She healed me – mind, body and, spirit.

Dear Uncle,

I am in another one of those insufferable meetings with the Fire Sages without Katara because there was a wedding emergency. Apparently the catering company didn't understand just how much Katara's new husband and brother could eat, so they didn't factor that in. I have offered my servants in the kitchen to help out but Katara is worried that the spicy food wouldn't be to Aang's and Sokka's taste.

Seriously!

Uncle, how do I understand someone like Katara? Last night she came into my room, without knocking, and went straight to my cupboard to check that my ceremonial robes were clean. Obviously she doesn't understand personal space and doesn't believe me when I say that I took care of everything! She makes me so angry sometimes I could turn the Palace to cinders, but then again, her disapproving look would shame me too much. As would her nagging. And her constant lecturing…

Remind me again why I am in agony over this woman? Shouldn't I be happy that she is marrying someone else. Imagine if I gave into temptation and she was single and we had gotten together. Imagine… I shudder to think of our children, one water bender and the other a fire bender running loose in the gardens. It would be nice to have children in the gardens though – we could put ducks in the lake again (I think Aang scared them away with his hyper-activity and constant wind-games).

These insufferable Fire Sages do not know that I really do not care about making the ceremonial clothes more ostentatious. Apparently I have to stand out in a crowd.

I offered my opinion and now three of the five Fire Sages refuse to speak to me. I merely told them that standing out in a crowd meant that I became more of a target and that putting real gold on the robes and metallic Fire Emblems would just make them heavier and horrible to wear. I don't think they liked my tone.

Why is Katara not here? She would have something to say to them. She hates these ceremonial clothes and has complained, more than once, that I should change them into something more befitting the climate of the Fire Nation. While seeing her in one of those peasant garbs would be appealing, it would also shock the Fire Sages and make them never call a meeting again!

I couldn't do it – it was too cruel to suggest such a thing and one of the Fire Sages has mentioned a few times that he has a weak heart – I wouldn't want to send him over the edge. Now these blithering idiots are talking about redecorating the entrance hall… do they realise we have no money? I don't care to be honest, these idiots can talk all they want, I refuse to sign off on anything!

I remember when the whole gaang was in the Fire Nation, hiding from Father and how poor we were. Katara always made sure that we were always fed and clothed (ok, there was a lot of stealing involved but it was for survival).

She made that cave feel like home. When I was with all of them, it was like I was a part of something, something good. Things haven't changed that much since then. She managed to make the Palace feel like home – a place I abhorred and vowed never to like again. During the first year that she was here, we were talking a walk in the courtyard when we came across a scorch mark that was very obviously overlooked by the palace servants. I tried to walk quickly past it, but Katara stopped and stooped down to touch the black mark. I couldn't see her eyes but a tear drop soon confirmed my suspicion – she was crying.

I knelt down beside and sat cross legged until she was ready to open up. It didn't take long for her to sit next to me, our knees touching, but she still hadn't uttered a single word. We sat like that for nearly an hour (I was drafting a mental letter to the head Fire Sage about proposed changed to the budget) before she spoke. She asked me, in this really timid and small voice, whether I was scared. We had never spoken about that Agni-Kai, since she healed me and I won. I told her of course I was scared, who wouldn't be scared of fighting Azula, but it was nothing compare to how scared I was knowing that if I didn't win, Azula would be Fire Lord. I let that fear rule me and I remembered how you taught me to fight. I was calm and collected, and that's what won the fight. No anger, no fear, no desperation, just…calm.

I left it at that but I didn't tell her what truly scared me. Knowing that she could be hurt at the hand of Azula…knowing that if I didn't win, she would Azula's prisoner… knowing that I could have done something to keep her safe…- that was my motivation. That was my drive and it was her face I pictured to keep my calm. I saw her at our first meeting, standing tall and proud surrounded by her village. Then I saw her bending water at the lake – her beautiful, fluid movements gracefully guiding the water into attack mode. Then I saw her cooking stew, her raven hair glowing by the firelight. Then I saw her stoic face as we rode toward the cause of her vengeance and her determination in decimating the man who killed her mother. Then I saw her crying as she saw the destruction the fire nation had extracted on their own people in a small village near the Earth Kingdom border. I saw her as I saw her in my dreams every night – I saw her beauty, her grace, her determination… I saw her flaws making her who she was. I fought for her; I fought to keep her alive and to make sure that no one would take her away from those she loved most. If I had to sacrifice my own life to do so, then so be it. I knew that her face looking at me with pride would haunt me to my grave. Why do I use the word haunt? Because it was a ghost of something that I wanted more than anything in the world – I wanted her pride to be something she kept only for me.

Perhaps it was my selfishness that made fate choose someone else for her. Uncle…when I was hit, I heard her scream and it still echoes in my mind. What did she think then? Did she think that she would lose a friend? I didn't want it to be because we were just friends, I wanted it to be because she would miss the moments we could have spent together and what could have been. Selfish again.

She healed me uncle. That day she healed me mind, body and, soul. She finally let me be at peace with myself, with who I had become. If Katara was healing me, despite all that I had…if she had chosen to spend all that energy on me…if she thought that I was worth saving… I couldn't ask for anything else.

These insufferable fire sages have droned on and on for two hours now. They just commented proudly that I had changed a lot since I was now taking notes. I just nodded to appease them and let them go on with their discussion on what new linens to buy for formal dinners. What formal dinners? We use the banquet hall for formal dinners and putting a table-cloth over it would be a disgrace! I just nod though hoping that they will realise we have lives to get to.

Or rather…more work to get through. Suki came to my office this morning and just sat in front me as I wrote a new proposal for the sewer system in a rural neighbourhood. I knew what she wanted, but I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. We sat in silence for a whole hour before she blew up. I was in the middle of reading a proposal for a new business venture that wanted government support. I don't think she liked the fact that I remained calm throughout her whole lecture (which lasted half an hour) listing all the work that I had done, the meetings that I was always disappearing too (I did tell her that it's not like I wanted to be in most of those meetings and that she could tell the Fire Sages to reschedule their precious meetings) and all the fun that I had missed out on while they were all visiting (here, I interjected and told her that she and Katara were tied up in a lot of wedding stuff, Aang hadn't even arrived yet since he was making peace between some tribes and whatnot and Sokka was too busy providing training to my army). She didn't calm down so I manged to get myself tied into going out for dinner with them in the food district.

Imbeciles! I finally snapped that the meeting was taking far too long and they all left in such a huff but not before telling me that all subsequent meetings would be cancelled until further notice (I don't believe them). I should finish up my letter dear Uncle because I have to get ready for dinner. I fear what Suki (and Mai) will do to me if I cancel.

Love,

Zuko

Katara put down the letter and thought back to that dinner – it wasn't that long ago, but the memory was already starting to fade. It was a non-de-script evening, hot and humid like usual. Sokka and Suki had gotten into an argument over their baby that hadn't even born yet (Sokka wanted to make a sword for the child as soon as it was born, but Suki said no), Mai and her husband were taking sides (Mai was with Sokka and believed in the importance of teaching their children how to use weapons from a young age – after all, their son Kurzon was already proficient in at least three forms of martial arts involving knives at just the age of 8).

She had spent most of the evening talking his ear off about wedding plans. Now that she looked back at what she was telling him, she felt so stupid! He still responded to all of her questions and gave his opinion, but he was quite curt and she remembered…she groaned…she remembered getting a little angry with him so she left him to go join Sokka and Suki's argument. He must have been trying his hardest and she had just been so selfish and only thinking about herself.

She took the letter and scanned it. She was the reason he fought the Agni-Kai and won. She remembered when he was struck…she felt as if the ground beneath her had crumbled and the fight she had with Azula was purely tactical. She wanted to win so that she could heal him. What did she remember about her feelings when he was hit? She pushed the memories away as a strange and unexplainable feeling coursed through her. She pushed them away and concentrated on the word agony. Zuko had never agonised over anything in his life – he was too proud to agonise over his exile and he was too shocked to agonise over his uncle's death… yet he agonised over her.

She heard a noise out the door and froze. When no one entered the room, she let out a shaky breath and tossed the letter aside, reaching for the next one. She had to read on. She had to find out what else Zuko was hiding from her.

A/N

Guys... I had forgotten about this story. But when I read it again, I realised why I wrote it in the first place. I REALLY want to finish it now because... funny enough... I have the last chapter written (just not the chapters in between).

Hope to hear from you guys! :)