the salty taste of blood it more turned my stomach like something rotten I had eaten.

Finally I gave up on the drowning idea realizing it was not going to kill me. As I swam to the surface I instinctually knew I had to remain inconspicuous to the humans so I swam to back over where the waves were touching the cliffs having spotted a cave. It was higher up then the water but I somehow knew I could climb to it.

I spent the rest of the day hiding from the humans. I mused again over everything while I waited for night. I thought about everything I had learned thus far and how thus far every thing I had learned about vampires was proving to be myth. This caused me to wonder at how my father had killed the vampires he claimed to have killed. Did he lie?

This thought upset me but it also caused me to wonder what would kill a vampire. I was beginning to fear all the myths were just that. I fell in to a despair thinking I was doomed to become a monster. I had to end my existence before someone was killed. I could not bare the thought of taking a human life regardless of my need.

With this idea came nightfall and I quickly slipped from the cave and back up the cliff to return to the forests. I would stay as far away from humans as I possible could. I decided then and there to starve myself to death. I needed to eat to survive as a human so this had to be the key to death in my new life. If I did not drink, I would surely soon cease to exist.