Hey everyone! Before I get into this, I know the first thing to address is where I have been for the last two months or so. Well I won't bore you with the details but my depression has been rough lately. Today, I took a math test and when I handed it in, I already knew I failed even though I am really good at math when I try. No one really knew how depressed I was, and I finally broke in front of a good friend of mine and cried for nearly half and hour. I came to fanfiction in the first place to let my thoughts and experiences be shared through my writing (but no, my parents are not abusive. I mean just the feelings I have turn into this type of thing) That being said, I'm back and I promise to fight through this not only for myself, but for you guys as well. If you are going through something similar, please feel free to PM me because everyone deserves a friend to lean on. So I realized that the original chapter four was somewhat confusing. I wrote it late at night mostly and wasn't thinking too much about it. So instead of hopelessly trying to pull the story back on course from that strange chapter, I decided to rewrite the entire thing. The idea of it all taking place in a dream is still valid, but this way will fit with the rest of the story more smoothly. I apologize if this isn't my absolute best writing as I have not had practice writing in a while now. Enjoy it and I'll do my best to keep writing. This chapter is a bit short also because I have to ramp up more ideas. Don't forget to review and follow/favorite!
Chapter 4: Silent Night, Nightmare Night
Kate's POV
As I lay in bed after all we had been through, I tried to grasp dreams like a normal seventeen year old teenager might. This night, instead of hearing Lilly's sharp cries of agonizing pain, I was close enough to hear her breathing softly and normally. Instead of fearing every second that has been, is, and will come, I felt a sense of peace for the first time in many years. For the time being, I knew my sister was safe and sound, and that was half of the weight on my shoulders alone. Suddenly yet softly, a rushed yet soothing feeling descended through my body from my head to toes. It was a feeling I knew but had not experienced in a long time. Sleep took control, pulling my eyelids down with the weight of my past.
Most people are afraid of the dark at some point in their life. Small children fear the boogieman hiding in their closet or the monster under their bed. Lilly and I lacked any such fear. The monsters we had to be afraid of lived in the day. We used to call them mom and dad. Used to.
Under the dreary moonlight seeping through the tattered curtains in my room, I could safely coddle my little sister until we slept. Well, passed out more accurately defines it. Some nights we cried. Others we just sat, basking in the only good thing in either of our lives. Lilly held strong despite her small physique, always being my shoulder to cry on. The flower of innocence became corrupt early in our lives. I vividly remember the first time I witnessed her being beaten with a strip of leather at the tender age of five.
Once we fell asleep, I sometimes dreamed of what our lives could have been if we were granted the luxury of a caring family. Maybe instead of running away from the repercussions of murdering my parents, I'd be planning for college. Maybe the rain would be a symbol of replenishing life rather than a reminder of my own terminal imprisonment. Maybe Lilly could have been a cheerleader who wasn't wise about choosing boyfriends and I would have to be that older sister who keeps telling her to keep her legs closed. Maybe.
That reality seemed far better, because I wasn't strong enough to be there for Lilly all the time like a big sister should be. Lilly became the glue which held me to the world from the first time I saw leather hitting her bare skin. I knew that if I were alone though it all, my parents would have found me dead in the bathtub with my wrists cut or maybe hanging with a broken neck out of my bedroom window. It's probably what they wished for anyway.
My eyes fully fluttered shut. A vague vision blurred in my head. The outline of a body, obviously female, centered in the shot while a taller male figure hovered over her.
"Are you afraid of me, girl?" the male figure asked. A sharp crack followed and the female's body arched.
She didn't move at all for a moment as if petrified in stone. "I, I'm not afraid of you! B-but I am afraid f-for my sister!"
The voice registered itself with me. Clouds swirled for a second and the image was clear. Lilly sat on her knees with nothing on above her waist. Blood trickled down her scarred back. She heaved heavily but didn't let our father, who was the man standing above her, have the pleasure of seeing her pain.
Our father slapped her face rather hard. "Shut up you whore, or she'll be right next to you!"
I couldn't do a thing. Being there simply as a witness, I could only watch. A growl rumbled in my throat as he moved on.
He reached down and cupped her left breast, spreading the blood over her pale mound. Another few squeezes and he moved on to the right one.
Lilly sat with a blank stare, letting him violate her if it meant keeping him away from her older sister.
Our dad laughed and gave her boob a painful looking grab. "A shame such nice tits had to be wasted on a completely useless bitch! Now go and tell your sister what happened and that next time I catch one of you stealing, I'll crush your hands with a vice while I fuck her whore cunt right in front of you!"
The image faded to black. If I had a body in this, this nightmare, I'm sure it would be shaking. That night was more real than a nightmare about a month ago when it happened. I never actually saw Lilly being whipped and violated, but she told me and wept into my shoulder until she fell asleep. My plan to kill our parents started on that night, seeing her half naked with blood trickling down her back. A fire burning like the fires of a thousand suns lit when I saw her like that. I bandaged her wounds the best I could gently while she slept in my arms.
Wind brushed against my face, blurring my vision for a second before I saw Lilly again, this time she was leaning over a workbench of some sort. Not a muscle on her body moved, but at least I could this time. I took one step toward her, then another. "Lilly?"
My call caused a violent turn of Lilly's head. Her eyes seethed with rage and pain. She gritted her teeth so that they became a powder in her mouth. "You! This is all your fault!"
My heart ceased to beat in my chest. Lilly never said those words to me before. If someone even had to hold any blame, it was our parents or both of us together. Our eyes remained locked in a fiery standoff, and I was losing. I took a slow pace around her as to be cautious of her strange behavior. Only what I saw in my peripheral vision could have ever torn me apart from keeping my eyes on Lilly. They snapped to her hands immediately.
Both of them were in claps, which were fully shut. The mangled mess of blood and broken bones made my stomach churn. Her fingers twitched slightly, at least the ones that were still attached.
I stumbled back and held my hand firmly against my lips. This couldn't be happening. Not after all we had already been through together.
"Now you get to bend over that table and take me, slut, while she watches!" the voice of my father bellowed behind me.
Before I could turn around, my body flew through the air and landed painfully against the table. I tried to left my head, but my father's hand slammed it back onto the table next to some of Lilly's severed fingers. My vision went dark.
I sat up quickly, feeling my body soaked in sweat. My lungs ached from breathing so heavily. A glance to the right revealed Lilly, sitting up and staring at me with her classic "I'm concerned" look. I grabbed her in a flash, hugging her body as tightly as ever. Her hands were still there, gentle rubbing my back.
"Shhh, it will be okay. No one is going to hurt you or me." she cooed like a mother to a sick child. Her hands kept rubbing my back.
I tried to rub her back as I cried, but she flinched when I did. Her injuries, right. "S-sorry. I, I had a really b-bad dream."
Lilly actually giggled and kissed my cheek. "I can tell. Do you want to talk about it?"
I looked to my left where the alarm clock was. It was about four in the morning. At least I managed to get more sleep than I usually did, which meant I would be fine not getting more. "I, I guess so."
Lilly smiled and nudged me. "And I'd love to listen and help however I can, but you stink a little from sweating. You want to take a shower first?"
The feeling of a hot shower sounded nice, but I felt myself tense up. Even though that dream was completely fake, a fabrication of my own imagination, it felt too real to ignore. I couldn't let my little sister out of my sight. "I would really like one, but, but I don't want to leave you out of my sight."
Lilly smiled and pulled on my arm. "Then I'll go in with you. I'll sit on the toilet so we can still talk while you get cleaned up."
My heart melted. Through everything, Lilly has been my sister, best friend, and even my rock. "What did I do to deserve a sister like you?"
She pulled me to my feet, our eyes held to each other. "You deserve it because we both deserve each other. If nothing else, we at least deserve that."
We tiptoed around Humphrey's bed to the bathroom where Lilly sat down on the toilet like she said she would. I started to strip without telling her to look away. She's seen me naked a million times before anyway.
"Did I ever tell you that I'm jealous of your boobs?" she suddenly asked after I removed my bra.
I smirked and dropped the clothing to the floor. "And why would you be jealous of something so minor in our type of life?" My hands rested on my hips and my hair flowed behind my head, leaving the mounds on my chest exposed.
Lilly rolled her eyes at my obvious intention to flaunt my feminine features. "Because, Ms. Show Off, even though we don't have a normal life at all, part of me wishes that we could fight over stupid things like that. You know, like Reba and Janice at school?"
I giggled to myself at the memory of those two sisters always accusing the other of getting breast implants or achieving "maximum sluttiness". Those comments never seemed funny to me when they happened but looking back, they were one of the few lighthouses in the storm of my existence. "Okay, yeah my boobs are bigger, but yours are fine, Lils. Trust me."
Lilly smiled and squeezed her own breasts for a second before looking back at me. "Aren't you going to flaunt your ass too?"
I pulled my underwear off and rolled my eyes. The curtain was already open, so I stepped in and closed it. The faucet appeared to be from some desolate and long forgotten civilization ten million light years away. I struggled with the strange contraption momentarily before feeling the shock of cold water on my back "Cold, cold, cold, cold!" I chanted while desperately trying to adjust the temperature.
Lilly giggled on the other side, trying her best not to break into an all-out entourage of hilarity. (Yay my writing style is coming back to me )
I gazed over at her through the transparent section of the shower curtain. "You laugh now, but I won't tell you how to work this thing now so it will get you too!"
An evil, squirming smile crept across her smug face. "Oh, I don't mind the cold. But the hot water always sucks." She reached behind her slickly and flushed the toilet.
Immediately the water became scolding hot and I jumped to the back of the shower where the water could not get me. "I will get you for this when we learn to swim tomorrow!"
Her smirk dropped fairly fast. "Kate, do you still want to talk about, you know, your dream?"
The silence broke only for the sound of running water. I nodded slowly almost as if my nightmare would become true. A deep, misty breath filled my lungs. "I, in dream, er, nightmare really, d-dad's threat a few months ago to crush y-your hands and rape me in front of you, was real."
Lilly covered her mouth as her eyes grew wide. "O-oh my god, Kate. It, it won't ever happen, It can't."
I shook my head. "I didn't care about being raped. The only thing that mattered in that moment was getting help for you and if that meant taking it, I would have taken it. But your hands being crushed and the thought of being raped by dad didn't break me. Wh-what broke me is that in the dream; y-you were screaming 'It's all your fault!' at me."
Again the running water dominated the silence. Lilly glared at me solemnly. "Kate, if you stole for us and mom and dad shot me in the head for it, I'd die not blaming you because at least you would be trying to make things better for us. I will never blame you for anything they did to us."
My chest clenched and twisted. To be fixed, I first had to break. I shut off the water stepped slowly out of the shower door. My hand extended to my little sister in invitation.
We looked at each other, eye to eye. She could read my mind, always could. Her arms cradled my shivering, dripping wet body with more affection than she had shown in a long time. The clothes she was wearing quickly became soaked, but she didn't let go.
"We will make it together..." she whispered breathily into my ear as my sobs into her shoulder became heavier. "I promise."
As a new day dawned on earth, a dark day of ours ended. I could only hope that Lilly was right.
Aaaaaand that's it for now. The reason I chose to write this chapter over skipping straight to the events of what will be in the next chapter is that I wanted to establish how Kate and Lilly act together when they are alone and not fearing for their lives. Their personalities are based off of two of my cousins who are sisters and this is exactly how they fight: childish sabotage and petty insults about each other's breasts. The scene where Lilly flushes the toilet to turn up the heat of the water to mess with Kate was inspired by it happening to me at my grandparent's house when I was young and my cousins wanted to mess with me. Although in a modern building, this sadly doesn't work anymore. Well thank you all for reading this chapter and if you liked it or didn't like it, let me know. These stories are just a vent for me and I won't take personal offence to some criticism (but please do be nice). The next chapter will be kind of relaxed and fun. It will make you feel like playing with a box of puppies. But it will not always be like that. Dark times are coming soon, and the true plot will run the rest of the story until the very end when, well, I can't ruin it now can I? This whole story will probably be 20+ chapters and I'll keep going for as long as I can reasonably stretch the plot. See you all soon!
-GoldAlpha
