Disclaimer: Me plus Twilight? Only in my dreams.
A/N: If any were wondering in the last chapter: yes, Monroe is a real town in WA and there is a hospital fairly nearby named Valley General.
Chapter 3: Time Out
The word 'exhausted' didn't even cover it the next day in school. I was so preoccupied with thoughts of Jesse after the dinner party that my paper wasn't finished until 2 a.m. I wasn't even able to read another journal entry before bed which made concentrating in class actually harder. I felt uneasy knowing the book was waiting for me at home, unread and unsolved.
I took my study hall in the library, catching up on my history homework. It was easily tackled since it was practically review from earlier in the year at my old school. I stood up with the intention of finding a book to read when I was drawn to the other side of the small library.
A few rows of yearbooks ranging in age contrasted with the other books they were placed with. I skimmed the years until I found the newest one. Flipping through the pages revealed a year younger—but still extremely attractive—Jesse Booker along with my new school friends and a few others I recognized from classes.
I picked up another, a little older and more worn, and quickly found my mother. Her high school self wasn't much different than what she was now. Of course, she had a few wrinkles here and there and maybe one or two gray hairs now, but I could see the same person staring at me from the book that I saw every morning.
I picked up yet another yearbook when I was stuck with an idea. I was excited and flustered as I looked for the year. Finding it, my fingers fumbled to open to the right page, only to be disappointed. My grandma's picture was missing from the faces on the paper. Not giving up, I set the book down and picked up the next one and flipped to the 'S' section of the seniors. 'Swan.' I had found it. But the person staring at me was not someone I expected to see. I saw the younger version of my grandma; that much was obvious. But there was something about her face that scared me. Her eyes were dark and empty, and her shoulders were slumped forward in a defeated stance.
I snapped the book shut, not wanting to see the shell that my grandma was. I picked up the year before again and started flipping through the pages. I racked my brain trying to figure out why she wasn't in with the juniors. I flipped to the 'Prom' section to reveal multitudes of photos of the junior and senior classes all dressed in their finest, dancing and posing for the camera. I scanned the pictures and saw a face that many have said I resemble. Grandma Bella stared at me from the page with a satisfied and content expression. She was in the arms of someone whose face was turned away, the skin of his neck almost as white as the page it was on and his bronze colored hair contrasting greatly. But the look on her face caught my attention. It was enough to tell me that—at least at that point in time—she was happy.
I remembered that she had moved to Forks midway in the year, explaining her missing school picture. I traced a finger over her smile, her full lips I shared, and her broad forehead. What had happened between the two pictures to cause such a difference? I honestly felt like the answer would be in the journal.
Hands suddenly covered my eyes and a voice whispered "boo" in my ear. My smile was automatic. "Guess who?"
"Hmm, let me think," I paused, pretending to actually ponder the answer. "I mean, there is a multitude of guys that are just begging for my attention. You could be any one of them."
The hands spun me around. "I'm your biggest and best fan," Jesse joked. He brushed a strand of hair from my face. My heart raced for a moment.
"What brings you to this fine establishment?" I asked, feeling slightly awkward standing in the middle of the library, victim to the curious glances from other students.
"English paper," he said, holding up Heart of Darkness. "You?"
"History. But now I'm done."
"Do you have much homework tonight?" he asked, opening his book down casually, but his eyes flicked up to meet mine.
"No, just trig. Why?" Playing stupid—what a wonderful trick to make boys feel smart.
"Oh, nothing." He trailed off for a few seconds. "Well, it's just…I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight?"
Staring at him, I could tell he looked nervous and hopeful. His hand strummed the table beside him, and his one eyebrow did a cute little twitch every few seconds as he waited for my reply. I paused for an extra few seconds—nothing like making him sweat a little.
"Yeah, I think I can do something. Anything in mind?" 'Please not a movie, please not a movie, please not a—.'
"I was thinking we could have dinner and walk around Port Angeles a while."
I smiled and nodded. In my opinion, going to the movies was a safety feature. You didn't have to talk or even make eye contact, and most guys took advantage of the dark surroundings to…well, movies just weren't good first dates in my opinion. But dinner and window shopping? There was conversation and one-on-one time. That was perfect for a first date. What could I say? I had very high standards.
Danni and Erica met me on my way to lunch. Both kept shooting me suspicious glances every few seconds.
I sighed as we entered the cafeteria. "Is there something you have to say?"
Danni spoke up first. "Well, Megan said she saw you in the library with Jesse Booker…" She left the statement open, waiting for my reaction.
"So?" I asked, slightly surprised at how fast gossip traveled here.
"Well, I mean…we were just wondering…are you with Jesse?" Erica stammered.
I thought about it for a moment. Was it safe to say I was with him? He had just asked me out.
"Yeah, I guess you could say that."
"Be careful," was Danni's immediate reply.
"And the reason for your sudden concern?"
"Jesse is known to be a bit of a…" Erica's brows furrowed in concentration, most likely trying to find the right word.
"Womanizer. Back-stabbing cheater. Asshole. You decide what fits best," Danni quipped.
Their advice came as a shock to me. Jesse had seemed…wonderful. But I took it to heart anyway. I was the newcomer here, and it would be foolish on my part to pretend I knew everything. Still, I needed to see for myself.
At home, the first thing I did was run straight up to my room, and reach under my bed to grab the journal. I flipped to the last page I read.
"…I remember how close Victoria was to me….hopefully, Jake and the others will finish everything soon…"
Those two sentences stood out among the rest. I pulled out a notebook and started adding things to my list of growing questions and things I didn't quite understand.
Who is Victoria?
Jake and the 'others.' Who is she talking about?
He…they…seem important. Who is she referring to?
'It will be as if I never existed.'
I tapped my pencil on the paper before drawing a line between my last two thoughts. I had a feeling the two were connected somehow. Finished with analyzing her past entries, I turned to the next page.
March 30, 2006
We rode our motorcycles today. I haven't fallen off in a while and Jake says I earn a year for that.
It was a bad day for him. Sam lost Victoria and took it out on the rest of them. I'm paranoid thinking that she might get tired of waiting and just come for me, but Jake tells me not to worry. He so positive he has everything under control but how can I trust him? He's so young. Even with the others there to help him, I'm afraid Victoria could take them all.
I know Jake is strong, but I think she is stronger. Just look at what he did to Tyler's car that day on the ice. I probably have a better idea of how strong she is more than anyone else.
Charlie will be home soon. I need to start on dinner. I think I hear Jacob outside, as usual. I guess he'll want food, too.
Again, after reading the entry, I felt overwhelmed by the new information. I felt like all I was doing these days was asking unanswerable questions. Well, not unanswerable—the answers were out there somewhere—but they were well hidden.
She spoke of Sam. That must have been Sam Uley. So did that mean the 'others' she talked about were other friends of my grandpa? Quil and Embry maybe? I couldn't be certain, but I put it on my list for further thought.
I glanced at the time and panicked. Jesse was due to pick me up in less than fifteen minutes. I stripped out of my school clothes and, after a few minutes of deliberation, put on a green sweater and khaki pants. I applied just a bit of mascara and lip gloss, grabbed my purse, and went downstairs to wait.
Wait was something I barely had to do. I was just sitting down in the living room when the doorbell rang. I ran to the door, glanced in the mirror my mother had just recently hung up by the entrance—thank you, mom—, and opened the door. Jesse stood on my doorstep with a surprisingly shy smile. Danni and Erica's warning was forgotten immediately.
"Ready to go?" he asked, taking my hand.
"Of course," I replied, reveling in the feeling of my hand in his. His skin was rough and smooth at the same time and gave me goose bumps when he casually rubbed his thumb over my hand.
The car ride wasn't uncomfortable in the least bit. We talked about music and movies and our favorite kinds of food. Music was the only subject we could agree on. He like action movies while, although I didn't hate them, I enjoyed a good romance more. He was into Southern food while I died in Italian restaurants. It was okay, though. We agreed to disagree by the end of the car ride.
After our food discussion, I was surprised when Jesse pulled up to a little restaurant called La Bella Italia. He glanced at me and smiled.
"I like Italian food, too. Don't look so surprised."
Dinner was fantastic. I ate far too much, and walking around afterward was a good idea. Jesse made sure we walked into every store in which I seemed interested. I found it cute how he swung my hand back and forth like we were ten years younger. There was a certain endearing aspect of how different he was with me than how he acted at school. It was almost as if his guard was up at school, trying to maintain his "cool" status. Maybe that's what Danni and Erica had been referring to. He did seem to have the "player" reputation while at school. But I couldn't find anything to worry about when he was so open and carefree with me.
We arrived back at my house after ten. My curfew was at eleven, and I tried to persuade him to stay out until then—we ended up sitting in his car for almost twenty minutes talking about anything and everything—but he insisted on taking me home a little early.
"I don't want to test the waters this soon," he said, walking me to my front door. "Dads tend to be a little more trusting if the boy brings the girl home before the clock strikes twelve…metaphorically of course."
I sighed, knowing he was right. "I had a fun time," I said earnestly.
"Me, too." He raised his hand to brush a strand of hair from my face, his fingers lightly stroking my cheek. I leaned into his touch and sighed again. If I could compare this date to others—meaning if I had been on any other dates—it probably would have been the best.
He bent down and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. My entire body seemed to come alive with electricity. It traveled from my lips to my toes and back up again, causing a small blush to grace my cheeks.
"See you at school, Becca," he said smiling as he backed away towards his car. I stood on the porch for a while, staring at where his car had been. I touched my lips tentatively. They still tingled from the shock. My first kiss.
When I finally went inside, my father was sitting on the couch, the TV on but muted. He turned around when he heard me. I saw his eyes glance from me to the clock and back again, then nod in approval. Jeez, Jesse really had the "dad" thing down to perfection.
"Good night?" he asked, turning the volume up on the television.
"Yeah," I replied nonchalantly.
"What did you two do?"
If I hadn't known my dad, this would have sounded like a trick question. But his question was merely out of curiosity. "We went to Port Angeles and had dinner in this little Italian restaurant. Then, we went around the town, window shopping."
"Sounds like fun." His attention was slowly being sucked back into the program he'd been watching before I got home.
"Yep."
"Jesse's a good kid. I like his dad." I smiled inwardly at his obvious exclusion of Jesse's mother. My father and I were a lot alike.
"See you in the morning, Dad," I said, making my way up the stairs.
It took him a moment to respond, his eyes glued to the screen. "Night, Becca." I rolled my eyes, and continued to my room.
I took the journal out from under the bed and laid it beside me. I stared at it as if it would suddenly spring to life and share what it knew.
As far as I knew, the entire thing was filled with my Grandmother's thoughts, memories, and experiences. But the way she wrote was so confusing, filled with gaps and missing explanations, that it was impossible to know everything she intended to put in there. There were over a hundred pages filled with mysteries that I had yet to discover. I was only a few pages in, and already I felt overwhelmed.
Sometimes I wish that Grandma Bella had told me her secrets before she had died. It would make my job a lot easier. But then again, she had to have had a reason for hiding it from everyone. The fact that she'd share it with me at all was an honor.
And the more I thought about it, it would be one thing to just tell me her past, whether I understood or not. It's something else entirely to have to figure everything out on my own, to be my own detective, my own Sherlock and Watson. But it would be nice to fill in at least one gap every now and then. The more I read, the more confusing things became.
I flipped it open experimentally. The pages, musty and yellowed and covered in a careful handwriting, tempted me to read them.
I decided to take a time out on the journal. As much as it distracted me when I didn't read, I knew that my life would become a whole lot more complicated if I didn't slow down. I had Grandma's life to figure out, but I still had mine to live.
I closed the journal gently, placing it once again under my bed, to wait for another day. I'd work with what I'd already found out, but I knew I'd drive myself insane if I tried to do it all at once.
I turned off the light and fell asleep after a few minutes. That night I dreamt of Quileute legends—of shape shifting wolves—and of pale-skinned prom dates and a little restaurant named La Bella Italia.
A/N: I revised this chapter a little more than the others. There was no interaction with Danni and Erica before, but I felt it played an important role for later in the story. Please remember to review. I won't know how to make my story better if I don't hear what you guys think!
