I own nothing although I would love to keep the Merry Men. It's mostly being done as emails between Stephanie and her Merry Man of the day. Thanks for reading.
I'm behind on posting (works been insane) but I plan to get back on track. The meow thing is from Super Troopers and was in Office Hijinks.
Warning: Language, topic is kinda twisted / weird
Office Hijinks II Ch. 4
It was a sunny Monday morning and Steph was bored out of her skull. She had already emailed Hector to see if he was going to play. She spun around slowly in her chair while waiting until she spun into Bobby. Bobby stopped the chair, grabbed her, and threw her over his shoulder. He ran quickly to the stairs and up to the roof. Once on the roof, Bobby set her gently on a chair and quickly tied her to it.
"What the hell Bobby?"
"I got a hold of your list for choose your own adventures. You plan to make me practice cannibalism. The story line for Lester is truly twisted yet funny as hell. Why do I have to be the one to eat people? What did I ever do to you?"
"Stay outta my stuff. Fine, Hector can have the cannibalism story line. You still have to be in Lester's. It won't work otherwise. You giant monkey ass, whore goblin, butthead."
"I was going to untie you but since you just called me that untie yourself." With that Bobby went down five. I sat there thinking for a few minutes than decided to try to get my phone out. I got it out but dropped it. I toed my sandals off and managed to use speed dial to reach Tank.
"Yo little girl"
Steph leaned forward as much as she could and hollered into the phone, "Hey big guy, I need a hand real quick. Can you come up to the roof?"
"Why are you yelling and why are you on the roof?"
"I can't really get too close to my phone cause I'm a bit tied up at the moment. I can't answer why I'm on the roof but don't worry I'll get revenge." At that point, Tank hung up. Roughly two minutes later the roof door was thrown open against the wall and Tank, Woody, Hector, Lester, Bobby, and Bones all came busting through the door with guns drawn.
"Hi guys! Can you untie me?"
The guys holstered their guns and Tank came forward to cut the ropes. "Who did this? Was it one of the guys?"
Stephanie rubbed her arms, "Don't worry about it Tank. I'll get my own revenge."
Woody looked sick, "I feel sorry for the poor bastard. If you need help, I'm in."
Stephanie heard the rest of the guys agree with Woody and watched Bobby go pale. She internally giggled, "thanks guys." They all left to head back to work. Steph arrived in her cube and saw a response from Hector about playing. He was in.
Start Email
Hector: So who tied you up?
Stephanie: I'm not telling. I'll take care of it before the end of the day.
Hector: If you need help, I'm in.
Stephanie: Thanks Hermano. Ok now to the game. I was told to use a disclaimer. So none of this is real, it's all make believe. Got it?
Hector: *sigh* yes
Stephanie: lol. You, Lester, Bobby, Woody, and Cal are on Ranger's private plan heading to Mexico for a well deserved vacation. Other than the five of you, there is only the two pilots and one flight attendant. Suddenly, you hear the engines cut out and the plane quickly descends. The plane crashes and the two pilots and the flight attendant are dead. Bobby is wounded but you, Lester, Woody, and Cal are fine. All of you work together to bury the dead and scout the area. No one finds anything and all of you realize that you are truly in trouble. What do you do first: shelter, food, or water?
Hector: Wow, water and food.
Stephanie: You stay with Bobby to protect his sorry wounded ass. The rest of the guys go and look for food and water. They find water but there is nothing for food. A shelter is made and all of you settle in for the night with random attempts to hunt for food. Things are looking bleak. In the morning, you fashion an SOS out of stones. Three days later, none of you have had any food and there is no hope for rescue. All of you are starving and Bobby finally succumbs to his injuries. You have to make a decision. Hope for rescue and hold out or make use of the available meat. What does your group decide.
Hector: Damn, that's harsh. You want me to decide if we eat dead Bobby's flesh. Damn, I have to think for a few minutes on this one.
End Email
Stephanie got up and went to the garage. She slipped quietly into the tool room and found a roll of hot pink duck tape that was Ella's. After shoving it in her purse, she took the elevator to three and entered Bobby's clinic.
"Bobby, my wrist hurts. Can you look at it please?"
Bobby quickly came over and took her 'hurt' left hand, "Damn Bomber, I hope this isn't my fault. Where does it hurt?"
Stephanie felt only slightly bad as she stunned him with the stun gun in her right hand. She carefully put him into his chair and proceed to duck tape his arms to the chair arms, his legs together and him to the chair. She took a container of Elmer's Glue from her purse that she picked up on lunch and randomly sprayed Bobby with it (avoiding his face) but made sure to get his hair really good. After the glue was in place, she pulled out two huge containers of glitter, one pink, one purple, and glittered him liberally. After a photo session that was instantly uploaded to Facebook, she took the mostly empty fire extinguisher that she bought for two bucks and a big mac from Mooner and tied it carefully to the chair. She rolled Bobby to the elevator and took him to the garage. Once in the garage, she pulled the fire alarm and waited thirty seconds for everyone to run down then duck taped down the handle and pulled the pin. Everyone watched in shocked awe as Bobby, in all his glittery glory, went careening through the garage with the fire alarm blaring. Suddenly, it went quiet and everyone heard Tank roar "Stephanie, my office now!"
Stephanie looked at the door to the stairs as it slammed behind Tank's retreating form. The guys were all laughing, some on the floor, a few suspicious wet spots on pants, as she did the walk of shame to the elevator. She arrived on the fifth floor to see Binkie and Ram laughing as they watched the garage while doing the monitors. She walked into Tank's office and sat down after shutting the door.
"Little girl do you know why I called you in here?"
"Sorry big guy but he deserved it. He started it."
"Ah hell, forget about that. He tied you up first. I have the tape from three and the garage all ready to watch." Tank got up and moved to the couch in his office after pulling a bag of chips out of his desk drawer and getting two sodas from his mini fridge. Steph joins him as they sit and watch the tapes of her prank laughing their asses off. Suddenly, the door was slammed against the wall as Bobby flung it open.
"What the fuck? What the fuck were you thinking? I see how it fucking is. It's on now. First you stun me, than you glitter me, set me flying in the garage with a fire extinguisher and I find out that your scenario for Hector has me dead and him having to decide to eat my dead body or not. What the fuck is wrong with you? Aaarghhh!" Tank calmly stood, stunned Bobby, and took him to a holding cell after telling Steph to stay.
Stephanie returned to her cubicle slightly stunned by Bobby's reaction. She opened Outlook and saw that Hector had decided. Torn she opened the email and read about Hector wanting to eat Bobby's dead body. She decided to end the game with him for the day before Bobby broke mentally.
Hector,
Turns out Bobby wasn't really dead. Game over. For now.
I just don't want Bobby to complete his nervous breakdown.
3
Steph
