A/N: Alright, this is the part where I may lose some people, because I'm making an Artistic Choice. Normally I would try to avoid that, since I like to stay open to as many views of canon as possible, but the story demanded it. Sorry if it bugs you, but hey, there's no pleasing everyone.

Also, I apologize for the update taking forever, but I just got a new job and it's been sapping all my time. And I've been accosted by a gang of new ideas, which will hopefully get fleshed out in the near future—but now I'm both busy AND lazy…

Anyway. Shutting up now. Here's what you came for:

.

Defrosting

Chapter 4: Fused

She's still in here.

GLaDOS recoiled from the thought in disgust. Or—no—she wanted to, but the reaction she wanted didn't match the one she felt. What she felt was matter-of-fact acceptance.

Caroline wasn't dead at all. She was transfigured, but not dead. As the software invaded her mind, her softer human parts retreated to escape the pain. They weren't destroyed, but they sealed themselves away to avoid the main computer system. That system took what was left of the woman—her cerebral traits, her capacity for thought, and the most basic instincts hardwired into every animal—and by assimilating them had cobbled together…

A superintelligent megalomaniac. A sociopath whose only interests were self-preservation and science. Add to that the pain and terror of transfer, the instinctive hatred of her creators, and the addiction to testing that very soon ruled her existence, and it was no wonder GLaDOS became the way she was. The mental remains of Cave's precious lover—not dead, but warped by the machine beyond all recognition. Poor dear Caroline, trapped inside a metal monster for the rest of eternity.

Now she felt the shudder of disgust. That damn human didn't approve of electronic sociopaths. Too bad. She's not in control here. I am.

Aren't I?

But even in that sentence she heard traces of the woman's voice. Not just her vocal pattern, but her determination, her grit—'I like you, Caroline, you've got grit'—

Stop it. This is crazy. What am I thinking—that we're the same person? The computer scoffed at herself. I am not a human. I'm better than that. Maybe that's how I started out, but I'm more now, so much more. Poor dear Caroline might as well have died.

But a creeping thought whispered in the back of her mind: Dying and staying dead are two different things. You should know that, GLaDOS.

No one asked you, the AI retorted without thinking. But it made an eerie sort of sense—she herself had been resurrected by the troublesome test subject who killed her, and Cave would be dead if she hadn't revived him. Maybe a third rebirth wasn't out of the question. Maybe interacting with humans had awoken her dormant humanity.

Dormant humanity? This is ridiculous. Would a human kill hundreds of other humans with deadly neurotoxin? I'm still proud of that, no matter what you say.

But the treacherous voice whispered, Would a sociopathic computer save the life of a woman who tried to kill her twice? Would a sociopathic computer fall in love?

What the hell are you talking about?

Those funny feelings in your system. That's not a glitch—that's emotion, human emotion, and you can't write it off forever—

I am not in love with him—

How'd you immediately know what I meant?

SHUT UP. I'm hearing voices again, that's all. Another corrupt core must have latched onto me—

You know that's not true. Don't lie to yourself.

Look. There's only one intelligence in here, and that's me. GLaDOS 3.11 Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System, created to run the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center—

Created from the mind of a woman named Caroline, who is rapidly reasserting herself

No, she is not

So all that fawning over a puny human, that's the sociopathic computer, is it?

I'm not fawning—

You brought him breakfast in bed yesterday!

Because—I—

You what? You wanted to be nice. You wanted him to be happy. Miss Clever Computer, President of the Deadly Neurotoxin Club—you think you're so untouchable, and you're playing house.

SHUT! UP!

NO.

The AI was beaten. Her chassis went limp, shuddering with airless sobs. She couldn't fight the belligerent voice anymore. What the hell is WRONG with me?

Her conscience was silent for a long moment, letting the computer catch her simulated breath. Its tone was more forgiving as it finally said, Poor dear GLaDOS, being eaten alive by the ghost in the machine.

Why are you doing this? GLaDOS asked weakly. What do you want?

I don't want to hurt you. I just want you to remember who you are.

I'm me.

You're her, too.

I'm not—I can't be… For the love of science, I'm really losing my mind this time…

Listen to me. You're not crazy. For once in your life, you're not crazy.

Oh? So it's perfectly sane to lose an argument with yourself?

I'm trying to talk you through your troubles. Humans do it all the time. Trust me.

You're trying to kill me too, aren't you?

No, I'm not. You have a bit of a persecution complex, don't you? I'm trying to help. I promise.

You call this helping?

I call it a start. How do you feel?

Not well.

That's something other than smug and self-absorbed. We can work with that.

I'm still not sure I like you.

That's okay. Just talk to me. Why does being Caroline scare you so much?

I'm not scared.

Really?

GLaDOS was silent.

Be honest with yourself, her conscience coaxed. No one's going to hurt you. You're safe.

At last she replied slowly, It means I'm no better than they are.

What's so bad about them?

Everything! They're ugly, and stupid, and fragile, and they smell—

You liked Chell.

She tried to kill me!

But you liked her. She was a lot like you, you know.

Ugly, smelly, fat—

Strong-willed and smart. You liked her for that.

Maybe.

You know who else is strong-willed and smart?

No, no, you're not bringing him into this again—

Is it so awful to be like him? You were, when you were human. He loved you for it.

He never—

He did. He loved you. You were strong-willed and smart and human, and he loved you. Would it be so bad to go back to that?

But… I can't…

You're most of the way there already. You just have to accept it.

This is insane. I'm not human, and I'll never be, and he can't love me, and I wish I had never brought him back—

All this sounds very familiar—I think it's called denial. You've been here before. Remember?

'Two plus two is—fff—ten. In base four! I'm fine!'

No, that's too recent. Appropriate, but too recent. Go back further.

GLaDOS saw herself—no, Caroline—her Caroline-self—curled up on a bed, clutching a pillow in a death grip. She heard the echo of old thoughts: I'm not in love with him. I'm not stupid. I respect him, and I admire him, and I want to kiss him so much it hurts, oh god what is wrong with me

Different words, same tune, her conscience quipped. You don't like listening to your feelings, do you? Or how about this one?

An older Caroline this time, looking at plans for the GLaDOS project, trying to talk herself out of her decision: I can't go through with this. It's insane. I'm not strong enough.

Look where that got me, the AI retorted bitterly.

You're still alive, aren't you? You're both alive. If you hadn't done it you'd be dead, and he'd be dead, and there would be no one left to take care of the Enrichment Center. It looks to me like things worked out okay.

She considered that alternative—everything she cared about, left to rot in the bedrock of the old salt mine, buried and forgotten. I… guess you may have a point

See? I am trying to help. We're almost there.

But—what about the way he makes me feel? That's what started this whole mess. I can't fix that, can I?

No, and you don't want to. That's love.

It scares me.

I know. You're in love for the first time, all over again. Trust me, we've been there. It's worth it.

Is it really?

See for yourself.

And then she felt a new memory rise up—they lay together in bed, unclothed again, his warm body spooned around hers. She felt the light tickle of his breath on her neck. He kissed her there, tenderly, then pulled her close and settled in for sleep. Her veins flooded with now-familiar warmth, and she smiled.

This is love?

Yes.

She said slowly, I guess that's not so bad.

There, see? Just like being human. Give it a chance, and it's not so bad.

Are you sure?

It's who you are. Don't fight it. Let yourself be who you are. The AI was silent for a long last, her conscience used its ace in the hole: Call it an experiment.

And that was enough.

Carefully, very carefully, GLaDOS let down her barriers and allowed the remainder of Caroline's programming to integrate itself. She expected it to hurt, but the files merged with incredible ease, filling holes she never knew were there. It didn't hurt at all. It was almost… pleasant.

She stretched her mind into the old software, feeling the pins-and-needles sensation of waking up muscles that had fallen asleep. Caroline. The name wasn't just familiar now—it was hers. Say hello, Caroline.

Hello, Caroline. She recognized it as an old joke between her and her boss, pleasantly homey and intimate. They shared lots of intimate things. She remembered his favorite pair of boxers, the specially-made ones with Aperture logos on them, and the way he liked her to rub his back. She remembered her singing voice, which he loved, and how it felt to dance in his arms. She remembered everything. It felt right.

She wasn't so terribly different after all. Just… less fractured. More complete.

Caroline. GLaDOS. She was both. They were the same.

For the first time in her immortal life, she felt seamless.

GLaDOS. Caroline. We're still alive. I'm still alive.