It has been a week since Tommy has been in the hospital. When he fought the Big Duck for knowledge of bringing Angelica back to life, the duck pushed him off of the house and he fell on to the ground. My brother and I tried to save him, we tried the hindlick maneuver, we heard about in the other day but it didn't work. Licking Tommy's butt didn't do anything. We cursed at the Big Duck but he didn't do anything about it. All he did was quack and quack, why Big Duck, why do you not share your knowledge to the whole wide word? Why? I never got to tell him . . .
I never got to tell Tommy Pickles that I love him . . .
Tommy has done the braviest thing that a baby can do and fought that duck, though it didn't work, Tommy didn't learn anything and he put him in a coma. Me and Lillian tried to help him but the duck must've got him pretty hard because he didn't get up. He was always the one to go first, he was always the first to lead us to an adventure; he even killed that stupid bitch Kimi that was always trying to steal the fame and glory from him. After he and Chuckie stopped being friends I would have been his newest bestest friend . . .
He was the bestest friend anyone could ever have . . .
We aren't friends anymore but when I heard the news I couldn't stop feeling so bad for him. I wished I never decided to fight him; maybe he wouldn't have stab me in the eye with his screwdriver he always carries around so I would have been there tomorrow—so I could've stopped him from trying to learn the knowledge of the Big Duck and getting himself hurt! But I do ask myself now and again . . .
Will Dil be the new Tommy?
Deep in outer space, there is a spaceship made entirely out of dicks . . .
"Major Barney, is my bukkake bath ready?" Drew questioned. They were almost at their home planet. When he gets back he is going to challenge his king to a Goatse Contest to see how many things they can cram up their asses. Winning would mean that he would be the new king of CumshoTopia, and he wanted to be clean and formal for his fagestry.
"Almost, Admiral Drew!" Barney answered, currently jacking off various Japanese men until they were ready. He was deep in thought.
What a man Drew is, what a man . . .
They first met weeks ago; Barney was visiting various gay parties and raves, hoping to find some recruits. His mission was to recruit new soldiers after a massive attack on his home world from the HESCN, which stood for Holy Empire of Sexist Christian Nutjobs. Their attack killed millions and wounded millions more; their army took a big hit from this, obviously. Barney was off duty at the time of the attack, in the middle of s intimate quality time with his similarly off duty boyfriend at the time, Justin Timberlake.
Justin's mission was to study how young earth human females behave, and maybe one day invent a drug in the form of really strong perfume. This perfume would transform all females within the perfume's line-of-smell, into men. The former females would then emit the smell from their urethras. It would have the same effect as the perfume. This will eventually turn every woman into a man, and thus, the planet must surrender if the human race wanted to live to see the next generation. The humans would then become sex slaves, and within the next few generations, citizens.
Barney and Justin was making love at the beach when the attack started. They were doing an Intercourse 69, where they would both thrust into each other anuses. They would be at the same positions as a regular 69. Their penises were VERY long and snake-like so it wasn't exactly impossible for them to do this either. They were about to set their jizz free into each other's bums when suddenly, missiles were being launched at the city. Thousands of enemy ships were docking, letting out HESCN troops, all the while, the leader of the HESCN taunted, insulted and read parts of the bible he made up. All of this was meant to lower the morale of troops and the citizens of Wankton. Barney and Justin immediately stopped their lovemaking and then held down one of the buttons on their cockbands.
"Code 1643, I repeat, code 1643, SUMMON HOMO-MECHA!" They transmitted to their base. Suddenly, a pellet shot out of a small hole in their cockbands. The pellets then grew into big, city defending war machines. Barney and Justin then hop into the cockpits of their mecha and then they went off to defend their happy and gay city.
"Lieutenant Barney, artillery in residential zone is being approached by gunship, over" a man mounted in a heavy artillery gun transmitted.
"Roger that." Barney replied.
"Corporal Justin, HESCN mecha has been spotted in corporate zone. We need backup, over." The leader of the hovertanks transmitted
"Roger that. Coming ASAP" Justin replied.
Barney flew off to aid the residential zone while Justin gone to the corporate zone to assist in his military brothers.
As soon as Barney got to the residential zone, the local Wankton artillery militia was surrounded by light aircraft; a big nasty gunship was also approaching. Barney immediately shouted out "SUMMON ENERGY SABRE! BETA VERSION!" These command words made the mecha create a huge sabre made out of energy. Barney then charged at the enemies. He cut two flyers down at the same time with ease, but the others were more prepared. Barney then flipped on some switches and turned on the automatic machine guns that were mounted on the mecha's shoulders.
This helped a little but Barney still had a hard time hitting the flyers. His mecha is more suited to melee with other mecha. A remote-controlled flyer was about to kamikaze into Barney and he didn't have time to react, but fortunately for him, the militia knew their mark and they knew it well. They had taken out the kamikaze plane and some other light things. In the midst of all this the gunship was about to fire the Holy Ultra Mega Cannon of DOOM!
"Gunship behind you Barney! Look out!" one of the militia transmitted.
Without thinking, Barney strafed, narrowly avoiding an otherwise devastating energy beam. But Barney dodged just in time and repaid the favour by loading up the jizz launchers, located in the mecha's crotch area. He got a lock-on and before the gunship had time to move out of the way, the mecha fired four mini-rockets full of jizz at the unlucky enemy. The ship was splattered in jizz, which dissolved the entire thing, killing all that was inside.
"Gunship neutralized, over." Barney notified.
"Roger that, we couldn't have done this without you." The commander of the militia replied.
Justin wasn't doing too good however, for his mecha was just glorified heavy aircraft. He managed to damage a mecha badly before he was struck.
"I'm hit!" Justin transmitted to everyone. Barney rushed to his lover's aide but it was already too late, he was KIA.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Barney screamed as he went berserk. The HESCN mecha did not expect this, like the incompetent boobs that they are, and got slaughtered single-handedly. All but one, the general, was standing
"I was the one that killed your cock-sucking fag friend!" the General transmitted, trying to get Barney's emotions to overwhelm him. It worked, as Barney was flailing his weaponry around stupidly. The General then cut off Barney's mecha's head, where the cockpit was located. But it wasn't all loss though, for Barney activated the jizz launchers just in time.
Nothing was left of the HESCN mecha general.
In the end, HESCN destroyed Wankton, and the troops stationed there were forced to flee.
Barney was presumed KIA until he requested an audience with his fagestry. He requested that he could gather troops from neighboring planets. Little did the king know that Barney just wanted to grieve over his dead boyfriend.
One night at a rave on earth, he saw a potential recruit, and he was a stud too. He made out with many men and even sucked off one of them. He was perfect.
"Heya stud, wanna get ourselves a room?"
The man's eye's lit up! He could not believe that Barney the Purple Dinosaur, secret sexual fantasy, wants to have sex with him! "Sure thing, purple duuude!"
They waded past druggie after druggie, until they finally got to the back of the club. The moment that Barney and Drew were in a private room Drew started to make out with Barney. Barney wanted to tell him about the recruitment program, but he settled for that after sex.
Drew and Barney did EVERYTHING a gay couple could possibly do to each other. This is where Barney finds out that Drew's dick is REALLY long, just like a CumshoTopian. They even pooped on each other, and got off of that.
"Ohhh Barney, I'm getting close!" Drew moaned out. Intercourse 69 all the way, baby!
"Ye yeah, me too!" Barney replied. This went on for a minute until, you guessed it; they came AT THE SAME TIME! They jizzed all over the place, and this is where Barney found out that Drew is, in fact, a CumshoTopian.
"Whew, that was some good sex, Barney. Especially when we dissolved our bed with our jizz!" Drew complimented.
"Stud, you're a CumshoTopian. Humans don't dissolve objects and people with their own cum, and they definitely don't have big penises!" Barney explained.
"Aww, you know this isn't the time to talk about pretending to be a black man, Barney" Drew said in a cutesy way.
"I'm serious stud . . . and what's your name?"
"Drew Pickles."
Barney explained everything to Drew, from why his penis is so big to how his jizz dissolves stuff.
"Wow . . . my dad said I was a wigger." Drew said.
"He probably found your escape pod made for babies. He raised you from there." Barney explained.
"Well, let's go to CumshoTopia then." Drew said.
"Good idea." Barney answered.
And so, the two went off to CumshoTopia, where they meet the King.
"So you came back Lieutenant Barn-" the King then saw Drew. "Is . . . is that . . . my son?"
"I'm not sure of that, his fagestry, but it's possible." Barney explained.
"Well, until we get proof of this man being my son, I'm promoting him to Admiral. And as for you Barney, you are now officially a Major! The only way we can prove that this man is my son is that if we have a GOATSE contest! If Drew can beat me, then he will be my son!" The King announced proudly, he hasn't had a Goatse Contest in years.
"He will need a real penis to go with everything else, BUT HOWEVER! It MUST be severed and it MUST be a human penis!" The king said.
"Well, let's go get ourselves a severed penis then." said Drew. Barney and the possible prince of CumshoTopia head off to the dick ship for Earth. "I know a place where we can get one too." Drew said.
"Barney? Barney? Snap out of it Barney!" Drew lightly slapped Barney, who was caught in a trance that his thoughts put him in. He snapped out of it however.
"Whe . . . where am I?"
"You're still on the ship Barney, you were in some sort of trance."
"Are we there yet, Admiral Drew?"
"Almost. We are entering the atmosphere now." Drew replied. Not too much longer before I can prove to myself to the King, he thought to himself.
Meanwhile, late at night in an earth hospital, Tommy is lying comatose in his bed, attached to machines that kept him alive.
There were sudden noises of squeaking, rolling and bouncing in the hallway. It became louder and louder, until it entered Tommy's room. The noises went over to the power cord that kept the life-machines running. A pair of scissors were brandished suddenly, and the cord was cut. The machines ceased to function, on cue.
"Goodnight, Tommy . . ."
TO BE CONTINUED
