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Chapter 4: Maybe there's hope in just one final second

He was there, standing right in front of her, staring with an unreadable expression. Jude slowly backed up, trying to put space between them, her mind running a mile a minute as she tried to form words. Her voice still wasn't working and her mouth just opened and closed in shock. Tommy was right in front of her, and he hadn't changed at all, still in his scuffed leather jacket and signature shades. Jude felt the heat rise in her cheeks as she thought about how she looked. Bouncing a two year old on her hip, hair in a messy bun with tendrils of blonde framing her face. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He wasn't supposed to be here.

"Daddy!" oh shit! Was all Jude could think as Ella started to squirm. Why had she insisted on showing her daughter that picture every night, why had she been so stupid to come back to this place? Feeling like nothing more then a teenager, she did what she knew best, she bolted.

His expression was stuck in her head as she slammed through the coffee shop door, trying so hard not to cry as she pictured the shock, happiness and betrayal that had flashed in his eyes. Jude dug in her purse, frantically looking for the keys, which were evading her nimble fingers. Ella started to cry, struggling evermore in her arms and Jude thought about just collapsing on the sidewalk and joining her.

"Jude." She froze, of course he'd followed her, of course he wanted answers. Her hands were starting to shake and she tried to no avail to soothe Ella. She finally turned to meet him head on, her breath coming in sporadic bursts, an invisible hand clamping her heart. She could almost picture someone laughing at the situation she was in; I told you so echoing in the soft breeze.

"Tommy." It was all she could manage to get out and even then her voice cracked, any strength she had seeping from her. God she was tired, the whole day had been a whirlwind of people and emotions and Tommy was not something she was prepared to deal with.

"Daddy!" Ella squealed again, reaching her chubby arms out to Tommy, even though a few feet separated them. Jude could see his eyes focus on their daughter, his gaze clear and unreadable as he stared. Something in his posture changed, the casual slump had become a rigid nervousness. His eyes didn't know where to look and when he settled back on Jude she could almost feel a blast of cold air pass between them.

"Is this why you left?" He croaked out, taking a small step forward, knowing she was skittish. Jude had imagined this moment so many times, but none of them had involved a cold day in September on an empty sidewalk downtown. The wind started to pick up and it chilled Jude to the bone, unconsciously she pulled Ella closer, watching Tommy.

"Yes."

They shared another moment of tense silence, ignoring the few passers-by's that stepped between them.

"I can't do this right now Tommy, I have to go." Jude could feel the car keys digging into her palm and she held tight to them like some sort of salvation. Tommy closed the distance between them then, and she could see his eyes clearly now, the stormy blue enough to make the fear in her rise.

"You ran away once, I'm not going to let you go again." His jaw was clenched in determination and Jude took a step forward, equally as determined.

"You aren't ready for this Tommy." Jude raised a hand to his cheek, seeing the shock in his eyes as her the pads of her fingers danced over his skin. The touch was intimate and so familiar she almost broke, wanting so badly to fall into his arms and have him take the pain away. Then she turned around and walked away, knowing her heart and head had to battle a little more before she was ready to give into either.

Right about now, if I'd found the right words to say
I'd tell you you're safe and take hold of your hand
I'll be there by your side for the rest of your life

Sadie was fussing over her. Trying her best to calm her own nerves by focusing solely on Jude. And it was starting to give Jude a headache, especially since all she wanted to do was sleep for days, maybe years. Jude was patient through having her makeup done and playing dress up but it was starting to grate. She put her hand on Sadie's arm stopping her from picking the curling iron up.

"Sades I'm fine okay? You don't have to act like I'm going to break."

Sadie didn't stop her nervous flitting, and that's when Jude knew something was up, something big. Her sister sat on the edge of the bed, playing with the corner of the comforter, chewing her lip in thought.

"Sades?"

"KwestchoseTommyashisbestmanwhichmeansyouhavetowalkdowntheaisletogetherdontbemad." Jude's eyes went round, not sure if she'd caught the jumbled mess of words that had tumbled from her sisters mouth.

"Tommy is the best man, and I'm the maid of honour and our daughter is the flower girl. Quite the family affair, huh Sades?" Jude sunk further into the chair in front of her vanity. Brushing her hand through her hair she couldn't help but feel defeated and oddly loopy. A ghost of a smile played on her lips and then she was laughing, laughing so hard her sides began to hurt. Sadie just sat stock still, afraid to reach out and touch Jude. The laughing turned to sobs, gut wrenching, guttural sounds that rose from Jude's throat leaving it in a state of burning. She clutched her stomach, almost doubling over but holding herself up. When Jude looked in the mirror, all she saw was her make-up running, ruining the hours of work put in, she looked like she did that night. Jude chocked out another sob before looking her sister in the eye, Sadie looked horrified, but oddly soft as she reached out and wiped the wetness from Jude's cheek.

"It's going to be okay."

"No it won't Sade. I left, I ran away, I kept his daughter from him and now I don't know what to do. I never wanted any of this to happen."

"I know. Let's get you fixed up."

And I'd like to change all this
And I'd like to wake up from this
By your side
How did we ever survive for this length of time?
Living with only a care in the world

Jude took a sip of her luke-warm champagne, smiling at a dancing Sadie and Kwest, her heart breaking a little at how happy they looked. G Major had changed, after Darius took over no one was safe, Jude was lucky he hadn't killed her the minute he walked in. The air was tense, whispers about her return and possible daughter making it's way around the room. Jude for the most part, stayed seated at one of the make shift tables strewn about the room and waited until she would be allowed to leave. Her thoughts drifted to Ella at home with Stuart, who had claimed it was time to get to know his granddaughter. Jude just squirmed in her seat, regretting letting Sadie chose the blue wrap around dress and heels for her to wear. Plus her butt was going numb. She lifted the glass to her lips and nearly chocked on the bubbly liquid as Tommy took a seat across from her. It wasn't lost on Jude that Tommy had been lurking for the better part of two hours, sticking far enough away to not bother her, but make sure she didn't run, again.

"So she's mine?" He didn't waste anytime and Jude averted her eyes, shifting uncomfortably in her chair.

"Yes."

She could hear Tommy let out a breath, running a hand through his hair. His hand tightened around his glass and she knew he was fighting throwing it at the wall behind her head. She'd always had this effect on him.

"What's her name?"

Jude let out a sigh; knowing Sadie's eyes were on her. "Not now Tommy."

"Then when, girl? When you decide to run again?"

Jude blinked at him, her mouth agape, trying to form some sort of retort, when her cell phone rang, breaking the tension. Jude quickly answered and muttered 'excuse me' before running for the alleyway. She pulled her sweater tighter around herself, to ward against the chilly fall air.

"Dad, what's wrong? Is Ella okay?"

"Ella's fine, just being a little fussy, so I'm having trouble putting her down…" Jude couldn't help but smile at the sound of her father's haggard voice.

"It's been a while, huh?"

"Yeah."

"It's okay, just put her on."

"Hey rock star, it's mommy, you giving Grandpa a hard time?" All Jude heard was a silent "miss you." It made her heart melt and she couldn't help but feel the tension drain from her body.

You never lied to me not once
Its not your fault that I cant trust
Its in my past, its in my path and I can't go there
Making a mess out of this game
To see it all go up in flames
So tired of being ruthless and wreckless

Time to be your only one
To almost be you're way too young
Time to crash into the sun
Time to be your 21
Time to dream that love will last
Time to drive my car too fast
Time to walk before I run
Time to be
Ohh time to be your 21

I don't believe in love and I
I pull it to the wall
I tasted sweetness there to laugh so hard as it falls
And I could push you there if you don't stop me
Push you there if you don't stop me
Please stop me

Time to be your only one
To almost be you're way too young
Time to crash into the sun
Time to be your 21
Time to dream that love will last
Time to drive my car too fast
Time to walk before I run
Time to be
Ohh time to be your 21

Its gut wrenching sometimes
Its life threatening sometimes
Seems like nothing can wash it all away

Time to be your only one
To almost be you're way too young
Time to crash into the sun
Time to be your 21
Time to dream that love will last
Time to drive my car too fast
Time to walk before I run
Time to be your 21

"Jude it's your dad, Ella's fast asleep."

"Works every time, I think it helps that I can hold a tune."

Jude shut her phone off, and leant against the railing, letting her head dip down to look at the ground.

"I've never heard that song." Jude jumped slightly at his voice but part of her knew he'd show up sooner or later.

She smiled wistfully, "I wrote it after I left, and she likes it because I said it was our song."

Jude peeked out from beneath her bangs, trying to gage Tommy's mood. He was out of her reach though, a closed book, content on staying that way.

"Her name is Mariella, Ella for short." Tommy nodded coming to stand beside her, leaning his back against the railing and looking at the stars.

"So I'm a dad." He said quietly, something in his voice drew Jude's eyes to his.

"Yeah you are."

This place started it all, this stupid alleyway, where he'd kissed her for the first time. Everything had come full circle in a way and Jude had never felt so empty.

"You want to go some place and talk?"

"Yeah."

But the light that shines from her
Whenever she's happy is worth every minute that we've saved ourselves
Maybe there's hope in just one final second

Preview for the next chapter: Tommy, Jude and alcohol, have never been a good mix.

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