Chapter 4 – Celestia
I know she'll arrive here as soon as she possibly can. I know that but it doesn't stop me wishing she was here already. Listen to me, I wish she was always here actually. Of course I don't mean that I wish she was always at the hospital, I just mean that I'd love her to come home permanently. She comes at holidays but it simply isn't enough: I miss my big sister.
The manor is by no means empty with all of us there. The house is always full with cooking staff, cleaning staff and the occasional nurse to attend to Carrabelle. The staff has been at the manor, looking after the Hardbroom family since before I was born and so once the manor was passed to us after Father died, we retained the staff. Even when they have gone home to bed, there are still plenty of us to keep the place alive. Naturally, I still live there, it is after all my home, and I've never wanted to leave it. Carrabelle left after she finished at Broomhead's academy. She had a passionate desire to spread her wings, metaphorically speaking. She had felt imprisoned by the tyrannical leadership of Broomhead. Its funny isn't how one woman can have such a profound effect on four sisters.
The enforced conformity and institutionalised nature of the school made Carrabelle want to feel the freedom of travel, not being bound to any one place. Contrarily, once I returned to the manor I never wanted to leave again. Ironically, Broomhead instilled in Constance a determination to make a difference, to become the perfect teacher. I know she is extremely strict but it's only out of frustration at the girls' apathy towards their education. Compared to Broomhead anyway she is a pussycat. You may criticise Connie's strictness but she is always fair and she has not once given the girls a physical punishment. She would never do that. Not after all that Broomhead did to us.
I hated Broomhead when I was at school but even more so when I left. She was the one that made Connie and Carra leave me. Carra was gone for three years, that is until she fell ill and had to return home, so that we could look after her.
Fortunately the manor is an extremely large building, so we have all kept our rooms. When we were children the five of us had rooms on the top floor, there are five, so that we wouldn't disturb Mother and Father should they be doing something important. All five rooms face toward a pentagonal living room where we would spend our evenings chatting and planning, some might say conspiring. To the right of the staircase that leads to our floor is the room of the eldest Hardbroom child, Callisto. Diagonally opposite her is Carrabelle. My room is to the left of the staircase and diagonal to it is Connie's room. Between her room and Carra's room is Caleb's. Our only brother. I don't imagine it was ever easy for him to have been brought up with four sisters but we all loved him dearly. No that's not right. You don't cease to love someone simply because they are at peace. We never redecorated or cleared out his room because it will always be his room. Despite his absence, he will forever have a place in our house and our hearts.
I like to talk about Caleb, Carra and I are always sharing stories. Callie has always been proud of him for the way he died but Connie rarely mentions him. You see they were so very close. She adored him and he absolutely idolised her.
When he was a little boy, Caleb dreamed of joining the army. At career talks and advice seminars, he just wouldn't listen because he knew he was going to be a soldier. He enlisted at sixteen. Carra and I were pleased for him because he was thrilled. Callie was proud; her brother was fighting for our country and its values. He was also one of the tiny minority of soldiers to come from a magical background. Connie wasn't pleased or proud. She begged him not to join. She pleaded with him. She stayed up night after night trying to talk him out of it, thinking of new arguments. She was adamant that her baby brother would not put himself in harm's way to appease Father, to make an impossible man proud. He served for ten years with no problems. He toured in Bosnia, Ireland and numerous other places without a personal injury. As soon as Britain involved itself in the war with Iraq, Connie fervently tried to convince Caleb to retire from the army. It was too dangerous out there. Despite her initial objections when he first enlisted, she had come to accept Caleb as a soldier, until he was called to Iraq. If he withdrew, he would have nothing to be ashamed of because he had served his country well.
Connie just kept stressing that he was in grave danger. It is almost as if she knew. Two weeks into his tour Caleb was killed. His death, the result of a gunshot wound to the stomach, was slow and painful. As brave as he was in battle, nobody wants to die alone but he didn't have a choice. There is no way Connie could possibly have been there, yet I know she still feels immensely guilty. Her biggest regret though is that in the two weeks preceding his deportment she did nothing but try to talk him out of it.
This was over the Christmas period, so Connie was home as well. We were all there for the first time in ages. Perhaps we were all meant to be there, together again for one last time as a complete unit. Every conversation, every silence, everything was about Caleb going to Iraq. It was all Connie could think about. Connie has always been a tower of strength; consequently it broke my heart to see her so distraught. Never before that and not once since have I ever seen such pure desperation in her eyes. Eyes that once gleamed with mischief, enthusiasm and sheer joy.
The first thing she said upon hearing of his death was, "I wasted my last two weeks with him." If she could go back to any moment in time, I know she would go back to that Christmas and make the best of his last weeks alive. She would cherish the time they had together and laugh harder than ever before. She hates the thought that Caleb left believing she was mad at him. She wasn't mad: she was frightened.
I'm telling you this because I think it is important. Connie was always strict and stern; she didn't change to be like that after what happened to Caleb. Yet, she will never be the same woman that she was. Part of her died on that battlefield with Caleb. The part of her that put that glint in her eye and the sincerity in her smile.
I'm telling you this because she never would.
I wish she were here already. Its times like this when I really need her.
