Chapter 4: Double Knotted Laces

Gale's wrist was suspiciously bare when he came for Katniss the next morning. She eyed him as she attempted to gauge his mood. He didn't seem upset. He usually wore his emotions for the world to see but today his face was an impenetrable mask. When she could no longer bear the silence she burst out, "What happened? Where is your communicuff?"

Gale actually smiled at her and rubbed a hand over his wrist before answering, "Punishment for sneaking you into Peeta's room. Coin felt that I needed to be shown exactly how replaceable I am." He shrugged lightly. "She's just trying to show me whose boss. She'll get over it."

Katniss put a hand on his arm and turned into a cross corridor, pulling him with her. "Listen to me," she muttered. "I appreciate everything that you're doing but don't make her mad." She met his gaze with a somber look of her own. "You need to think about Hazelle and the kids. They are safe here, Gale. They have enough to eat and a warm place to sleep. Don't jeopardize that for me." He put a companionable arm around her shoulders and led her back into the main corridor. She let him guide her a few steps before shrugging her way free. "I'm serious," she bit out. "Don't take chances on my account. It's not worth it. I can take care of myself."

Gale shot her a look that was half frustrated/half amused. "Katniss, its okay to have help now and then. You can't do it all alone." He grinned suddenly. "Besides, Coin thinks without me, you won't have such an easy time of it. If she controls your access, it gives her the upper hand."

Now it was Katniss' turn to smile. "She's right. This is her way of warning me off. Too bad for her that I don't back down that easily."

Gale laughed, reaching out to hit the door release. "I could have told her that."

Katniss couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped her. However, the teasing comment died unspoken on her lips as they entered the corridor containing the viewing/treatment rooms. Instead of being filled with techs and the film crew that Coin had force upon them, it was still and silent. She turned to Gale, brows raised inquiringly. He appeared just as shocked as she was. "Where are they? Prim said that they were following the same script as before. Did you hear of anything being changed?" He shook his head and reached for his wrist by rote before grimacing as he realized the communicuff was no longer there. Katniss cursed softly and turned on her heel to retrace her steps. "Let's go see Aurelius. He'll be able to tell us what's going on."

They found his office deserted; the same when they checked the wing where Peeta was usually housed. Each dead-end made the knot in her stomach twist tighter. She had a bad feeling that something important had happened; something she should have foreseen. Damn Coin. The woman was furious that Katniss had gone into the room against orders. Instead of openly voicing her displeasure, she had made it obvious in other ways that left no doubt about what her feelings were. Prim's role on the medical team had been scaled back to viewing the recordings and writing out a report that she submitted to Dr. Aurelius. Gale lost his communicuff. Haymitch had been left out of the last strategy session. The President had made her play. The line in the sand was clear.

On a hunch, Gale headed for the main medical area with a fuming Katniss trailing behind. "You said it yourself, Catnip. She's calling the shots. If she can, she'll find a way to get what she wants or fix it to where she comes out ahead. We just have to figure out what game she's playing then we'll decide what our next move is."

Katniss gave him a steely eyed look that took him back for a second. He had never seen such unforgiving anger. "I don't care about her games. I've already agreed to as many of her terms as I'm going to. This has nothing to do with our agreement, Gale. It's more than that. "

They pushed into the triage area of Thirteen's medical corridor. The Spartan conditions were even more clear here than the rest of the massive complex. The walls, floor and furniture were varying shades of white and gray. Unlike the other hallways, this one practically teemed with activity and life. The first one to catch a glimpse of them was Plutarch's assistant, Fulvia. She had been present during the last few meetings Katniss attended and seemed to be second in rank only to Plutarch himself among the Capitol expatriates.

"Katniss," Fulvia's effusive greeting took her by surprise. "We were going to bring you down as soon as the doctors finish up. We wanted to get your thoughts on the procedure and how he will be affected by it."

Katniss exchanged a confused glance with Gale. "Procedure?" Katniss questioned. "Did something happen with Peeta? Where is he?"

Fulvia's eyes widened and she darted a quick glance toward Gale before her eyes met Katniss' once more. "He's having surgery now. The doctors finished their assessments on his leg last night. The limb isn't salvageable. There was much damage done to not only the musculature but also the nerves that were integrated into the prosthetic. The only way to treat him and make sure that he keeps the rest of his leg is to remove it and give his body time to heal. He will be fitted with a replacement but it will be a simplified version and not what he has. Once he's had time to heal, the doctors will look at other alternatives. "

Katniss felt her mouth drop open but no sound escaped. She turned pleading eyes on Gale in a vain hope that he would tell her she had heard wrong. Instead, he wore the same look of angry disbelief that painted her features. "Fulvia, did he agree to that? Does Haymitch know? Why didn't somebody tell me?"

Fulvia clutched her notepad to her chest as she looked from one to the other. Realization dawned on her face as she realized her mistake. "Katniss," she stammered. "I was told you knew what was going on but didn't want to come down until it was over. You had a difficult time dealing with his distress during the last session so the doctors wanted to spare you as much as possible." Katniss' expression hardened as the woman continued. "He didn't agree to the removal. He told them flat-out that he didn't want anything done. Dr. Aurelius spoke with him at length about what it would mean but he was adamant. We were told that it had been discussed with Haymitch and you and that you both decided to overrule Peeta's wishes in this case. I must say that the decision to remove the prosthesis is for the best. Had it stayed on, he ran the risk of losing the rest of his real limb. The damage was extensive. There were still misfires in the grafts linking it to his nervous system. It caused him a bit of pain. With the prosthesis gone, he can heal. I'm sure after a suitable recovery period, something can be worked out."

Katniss felt a rush of hot tears well up and angrily pushed them aside. She couldn't hide the tremor in her voice when she spoke next. "So they're going to take his leg and tell him Haymitch and I are responsible. Is that the plan?" She stepped closer to the woman and dropped her voice to a whisper, "You people make me sick. Capitol or Thirteen, it's all the same. We're just things to you, not people." She laughed quietly, harshly. "We should have just eaten the damned berries. Anything would be better than this."

Fulvia's jaw dropped, her mouth working silently. She held up a hand to stay them as Katniss turned roughly away with Gale following. "Wait," she finally got out. "Katniss, wait. You don't understand. It had to be done."

She stopped in her tracks and spun to face the woman. Taking a few hasty steps, she grabbed Fulvia by the collar and shoved her against the wall. "It's not your call. It's not mine. It's his. If he said no, then that was the end of it. You damned people never let that get in your way. You just decide what was best for rest of us. Never mind what we want or need. It's all about what you decide. Even now."

Fulvia shook her head. "That's not what happened. The doctors examined him. They made the decision. They determined the best course of action. Please, you have to believe me."

Katniss paused, her eyes now red-rimmed and brimming with unshed tears. "So Coin had no say? She wasn't involved at all. Do you expect me to believe that?" Fulvia visibly withdrew, her eyes trying and failing to meet the cold gray ones boring into hers. "That's what I thought," Katniss snarled. "She decided, didn't she?"

"I believe that President Coin was present during the meeting as was Dr. Aurelius and Haymitch Abernathy." Fulvia confided. "We received a summary of the meeting notes as well as a notice that today's sessions would be rescheduled due to Peeta's surgery. The verbiage was quite clear that Peeta had declined any and all treatment for his leg. Dr. Aurelius, as I said, spoke with him at length. The President questioned Dr. Aurelius very closely as to whether or not Peeta was considered mentally stable enough to make decisions about his care. While he felt confident that Peeta knew what he was asking, Dr. Aurelius stated unequivocally that he disagreed with Peeta's decision. President Coin then asked Haymitch how they should proceed. I believe that it was he who gave consent to go ahead. As I stated, we were led to believe that you were aware of what was going on, had agreed with the course of action, and would be coming down once it was complete."

Katniss felt numb, unable to understand what Fulvia was telling her. Haymitch had decided? He knowingly chose to go against what Peeta wanted? He stood aside and let Coin imply that Katniss not only knew what was going on but agreed with it. Anger flared up as the reality of the situation became clear. "Fulvia, where is Haymitch now?"

The woman lifted a hand to gesture toward a door just down the corridor. "He and Plutarch are waiting in the surgical waiting room for an update on Peeta's condition. Do you want me to let him know you're here?"

Katniss smiled tightly and headed for the indicated door. "I think I'll let him know myself. Thanks for your help." She walked determinedly toward the door with Gale silently keeping pace. She appreciated the gesture because her racing mind already had enough to process. Haymitch knew and didn't tell her. The spark of anger blazed hotter as she pushed into the waiting area to find her mentor already wearing a familiar smirk. "Damn it, Haymitch, how could you do it?" She exploded. "Do you know what he'll do when he wakes up? He won't understand this and you know it. He'll never trust us again."

Haymitch leaned casually back in his chair and eyed her. His eyes hardened to slate but his smile never faltered. "Come on in, sweetheart. They should be down any minute to let us know how it went. While we're waiting, Plutarch has some news from the Capitol that you might be interested in hearing."

Plutarch looked warily from one to the other. He seemed to be weighing his options judging by the way he lifted halfway from his chair only to drop back into it at the last second. He eyed Gale briefly, then gave an unconscious shrug and eased further back into his seat. "That is true. We just received word that the last holdouts in District One have surrendered. That means that only District Two remains to be pacified. Once that happens, the Capitol will be defenseless. Supplies are already at critical levels in much of the city. Once Two is ours, the Capitol will be at our mercy. We were going to wait until Peeta has been moved to Recovery before letting the rest of the Council know. Coin will want to move quickly now that we finally have the momentum in our favor."

Haymitch nodded amiably. "She's got Snow on the run and the temptation will be to press that advantage for all that its worth. She's made no secret that she wants to give the Rebellion a Victor's face. You, the boy, Finnick, and Johanna have been central to her plans almost from the moment that Thirteen decided to side with the rest of the Districts. Familiar faces will keep the populace in check until she can consolidate her hold. The boy's status keeps him out of it for now. Johanna's in pretty much the same boat. Finnick has bought himself a little time because of Annie. You managed to weasel free due to the fact that people expect you to stay here as long as Peeta is in the med ward."

Katniss waved that aside and demanded angrily, "That still doesn't explain why you went against what he wanted, Haymitch? You know what this is going to do to him."

Haymitch's lips curved up slightly. "You sound concerned. If I didn't know better, I'd almost swear you cared." He held up a placating hand as hers curled into fists at her side. "Easy now. Think about it. Even you should be able to work this one out. He's been doing better. He's not recovered by a long shot but he's making progress. Your agreement with Coin is only good so long as he needs treatment. That's it. Once he's back to his old self, there's nothing to stop Coin from sending both of you to the front lines. It's where she's wanted you all along. Johanna still needs some recovery time. Finnick is the only thing keeping Annie together now. So if she's going to have a Victor for the Districts to focus on, you two are her best bet. The boy's not ready and not just because of the hijacking. His leg was falling apart, Katniss. If I hadn't made the call, he would have lost the rest of it within the month. That's how bad it was. Taking the prosthetic was the only way to be sure that he would keep his leg. What would you have done?"

"I wouldn't have done it without telling him first. He's not going to forgive us for this." She muttered.

Haymitch grabbed her arm and led her to an unoccupied corner. "I'd rather have him healthy and mad at me then dead on some back road in Two. He didn't want them to take it because he's done, Katniss. He doesn't care anymore. Coin would have used that as an excuse to send you both off as soon as she could. Peeta couldn't see that or didn't care. I did what I had to."

Her woebegone expression betrayed her. "What do you mean he's done?"

Haymitch's face gave nothing away. His voice kept its mocking tone as he casually replied, "He's been through too much in too short of a time. The kid is one of the strongest people I know but everybody has their breaking point. He's not there yet but he thinks he is. He's not giving up but he's done. When that happens, all bets are off. He doesn't care anymore."

Katniss reeled as if struck, each word hitting her like a blow. "About himself or about anything?" The funny little shrug he gave in reply raised a lump in her throat. The idea was unthinkable. Her confidence in her plan to bring him back to the way he used to be was prefaced on the idea that he was still Peeta despite all that he had endured or faced. To be completely honest, she depended on the fact that he loved her despite Snow's attempts to sever that bond. She needed it like she needed food or air. To suddenly be faced with the possibility that it was already gone was heartbreaking. "I don't believe that. He's still there. I've seen it. I've felt it. I know it. You're wrong, Haymitch."

"I hope you're right, sweetheart." Haymitch muttered. "I only know what I see and now our boy has gone about as far as he can on his own."

She set her jaw and growled back, "Then we're going to stick to our original plan. You promised to help me. That's what you're going to do."

Haymitch grinned and patted her shoulder clumsily, "That's what I've tried to tell you all along, girl. Good to know you're paying attention."

She opened her mouth to reply only to close it again when a pair of green swathed figures made their way into the room. She recognized Dr. Aurelius but not the other. Haymitch knew both and muttered a curse under his breath before gesturing for her to follow. "Hey, Doc." He greeted. "What's the news?"

Dr. Aurelius gave them a welcoming smile and a searching look over the top of his glasses. "He came through it just fine. We were able to detach the limb with relative ease. The procedure was not as invasive as we first thought. The medicines brought from the Capitol were quite helpful. He should be ready for the new leg by the end of the week. Until then, I'd like for him to be kept quiet. We'll forego his other sessions for now to give him time to acclimate to the changes. All things considered, I believe that it was a great success."

Katniss reached instinctively for Haymitch's hand and gave her former mentor a genuine smile when he reached back. "When can I see him?" She blurted out. "How soon?" Haymitch's amused snort didn't register as she waited impatiently for Dr. Aurelius to answer. Even Gale wore a tiny smile just visible in the upward tilt of his lips.

Aurelius gave an embarrassed humph and adjusted his glasses before answering, "I'm afraid it will be a few days, Miss Everdeen. As I said, we will be discontinuing his other sessions. He will be given morphling to ease his discomfort but it would be harmful to stagger the dosage now. The surgery was a success and we fully expect for him to make a full recovery. It will take time for that to happen. We want to reduce stress on him as much as possible. I'm sorry, my dear, but that means that you must stay away for the time being."

Katniss nodded reluctantly and let go of Haymitch's hand. "If you think that's what he needs, then that is what we'll do. Just let me know how he's doing and when I will be allowed back in. I want to help in any way I can."

As she turned to go, Dr. Aurelius exchanged a few soft-spoken words with Haymitch. The man gave a snort of laughter and waved his hand expansively in a gesture worthy of Effie Trinket at her most theatrical. Aurelius' expression flickered awkward from amusement to confusion and back again. He shook his head briefly and his eyes sought Katniss' once more. "Miss Everdeen, there is something you can do. Something that I think will be very beneficial in Peeta's long-term care. Would you consider it?" When she nodded, he smiled ever so slightly and then continued. "It's important that we have a record of your interactions with Peeta. What I'd like for you to do is write anything that you think would be relevant. We have no way of knowing which memories that the Capitol targeted during the hijacking procedure. The only constant variable seems to be you and the time that you two spent together. We should be able to use that as a way to narrow our focus."

She unconsciously twined her hands together as she mulled over his request. "Would you need just the Games or everything?"

Aurelius clasped her shoulder in a supporting gesture. "As much as you can give me, Katniss. The Capitol wouldn't have stopped there. They probably went after anything and everything they could. Anything that you could give us would be helpful."

She gnawed on her bottom lip as she exchanged a look with both Gale and Haymitch. Neither spoke but both gave encouraging nods. "Okay," she whispered. "I'll do it." She walked toward the door and paused with her hand on the release. "Can somebody let me know when he wakes up?"

Dr. Aurelius, to everyone's surprise, spoke first. "I'll take care of it personally, Katniss. As soon as he wakes up, I'll send word."

"Thank you," she murmured quietly. She took a hesitant step into the corridor and turned back. "You promise? You'll let me know?"

Aurelius nodded. "I will. You have my word."

She gave him an uncertain smile and ducked out the door. Aurelius quirked a questioning brow at Haymitch as he observed, "This is the most extraordinary case I've ever worked on. The two of them are a fascinating pair. I don't think I've ever seen two people more devoted or emotionally involved. It's really quite remarkable." When he received no response, Dr. Aurelius shrugged and dusted his hands together absently. "I'm due back on the ward. If there is any change, I'll send word immediately." He gave them a small nod accompanied by a tight smile before leaving as quickly as he had come.

Gale tossed Haymitch a glance. "Will he be alright?" Gale probed.

Haymitch gave a noncommittal shrug. "Won't know until he wakes up. Doc seems to think he will be. That's the best answer we'll get right now." He tossed out a grin. "You did good by getting her through the door. She'll take that from you. Make sure you keep it up."

Gale gave a shrug of his own, "I promised I'd help her. I meant it."

Haymitch saluted him with an imaginary flask. "So did I, kid. So did I. Just make sure you keep it." That said, the man slouched back into his chair and didn't speak again. Gale shook his head and then found a chair of his own.

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She waited impatiently for the summons. Dr. Aurelius had promised to let her in as soon as he deemed it possible. Eleven days had passed and she had yet to hear a word. Even Prim grew tired of her entreating looks. "Katniss, if I knew anything I would tell you. He's awake. They've given him a conventional leg to take the place of the old one. He's handling it well but it's going to be hard for him until he gets used to it. Give it a few more days." That had been Prim's constant refrain for the last week. It had taken on the tone of something said by rote with no real thought behind it anymore. She was as tired of saying it as Katniss was of hearing it.

On the thirteenth day, the summons finally came. She hurried down the corridor with her guards in tow. Coin had taken it upon herself to make sure that Katniss abided by the no contact rule implicitly. Every time she left her quarters, she had a pair of shadows trailing behind. Haymitch attempted to intervene but was told in no uncertain terms that the escort was for the Mockingjay's protection and wouldn't be lifted under any circumstances. She was tempted to fall back on the habits born of those first desperate weeks in Thirteen when she disregarded the purple ink tattooed on her forearm and instead made for one of her carefully chosen hiding places. This time, she complied with Coin's rules to the letter even though she wasn't happy about it. She didn't dare step too far out of line. Not until she had seen Peeta.

It looked like that chance had finally arrived. Aurelius sent word for her to come to the viewing/treatment rooms that had been used prior to Peeta's surgery. Her two chaperones dogged her footsteps as she made her way swiftly down the corridor. She keyed the door and practically leaped through when it slid aside. Fulvia and Cressida, the director of Plutarch's propos, glanced up at her entrance and smiled a greeting. Prim laughed softly from where she stood by the window and then turned her attention back to the glass. Katniss immediately headed for her sister, tuning out the sound of the crew getting ready to film. She stepped to Prim's side and flattened her palms against the glass. Catching sight of a familiar blond head, she let out the breath she had been unconsciously holding in one long exhale.

He had worked hard if the sweat dampened curls sticking to his forehead and the wet patches in the middle of his back were anything to go by. He wasn't quite steady on his feet. She could see the slight hitch in his step and the exaggerated motion of his hip as he maneuvered the new leg. This one consisted of a cradle like apparatus that fit snuggly over his stump. A steel rod ran from the base of the cradle to the foot. Unlike the one he had received after the games, this one did not have full range of motion. She could tell from the stiff way he moved that he wasn't entirely comfortable with it. The therapist gave him an encouraging nod and motioned toward the treadmill in the corner. Peeta grimaced but went obediently to the machine and stepped carefully aboard. The woman allowed him to get settled then hit the switch to activate the machine. She toggled a dial to adjust the speed, watching his gait for any sign of strain or discomfort. Whatever he said in reply caused the woman to blink in response then burst out laughing. She patted his shoulder and then moved away. He continued at a steady pace, occasionally fidgeting with the leg when he made an awkward step.

"Katniss, you can go in if you want," Prim murmured and elbowed her gently in the ribs when she failed to respond. Katniss shot a confirming look toward the others and was gratified when they waved her on. She blew out a breath and made her way to the adjoining door. It swung open easily at her touch. She stepped through; giving the therapist a tiny nod by way of greeting before turning her attention to the room's other occupant who was still unaware of her presence. "You're doing great," she commented quietly.

His head came around swiftly at the sound of her voice, almost stumbling in his haste. "What are you doing here?" He panted. "They told me that you were busy. That's why you hadn't been around."

Katniss scowled, not noticing the grin that quirked his lips in response. "They wouldn't let me in before today. They wanted to give you time. I'd have been here the first day if they'd let me. Just so you know."

"Would you now?" He mused, the grin taking on a dubious cast. "I heard that they are moving large groups into Two to take down the defenses. I thought that you'd decided to go there."

Katniss shook her head slowly, her eyes never leaving his. "I told you I wasn't going anywhere. They are sending people to Two. Gale left with a group five days ago."

"Did he?" Peeta queried. "And you didn't go with him? I'm shocked."

Her brow furrowed at the brittle brightness in his tone. She took a few steps closer and dropped into a nearby chair. "Sorry to disappoint you. I told you that I was staying here. I never gave you any reason to think I was leaving with Gale. I don't know why you thought that I would."

He gave his head a slight shake and looked intently at his feet. "You didn't. I just thought that you would want to get out of here as soon as you could."

She laughed quietly to herself. "Well you thought wrong. Sorry, Peeta. You're stuck with me. Get used to it."

He stumbled and then caught himself with a muffled curse. Katniss raised her brows and laughed again at the pink tint slowly climbing his cheeks. He hit a button on the console that stopped the machine and then stepped down gingerly. He dropped into a nearby chair and swiped his forehead with a towel taken from the seat. He looked at her for a long moment before grabbing a nearby bottle of water and taking a long swallow. He set the bottle on a nearby table and folded the towel into a neat square in his lap. "You're wasting your time, you know. I'm not him." At her confused look, he rolled his eyes and elaborated. "I told you before that I'm not the same stupid boy. I'm not. If you're hanging around waiting for him, you're wasting your time."

She met his taunting look with a steady one of her own. "I don't believe that," she returned. "And even if I am, it's my time to waste. You worry about getting better. I'll worry about how I spend my time."

Peeta let out a low laugh that sounded nothing like the one she remembered. This one had a bitter edge that didn't belong. It wasn't her Peeta. "I'm okay now. I know what I'm saying. You should go. Go to Two. Find Gale or whatever makes you happy. There's nothing here for you anymore, Katniss."

"Why are you trying so hard to get me to leave? What's going on, Peeta?" She questioned. "What does it matter if I'm here or in Two? What does it matter if I'm happy or not?"

He let out an exasperated sound and tried to push himself upright using the chair as leverage. He made it halfway before letting out another muffled oath and sinking back into the seat. Katniss watched as he edged his leg to the side and bent at the waist. A huff of annoyance escaped him as he slid his foot from side to side but could seem to find one that satisfied him. Glancing at his foot, she saw the problem. The lace on his shoe had unraveled and lay in a tangled heap. Try as he might, he was unable to grasp the strings. He could easily reach them if he removed the leg but clearly the idea hadn't crossed his mind. She watched in silence as he grew more and more frustrated. To her surprise, he covered his eyes with his hands and leaned back in the chair. She heard his breath hitch as he fought back a sob.

She slid out of her chair and made her way to where he sat. She put a gentle hand on his knee and entreated quietly, "Peeta, look at me. Please."

He flinched at the touch of her hand but didn't look at her. "I don't even know who I am anymore," he whispered.

Kneeling down, she deftly tied the laces and then knotted them again for good measure. "You're Peeta," she replied. "You're a baker and a painter. You don't like sugar in your tea. You sleep with the windows open." Looking up into wondering eyes, she smiled as she pulled the last knot tight. "You double knot your shoe laces."

Memory flickered in the war-torn blue of his eyes. One moment of connection with something that by rights should have been forever gone. "And I loved you once," he observed. "I loved you a lot."

"Yes, you did," she answered softly. "You loved me once."

"And you loved me?" his voice was tentative and unsure. She knew he had to be fighting memories that no doubt showed something quite different from hesitant question. She rocked back on her heels, studying the seemingly random twitches of his foot against the leg of his chair. Honesty, she decided, was the only road forward.

"Not then," she confessed. "Not in the same way. I didn't know how. But I knew that I couldn't let you go and that I'd never be the same if you weren't with me. I guess that's one kind of love isn't it?"

"What about now?" He questioned. "Do you love me now?"

She didn't answer directly. Words didn't come easily for her even now. So she replied the only way she knew. She sank to her knees on the floor before him and laid her head in his lap. She felt the swift intake of breath as she literally put herself into his hands. He could snap her neck if he chose and there wasn't a thing she could do to stop him. Instead, gentle fingers found her braid and toyed with the end. A sound half way between a sigh and a laugh escaped him. She smiled to hear it. Did she love him now? She had never understood love...an emotion that maimed as much as it healed. She didn't understand opening yourself up to a person so completely that they could destroy you with just a look. Here and now with her head in his lap, it started to become clear. It wasn't about winning or losing or even clearing away past debts. To love was to let another see you for who and what you really were. Peeta saw her in a way nobody else ever could. If that was love, then yes damn it...she loved him. And one way or another she would find a way to show him.

"You're going to be okay," she vowed. "Whatever it takes; however long it takes. You're going to be okay." The laugh that escaped him this time had more than a hint of tears in it. It broke her heart to hear it. Haymitch was right, damn him. Peeta had enough. Desperately she continued, "We only did it because it was the best thing, Peeta. You'll get better. It'll be hard but I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

She felt his fingers tighten in her braid at the same time as the muscles of his thigh grew taut beneath her cheek. "What did you do, Katniss?"

She tried to lift her head but the pressure of his hands twined in her hair held her firmly in place. "Your leg," she confessed. "The doctors took your leg." The fingers clenched into fists, pulling a cry from her as the loose strands were roughly jerked. "Peeta, let me go." She bit out.

"You knew," he hissed as he used the braid to pull her upright. He slithered out of the chair and used his hold on her hair to yank her roughly to her feet. "What was the plan? Take me apart piece by piece. Cut me up like an animal." He kept one hand in her hair while the other grasped her chin and forced her to meet his furious gaze. "I knew you couldn't be trusted. You don't give a damn. This is just one more way fuck with my head."

"You're wrong, Peeta." She whispered. "More wrong than you know. Let me go. Please."

"I ought to break your damned neck," he returned. She felt a tremor work its way up her spine as she looked into his glazed eyes, the crystalline blue almost entirely swallowed by black. She could feel him slipping further away with each passing breath. "You took it all: my family, my home, my damned sanity. I don't fucking know who I am anymore. Are you happy now?" He pushed her against the wall, his body holding her firmly in place. "Are you?"

She mutely shook her head and watched his eyes follow the movement. She stayed still even though every instinct begged her to fight her way clear, to run. She ignored it just as she ignored the two guards that slid silently into the room. They couldn't cross the room fast enough to save her. It was a futile gesture. She put them out of her mind and focused on his face, trying desperately to think of a way to get through to him. She wet her lips before answering, "If this is what you need to get better, go ahead. I won't fight back. I won't even try. If that's what it takes, do what you need to do." She felt his fingers loosen slightly as he took a step back. "I won't hurt you. I never have and I never will. So go ahead. End it. I won't stop you."

He dropped his hands suddenly and backed away. The abruptness of it caught her completely off guard. He covered his face with his hands and sank to the floor. She took a few steps toward him but stopped as he raised his head. His eyes were red-rimmed, tears running in a continuous stream down his face. He made no move to stop them. "Let me go," he whispered brokenly. "Katniss, let me go."

She felt tears of her own well up and overflow. He sounded so broken and alone that it took everything she had not to fall apart. Instead, she took those last few steps and grasped his hands once more. She pulled him closer and tucked his head beneath her chin. Resting her cheek in his hair, she rocked him as she had rocked Prim once upon a time. The sound of his tears tapered off, the shaking gradually leaving him spent. Still she held him close, her body curved around his protectively.

"I can't," she murmured. "I won't."

End Chapter 4