Everytime the teen fell, he'd be there.

Everytime he'd forget his purpose, he'd be there.

Everytime he felt alone, he'd be there.

Everytime Neku cried, Joshua was right beside him.

Always.

Ever since the Game, every time Neku felt like the world hated him, Joshua would be there for him. But Neku had conflicted feelings, didn't he hate him for what he did? The pain, the torture, the betrayal- all of it, wasn't it enough to hate somebody's own existence? Of it course it was.

However, the Proxy felt like his Composer was the only one who understood him to the core. That, he was grateful for. Never in his life had he actually felt like he mattered to somebody. Now that somebody was Yoshiya Kiryu, the ruler of Shibuya.

But something changed, Joshua changed. For a few weeks, he hadn't showed up. Neku searched for the silverette everywhere, he couldn't leave Shibuya anyway. Much to his dismay, the sign of him being around had vanished. Whenever he tried to enter Wildkat, the doors were locked. The Proxy knew that Sanae would never lock it.

He came to the conclusion that something wasn't right.

The boy began to fall to pieces. He couldn't think straight, he could no longer pretend to be happy, his cuts became deeper with each swipe, his heart longed for his best friend. Wasn't it much more than that, Joshua hadn't cared about somebody this much before, has he? The thoughts circled in his head.

Seconds seemed like minutes, minutes turned into hours, hours became days. This tugged on his heartstrings, they made him build up an internal wall to the world. Neku Sakuraba became numb.

He missed school, he didn't eat, he was cutting more often. Whenever the red sticky liquid seeped from under his skin, the ginger remained unmoved; it was neither exciting to the boy. He could have turned to crimes and drugs, but even that took too much energy.

Sulking became his life. Wasn't he like this before? Yes, before everything; before the dying, before the Game, before learning how to trust, before Joshua.

How funny, he had once thought, he had changed for the better, but where was Joshua now? He simply left without a word. What was he, just another toy to his collection? That's pathetic, he had thought he was actually important for once.

His suffering didn't end. His parents became "concerned" with his health that they sent their son to a mental ward. Big mistake. Not only did the doctors drug him up on pills, it had made his depression worse. Neku desperately used any sharp object to cut him.

What a mess he had become.

But was this his fate, his destiny?

His round face sunken in, his cheeks were bony. Now his body was so frail that it made him seem healthy from before. Neku didn't mind how he looked, he was just tired of it all.

What if Joshua ever came back? What a fat chance, he never would want to see a failure like me, thought Neku.

Not only had he shut everybody out, he had given up on trying. Trying to live, trying to get better, trying to believe in the Composer, those things had lost meaning. None of them mattered, Neku didn't matter anymore.

He was forced to walk around the ward for exercise, an IV was the only thing keeping the teen alive. Many times had the nurses caught him trying to sever the plastic tubes. Why did they insist of keeping him alive and suffer?

Eventually, Neku gave up drawing. Art meant nothing, it only stung his heart more. He had forgotten a ton of things, not only had he stopped talking, the ginger slowly seized to communicate at all.

He was stuck in bed, watching the sun rise and set, they eventually stopped trying to get him to eat. In desperate efforts to keep him digesting food, they had inserted a tube through his nose and it ran down his throat and rest in his stomach. Neku kept trying to rip it out but gave up once he realized how stubborn these people were.

As of lately, the extremely skinny boy (due to purging) barely had energy to move. Was this how he would die for good? No more Games, no more Joshua.

This was good, he had smiled for once, this world will eventually fade to black, nothing will be better. The doctors forced him to socialize with the other patients.

With his wall up, he just dismissed them. There was this fragile girl who kept trying. She was the complete opposite, but she was the same on the inside. Her name was Ouka.

The petite female had long violet hair, it was so light that he had mistaken it for an eggshell white. However, her eyes were a vibrant green. They say her eyes turn icy blue when she's angry.

He didn't let her in but she had talked about herself. She was anorexic, battling her disability wasn't an easy task. Neku could relate, but the ginger didn't budge.

This hasn't changed for the last three days. However, Neku started eating again. He didn't eat a whole lot, his stomach didn't particularly agree with his decision with food.

Here, Neku sat at a round table, watching the other teens chatter and idly watch the day go by. Ouka was sitting at the same table, coloring in her picture.

She was humming to herself, a song that she had heard another patient singing. The song was quite dark, it told the tale of a dream killing people called Alice's in Wonderland. The girl who originally was heard singing it had a blood lust, no surprise there.

Neku glanced over to Ouka, the lavenderette smiled and showed him her picture. "It's us when we leave here!" The girl was quite optimistic, but didn't understand the concept that some were never going to leave; or well, Neku thought he wasn't.

The ginger grunted in response. The younger's eyes widened, "You responded! That's great!" Her smile was wider, "So, can you tell me your name?" He had hesitated, they were acquainted enough, so wouldn't it be okay? Neku hadn't spoken a word to her before, but she stayed by his side. Most of their communication were through letters.

"Neku." He has kept it quiet. The others didn't really bother with him, they called him mysterious. It wouldn't be fun to suddenly solve the mystery with one word.

The girl giggled, "Nice to finally meet you Neku!" Her attitude reminded him so much of Shiki. Wasn't the brunette upset about his sudden actions? Speaking of, none of his 'friends' had come and see him at all. Was this a bad thing? Not necessarily, he figured that they would just continue on without him.

He nodded and sat up, his eyes scanning the room. He was no longer to scan their thoughts, as he couldn't bring his Player Pin with him. This didn't mean that he couldn't see Players and Reapers, they still lingered around. Perhaps that was the consequence of being a survivor from the Game. Seeing erasure didn't faze him as much as it used to, it just felt like a normal thing. He understood Joshua a little more now.

Did that really matter now? The Composer didn't care. "Yeah." He was a boy of few words. He just leaned back in his chair.

A bubbly blonde spun around, giggling with her friends. He knew who she was, she was the murderer. That girl had the face of an angel but the heart of a demon. She had killed her brother and best friend because she had caught them together. Her name is Aria, but she changed her name to Arisu- this is the one who taught Ouka the song.

Beside her stood Toma, he appeared to be a normal rocker/skater boy. He was a schizo, and often talked to different 'people' that his parents became scared. He would talk to beings that don't exist in the UG, so Neku knew that he did have a condition.

Finally, there was Riru. She was a ballerina at one point. Eventually, things became too much and she attempted suicide. She was quiet, but some days that she'd be going on a rampage. Whenever that happened, an emergency sedate team would be called into the ward and drug her.

There were others around, but Neku didn't know much about them. Apparently Ouka used to be alone before the Proxy had appeared.

The ginger made his way to his room without being noticed. He pulled his IV along with him, and shut his room door. The moment he had turned around, his face fell.

Joshua.

WHat did he want to do first? Yelling seemed like an excellent option, but the bastard could just disappear and make things worse for Neku. Punching was another, oh how he would feel much better when his fist crashes into the silverette's flesh. The choices were endless.

But what did he do?

Neku sobbed.

Tears had stung his eyes, the pain his heart had soaked in spilled at once. His stomach felt empty, he shook uncontrollably while he cried. Joshua would have normally raised his eyebrow in confusion but this time he approached the broken teen. Neku had fallen to the floor, his hands covered his face and he didn't care how the other would react.

Joshua frowned, this was what happened to Neku for the time being? He hadn't known, in all honesty. If he had, he would have fought harder to return. Those Angels were tricky, he didn't comprehend why they chose to do what they did.

Once Neku felt the other kneel beside him he glared at him and the palm of his hand had made contact with his cheek. Joshua didn't say anything. The loud smack had made the situation more intense.

A low growl emit from Neku's throat, "How dare you show your face!" His eyes flickered darkly, "Don't ever come back." Joshua wasn't surprised; seven months later, Neku had turned for the worst. The silverette remained calm. "Say something, you asshole!" Neku's voice was raising, and even Yoshiya knew that he shouldn't be messing around right now.

But where would he start? Sorry Neku, the Higher Ups needed me. Of course not! That would make things worse. Time to cut the smug act. Those violet eyes were obviously painted with hurt and regret, but he has to stay calm for his Proxy's sake. "Well, where do you want me to begin?"

Neku scoffed, was he really going to do this? Now of all times? "Why did you disappear?! Why did you leave me when I needed you the most? Look at where it had placed me! I thought that I meant something, but no. I'm nothing but a toy, always have been. I.. I even loved you." He could have carried on, but those were the answers that he was desperately searching for.

A stab to the heart. Joshua was unsure of how to react, he hadn't felt that way in the longest time. Falling in love was one of the hardest things for the demi-god.

He sighed, rubbing his temples, "Things have been rough with the Higher Ups. I had to go otherwise-"

"No you didn't! You could have at least came back and told me what was happening!" Neku's voice cracked, he sounded more broken than when Josh first found him.

How did this seem so bad? He didn't mean any of this to happen, and he certainly didn't want to make Neku wore. But what could he do; sugar coat his words? No. That would almost be like lying to him. They both knew that Neku wasn't going to get out of here anytime soon. "I'm afraid not, dear. If I had, I would have been executed for such actions." He whispered gently, not daring to absorb this dying image of Neku before his eyes. "Things are more strict than you think, Neku. I had to be kept away for six months."

This enraged Neku, "Six months?! Where were you a month ago then?" He had gotten up from the floor, approaching his hospital bed. The rolling IV along the floor reminded both of them how awful the moment was. Once he was sitting in bed, the ginger threw a light sheet over his legs, hiding how malnurished he had become. "I thought that you'd never come back."

The Composer pulled up a comfy chair, respecting Neku of his space. "I had to prepare for the next few games. To put it simply, I was put to a test. The Angels didn't believe that I was suitable to keep my job." He had flipped his curly hair, glancing at his nails. Neku knew that he put on a facade the snotty attitude was hard to ditch in situations such as this. "I showed them wrong. During this time, all who should have played in the Games are put.. what you could call, 'on hold' until I had come back." He nonchantly explained. Neku just listened, he thought of all those Souls that were trapped in the UG, waiting for the game to start. "In a week, the Game will begin. Shibuya is going to have over 500 players, but to make it fair, only 8 can come back. I'm going to be really busy during this time."

Neku tilted his head, "But what about your Conductor? Kitaniji was erased, wasn't he?" Joshua nodded once immediately. Neku was still dumbfounded on who the Conductor was. Certainly it wasn't Kariya, Uzuki maybe? Definitely not Minamimoto, he wanted to murder Josh.

Joshua giggled, "That's handled. They have imported a high quality Reaper from Shinjuku to take on the job. She's responsible enough to handle a job such as this. So now I won't have to go through all that dreaded paperwork."

Neku stayed silent. What else could he say? "Oh." The word wasn't even supposed to slip past his lips. Joshua held uncertainty in his gaze. Of course he would, who wouldn't? Neku had a million things to say but no where to begin. Would it be better if it was angsty comments first then tone it down to cheesy 'i missed you' remarks? No, not at all.

His desires were kept away in his heart, never would he actually mention to Joshua. It would make things worse, perhaps making the Composer himself a little uncomfortable. Neku knew that he wasn't suitable for the job, so why should he mention why he was jealous of that Reaper girl, the new Conductor? A reason was that because she would spend much more time with Josh than he would. What if a relationship bloomed between them? What would be of Neku?

Joshua raised an eyebrow, "Is that all you have to say?" The ginger knew that revealing too much will complicate things. Instead, he just shook his head, it wouldn't hurt to say a little, would it? "Then what is it?"

The Proxy bit his bottom lip, "I just want to get out of here. I want things to go back to normal." It was very vague, as that could mean a lot of things, but that was the point. Joshua nodded slowly, placing his hands on his knees and standing up.

"I see. Well, I have to get back to WildKat, Sanae needs to discuss our future options. I'll come back again." A pause, Neku wasn't so happy with what he had said so far anyway. "Can you get better, for me? I really don't like seeing my dear, dear Proxy in this condition." He giggled and gave a small wave. "Ciao, dear."

Neku's heart had fluttered, so maybe his hopes weren't all gone just yet. He now would be focused on healing and getting out of this dying place. Not for Ouka, not for Joshua, not for anybody but himself. Thankfully he had people who had faith still.

Neku Sakuraba wasn't going to be a mental case anymore.


Okay, I think this has been going pretty good so far. This oneshot might actually get a sequel, if I'm feeling like it. R&R!