Disclaimer: I don't own anything!

A/N: So I'm not going to bother with excuses for the lack of updates. But let's just say a writer's block hit me, and it hit me hard. I'm sorry though, yet grateful for the reviews I received :) Thank you very much for sticking around. So without further ado, enjoy this chapter. I made it slightly longer than the others. You can expect more updates the size of this chapter :)

P.S Thank you Molivline for being such a loyal reader :)

But What Kind Of Heart Doesn't Look Back?

It had been a few weeks since I had last seen Sirius. There were some words that floated around my head, that hovered, wanting to be vocalised. But there were bigger things at stake here. One of them was that I was going to put myself in a vulnerable position if I let myself to be involved with Sirius again. For some reason, I felt so horribly fragile, out of place, out of balance when I was with him. As if the differences between the two of us were too pronounced and being together; in any way, put the emphasis on the fact I was so unlike him. And I wasn't a masochist, I didn't want him around, not that way at least. I was sick and tired of being the lovesick fool. Those days were over. Pretty words and loving hands weren't going to pull me under again. I wasn't that naive, despite what he might think. Right now my priorities were keeping the facts straight.

And that didn't include him.

"You're dreaming again." Alec pointed out and he gave me a calculating stare before sitting down next to me on the couch. Alec was a lot like me besides his eyes. Our similarities ended there. His being brown and mine being blue. I shrugged.

"Sorry." I said, purely out of courtesy. He put his hand on my shoulder giving it a small squeeze.

"Say, I wanted to ask you." Alec began. "This Sirius bloke." I stiffened slightly and wondered if he had noticed. "Do I have to thank him or should I kick his arse?" He tilted his head to the side as he eyed me through the corner of his eye. I blinked a few times before turning my head to his. "Don't think I haven't noticed Lais."

"I-I don't know what you're talking about." I lied poorly. Alec shook his head before leaning against the seat.

"I've seen that face before." He continued. "Though it's been a while." I raised my eyebrows.

"Alec, what are you on about?"

"Lais, I'm your brother. I know these kind of things. Granted I'm not an expert, but still." He sighed, dropping his eyes to the floor. "Care to tell me what happened?" His eyes were now drilling a hole in my head.

I turned my eyes to floor as well, finding it so much more interested than the corner Alec was driving me into. I felt caught, only I didn't have the imagination to escape. I decided to shrug again. Shrugging felt good. Very blasé. Indifferent perhaps. But that was what I was going for. If I could convince him that I wasn't feeling like screaming than perhaps he would take a few steps back. Get out of my personal bubble. Not that he was being that annoyingly persistent.

"What do you want to know?" I asked. Perhaps if I approached this on his way of handling things maybe I'd be able to tell him another story. One that wasn't too far off from the actual truth. Alec raised his eyebrows at me. I could feel the incredulity radiate off him.

Alec shook his head slowly. "Don't do me a favour, Lais." I let out a small sigh.

"Well, what else do you want?" I asked somewhat harshly. "You never interrogate Cato or Mona like this." I pointed out, referring to our sisters. He rolled his eyes.

"Well that is because Mona is old enough to make her own decisions and Cato well, I don't have to worry about her because she is scary enough to chase away a bloke. You on the other hand." He crossed his arms and I hated the look in his eyes.

"Unlike Cato, I have a wand to protect myself. So don't you dare finish that sentence." I threatened and Alec rolled his eyes again before a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Cato was a squib. Which was quite a surprise since we never had problems in our family when it came to magic. My mother was a muggleborn and my dad a pureblood. It was a perfect match, or so it was supposed to be. For some odd reason Cato never showed any signs of magic. None, whereas Kyron already has magic and he is only five years old.

Cato wasn't too fond of it. She viciously hated every bit of it, especially since my parents decided to enrol her into a muggle school. She was the only one of our family who had to. And even though our parents had always said that it didn't matter and that she was special in her own way, it had made no difference in her opinion. She held a grudge. One that was mostly directed towards Mona. For some reason she resented her more than the rest of us. I reckon it was because Mona had everything Cato had always wanted. A job as a healer, a steady boyfriend, probably soon to be fiancé, and a perfect house in London city. Cato however was nineteen. And she had dropped out of university. The reasons unknown. So she spent her time at mum and dad's house. Isolating herself even more.

"True, but she has a mean punch, love." Alec pointed out and with that he pulled me back to his living room.

I let out a laugh at that. How true that was. Cato always took the word 'overcompensating' a bit too heart and well, it was basically what she did. Overcompensate. The smile faded away sooner than thought though and I frowned again. I sat down at the dining table as Suzy poked her head around the corner. Her blonde hair was tied up in a bun at the back of her head and her green eyes sparkled with curiosity as she eyed the sullen look on my face. Was it that obvious that I wore my heart on my sleeve?

She gave me a sympathetic look. The whole aftermath of the attack on Diagon Alley hadn't been kept a secret. Especially since Sirius hadn't kept his mouth shut to my brother.

He meant well, though.

Or that was what I tried to convince myself of. I wanted to believe that, since I had been somewhat ungrateful. But I didn't want to give him an invitation to walk right back into my life that easily. In fact, I didn't him in my life that way at all. I was doing pretty well before. And since our graduation party I hadn't spoken a word to him. Well, that was before I sort of fell into his arm during the attack. The shame barked loudly in the pit of my stomach, it ached and churned and I wanted to bury my head beneath something solid.

"Why don't you stay for dinner, Lais?" Suzy offered and I glanced at her briefly before shaking my head. I didn't want to impose on their 'romantic' dinner. I could see she was dressed up for a reason.

"No, it's alright. I have somewhere to be anyways." I told her and she gave me a small smile when suddenly Alec's voice boomed behind me.

"Where exactly?" He asked sharply. "I thought I told you not to wander off at night." I rolled my eyes.

"Well unlike you, I actually need a social life." His lips curled into a scoff and I gave him a pointed look to shut him up. "And besides, I won't be alone. I'll be with Darcy and Georgiana." My two best friends since Hogwarts.

It had been a while since the three of us had hung out together and today seemed like the perfect day for some distraction. So I jumped at the opportunity to spend some time with them. Georgiana had a boyfriend so finding her without her other half was something quite unusual. But Fallon Wood was abroad for the time being. Darcy on the other hand seemed to bury herself with work. I never realised that working for Daily Prophet could be such a time vacuum.

"Oh." Alec seemed frazzled and I could tell that he still didn't approve.

"Alec, let her go." Suzy interrupted and she wrapped her arm around his waist. "She's quite capable of taking care of herself." Thank you Suzy! I send her a smile that Alec didn't see and she winked at me.

"I still don't like the idea of you girls-" I rolled my eyes before grabbing my coat.

"Well I don't care. So you two have fun tonight while I go enjoy myself." Otherwise known as drink myself into oblivion.

XXXXXXXXXX

"You know, I can truly get used to Fallon not being around. I mean, I never realised before but I barely spent any time with you two because I was always so preoccupied with Fallon. Which of course isn't that big of a deal if you think about it. But you two are my best friends and friends come before men. Well, Fallon isn't just any random guy though. He's-" And it went on and on and on. I glanced at Darcy briefly and she rolled her brown eyes exasperatedly.

We were used to this by now. Georgiana rambling when drunk. Or slightly intoxicated which was probably the case with her since she couldn't hold her liquor that well. Same went for me. I was an incredible lightweight, however, I did make sure I didn't consume much to cross my limit. But tonight was a different case. I was planning to get drunk. I had to get drunk. Let's go wild and forget everything about Sirius Black's pretty head. From his grey eyes till his sharp and utterly defined features. I groaned and took another shot of Firewhiskey. It seemed Darcy was going to be the designated Apparater tonight.

"Gee!" I almost wailed. "We get it!" I tried to suppress a burp. "Fallon is..." My stomach churned. Merlin, who knew that Firewhiskey could lead to gas? I rubbed my stomach before turning back to Georgiana again. I was still in the middle of my sentence. "We know he's the one."

Her blue eyes turned my way and I could see them narrow. "Well, pardon me for sharing the details of my love life with you. Especially since the two of you are supposed to be living vicariously through ME!" I raised my eyebrows at her. She huffed muttering a few things I didn't hear beneath her breath. I turned to Darcy.

"Did you hear that? She thinks we love to hear about her and Fallon because the two of us don't have any boyfriends." I turned to Georgiana again. "Gee, I need distraction from men. And it's a tad hard to accomplish that since you've been babbling about Fallon all night long. So there goes your theory about the two of us" I pointed a finger at Darcy before bringing it back to me. "living vicariously through you."

Darcy snorted and I could see a grin colour her face. Georgiana huffed. "Fine." Her voice was awfully high. "I won't talk about him. But you have to tell me why you're not 'living vicariously through me'?" I gulped visibly.

So this was what I was avoiding. I wasn't going to tell Darcy and Georgiana about the fact that Sirius had been on my mind far too often since the Diagon Alley incident. Nor did I want to. However, I did feel like I should at least elaborate on the events that had pushed me into this night. Then again, it was the same thing as telling them, and since I really didn't want to. Why bother?

"Well, that's because I don't need men." I told her lamely. Even to my ears that sounded poor. I was viciously hoping that Georgiana wouldn't notice, as intoxicated as she was. However, Darcy wasn't. She was completely sober. And she was eying me with a disbelieving look on her face. The whole night she hadn't said much. And at first I hadn't quite noticed since Georgiana was saying plenty. But now I actually realised that Darcy was pretty quiet. Even more than usual.

"Right." Georgiana scoffed. "And Snape wasn't queer!" She rolled her eyes and I blanched slightly at her bluntness. She threw her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulders before giving me a long stare when suddenly she widened her eyes. "I need to use the loo." She announced and she was gone in a split second. Leaving me alone with Darcy.

Maybe going to the pub in Diagon Alley wasn't such a bright idea in the first place. Even I could feel the nausea churn in my stomach right now. Oh Merlin, I was such a lightweight. I let out a sigh and rested my head on my hands. The loud sounds of the pub falling in the background. Chatters, nameless voices, wordless sounds. Everything was like a haze and I felt like I was being transported back to something important. Something that put me here in the first place a very, very long time ago.

"You're such a lightweight." Sirius commented. His sharp grey eyes dancing with mirth. I let out an unladylike snort.

"As if you're so brilliant at holding your liquor." Stop talking Lais. You're drunk. "I've seen the aftermath plenty enough." I told him. I was surprised I wasn't slurring but I reckon my equilibrium made up for that. I let out a soft sigh and turned my head to him. I realised I was standing here, talking to Sirius Black. The one person I never had a 'proper' conversation with in all the six years I've spent at Hogwarts. And now, in our seventh year he was suddenly interested.

Sirius let out a barking laughter and it was so incredibly infectious that I couldn't help myself but laugh as well. So here we were. In the Gryffindor common room. The first Quidditch match of the season already played and won. Guess a party was only appropriate. I eyed Sirius through the corner of my eyes and I realised that I actually liked talking to him. I could feel my feet sway slightly and I found myself leaning against him, not heavily though. You wouldn't even be able to notice it. Were you not aware of it of course.

"Oh I remember." Sirius said. "Or well not entirely but thanks. James told me that you helped out." I shrugged and I pushed myself away from him slightly. His scent intoxicating me even more. I shouldn't have done that though. Because one second I was merely leaning away from him and the other my feet gave away from under me and I found myself looking at the Sirius from down below.

"Ow!" I groaned loudly. And to my embarrassment people were laughing at me. Some pointed fingers while the others just laughed for a few minutes before turning their heads to something else. Guess I wasn't that time consuming.

"Up you get." Sirius muttered in my ear as he hauled me to my feet. "Come on!" I could hear him grunt in my ear as he kept his arm around my waist. I found myself leaning into him again. Only with a different meaning.

I was most definitely too drunk. Please, oh please don't hold me accountable for what I'm going to do.

Sirius frowned at me when I realised I hadn't answered his questioned. He was talking to me. I blinked a few times and gave him a happy smile. Probably one that was a bit too bright. "Lais?" He shook me slightly and my eyes widened a bit. "You alright?"

"Peachy." I muttered back and I was leaning again. Only now I was on the tip of my toes. And his face was incredibly close.

Our lips were practically begging to close the distance between us and I found the pit of my stomach tighten with the idea of his kiss. One idea that seemed to be close to accomplishment. My hand rested on his chest, his hand over it, keeping it in place. I pushed myself higher on my toes and practically slammed my lips against his. Our lips moved in a series of toe-curling-kisses. My other arm wrapping around his neck. For some reason Public Display of Affection didn't seem that bad right now. Not when you're a part of it. My head spun with the lack of oxygen but it kept spinning with the idea of separating my lips from his. His tongue pried open my lips, not waiting for a response before plunging inside, exploring what he did not yet know.

His hand rested on the small of my back before moving up my back, resting on the back of my neck as he kept my head in place while ravaging my mouth. With a gasp I pulled away. My chest heaving as I took in the long desired oxygen. Our eyes met immediately and the question in them was hard not to notice. How easily this kiss sobered me up.

"Uhm." I stammered and Sirius gave me a brief grin, thinking it was because of his kissing expertise I was speechless. Not that it wasn't a contributing factor. I was more shocked at the fact I had kissed someone so openly, not to mention that it was Sirius Black no less.

"Want to continue this upstairs?" He asked. Merlin, he really did move fast. I found myself agreeing and he lead me up the staircase to the boys dormitory. Our lips were attached to each other the second we were out of everyone's sight.

The door slammed behind us and Sirius quickly worked on the buttons of the blouse I was wearing. His hand exploring my bare skin with such ease and comfort it made me uncomfortable. How could a seventeen-year-old boy be so incredibly good at what he did in the bedroom? I mean, this was nothing but he was quite eager, or so it seemed. I put my hands on his shoulders.

"W-wait." I gasped. "P-perhaps we should do this slowly?" I proposed and his grey eyes settled on me. I could see the slight concern and just like that I felt some strange affection for him.

How was it that Sirius Black could seduce a girl like this?

But when it came to me and Sirius Black, there was a weakness that made me agree to everything he said. Strength be damned. If I could do things to him, the one I dreamed about, then yes I was all game.

Sirius opened his mouth to reply but I found myself cutting him off. "Never mind, I'll stop talking." And I reached up to his face to press my lips against his again. He responded to my kisses immediately as I did to his touch. My blouse was discarded somewhere on the floor as my hands grasped his bare biceps tightly. Trying to keep myself on my feet. In a few minutes I found myself on my back as he hovered above me. The two of us in half-naked. I blinked up at him languidly.

"Hey! That's funny." I mentioned. "I can see two Sirius's." I frowned. Oh, hang on. That wasn't something good. And apparently Sirius agreed because he frowned again.

"Maybe we should do this when you're sober." He responded back and I shook my head as I tried to get upright when that motion brought me back in my former position.

"No-oh. Never mind." Sirius dropped down next to me. Our sides were touching.

And this was how I, Lais Carstens, ended up in his bed. And we didn't even do much.

"Lais?" A hand passed my vision and I came back to the present with a loud bang. I blinked a few times and looked at Darcy, half expecting Sirius to pop up. "You alright?" She asked me cautiously. I nodded slowly. Guess I was sobering up now.

"Peachy." I mumbled and I gave her a weak smile. One she didn't respond to.

"I think you should go home. Come on, I'll drop you and Gee off!" I nodded slowly.

"That would be nice, yeah." I told her. Suddenly this night wasn't as distracting as I wanted it to be.

"Speaking of Gee." Darcy continued. "Where the bloody hell is she?" I shrugged.

"Loo?" I offered and Darcy rolled her eyes, something she did far too many times.

"I'll go look. You stay put."

"Not moving." I held up my hands in the air as she eyed me with a warning. "Go!"

As I was all alone now a few things happened simultaneously. One was that I came to a realisation how incredibly weak I was when it came to Sirius Black. From the beginning I had given myself far too easily to him. I wasn't even coy, not I resembled the exact thing I resented. A common whore. I felt a bile at the back of my throat. God, I was so stupid. I put my hand against my forehead, trying to rub away the memories that seemed to be hitting me in the face for the past few minutes. Please, leave me alone. I chanted.

The second thing I noticed however was that there was someone staring at me. And that someone was exactly the one person I didn't want to see. I widened my eyes and quickly got off my seat.

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear." I murmured lowly as his grey eyes met mine.

What the bloody hell was Sirius doing here?

A/N: Thoughts are thoroughly appreciated in the form of a review :)